Falling Hard

by HelenKay Dimon

  “No, we’re talking in circles.” She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a small card. “Here.”

  He turned it over in his hand. “What’s this?”

  “The key to my room.”

  He almost dropped it on the blanket. He knew he should say something but the words jammed inside him and he couldn’t come up with anything.

  “I won’t bother with giving you the address because, apparently, I’m in some sort of safe house with the rest of the team, but you probably knew that.”

  He did. He worked up to asking about her and refused to undergo any tests or say anything until he got the reassurance about her being safe. She had a room between Josiah and Mike, two guys who would battle to the death for her, in a rooming house that provided cover.

  West had been debriefed about what happened and briefed on all he missed. He knew about the sleeping arrangements. He knew she’d contacted her dad. He knew Alliance had maintained control of all of the toxin and the CIA was pissed. He knew Pakistan didn’t like the explosions and cried about sovereignty through back channels.

  And he knew no one could find Benton’s body or any sign or his trail. That part killed West.

  Seeing her, thinking about her, was the one bright spot in a pretty shitty couple of days. “How long are you staying in Islamabad?”

  Intellectually, he knew she should go now. But he rarely just thought with his head when he saw her. Now, his heart got tangled up in this. He didn’t even know he still had one of those until she walked into his life.

  She sighed at him in a way that now felt familiar. “I’m tempted to answer that by asking how long it’s going to take you to come around and use that key.”

  “Lexi—”

  “Right, well, when you get out, when you feel brave. Come to me.” She stuffed her hand back in her jacket pocket. “But hurry because I am ready to reboot my life, and you need to decide if you want to be in it.”

  And then she was gone.

  26

  LEXI LEFT her room for twenty minutes. The safe house had a shared kitchen, and she’d heard rumors about coffee being in there. The plan was to pop downstairs and come back up. Popping proved tough when she ran into Ward and he filled her in about Raheel and Javed. Both were fine but Javed would more than likely be pulled, which was an intelligence blow.

  Hearing about how much still remained unsettled frustrated her. Only seemed right, since she’d spent a frustrating two days alone in Islamabad. Not that she had anywhere to go. After the explosions there’d been a security crackdown in Skardu. The clinic was a crime scene, and people still looked for her, which explained why she had to limit her movements to the safe house and the hospital.

  With Josiah’s help she finally reached her dad. He’d gotten to base camp when she delivered the news, or as much as Josiah said she could on an unsecured line. He’d been furious about the risks she’d taken. He yelled about the clinic and how he’d have to start over. He talked about how she never should have taken the risk and made the report.

  Mostly, he blustered, but underneath that she picked up the concern. He wanted her out of Skardu and Pakistan and somewhere safe. For him, their relationship traveled the same path. He would figure out when he saw her that it had changed. The years of feeling inadequate were behind her. No weak person could survive the week she had.

  The only positive part of her life lay in a hospital bed a few miles away. She’d left West’s room after issuing a challenge. He didn’t respond then, nor had he since. Oh, he texted to check on her. Notes filled with mundane chatter and little else. He never used that key she gave him, and that chipped away at her until she wanted to crawl back into bed and hide.

  She put her key in the lock now and closed her eyes. What she’d see on the other side could hold the answer to everything. She did what she did every time she entered: hoped he was standing there.

  After the beep the lock clicked. She pushed the door open and walked in. No broad-shouldered man waiting for her. No sign that he’d been there or that he cared.

  Man, he was stubborn.

  She dropped the coffee cup on the edge of the chest of drawers and went to the window. The temptation to stay there and wait him out pulled at her, but she’d be safer to move on. Waiting around for something that might never come would eat away at her self-esteem until she had none. She didn’t want to go back to that place.

  Good thing the bed called. Yeah, it was the middle of the afternoon and she should be working or planning or setting a new course for her life. She preferred the idea of sleeping. She’d had so little lately. That soothing cleanse of rest.

  The doctor who checked her out, at West’s insistence, explained about delayed symptoms and possible depression. He’d read off a list of symptoms and offered medication. Most of all he recommended rest and gave her a pamphlet on ways to clear her head.

  Lexi dropped down on the edge of the bed. Falling into that big stack of pillows sounded so good. Who needed wine and chocolate? She had cool sheets and a dark room.

  She kicked her shoes off and curled her legs to the side. She was reaching up to grab those pillows and pile them around her when she saw it. A note on white paper with black writing.

  Her heart jumped and the excitement built. Maybe West had stopped by, and with her stupid luck she’d been listening to Josiah instead of here waiting.

  Lexi flipped the envelope over and pulled out a page. The block lettering was so perfect that it could have been done by a machine. But it wasn’t. This message was too personal and too clear.

  I will see you again soon—Benton

  A half hour later West stormed in. He knocked once then used the key. That was probably good since she was in no condition to get out of the chair by the window. She’d been sitting in it with her feet curled under her since she’d made the call.

  West stopped right in front of her, close enough so she had to lean back to look up at his face. He put his hands on his hips. “You called Josiah.”

