Falling Hard

by HelenKay Dimon

  That led to unraveling. She’d spent so many hours wondering what could have been and trying to figure out how she fell so fast. He was just a man, but when she thought about him she ached with the need to see him. His face popped into her mind and she wanted to grab on, to talk with him. She missed their banter and the kisses. Hell, she even missed the fighting.

  Thinking about those days now brought that familiar pain back. The soreness in her chest and trouble breathing. Okay, yeah, she was going to need to sit down for this. She cleared a space on the bed and dropped down.

  “Well?” he asked.

  She wasn’t sure of the question but apparently it was her turn to speak. He really was not good at the communicating thing. “No kidding you screwed up.”

  “I didn’t think you’d agree that fast.” After some quick rearranging of duffel bags he plopped down on the bed next to her.

  The wall she’d been erecting against him wasn’t holding. This close, she could smell him. Unlike in Pakistan, he smelled good. Fresh and crisp. He’d washed his hair and his clothes were clean. No blood anywhere. She’d been sucked in by the scarier version. She feared what would happen to her control after a few minutes with this version.

  It helped to remember how he’d acted at the end. She’d been so sure he was dead, and blinded with relief when he wasn’t. But he’d pushed her away. Used the lame I’m-not-good-enough excuse. “You were a pretty big jerk.”

  He stared at his hands. ‘Yes.”

  Then there was the rest. She started to say what she needed to but the words choked up on her. She got them on second try. “Leaving my room right after we—”

  “Yes.”

  She had no idea what kind of game he was playing. He didn’t offer excuses or come up with justifications. He sounded as sad and desperate as she felt when she offered to volunteer at a clinic in Ecuador. Anything to get away from West.

  “Why do you keep agreeing with me?” she asked.

  “Because you’re not wrong.”

  This made no sense. He’d gone without a word for a month. Didn’t try to reach out, and now he was sorry. No thank you.

  She got off the bed and went back to the door, mostly because she needed to move. “You can go now.”

  “I don’t want to leave.”

  The simple words spun up inside her. What he wanted. Forget what she needed.

  All that frustration and pain came bubbling up to the surface. She tried to bite it back but the look on his face had her changing her mind. He just . . . sat there. Nothing showed in his expression except for the lines around his mouth. She didn’t remember them but they must have been there before.

  “I gave you everything,” she said. “I offered a relationship.” The words tumbled out of her now with a load of fresh pain behind them. “I knew about your job and accepted it. I understood you and didn’t want to change you.”

  He stood up and reached out to her. “Lexi, listen—”

  She shifted away from him. “Look, I know my feelings on this are too intense. We didn’t have a relationship or anything—”

  “That’s not true”

  “—but you refused to even try. I stood there and admitted that I was falling for you and you ignored it.” The humiliation rolled over her again. She wasn’t the type to spill her guts. She didn’t fall for a guy after a few days. The whole thing was new and scary and weird, and he made it all worse with his reaction.

  He touched her. Fingers wrapped around her arms, gentle and reassuring. He started to bring her closer to his body then stopped. “I panicked.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, me. The guy who can jump out of a plane and rappel down a mountain.” He exhaled and their bodies moved in closer. “You saw so much killing. Watched me be the guy I am at work instead of the kind of guy who takes you to dinner.”

  “I watched you protect, and I never saw you rejoice over death.”

  “The machine thing.”

  “I was right. You have emotions and feelings and keep them bottled up because it’s easier.” The whole amateur psychologist move wasn’t her finest hour, but she was right. All of that mattered to him and it impacted how he viewed his contribution. If she had any money she’d bet it on that.

  “I did do that. It was self-protection.” He shook his head as he spoke. “But I don’t want to hide from you.”

  Her indignation dwindled. It was tough to be angry and guarded when he stayed off the offensive. “Are you just agreeing with everything I say so I sleep with you again?’

  “I don’t want you to get on that plane.”

  She would have given anything to hear those words even a week ago. “You haven’t even tried to see me in weeks.”

  “Lexi.” His hand went to her waist and the other tucked her hair back behind her ear. “I have no idea if I can be a boyfriend or whatever you want to call me. All I know is that being with you is the only time my life has made sense. Without you has been miserable.”

  The words flooded through her. She wanted to push them away and pretend they didn’t matter, but they did. They changed everything. “Really?”

  “I won’t point out that you’re smiling.”

  She tried to swallow it. “Then I won’t point out how much the last few weeks sucked.”

  “For both of us.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss against her hair. “God, I missed you.”

  “Why didn’t you come to me? You obviously knew where I was or easily could have figured it out.”

  “I hate the idea of you in danger.” He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again the pain was mirrored there. “It rips me up.”

  “Do you like the idea of me dating someone else? Because that will happen at some point.” She couldn’t imagine it, but she wanted a life. She could only wait around for him for so long.

  “I’d probably try to use the full power of the Alliance on any date of yours.” His fingers tightened on her waist. “That includes the rocket launchers.”

