My Forbidden Mentor

by Laura Mills

  “Then why would she lie about anything else?”

  “Depending on what she’s told you, I’m sure her insecurities made her fabrications seem real.”

  “Whether she lied or not John, I’m not feeling very secure myself.” She turned to look out the window.

  “Well if you’re determined to believe the words of a jealous harlot, then I can’t help your insecurities.”

  She turned back to him with widened eyes. “You just live life to the fullest and forget about consequences don’t you?”

  He didn’t respond right away for she seemed to blame him for Vanessa’s dilemma. “You only live once, Melissa. Yes, I want to experience many things in my lifetime, as you should want to as well, and I’m sure you’re aware there are risks to be taken at some points to achieve your goals, so when there are consequences, you weigh them carefully and deal with the choices you make.”

  “Just like Vanessa has to deal with getting pregnant?” she replied.

  “Precisely.”

  Crazy for feeling sorry for Vanessa, Melissa became well aware that even women like Vanessa made mistakes, proving once again that a woman’s status in life didn’t matter. A woman’s position was always to stand below a man. A woman’s mistakes compared to a man’s were magnified over and over again.

  But in Melissa’s mind John had been cast in a different mold from other men, believing women should be given more rights, making him seem unusual and understanding, at least until this present situation involving Vanessa came about. How could he cast her aside while she carried his child? This thought only clarified Melissa’s reasoning for parting with John. There could not be physical contact between them for risk of a child now that his true colors were showing. Why wouldn’t John acknowledge his responsibilities? John’s voice broke through her silent questions.

  “Melissa, I need you to tell me what you heard, what’s causing your exaggerated reactions?”

  Melissa stayed quiet.

  “Talk to me.”

  “I need time to decide about us, John.”

  “Why? Everything was going so well between us. What did Vanessa tell you? I’m curious because apparently you’re believing her over me.” John’s frustration level gradually climbed higher.

  “That’s only part of it, John. Your reaction to her situation is disturbing.”

  His brows arched in disbelief. “Disturbing? What do you want me to do, marry her because she’s pregnant?”

  “Of course I don’t, but what about the child?” Melissa cried.

  His features turned grim. “The child is not my concern. I will not marry a woman I do not love.”

  “And if a woman you loved was carrying your child, would it then be a concern?”

  He looked at her in amazement. “What the hell has gotten into you? Why are you so defensive on Vanessa’s behalf?” He couldn’t believe he was still fighting this battle with her. “I think you can answer that question without my help.”

  She gave him a matter of fact, look. “You’re right, John. This bantering is getting us nowhere.”

  John could tell she had resorted to silence. He let a few more moments pass before stating the obvious. “So now it’s silence for the remainder of our trip home after you’ve conveniently avoided answering my questions.”

  She didn’t answer but continued peering out the window, biting her tongue and swallowing the lump in her throat while staring into nothing. He wasn’t trying to understand her side at all.

  As soon as the carriage stopped in front of her house Melissa fled the confining quarters she shared in silent scrutiny with John. John followed her, striding scant paces behind. Once inside Melissa headed for the stairway. As she began taking steps John stalled at the bottom of the stairway, insisting that they talk. “Melissa, we need to resolve this now.”

  Melissa paused in her footsteps, shifting halfway to look down at him. “John, please understand,” she began saying in a shredded voice, only to be deserted as she started to explain. Ironically it wasn’t anger that had risen this time, it was hurt. She held her tears in check as she continued making her way to the top of the stairs, shaking her head in dismay.

  John realized that his driver hadn’t received instructions to stay and with that in mind he strode outside, telling Jess to wait and that he may be awhile. By now the predicament of their relationship was wearing on him. They needed to get past the chaos created today. If only she’d let him explain. Extreme frustration claimed him as he stormed back inside, slamming the front door shut.

