The Shepherd's Heart Series: A Boxed Set Book Bundle Collection Volumes 1-4

by Lynnette Bonner

  A louder murmur traversed the room.

  “I have to believe,” Victoria clenched her fists by her sides, “God sent me there, us there, to help them.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hannah shift in her pew, but Victoria kept her attention focused on the floor all the way back to her seat.

  ChristyAnne slipped her small hand into Victoria’s and squeezed gently. Leaning over she whispered, “I’m glad God sent you to help us. You don’t know how hard I prayed that God would keep me and Mera together.”

  Victoria blinked back tears and studied her lap.

  Pastor Hollybough cleared his throat. “I think that is an excellent example of what our Lord meant by taking care of orphans. Rocky, Victoria,” he looked at them intently, “I believe our Lord will reward you for your sacrifice.”

  Hannah started to clap. Victoria darted her a look and Hannah smiled softly as applause filled the room.

  Victoria nodded in acknowledgment, thankful that once again Hannah was giving her the benefit of the doubt.

  “Speaking of sacrifice, that is the topic I’ve chosen for this morning’s sermon….”

  Victoria didn’t hear much of Pastor’s message; she was too busy planning how she would tell Mama this news when she got home from her wedding tour, and enjoying the feel of ChristyAnne’s small hand tucked into hers.

  “So, what are we gonna do tomorrow?” ChristyAnne flopped back onto her pillow and studied Victoria with her large brown eyes.

  Rocky was down the hall getting Jimmy settled for the night.

  “Well,” Victoria adjusted the covers around Damera’s shoulders, “I suppose we will run by the general store and pick up a few things I think you girls and Jimmy will need. Then we should go down to the school and get you three introduced to your teacher. Her name is Miss Jordan. You will like her.”

  Damera’s face lit with amazment and she popped her thumb from her mouth like a cork from a bottle. “We get ta go ta school?”

  Victoria smoothed the dark curls off her forehead with a smile. “Yes, honey. And I know you will really like it there.”

  The little girl’s eyes danced. “Is our teacher pretty?”

  “Oh yes, very.”

  ChristyAnne huffed and dread traced the edges of her tone as she said, “It’s not Miss Nickerson, is it? She kept fluttering her eyelashes at Rocky all through church!”

  Victoria felt her face heat. So even ChristyAnne had noticed Julia’s obvious flirtation. “No, not her. Sharyah, uh, Miss Jordan, is Rocky’s sister. She’s the younger lady that sat right in front of us. You remember? We talked with them some after church.”

  “Oh, she looked nice.”

  Victoria nodded. “Yes, she is.”

  “Well, I didn’t like that other lady. She looked at us like we were something from the barnyard stuck on the bottom of her shoes.”

  Victoria cleared her throat and pressed her lips together, giving herself a moment to suppress a giggle. When she was sufficiently in control, she said, “Yes, well, that’s no way for a young lady to talk.”

  “But it’s true. Why do some people think we are less special, just because our Mama and Papa got sick and died?”

  Tears pressed at the backs of her eyes now. How she wished she knew the answer to that question. She reached for the older girl’s shoulder. “Come here and let me braid your hair while we talk. That should keep it from being so tangled in the morning.” ChristyAnne stepped over by her legs. She picked up the brush and trailed it through the girl’s beautiful brown tendrils. “Honey, I don’t know why some people are that way, except they’ve never learned to love like Jesus wants them to.” Victoria plaited one long braid down the back of ChristyAnne’s head, then turned the little girl to face her. “What you have to remember is that you are special to Jesus. Don’t let the way other people act ever make you forget that.”

  “Yeah, but not even you and Rocky want us! You’re just gonna give us away to someone else. I heard him tell that to the black lady that came and made pancakes this morning.”

  Oh Lord... She frowned and clenched her teeth together. How could he talk like that within the hearing of the children? Heal the hurt this little girl is feeling, Father. “Her name is Hannah, and I don’t know what God has in mind for you children yet. But I won’t rule out the fact that there may be a better home for you girls than with Rocky and me. For Jimmy, too.”