  “I can’t wait around and I won’t be the girl you see now and then.”

  “I get that.”

  She inhaled nice and deep and went for it. He stood there saying the right things. If he was going to bolt it would be now. “When it comes to you my resistance is low . . .” She stumbled over the words. “I fell for you fast and hard and stupid. Without any sense of self-protection.”

  She almost wanted to close one eye and wait. This would be a bombshell for any guy, but for someone like West with his limited friends and painful upbringing, it would all be too much.

  He smiled at her. “I’m in.”

  Everything inside her stopped. She struggled not to slip out of his hands and onto the floor. “What?”

  “I wake up thinking about you. I miss you all day and then think I can smell your hair at night.” He kissed her forehead, then her cheek. “If that’s not falling for someone, I don’t know what is.”

  “West.” She cupped his cheeks in her hands and kissed him. Not a peck. This one lasted. Lingered a little while it burned. When she lifted her head again her breath came out in short pants.

  “Does this mean you’ll stay?”

  She was a tagalong, not a permanent worker. She needed a way to fill in the time as she got ready to go back to medical school. That gave her leeway, and for him, she would take it. “Yes.”

  He wrapped her up tighter and her feet left the ground. She didn’t get sucked under yet. There was still so much to work out.

  “But you should know that will mean I’m unemployed.”

  He made a face that made it clear this was not an issue for him. “No problem.”

  “I don’t have a place to live.” Which freaked her out. She’d lived a nomadic existence for part of her life and accepted it, but she was ready for roots. Craved them.

  His smile could light a small city. “You do. With me.”

  “I’ve thought about medical school and why I dropped out.” She waited for him to jump in. When he didn
’t, she inhaled and kept going. “It’s important to me that I finish. On my terms, not my dad’s. For me. I’m actually looking into returning and doing the applications and tests and all of that.”

  He winked at her. “I like the idea of dating a doctor.”

  “You’re ready to accept that I’ll be in your life and bossy and—”

  He held up a hand. “Bossy? Wait a second.”

  “It’s not too late for me to kick you.”

  “Yes it is.” He kissed her chin. “But I was kidding.”

  Her arms went to his neck and her mouth brushed against his. “You understand that I probably love you.”

  The reality is, she knew she did. At first the feeling was new and uncertain, but once he’d walked away the feelings hit her with full force. She did love him. She was stupid with it. It explained all the danger she accepted and made sense in terms of how much she wanted him and what she was willing to do to satisfy that need.

  Sex in the middle of a battle zone? Looking back, that blanket might not have been a good idea. She didn’t regret it, but she did have to watch because when it came to him her boundaries stretched.

  He pulled her in tighter and gave her a real kiss. Forget the brushing. This one exploded through her. “And I probably love you back.”

  If it was possible for words to turn on a switch. For light to flood and everything to feel brighter and sweeter. It had just happened. “I have to make a billion calls about my change of plans.”

  “Later.” His mouth went to her neck. He nibbled and kissed.

  “I don’t . . . oh.” That was the spot. “This works, too.”

  “You know, there is a big bed right there.” He cleared his throat. “It would be wrong to waste it.”

  “Let’s see if we can upset the neighbors with all the noise.”

  He laughed then. “I like your style, Alexis Palmer.”

  “And I like you.” She did. Liked so much about him, even the annoying stuff.

  His mood sobered as his fingers grazed her lips. “Just kept falling.”

  “Done.”

  Three days later West sat at the conference stable in the Warehouse with Lexi by his side. He thought they’d been called in about protocol or a late debrief about Pakistan. He’d hoped there was news about Benton and his new venture that would keep them chasing him.

  But no. The visit was part personal and part business. The offer blindsided him, but the more he thought about it, it made sense. Except for the danger. He couldn’t tolerate it.

  Tasha set the white envelope down in front of Lexi. It had her name on it but no other sign of its contents. And she wouldn’t be able to leave the building with it. The letter would stay here as she considered the terms.

  Welcome to covert ops.

  “All of the details are in here.” Tasha tapped the edge of it.

  West waited for Lexi to say something. Instead, she stared at the envelope then at Tasha again. To say she looked shell-shocked was an understatement. It was as if she’d run into a wall and rattled something important. The fact that she was blinking more than usual probably made him think about it.

  After a few seconds of silence that seemed to stretch into minutes, Lexi picked up the envelope. “You’re offering me a job?”

  “You have medical skills. That’s invaluable.” Tasha pointed at him. “All of Delta agrees you were amazing in the field.”

  He had to ask again because this question mattered the most to him. Danger was a bright line for him. “Would she be—?”

  “She’ll be back with the techs. It’s very safe.” Tasha waited until Lexi looked down at the envelope again and then winked.

  “Josiah told me you all have medical training,” Lexi said.

  “Not at your level.”