  It had been a work thing, and keeping that separate from West struck her as the right thing to do. “There was a note—”

  “And you didn’t call me.” He crouched down and balanced on the balls of his feet. Winced as he did it. The position put him slightly lower than her, but his tone didn’t leave any room to wonder who he thought was in charge.

  “You didn’t seem interested.” It was an unfair shot but she wasn’t feeling all that charming right now.

  His jaw made a cracking sound. “Don’t do that. You know it’s not true.”

  “You have a problem with sending mixed signals.” One minute he wanted to be the one she called. The next he wanted her on a plane and headed away from him. She couldn’t keep up. The emotional running around in circles made her dizzy.

  He had his hands clasped together and his knuckles were tight enough for her knuckles to turn white. “If you need something, you come to me.”

  The answer to that one was too obvious. “I gave you a key.”

  “I’m trying to be smart.”

  “Really? Because you seem like an idiot right now. I don’t get your choices at all.” She had to stand up then. She needed to pace. Maybe she needed some air.

  It was unfair, really. He walked in and her exhausted body switched on. He talked, lectured, or ordered, and she wanted to punch something.

  He stood up next to her with his palm up. “Let me see it.”

  A note dropped in her locked room by a stranger suggested she should not screw around waiting. She didn’t see a reason to anyway. She wasn’t looking for games or attention. She wanted West, and that was different from whatever sickness was behind the letter and the subtle threat inside.

  Turning, she reached over and plucked it off the nightstand. “Here.”

  West read it then flipped the card over then seemed to read it again. It was no more than a line. It didn’t take long to absorb, so she wasn’t clear what had him so enthralled.

  He dropped it back
on the nightstand. “We can’t find him,” he said. “Ward is pretty sure he got injured in the fire. The only good news is he didn’t get away with any toxin.”

  As little as she wanted to hear about Benton, she did have one question. “What was in the box?”

  “A rough formula for the basic chemical compound, and samples. Between that and the containers Javed took, we can see he was still in the testing stage.” West exhaled. “Pearce’s talk about them being ready to start bombing appears to have been overblown.”

  “How is Javed . . . or should I say who is he?”

  “CIA.” West made a face. “About your dad—”

  “I can’t talk about that yet. Josiah wouldn’t let me ask questions on the satphone, and I need to hear the rest straight from my dad.” She really didn’t need to. When she took a breath and sat down, put the pieces together in her head, it all made sense. The travel, the houseguests, the decisions he’d made over the years. He did some sort of covert work, and she didn’t really want to know what.

  “So, how did Benton or someone working for Benton get into my room?” Because that was the burning question that would keep her up all night.

  “He seems to have contacts everywhere. We weren’t followed and it wasn’t luck.” West sat down on the edge of her bed. Rubbed his palms up and down his thighs. “You’re safe now.”

  “Lucky me.”

  If he picked up on the sarcasm, he hid it well. “There are guards everywhere inside and people watching from the outside.”

  He assigned others. Not him. He stayed away as if she’d scared him. Maybe she had.

  The thought made her stomach roll. “People I know?”

  “Pretty much all of Delta is here and watching.”

  Her real concern was about the name not on protection detail. “You didn’t volunteer.”

  “Being near you, I lose my concentration. That’s not a great characteristic in a bodyguard.”

  At least he didn’t lie or come up with some excuse like a new assignment. She’d half expected to hear he ran out of the country and was hiding out on a new job somewhere without a phone or any communication. “You hide your feelings well.”

  He shook his head. “What do you want from me?” He sounded defeated and confused.

  But the answer was so simple. “Everything. I at least want you to try.”

  “You know—”

  “Maybe I want you to want it.” She didn’t want to hear whatever he had to say to that. No more excuses or pretty words. “Are you attracted to me?”

  “Oh, come on.”

  That was fair. He’d never pretended the attraction didn’t bounce back and forth between them. He just had an astounding ability to ignore it.

  She was determined to hit it head on. “Do you want me?”

  “More than I want air.” He shot the answer right back to her.

  The quick response gave her hope.

  He rubbed a hand through his hair. “I’m trying to be—”

  “Smart, yeah I know.” There was another word she could add to her Most Hated list.

  Words weren’t working anyway. She started unbuttoning her blue long-sleeve shirt.

  His eyes narrowed but something else happened in there. The heat he kept banked flared to life. “What are you doing?”

  “Getting a little stupid.” If this was all she would ever get, then she’d enjoy it. Sex promoted intimacy and added to the experience of falling in love. But mostly it felt really good. She needed to feel something—anything—right now.

  When she reached the last button, she pushed the shirt off her shoulders, letting it tumble to the floor. Next she reached for the button at the top of her jeans.

  He stood up and covered her hands with his. “Lexi . . .”

  She slipped her fingers out from under his. They slid under the hem of his sweater. The V-neck was snug but not too tight. Her hands roamed across his chest, and this time he didn’t try to slow her down. But he didn’t take part either.

  Her palm slid over his nipple. “Say no and I’ll stop.”