  “See? You don’t really care about us. You just want to get rid of us.” ChristyAnne folded her arms in a full pout now. Damera started to sniffle from her place under the covers.

  Victoria reached for her and pulled her into a warm embrace. What could she say? She didn’t know what the future held for these children. She certainly wouldn’t have wanted them to have to worry about it so soon. But her intentions had been to find them a good home where they could stay together and that meant that they most likely wouldn’t be staying here with her and Rocky. Only the Lord knew where the right place for them was. Perhaps it was best for them to know now. And Victoria refused to offer platitudes that might later have to be broken.

  Tucking Mera closer with one arm, Victoria stroked a hand down ChristyAnne’s soft braid. “Listen, now. It has nothing to do with whether we want you or not. But with what is best for you. I don’t know what is going to happen, or where you and Mera will end up living. But that is not a decision for tonight. I know you want me to promise that you can stay with us, but I just can’t do that right now.” She rested one hand against ChristyAnne’s shoulder and looked back and forth between the two girls. “I have a secret to tell you.”

  “You do?” ChristyAnne’s expression brightened.

  Mera continued sucking her thumb, but her eyebrows rose in anticipation.

  Victoria chewed on her lower lip and nodded. Did she dare tell them? The last thing she wanted was for the whole town of Shiloh to find out about her. “You know what a secret is, don’t you?”

  Both girls nodded solemnly.

  “Tell me.”

  “A secret is…” ChristyAnne cocked her head to one side and pursed up her lips for a long moment. “…when you don’t want anyone to know something but you just have to tell somebody , so you make your friends promise not to tell about the something.”

  Victoria nodded. “That’s exactly right. So I’m trusting you with my special secret, okay?”

  ChristyAnne rubbed her hands together gleefully. “I just love secrets!”

  Suppressing a grin, Victoria said, “I’m adopted too.”

  “You are?” ChristyAnne’s jaw dropped nearly to her knees.

  “Yes.”

  “But you’re so beautiful, and smart!”

  Victoria chuckled. At least someone thinks so. She tapped ChristyAnne on the nose. “You are, too. And one day you are going to find a family that will love you, just as much as my Mama and Papa did me.”

  Rocky poked his head in the door. “Everyone ready for a good night’s sleep, in here?”

  ChristyAnne rushed over to him and launched into a tale about something Jimmy had done earlier. Victoria sighed. She’d have to talk with the little girl about tattling tomorrow.

  Damera tugged on her sleeve and she glanced down at the little tyke in her lap. Her thumb popped loose just long enough for her to say, “Miz Jo’dan, I’m gwad you an o’phan wike me. Den you can know how it feels,” before she jammed it back into her mouth.

  Compassion swelled in her heart and she pressed the little girl’s head close as she rocked her back and forth. “Yes, sweet pea. I know just what you mean.”

  Suddenly Victoria realized that the other side of the room had grown deathly quiet. She glanced up just in time to catch the look of shock on Rocky’s face before he concealed his expression.

  Victoria shot to her feet, turned and tucked Mera back into bed. Not like this!

  “Mera!” ChristyAnne stomped one small foot. “It was a secret! You aren’t supposed to talk about secrets in front of other people!” She spun back towards Rocky.
“You didn’t know she was an orphan, did you? Well now you do, ’cause Mera spilled the beans, but you have to keep it a secret! That means you can’t tell nobody!”

  Slowly, Victoria turned to face him. Rocky had one hand on ChristyAnne’s head, but his dark eyes were fixed solely on her. “Is that so?” There was a hint of astonishment in his voice.

  ChristyAnne nodded emphatically. “Yep.”

  Victoria laced her hands together. “Not an orphan… exactly.”

  “What then?” His words were short. Clipped.

  She felt the blood drain from her face. Was that anger or merely surprise in his tone? The room began to spin. She clutched for the bedpost. Pressed her forehead to the cool, smooth mahogany wood. “ChristyAnne, honey, come and I’ll tuck you into bed.”

  Her own anger began to mount. How dare he judge her for something she couldn’t help!

