My Forbidden Mentor

by Laura Mills

  She was in shock. “You don’t mean that John, say you don’t mean that,” she pleaded with him, not wanting to believe what she’d heard. How could this be happening? She hadn’t planned on such a violent reaction from him. She stood then, pleading.

  Had he finally gotten through to her he wondered as his arms came unfolded. “I do mean it, and don’t go near Melissa again or you’ll be dealing with me on a more radical level.” His deep voice warned her as he strode to the door and left.

  After the door shut, Vanessa flung a shoe at the door in anger. “Bastard!” she yelled out. Her plan had backfired. It was evident he had feelings for the country tart and now she’d lost him as her lover, but she wasn’t one to give up so easily. This will be temporary, she convinced herself.

  Back in his carriage John actually chuckled amongst the rage steaming through him. For the second time in twenty-four hours he’d been called a bastard. Catchy phrase, he thought to himself, almost fitting since his father didn’t act like a father at all.

  Disheartened, he thought of Melissa. He would give her a while to calm down and then he would go see her and talk to her again. What kind of hell had Vanessa created between them? It can’t be over, he convinced himself. She’s in love with me after all, bastard that I am.

  By noon, the low clouds began dissipating and the bright sun peeked through, streaming brilliantly onto Melissa’s, sleeping features. Awakened in annoyance by the brightness, Melissa turned her face away from the glare with her eyes closed and reached a hand over to grasp onto a warm body lying next to her, John’s body, only John wasn’t there. Her eyes flew open to verify as her hand patted the cold empty space beside her.

  Comprehension sunk in that the nightmare had been real. Still she sat up and her gaze swung toward the spot on the hardwood floor where John kept his pouch. No pouch. As her head began to hang low she noticed she still wore her dress from the day before. Thankful for the warmth it had provided through the night, she decided to change into a comfortable nightdress, as she had no plans of leaving her bed this day.

  Her horses. For the past week if she’d slept late John would get up and tend to the horses, but John wasn’t here to do it this time. She dragged her lifeless body out of bed and made her way down to the barn. After the necessary chores were done, Melissa climbed back up the stairs to her room.

  As she undressed, leaving her chemise on, she thought about the last time she had worn any clothing at all to bed. It had been well over a week as she’d had John to warm her up. Fighting back tears, her saddened eyes scanned her room once more. Many memories had been created in this room in one week’s time, especially making love for the first time with a man, her mentor and friend whom she loved. She’d learned a lot about her own desires that she hadn’t known existed, but in that discovery she’d been labeled a harlot. A knot of pain flared in her belly, a reminiscent reaction to John’s last words. Her blurred focus trailed to the dressing table, spotting the memorable sponges. Oh dear, auntie is due to return today. Her mind searched for the perfect hiding place, a place where her aunt wouldn’t find them.

  Just then she heard horse hooves pounding the ground, the sound nearing as the horses slowed to a halt. Where to put them? her mind screamed as she sprang in that direction, gathering every sponge and string atop her dressing table. She twisted and turned with her hands full. The front door opened and closed and Miss Beckett called out to her. Think, think. Her eyes landed on the bed. Underneath, her auntie would never check underneath the bed. She tried lifting the bed with her shoulder and full hands. She heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Emptying her hands, she lifted a corner of mattress and shoved sponges and strings underneath. The mattress fell and Melissa jumped into bed, pretending to be asleep.

  A knock came at the door before the door opened. “Melissa, love, are you awake?” Miss Beckett stopped in her tracks when she saw Melissa still in bed sound asleep. She decided to unpack and try again later. Melissa apparently needed the rest.

  As the door shut Melissa hugged herself tight, resolving herself to the fact that indeed her past may be just that, that maybe her future involved a new beginning. Did that beginning mean without John, without the man she’d fallen in love with?

  Melissa awakened the next morning to find an unopened message on her nightstand. She sat up and opened it. The message was from her cousins in Leicester. The letter explained their situation. Her cousin George needed to travel to conjure up more business and his wife had just borne a new babe. It was a request for Melissa to help Cecilia with their three children until he returned. George could possibly be away for an extended time of three weeks. She had helped out once before and got along famously with Cecilia.