  Melissa jumped when she reached the top of the stairs. The slamming of the door meant he was back and not at all happy. As she approached her bedroom door she heard John’s pounding footsteps advancing at high speed. She took in a deep breath and entered her bedroom.

  Within seconds he stood behind her. Feeling uneasy, she left his close proximity, stepping toward a chair before the window, gripping her fingers around the top edge of it.

  John settled his weight against the wall adjacent to the door, his arms crossed over his chest and his legs crossed at the ankles. He kept his distance, well aware that her present maneuver meant just that. He stayed in that position, waiting and watching, watching the evening sun disappearing before her, taking with it the glow that it cast around her.

  John reached for a candle on top of the dresser and lit it. After some moments the room had brightened again and John resumed his previous position. The tension between them remained thick, like a morning fog laying heavy at their feet.

  When Melissa dared to glance at John by looking over her shoulder, what she witnessed was disillusionment. His handsome face was distorted, his brows crunched together, nostrils flaring and his mouth tight. Her eyes downcast. If she never saw in his face what she’d just seen it would be too soon for her. He was disappointed with her, but she was disappointed in him as well. Did he think she wanted it this way? Her eyes lifted when he finally spoke.

  “What do you want from me, Melissa?” he asked.

  He sounded calm and controlled, which with John could mean worse consequences. “Just give me time, John.” Her eyes tried to stay steady with his, but after her response the gray storm that lay hidden in shimmering depths forged ahead.

  “Time, time for what? Meanwhile, what am I supposed to do while you’re taking time?” His anger was laced with sarcasm.

  It was as if her request hadn’t mattered. Why ask if he found it unacceptable? She spun around to face him head on. Flustered, the words just came out. “I don’t care at this moment what you do.”

  The elevation in her voice surprised him but it also served to escalate his own state of fury. “Is that so? What did you mean, then, when you said you were in love with me? Now suddenly you don’t care? Were they just words for you, Melissa or did you really mean them?”

  Now she shook. Her whole day had been full of distress and John seemed determined to keep it that way. “How dare you think I would lie about something as important as that?” she paused, catching her breath. Her heart was pounding fast and hard and she willed herself to be calm. “Why would you think that at all?” she exclaimed.

  His arms and ankles unfolded and he stepped toward her, his eyes glaring into hers. “Because you’re not intent on clearing the air between us here and now. You want to linger on whatever falsehoods you’ve heard until you’re exhausted thinking about them.”

  She took a step forward as well and lifted her chin. “I know what I heard John, and I also know that at least part of what I heard was not false.”

  Their eyes battled in concentration, both thinking the other absurd for their beliefs. Amazingly John conceded this time, putting his hands in the air. “All right. Take all the time you need. I’ve got other business that requires my attention.” He located his leather pouch and started gathering his clothing.

  Good, Melissa thought. I’ve finally managed to make him leave so I can have some peace, and since he was leaving she didn’t hold back an unnecessary r
emark. “Yes, I’m sure your business here was beginning to bore you.”

  He stopped in the middle of picking a shirt up off the floor and he eyed the remaining sponges sprawled on top of her dressing table. Her view followed his and then their eyes collided. “I’ll leave those,” his eyes motioned to the sponges, “So when your need arises, you will have them. I’ve got plenty more at home.” Their eyes stayed steady long enough for John to see the sting he had caused.

  He went about filling his pouch with his belongings while Melissa continued to stare at him, enduring the pain meant to sting. She had never realized how brutal he could be when pushed over the edge, and she had done just that, but still his reference was painfully evident. “Bastard,” she cried, turning away from him to sit in the chair facing the window, the same chair they had sat in earlier that same morning in a naked lover’s embrace to watch the first morning light appear.