  Tasha started to say something then stopped. She waved off whatever the other thing happened to be. “Look, I know this is a couples’ decision, and you do both have to agree. If the answer is no, that’s fine.”

  West thought about giving a knee-jerk reaction. Push her back into medical school. Classrooms seemed safe to him and danger lurked everywhere else.

  He knew he was overprotective and that experiences shaped how he viewed this issue. He’d already promised Lexi he’d work on it. In return, she promised that she’d continue to ignore anything that sounded like she needed to obey.

  When no one talked, Tasha jumped back in. That’s what she did. Filled the dead space. “We look for people who will fit in and who have skills. You are one of those people.”

  Lexi glanced over at him then back to Tasha. “I appreciate it. I really do.”

  “But?” Tasha asked.

  Lexi put her hand over the paperwork. “I need to finish medical school. Prove I can. It’s unfinished business and I’m not doing that kind of thing anymore.”

  West had to fight the urge to reach over and kiss her. He also saw the wheels spinning in Tasha’s head. “I like that even better.”

  He was almost afraid to ask. “What?”

  Tasha stayed focused on Lexi. “You can do some contract work for us while you go to school. After graduation or whenever, if you want to work here on some level, great.”

  Lexi turned to him and smiled. “We’d work together.”

  That didn’t bother him. They actually had a pretty good set of role models for that particular problem. “Ward and Tasha make it work.”

  “For the record.” Tasha held up hand. “I am very tolerant.”

  “No comment.” Yeah, West thought of about fifty ways he could get in trouble right now. Ward had stories and West had heard some of them. He suspected he wouldn’t love all of them being told.

  “Take a few weeks and think about it,” Tasha said.

  Lexi slid her fingers through his under the table and squeezed. “I have to figure out what my schedule will be, but I’m definitely free now. We just need to figure out if this is a problem for our relationship, since that comes first.”

  God, he loved when she said stuff like that.

  Tasha nodded. “As it should be.”

  “But, thank you.” Lexi’s voice was filled with gratitude.

  “West happens to be one of my favorites.” Tasha leaned in. “Don’t tell the others.”

  “I am?” That was news to him. He’d always gotten the impression she tolerated him and little more. Not that she was rude. Just determined and focused.

  Tasha’s attention stayed solely on Lexi now. “And I’m happy he found you. He needed a strong woman.”

  Lexi smiled. “I agree.”

  “So do I,” he said, and he meant it.

  “You guys are going to be fine, job or no.” Tasha looked across the office and frowned.

  West followed her gaze and spied what looked like a football game being played inside by Bravo. Yeah, she was not going to like that happening near the multi-million-dollar computers.

  “How can you tell?” Lexi asked.

  For a second Tasha looked confused but then her expression cleared. “Easy, I knew West before you and after you. He’d be an idiot to let you go.”

  Lexi laughed. “I like that.”

  “And that is why she’s in charge,” West said.

  “A woman in charge at work and one in charge at home.” Lexi whistled. “I like it.”

  So did West. “Just as it should be.”

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I’VE NEVER been to Pakistan or tried to climb K2 (or anything higher than a ladder, for that matter). With this general lack of knowledge, I normally would not have taken on this setting, except that I saw a reference in Buried in the Sky: The Extraordinary Story of the Sherpa Climbers on K2’s Deadliest Day by Peter Zuckerman to Fearless Five, the helicopter crew that helps to rescue stranded climbers off some of the highest peaks in the world. Intrigued and in awe, I started spinning a tale . . . and much research later the backstory for Falling Hard was born. My book is totally fiction and not about Pakistan at all. Zuckerman’s book is nonfiction, and y
ou should all read it.

  My heartfelt thank you to my fabulous editor, May Chen, for not saying “Do you know anything about Pakistan?” when I told her where this one was set and for suffering through computer issues with me as we tried to get this manuscript back and forth to each other. You are terrific and I’m lucky to have you and everyone at Team Avon.

  Thank you to my hardworking agent, Laura Bradford, and my fantastic readers, who make it possible for me to do what I love for a living. I am truly grateful.

  As always, thank you to my husband, James. You’re more amazing than any fictional hero I can create.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  HELENKAY DIMON spent the years before becoming a romance author as a . . . divorce attorney. Not the usual transition, she knows. Good news is she now writes full time and is much happier. She has sold over thirty novels, novellas, and shorts to numerous publishers. Her nationally bestselling and award-winning books have been showcased in many venues, and her books have twice been named “Red-Hot Reads” and excerpted in Cosmopolitan magazine. But if you ask her, she’ll tell you the best part of the job is never having to wear pantyhose again. You can learn more at her website: www.helenkaydimon.com.

  Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at hc.com.

  By HelenKay Dimon

  FALLING HARD

  PLAYING DIRTY

  RUNNING HOT (novella)

  Coming Soon

  FACING FIRE

  COPYRIGHT

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  FALLING HARD. Copyright © 2015 by HelenKay Dimon. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.