  Although Melissa was intrigued by the invitation, disappointment seized her. Deep down it was John she had wanted to hear from, John and a confession of his undying love for her and that he couldn’t stand being away from her any longer, but that was a fantasy and the reality was that her cousins needed her now.

  Miss Beckett sent her off with best wishes. The night before Melissa had explained about the message from her cousins, agreeing she needed the diversion. Not a word had been mentioned about Lord Blackburn, which led Miss Beckett to believe Melissa’s sadness had something to do with her mentor.

  Miss Beckett took it upon herself to contact Lord Blackburn. In fact, right after leaving Melissa, she searched for him in town without any luck. Her last resort was his manor.

  Miss Beckett stood before the enormous double door entry of John’s manor. Her eyes trailed over the beauty of its design while knocking on it. To live in such luxury would be heaven she thought as her gaze extended to the windows above, but to clean this many windows, she counted as many as twelve just on the front side of the manor, now that would be hell.

  “Yes.” A deep, smooth voice startled her, gaining her attention.

  Her breath paused for a moment when her eyes met with a tall figure of a man with dark hair accompanied by possessive gray streaks and eyes that flashed serene confidence in their light brown depths. Oh dear, what’s come over me? she thought. The instant attraction to the man standing before her came as unexpected. Never had she been so lost for words.

  Miss Beckett got a hold of herself. “Hello, I wish to speak with Lord Blackburn.”

  “And whom may I say is calling?” The man answered most professionally.

  Oh dear, she’d forgotten her name, literally. In fact, when she finally remembered it, she astonished herself by using her first name. “Darion,” she said in a breathy tone. She hadn’t used her first name in so long she was surprised that she remembered it. “I mean, Miss Beckett.”

  Charles studied her with amusement. She’d managed to produce a hint of a smile from him. Clearly she was shaken for some reason or another. Upon further examination Darion, or rather Miss Beckett, proved to be quite attractive.

  On his way out to the stables, John appeared behind Charles, breaking the moment between the two. “Who is it Charles?” John inquired, his eyes shifting between the speechless pair. His brows piqued with interest. Since Charles had stalled in his manners, John took over. “Miss Beckett, welcome.” John took her hand in his and led her inside. He turned to a mute Charles. “Charles, perhaps you could acquire some tea for us?”

  Charles blinked back into position. “Yes my lord,” he answered and left to prepare their tea.

  John led Miss Beckett into the sitting room, where they sat across from each other. As John settled into a comfortable position he commented, “Charles was quite taken with you Miss Beckett. I’ve never seen him act that way before.”

  Miss Beckett flushed, almost too embarrassed to look John in the face, but she was a proud woman and didn’t feel shame over her attraction to his service man. “Well, Lord Blackburn, perhaps I should come back at another time. Apparently you were on your way out.”

  “Only to the stables. It can wait. What brings you here?” John asked.

  Miss Beckett smiled
. “Very well. It’s regarding Miss Melissa, Lord Blackburn.”

  John’s features grew alarmed. “Melissa? Is she all right?”

  Miss Beckett noticed his immediate concern. “Physically yes, but it’s her mental state that has me worried.”

  John stayed silent as Miss Beckett’s presence became clear.

  “By your reaction you must know something I don’t. I had a hunch something was wrong between you two.” Miss Beckett’s curiosity had peaked.

  John’s eyes returned to focus on her. “Yes, well, we’ve had some misunderstandings of late.”

  “Regarding training?” Miss Beckett asked, searching.

  “No. Actually training is going fine. Was going fine.” John retracted.

  “I don’t understand?” Miss Beckett implored.

  John paused in his thoughts while Charles entered the sitting room with a cup of tea for Miss Beckett. Handing her the cup, Charles mouth curved upward, displaying quite a handsome smile.