  He deserved that comment, he knew he did, and saying what he had hadn’t relieved the anger stirring inside him. Finished packing, he stared at her for a long unspoken moment, as if taking in all her beautiful features and memorizing them. Even so the level of his anger had risen to surmountable proportions as he comprehended he wasn’t getting his way this time. She didn’t want to talk right now. He had to accept that and move on, which led to another verbal attack. “Well, you’ve been a wonderful pleasure Miss Howard, thank you for your hospitality.” Shamefully he said the words, thinking that if she wanted to believe a harlot’s word over his, he would treat her that way.

  Her whole body stiffened. John reached for the doorknob, slamming the door behind him as he left. In shock, her face paled. In slow motion she turned to find an empty room, her focus staying on the door until she heard his last footsteps at the bottom of the stairs. The urge to run after him grew immense, but the disbelief of his hurtful words stopped her. Water filled her eyes, spilling tears down her cheeks. She stood to look out the window to catch one last glimpse of John but it had darkened considerably by that time and only a flash of black metal in the distance remained visible.

  It was too late, he’d already left. Sobs started to sound from her dry throat. She turned to step toward her bed, stumbling in the process, weeping louder and cursing her bad leg. Upset that her happy life had been destroyed. No mother to talk to, no father to share with, not even her auntie to listen, and now she’d lost a companion to love. She was alone, completely alone, she thought as she climbed into her bed and curled into a ball.

  Entering the gates of his grounds, John thought about his last words to Melissa. He’d regretted them as soon as he had spoken them but he was lost and confused as to how to deal with her. He had to believe she still cared. Why wouldn’t she talk to him, tell him what she’d heard so he could explain the truth of it?

  As Simon approached his coach John slipped out and asked him to send a stable hand over to the Howard’s place to watch over until morning. Still wanting to protect her, it eased his conscious having one of his men there.

  Walking into his unfamiliar chamber he dropped his pouch on the carpet, set his long hair free, stripped off his shirt, then landed on his bed from emotional exhaustion and fell asleep half-clothed.

  Chapter Twenty

  John was awakened by a knock at the door. Lying on his stomach, he raised his head. “Yes,” was all he could manage. Recognizing his laundress, he told her to come in. While she gathered his dirty clothing he lifted from the bed and sat on the edge. Rubbing his face, he used his fingers to comb through his flowing hair, noticing his head throbbed as if he had a hangover. Knowing he hadn’t had any liquor last night he figured it must be from the emotional chaos he was experiencing, which reminded him of his first priority for the day, that being confronting Miss Vanessa Walker for intervening in his personal business.

  Getting up to refresh himself, his laundress asked about a particular piece of clothing. “Milord, do wish this washed as well?”

  She held a lady’s chemise in her hand. He must have gathered Melissa’s undergarment by mistake. “Wait on that, please,” he answered, cupping the cool water from the basin and splashing the chilled liquid against his sleepy face, wanting to believe that last night was just a bad dream but knowing it wasn’t since he’d woken in his own bed. He continued applying the cool water over his long hair to smooth it down.

  His laundress stood before the door upon exiting. “Good day then, milord.”

  Grabbing a white towel from the cobalt rack, he patted dry his awakening face while striding to the door. His hand reached for the doorknob and, leaning his head out the doorway, he called for Charles.

  Making split-second time up the stairway Charles appeared. “Yes, my lord?”

  “I need you to have Simon ready my carriage. I’m off to town. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone,” he requested.

  “Of course, my lord.”

  He arrived at Vanessa’s flat by noon. She wasn’t home so John waited in his carriage. While waiting, Melissa’s words played over and over in his mind. I’m in love with you she’d said.

  Then his eyes spotted Vanessa coming around a corner and he sat up. Approaching the stairway, John sprung up behind her, grabbing her arm. “We need to talk,” he insisted.

  She was surprised to see him so soon, which pleased her, but her arm was hurting from his tightened grasp. “Of course, John,” she said as she fiddled with her keys, sensing something wasn’t right for he was never physically abusive. After she opened the door he stormed in before her. Shutting the door behind her, she could tell this wasn’t a friendly visit. Her eyes were narrowed as she watched his form spin around to face her, but she smiled anyway and offered, “Would you like something to drink?” Her blue eyes were fixed on his disturbed features.

