Falling Hard

by HelenKay Dimon

  Then he was. He pressed her thighs apart and lifted her legs at an angle. By the time he slid inside, her body rode a fine edge. And when he pressed into her again, deep and slow, her eyes closed.

  A slow thrust. Then another before the speed picked up. He was wild now. His body moved over her, in her. She pressed her hands against his hips and drew him in deeper.

  Her body clenched and the spiraling inside her sped up. When he reached down and touched her at the same time he pressed deep inside her, she came. Her back rose off the bed and her breath stuttered. All the tension inside her waded into a ball, then burst.

  She came as she screamed. The joint feeling of him inside her as he kissed her had her body bucking. She rode it out as he held her. And when she squeezed her thighs and those tiny inner muscles together, it was his turn.

  He plunged and retreated. In and out, caressing her everywhere. When he collapsed on top of her, she wrapped her arms around his waist. Tiny pulses moved through her and the world felt as if it tilted right again.

  This was hot, sweaty sex, just as she liked it. His mouth and hands. And with it over, she could barely hold up her head. He’d exhausted her. Drained the energy right out of her.

  And she loved it. She also loved the feel of his skin. As she held him, her fingertips brushed over his skin, learning and touching his back and arms.

  She’d started to doze off when she felt him move. The mattress shifted as he sat up on the far edge of the bed and put his legs over the side.

  She could pretend to be asleep or face it. She went back and forth, trying to hold onto the warm satisfaction of what had just happened but considering the cold reality of him sneaking away.

  “What are you doing?” She asked because she wasn’t doing anything wrong and refused to feel like she was.

  He glanced over his shoulder at her. His gaze traveled down her legs and back up again. “I need to leave.”

  Her heart collapsed but she would not show it. “Okay.”

  “It’s about work.” He stood up and his pants came up with him.

  Sure it was. “Your job is important. Go.”

  He scooped his sweater off the floor and wrestled his way into it, stopping before lifting it over his head. “You know you matter more to me than anyone, right?”

  Those words meant almost nothing if he followed them by walking out the door. But she had no way to make him understand that. And she didn’t want to. He had to figure this out, to want it for himself. “But not enough.”

  “What?”

  She waved his question off. “Nothing.”

  He stared at her, hesitating. “Good night.”

  She waited until the door closed behind him. “Goodbye.”

  27

  WEST SAT at the Alliance conference room table four weeks later. Most of the injuries had switched from unrelenting pain to dull aches to memories. He hadn’t experienced any permanent damage, but the shoulder injury came close. A few more inches and he’d be retired and unable to shoot.

  The most vivid reminder of his failure on that mission sat in front of him. He flipped open the briefing file about Benton. They had a sketch now of his face and a few leads. The guard who helped him escape on this side was talking but didn’t know much. West guessed that’s how Benton’s empire worked. That he followed the drug dealers’ game and only let a limited number of people know anything.

  The important thing was they got the toxin samples. They took Pearce out, discovered a bit about his business, and took the toxin he was so desperate to use on innocent people.

  They’d also raised the wrath of the CIA, which did not take kindly to having their agent embarrassed. Javed’s cover held, so far. Dr. Palmer was not as lucky and he was annoyed about being cut off. The only thing saving them from hearing his full wrath was that he really was on Everest with an expedition and everyone decided he was safest there, so no one rushed to bring him back.

  West didn’t give a shit about lost jobs and who got credit for things. If people wanted praise they could go into another business. Covert work was, by definition, not the place to be.

  Tasha stood across from him with her palms balanced on the back of a chair. She faced him and shot him a disapproving glare every now and then. He didn’t ask questions because it was clear she was gearing up with a few of her own. He wasn’t sure how he got to be so lucky to be chosen out of all the Alliance members for this meeting.

  She finally talked. “I’m wondering how much longer we need to deal with you being miserable and generally looking like a kicked dog.”

  He blinked a few times as the words sunk in. “Excuse me?”

  “You’ve been downright depressed lately.”

  Never in his life. Sure, he dragged his sorry ass out of bed every morning and spent half the night rolling around thinking about Lexi, but that would pass. God, it had to pass or he’d be in a hospital. “I’ve been recuperating.”

  “Oh, please. I’ve been in the field. I know you.” Tasha snorted. “Hell, I was you.”

  This was the weirdest debrief he’d ever experienced. “I don’t understand what’s happening here.”

  “I’m disappointed in you.”

  He had fought and kicked and lived through rounds of torture and lost his woman. What the hell else did Tasha expect from him? “What are you talking about?”

  Tasha had a file in her hands and trapped against her chest as she crossed her arms. “I’ve talked with the guys, especially Josiah and Mike, and I don’t get it.”

  He didn’t usually work with Delta but he couldn’t believe they’d whine to the boss behind his back. And about what? “What are you saying, exactly?”

  “You let someone like Lexi go?” Tasha frowned at him. “Really?”

  Not her business, but Tasha had struck a direct hit. Zoomed in on the biggest regret of his life. He’d actually walked out after sex. He really was a dick sometimes. Didn’t mean to be but his feelings for her grew and swelled until he didn’t know what to do with them. With him came danger and uncertainty, and she deserved better.