  John watched him with encouraging interest. He’d never seen Charles so enamored before, and with Miss Beckett responding like she was a young lass in her first courtship, it was quite amusing. John smiled to himself, enjoying the pleasant distraction. It served to give him time to decide how much truth to reveal to Miss Beckett, as he knew that she had Melissa’s best interests at heart.

  Miss Beckett smiled toward Charles, thanking him, and then heat surfaced to her cheeks. Oh my, she thought, sipping on her tea, not caring at the moment how hot it was. She shook her head as if it would shake away the sensations. Her gaze followed Charles as he left.

  Embarrassed or not, Miss Beckett continued her inquiry. “Lord Blackburn, as you’ve probably guessed I’m a very straightforward person. I can tell we’re alike that way. Please be honest with me about what is going on, no matter what it entails.”

  John had decided not to give details about the intimacy he and Melissa had shared, but how would he explain everything else without that knowledge? “I took Melissa to the track on Saturday. While there she was confronted by an old acquaintance of mine. I had been in search of Lord Ainsworth to arrange a meeting with him when apparently this old acquaintance of mine assumed Melissa to be my paramour and in jealousy must have said some pretty vicious words to her.”

  John carefully monitored Miss Beckett’s reaction, going on instinct as to how much detail to give. She remained neutral, listening with eager involvement. “I was unaware this had taken place until later that day. Melissa hadn’t said a word until I pushed her to tell me what was wrong as I could tell by her mood something had changed. All she told me was that a woman I knew said some things about me, things that obviously made Melissa have second thoughts about me because she wouldn’t give me a chance to explain myself.”

  Before John went on Miss Beckett wanted him to be aware of her ideas regarding the matter. “Lord Blackburn, without causing Melissa any humiliation, I must say in my own opinion that the lass is in love with you. Whether you want to hear that or not, I believe it’s true, and that could account for her drastic reaction.”

  He couldn’t hide his feelings nor could he pretend to be indifferent toward Melissa, no matter if he was upset with her or not. “You know Melissa very well Miss Beckett, for that same day at the track she revealed that she was in love with me.”

  “And how did you respond?”

  “I didn’t respond right away and I think that scared her, but I hadn’t expected such a confession.”

  “Oh dear. Well that explains her emotional turmoil.”

  “I had planned on coming to see her and talking to her. When we last spoke it wasn’t on the best of terms, so I’ve waited to give her time.” Time, John thought to himself, that blasted word haunted him.

  Miss Beckett studied him a moment. “Without seeming bold, Lord Blackburn, what are your feelings for Melissa? I realize you are her mentor and I know that you two have become close, but I also realize you may have a previous agenda, one planned before meeting Melissa.”

  How had he guessed this was coming? John cleared his throat. “By previous agenda do you mean a planned marriage, Miss Beckett?”

  “Well one would only assume, because of your position. I just hope the situation with Melissa has not been taken advantage of.”

  “I see. I know that normally someone in my position usually has their life planned out for them, but it’s not that way with me, Miss Beckett. I live my own life the way I want to. I make a substantial living besides what my father has granted me. I live off my own earnings and therefore I make my own decisions.” He paused for a breath and a chance to retrieve some brandy. Normally he didn’t drink so early in the day but Miss Beckett’s interrogation required it.

  “Forgive me Lord Blackburn. My way of thinking is commonplace, you understand.” Her eyes followed him to the bar.

  John’s eyes lifted to look in her direction while pouring a small amount of cognac into a glass. “I understand Miss Beckett. I just wanted to clarify my position and also tell you that at present I haven’t any plans for marriage.”

  “Do you have any plans for Melissa except being her mentor?” she asked, observing John while he sat across from her once again.

  John took a generous swallow of liquid before answering. Was she implying what he thought she was? “Miss Beckett I’ll give you the straight answer you want. I would love to be more than a mentor to Melissa but she won’t have me.”

  “Well Lord Blackburn, considering recent events I don’t blame her.” She paused, in conflict about asking him a very critical question, one that involved a very important person in her life, as she had to know. “Do you love her?”