  He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. She used the time to learn every inch. They’d made love in Pakistan but that was on the run and with the tick of danger around them. The moment likely added to the intimacy. This time she wanted him, just him. No distractions or fear of being caught. They could do what they wanted, and that freedom both enticed her and frightened her.

  Her mouth went to his neck. She slid her tongue around the bottom of his chin and held his body tight against hers.

  She could feel his excitement. His erection pressed against her and his breathing grew shallow. The quick gasps of breath and the way he cradled her body between his thighs. She was not alone here. So long as he could admit it.

  “I brought two condoms.”

  Relief ran through every cell. “I like a man who’s prepared.”

  “Do you like one that’s naked?”

  This was the West she missed. She understood that his job stayed with him and he couldn’t joke all the time. But he hid his charm. Buried it down deep. She loved these peeks, the moments when the guard came down and he made her smile.

  She pushed the sweater up and over his head. The tee came next. Then she had miles of broad chest to caress. The battlefield of scars had intrigued her before. She’d touched them and asked about a few. Others she recognized for what they were. A stab or a gunshot.

  Having seen him in action and as the person he dragged out of danger, she viewed them differently now. They were about bravery and honor. He stepped up and walked in. More than once she’d seen him volunteer to take on the violence so someone else didn’t have to.

  It was a spectacular skill, and so hot. It was hard not to love a man who would literally die for you. She knew because she’d tried. The last thing she wanted to do was fall for a guy who spent his life on the road, away from her.

  His arms went around her and his mouth touched hers. A quick kiss at first, then it deepened. His mouth slanted and devoured. There was nothing neutral about it. He dove in and dragged her with him.

  Sensations whipped around her. She grabbed his shoulders and tried to hold on. Even as she worried this meant nothing but the slap of bodies to him, it meant everything to her. She craved the closeness and his touch. And when he kissed her, she melted. Actually turned into a pile of goo.

  Something tugged behind her, then the bra was gone. His palms slid up to cup her. One thumb rubbed across a nipple. Then the other. He broke off the kiss to stare down at her as he pressed her breasts together and flicked his tongue over both nipples.

  As he kept going, one to the other, she sucked in air but could barely breathe. He switched to long licking strokes and her head fell back. Tonight might kill her. That was her last thought before her back hit the bed. He pushed her deep into the pillows and climbed up her body, making each step on his hands and knees count, with his mouth wandering as he went.

  Without any signal from her brain, her legs fell open. Her skin felt tight. She wanted them out of their clothes. She let him know by brushing her hand over the zipper of his jeans. A bulge rose behind her hand and she rubbed and squeezed to bring it to life. Through it all she kept touching, letting his jeans provide the friction.

  He gasped and looked down at her hand. “Damn, Lexi.”

  Her mouth over his ear. She nibbled and licked until she couldn’t stand the bits of clothes that still separated them. “Take them off.”

  He nearly ripped the fabric. He shoved the jeans over his hips and stripped them to his ankles. One yank and they went flying over the side of the bed.

  She wanted to help but that reaction set her off. The fact that he wanted her so badly to wait fed her ego. Made her care about him even more, and that was saying something since she couldn’t get enough of him already.

  Then his mouth started its tour. He kissed a path over her stomach as one hand cupped her breasts. He caressed and massaged. The gentle touches mesmerized her. She al
most didn’t hear him lower her zipper. It clicked with each tick. And that hot mouth continued to follow those hands.

  When he got to her hips, he touched her underwear. Slipped two fingers inside to rub her. Back and forth then in circles, anything to get her wet.

  She lifted her hips and he pulled her pants down, inch by delicious inch. The rough fabric rubbed against her bare thighs. She thought it might be the most sensual touch ever until he licked up the middle of her bikini underwear. A groan escaped her and her head fell to the side.

  She was so close. So primed for him. Ready to feel him inside her without footsteps echoing in the yard. And it needed to be now.

  Her legs fell open as far as they could. Her hands slipped into his hair. One of his fingers slipped the elastic band to the side as he continued to kiss her. Each time he pressed a finger inside her, her hips rose off the bed.

  Lost in a haze, she gave herself over to the sensations. Forgot about everything but the feel of his hands and the lick of his tongue.

  As her bones turned to jelly, he tugged her panties down. The crotch was wet and her body was ready. “Find the condom.”

  He slipped it out of his back pocket and held it in his teeth while he adjusted what little clothing he still had on. Then he was back. Rolling it on and pressing against her. He didn’t enter her. God, if he was looking for permission, he had it. To highlight that, she squeezed her legs tighter around him.

  The move had his head shooting up to stare at her. “Damn.”

  He lifted his body off her for a second. She heard the jingle of a belt and then skin touched skin.

  “Now, West.” Another second and she might explode. Her body had pulled tight and her inner muscles cried out for release. His finger felt good. She knew from experience she could feel better.

  Their breathing bounced off the walls and something pulsed in the air. She needed the sensation of him entering her. The tightness as he squeezed in.