  He typically dated women who were interested in some fun for a few weeks. He didn’t go for the home and hearth type, or even the baby type. With Lexi, he threw that all out the window. Broke every personal rule.

  He hadn’t been kidding when he told her he didn’t sleep around for fun on a job. He worked and studied briefings. He’d come up with contingencies and meet with the team. Make sure his body and mind were in the best possible shape.

  He didn’t rescue a woman and then think about nothing but how she would taste. But that’s exactly what happened with Lexi.

  She was the one person who didn’t make him feel like a machine.

  “You know her?” He couldn’t imagine where Tasha, a former MI6, and Lexi, would cross paths, but the idea of them being friends wouldn’t exactly stun him. They both blew through life the same way. They didn’t take any male nonsense. For some reason he loved that.

  “Ward told me she’s pretty and nice and can stand up to you. Josiah thinks you’re a fool to walk away from her. Hell, even Mike likes her, and he doesn’t like many people.” Tasha pulled out a chair and sat down. “Frankly, with those recommendations she sounds like a keeper.”

  West knew he had to buckle in. This wasn’t a drive-by chat. No, Tasha wanted some time with him. Not something that was generally a good thing. She might be living with Ward but she was the boss, and West didn’t mess with that. She had his respect. Right now he just wished he didn’t have her attention.

  Ward stepped up to the table with Josiah. They didn’t turn around and leave again.

  West was starting to hate this day. “Why are we talking about my personal life?”

  Tasha smiled up at him. “I’m impressed you admit you have one.”

  “About her.” Josiah hit West on the good shoulder. “Go get her back or we’re sending you in for a psych exam.”

  West thought about crawling under the table but was pretty sure
they’d notice. “This is why I’m here?”

  Tasha tapped the top of her file. “About Lexi.”

  “No thanks.”

  When West stood up, Tasha pointed at the chair again. “Sit.”

  “My relationship with Lexi is personal.” How he felt about her had nothing to do with a case. Sure, they met during one, but he saw her as a woman and not a file number. He didn’t have a bias problem. He had a wish-she-were-here issue.

  “Personal?” Josiah scoffed. “Uh, no.”

  “She was an asset,” Ward added.

  West really wanted to kick them both out of this talk. “Can we not use that word to refer to her?”

  “Fine.” Tasha tapped her hand against the file in front of her. “What should I call her?”

  That one seemed kind of obvious. “Lexi.”

  Tasha did not break eye contact even for a second. “Aren’t you clever?”

  West battled with the urge to stand up again. “We both know me being with her would be stupid.”

  “Well, one of us thinks so,” Josiah said. “I saw her when she realized you were under that pile of rocks. Seems pretty serious to me.”

  West hated talking about her. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, and his home had turned into a battlefield. He crawled into his bed and wanted her there. Thought she’d be interesting to talk with across the table. Now Tasha was dragging the woman into work, which meant he would never get a second of peace.

  “Why do you all care about this?” He was referring to his love life but figured they were smart enough to pick that up.

  “She’s way out of your league but likes you.” Ward shrugged. “Or did.”

  “What kind of answer is that?’ West honestly didn’t know. It didn’t make sense to him.

  “She’s hot.” Josiah held up a hand when West’s expression turned homicidal. “Don’t scowl at me. She is.”

  Despite it being a Saturday, the office buzzed with activity. They had a constant stream of assignments. One team or the other was always on call and about to be dispatched. The tech crew was in the room searching for Benton clues, which was why West showed up today, not for an informal game of twenty questions.

  “Apparently you ticked her off.” Tasha opened the file and scanned whatever notes she wrote inside.

  None of that made any sense. West just stared at his boss. “What?”

  “She’s left messages,” Tasha explained. “Left them at places you don’t work, like the CIA, which ticked an alarm with our techs.”

  “I don’t get it.” It was that simple. He had no clue.

  Ward paged through the plastic sleeves. “You left her and she was looking for you.”

  “Was. I doubt she is now.” Josiah looked up at the ceiling as if he were struggling to remember something big. “How long has it been?”

  West could take the countdown to hours. “I’m still lost.”

  “I know you’re a loner,” Ward said, “and believe you should have to go through life alone, or at least unattached.” He shook his head. “But take it from me, that’s not true.”

  The amusement left Josiah’s face. “We’ve all seen death and lived through some really awful shit, but you get to have a life.”

  The room flipped on West. He was ready for one topic, but they kept jumping around. “Is my job in trouble?”

  “No, dumbass.”

  “Ward.” Tasha glared at him before turning back to West. “The exact opposite.”

  “Okay.” West picked that answer because he wasn’t sure what else to say.

  “Lexi thinks you believe you’re nothing more than a trained killer for us. I think she used the word machine.” Ward looked like he was searching for the right word to say. “If we gave you that impression we messed up and will fix it.”

  The conversation had West squirming. He’d never complain because that wasn’t who he was. But the truth was, every now and then he’d sit down and assess. He’d become the kill leader. Not really a title he ever wanted.