  John stood, chugging the remaining liquid down in one gulp. He then stepped over to a draped window, slipping his hand in between so he could peer out and see his horses. A slice of guilt pierced him thinking about how close he and Melissa had already been, unbeknownst to her aunt. Miss Beckett stayed quiet, waiting with patience for his response. John turned back toward her and she shifted to find him over her shoulder. “I’ve never been in love before Miss Beckett. I don’t know what it feels like. All I know is that what I feel for Melissa is more than I’ve ever felt for any woman I’ve known. If that kind of exclusive feeling is called love, then I would have to say yes.”

  Inside Miss Beckett was shouting with joy but on the outside her expression couldn’t have been more surprised. Here she had two people who had recently become aware that they loved each other and at the moment they could not have been further apart, not just emotionally but physically and graphically as well. “Lord Blackburn, you just admitted to being in love with Melissa but said you’re not ready to marry? Wouldn’t you want to marry the woman you love?”

  “To be honest Miss Beckett, I hadn’t thought that far ahead, and at present Melissa and I are not speaking.”

  “Because of the old acquaintance?” she sighed.

  “Frankly, yes,” John confirmed.

  Miss Beckett stood and stepped over to John. “Lord Blackburn, I really didn’t come here to cause turmoil, there’s enough of that going on without my help, but I’d like to offer some advice regarding my darling lass. She’s stubborn, willful and you have to keep ahead of her. She’s smart and oh so very independent, just like her mother.” Miss Beckett let out a sigh of frustration. “But I believe if you make her listen to reason, well she won’t dismiss you that easily if she has feelings for you. Believe that.”

  “She requested the need for time, Miss Beckett. I have to respect that, even if I don’t agree with it.” His tone sounded regretful.

  Miss Beckett made her way back to the couch in extended concentration and lifted the cup of tea to her lips before replying. “Well I can tell you she’ll be taking at least three weeks to think about it,” she offered before sipping more tea. Her remark had John sitting once again.

  “Why three weeks?” he asked, bewildered.

  Miss Beckett set her cup down. “She’s left, Lord Blackburn. Left R
ichmond.”

  “For where?” he inquired, his brows creasing.

  “Unfortunately I have to respect Melissa’s wishes for privacy. You understand,” she voiced with regret.

  He covered up his disappointment. “Yes, of course. I’ve got a meet coming up anyhow. I will be quite busy during that time.”

  “Speaking of your schedule, Lord Blackburn, I will take my leave now. I realize you’re a busy man.” She lifted from the couch just as Charles peeked in to offer more refreshments.

  “More tea, Miss Beckett?”

  She gave him a wide smile. “No, no thank you, sir.”

  Charles flashed a quick smile and bowed before making his exit.

  Her cheeks flushed again when she shifted toward John. “Thank you for your time, Lord Blackburn. Regardless of what happens I hope you and I can remain friends?”

  “Yes, I would like that,” he told her as he walked her to the front door.

  As they stood in the doorway Miss Beckett made one last suggestion. “Don’t give up on her. I can’t blame you for your frustration as I know how she can be, but if she feels time is necessary, then that’s for the best.” She smiled for John. “You’ll see. In three weeks, when everything is clear, you two will be on good terms again.”

  John reached over and placed a kiss upon her pale cheek. “Take care, Miss Beckett. If you require anything, anything at all, just call on me.”

  Miss Beckett turned tender, sweeping her fingertips across John’s cheek. “How did Melissa get so lucky?” and with that she left.

  John watched her leave, realizing what a lucky person Melissa was to have a grand lady like Miss Beckett in her life to guide her, also realizing how deep a conversation he’d just had with Miss Beckett and what he’d not only revealed to her but to himself as well. He was in love, in love with the most obstinate, foolhardy, loveliest creature he’d ever known. Listen to reason, huh? He shut the door behind him as he trailed off toward the stables. Three weeks. That should give him plenty of time to prepare for the next meet, make sure Chief was in top form, and leave him full of desire that longed to be spent, spent within Melissa.