  He stood glaring before he finally answered, “No.” Not wasting any time, he went right to the point. “What the hell were you thinking yesterday?” he asked, appalled by her unnecessary actions of confronting Melissa.

  Well, her little talk did get him to her flat, she thought to herself, and obviously it had caused some kind of chaos between the lord and the little country girl. Responding with half-truths she replied, “I thought we had already concluded you’re not going to help me?” Her blues eyes turned deep and seductive.

  His gray eyes met hers, applying just enough chill to take the seduction out of hers. “I’m not talking about the discussion between you and I. I’m talking about the discussion you had with Melissa.” His tone became elevated. “The one you failed to mention to me.”

  So the country lass had told him about that, had she? “I wanted to meet the mysterious woman you’ve kept all to yourself,” she replied, inching her way around the subject.

  John knew there was more to it so he pushed. “And?”

  Taking her time while slipping off her coat, she sat in a velvet-covered Morris chair and arranged her legs to pursue his attention elsewhere. “I was curious about such a woman who could hold your interest so long, that’s all,” she said, hoping that would satisfy him and lure him to her bed once again.

  He didn’t fall for the bait and instead faced her with his arms crossed and his brows creasing in frustration. “You wanted to cause trouble and that’s the bottom line, isn’t it?”

  “John, I miss you and I wanted to find out about my competition,” she rushed out, pausing to switch her crossed legs. “I thought she could relate to our similarities since we have the same lover.”

  Her statement sounded unrehearsed and pitiful, which led him to wonder again about her state of motherhood? “Vanessa, are you truly pregnant?”

  The shock appearing on her features seemed real enough. “John I didn’t lie to you. My menses have ceased for two months now.”

  He concentrated for a moment on her genuine expression. “Then why won’t you tell me who the father is? You asked me to marry you for the child’s sake but won’t indulge me about the father?”

  She sighed, having to repeat herself to be clear. “John,
we already argued about this yesterday. You know the child isn’t yours so why worry about it.”

  “Because when you asked me to marry you, you involved me. What I want to know is why?” His glare stayed heavy upon her, watching her every reaction.

  A forced smiled curved on her lips. “I explained yesterday my relationship with the father was brief, he is unlike you, whom I thought to be my friend and not just a lover, someone who would help me. I see now I was mistaken.”

  His glare continued, stirring hotter and hotter by the minute. “And what about your conversation with Melissa? What point were you trying to prove?”

  Vanessa hesitated, knowing her response would upset him even more but also understanding that he wouldn’t let up about the conversation with the country lass. Nevertheless, she could handle a little explosion from him since she’d already taken care to plant a very important seed. “That I am involved in your life and she doesn’t have you all to herself.”

  Anger compounded in John as Vanessa sat there basking in sheer delight at her successful undertaking. He’d never experienced this side of her personality and it was riveting. “I never thought you would do this to me. I thought we had an understanding. You’ve got plenty of male suitors to choose from, why hassle me?” he snarled. He did not want to hear her lying reply but it was necessary to set her straight.

  She straightened in the chair and sounded hurt when she spoke. “I told you, I miss you, and it was the only way I could get your attention. I can’t help it if you’re the best lover I know and I desire you from time to time.” She had revealed more than she had wanted to. He had pulled it out of her, and she realized then that this endeavor she relished in might have been a mistake.

  John’s silent thoughts took over. She really believes she has the power to accomplish her selfish desires. Well the truth had finally come out, the way to get my attention was by ruining my life. Rage was spitting through his clenched teeth when he told her, “Well I don’t miss you, Vanessa.” His eyes were turning a deep gray as they prodded into her. “I can’t believe the audacity of you to choose such measures. You have ruined my life. We are no longer lovers,” he stated, and the effect was like a slap in the face.