  But he loved his job. It was letting himself feel again that scared the shit out of him. “Look—”

  Tasha jumped right in. “I’m going to shortcut this because Lexi is on a flight tonight to Ecuador.”

  That news hit like a kick to the nuts. “She’s what?”

  Tasha glanced in the file again. “It looks like she’s headed back to work. You might want to give her a reason to find a job here.”

  Josiah gave West another shoulder slap. “Step up.”

  West looked from one person to the next. He respected everyone at the table but they were confusing the hell out of him right now. “Huh?”

  “This woman is beautiful, smart, and talented,” Ward said. “Your life didn’t scare her and she never left your side.” He leaned forward in his seat with his elbows resting on the table. “You don’t let that kind of woman go.”

  West had run through a similar list last night. All the great things about her. It convinced him that walking away from the hotel room had been the right thing to do. “We only knew each other a few days.”

  Ward frowned. “So?”

  The argument there made sense. West knew that Tasha and Ward had only known each other for a few days on an assignment before moving in together. But West would never compare himself to Ward. “She can—”

  Tasha lifted a finger and pointed at him. “If you say Lexi can do better than you I am going to beat the shit out of you.”

  That went too far, even for her. “Excuse me?”

  “I know you had a shitty upbringing,” Ward said, “but wake up, West. You are a good man. Loyal and strong. You protect and rescue. You always put the group’s needs ahead of your own.”

  West had never heard his boss, or anyone, say anything like that about him before.

  “In other words,” Tasha said, “Lexi would be getting a good catch with you.”

  Josiah hit his hand against the table. “So, go stop her from leaving.”

  They all made it sound so easy to ignore the danger and the other load of crap that came with this job.

  “Unless you really don’t care.” Ward kept talking. “Then let her get on the plane and find a nice Peace Corps volunteer, fall in love, move to Kansas. Leave her alone.”

  He’d hit on the one argument that made West’s brain boil. He knew walking away meant she would find someone else. He always got to that point in the logic and then fumbled.

  “Ecuador.” His new least favorite country.

  “Here’s where she is right now.” Tasha slid a file across the table.

  West opened it and paged through. Saw the flight confirmation and an address. There were more pages of documents as well. “How do you know all this?”

  Ward shook his head. “It’s almost sad that you asked that.”

  “Let me put it this way.” Josiah started yelling. “Go get your woman.”

  By the time he finished, most of the Warehouse floor was staring. Not West’s favorite thing, but he hated the idea of Lexi leaving, and possibly deciding not to come back sucked even more.

  She’d once said something about falling hard. Now he knew what she meant.

  He stood up and swiped the envelope of intel off the table.

  Tasha smiled “You’re going?”

  He wasn’t sure what he was going to do or say but he knew one thing for sure. “I have to talk with her.”

  “Do yourself a favor and do more than talk,” Josiah said.

  One thought ran through West’s mind: that’s why Josiah is the leader.

  28

  LEXI IGNORED the knock on the door. No one knew her in Baltimore. She’d never met any neighbors at the executive apartments. Most of them were businessmen on short-term assignments. She was there because the place came furnished. With everything she owned trapped back in Pakistan, her choices were limited, and the one choice she did want to make couldn’t happen because he didn’t want to take a chance on them.

  For weeks after West walked a
way she blamed herself. Fell back on old patterns and stayed mostly to herself. Her shaky relationship with her dad didn’t help. But the truth about West soon hit her. She was great for him. They could be great together. His fears, not hers, held them back.

  The knock came again, this time more insistent.

  She dumped her plane tickets on the bed and stepped around the luggage she’d packed for the trip. Her hand hit the door handle as it turned. She jumped back and the door opened.

  West stood there, all fire and fury.

  “You unlocked my door.” She couldn’t figure out whether to be appalled or chalk it up to one of West’s eccentricities. The fact that he could open locks was just one more skill to add to his many others.

  “You didn’t answer.” He slipped his hands into his back jeans pockets. He may have even rocked back on his heels.

  She was too stunned to say or do anything. After a few beats of silence she finally got something out, though in her head it barely made sense. “I’m leaving soon for about six months.”

  He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “No.”

  His response confused her even more. “What?”

  “You can’t go to Ecuador.” He nodded after he said it, as if he’d been practicing.

  “How do you . . .” She inhaled, trying to separate the things worth getting ticked off about from the things that didn’t matter. “Okay, that’s annoying.”

  He didn’t pretend not to get it. “My office looked it up.”

  In West’s world that answer probably made sense. “Do you think that makes it better?”

  “You could go and decide to stay and not come back.”

  Maybe she should have been happy with the comment but it ticked her off. “And you were so concerned about not seeing me, as evidenced by the fact you haven’t tried to for an entire month.”

  “I fucked up.” That time he did rock. It was subtle but it happened.

  She had to focus on the mundane because if she looked at the big picture—what she felt for him and how little regard he had for that—she would lose it. She’d tried to reach him, which proved impossible. There wasn’t exactly a listing for Alliance in the phone book.