  She felt the bed jostle as ChristyAnne crawled under the covers. Deliberately, she let go of the post, keeping her back to Rocky at the door. She bent and kissed both girls on their foreheads. “’Night, girls. See you in the morning.” Lifting the lamp, she kept her concentration on the floor as she started for the door.

  Rocky didn’t move for a moment, but stood in her way with arms folded. She could feel his gaze boring into the top of her head and her anger mounted with each moment. If she didn’t get out of here she was going to light into him right in front of the girls.

  “Night, Mistew Jo’dan,” Damera said, her sleepy little girl voice floating out from around her thumb.

  He stepped aside. “Goodnight, girls. Sleep well.”

  Quickly, Victoria made her escape, but it was short lived. Rocky caught up to her in two swift strides and took her elbow just as she was about to reach the safety of her room.

  She jerked away, spun to face him, and narrowly missed smashing the lamp against the wall. “Don’t you dare judge me for something I have no control over, Rocky Jordan!” She launched each word with whisper-quiet precision. “And how dare you talk about getting rid of these children within their hearing as though they were some sort of burden! Don’t you think they have enough to stresses already without having that added on them?”

  He took the lamp from her, setting it on the low table just outside her door, and when she looked away, folding her arms, he reached out and touched her chin with a light stroke. “I don’t believe in hiding anything from the children. It will only hurt them worse if they think we’re going to be their family and later find out that isn’t the case. There’s a lot to consider before we decide whether we’d be justified in keeping them. I don’t know that I can adequately provide for you and three children.” He sighed. “I didn’t mean for them to overhear me talking to Hannah. I’m sorry about that, but in a way it is good that they know.”

  She swallowed. So he was thinking the same way she was. “You don’t think we could even consider keeping them?”

  “I didn’t say that. But I think there are probably families out there better prepared to care for two or three children and I just don’t want them to be hurt.”

  She studied him. Like he’d been hurt just now when he found out she was adopted?

  His expression gave away nothing. What was he feeling? Did he now want out of this sham of a marriage? Most likely. Maybe that was another reason he was resisting the idea of keeping the children. He had a right to be angry with her. She closed her eyes, wishing she could shut out the pain in her heart as easily as she could shut out the vision of him standing before her.

  Much as she hated to, she had to let him go. “Rocky, I’m sorry you didn’t know about me. We can have the marriage annulled. You’re most likely right. There probably are better families out there for them. All I ask is that you give me a few days to find—”

  As Rocky’s hands settled firmly around her waist, her words cut off with a squeak and her eyes flew open.

  She backed away, coming up against the wall. He stepped after her, a soft smile curving his mouth but an emotion in his expression that she couldn’t quite read. His gaze roved across her features and then captured hers. “Are you a liar, Victoria?”

  She blinked. “N-No.”

  “Did you mean the promises you made? Till death do us part?”

  Her mouth could have rivaled a desert stone for lack of moisture. Had she? Or had she simply been doing what was needed at the time to rescue the children? She didn’t have an answer to give, so she kept silent.

  A muscle near his eye ticked. “Well, I meant my vows. I don’t want an annulment.” He leaned closer, his mouth quirking up at one corner. “I’m afraid you are stuck with me no matter what we decide is best for the children.” His thumbs caressed small circles into her lower ribs.

  Victoria clutched at his hands, her heart racing in betrayal of her determination to let him go. “But…” This was not the reaction she had expected. “Maybe you didn’t understand what ChristyAnne said?”

  “Oh yes. I heard her. She said you were an orphan, and you said, ‘not an orphan exactly’, so I’m assuming that means you were adopted, but your birth parents are still alive, right?”

  Her brows arched. She nodded. “As far as I know.”

  “And you thought that would mean I would want nothing to do with you?”

  She swallowed, and gave a tiny nod.

  Hurt crept into his deep brown eyes and a muscle bunched along his jaw. “I see.”

  She bit her lip. “You are angry.”

  He tilted his head in thought. “A little,” he whispered.

  Her heart plummeted at his outright admission. Of course he was angry. He’d been duped. He married her when he thought she was one person, and now he’d found out that he didn’t really know much about her at all.

  Tears sprang unbidden and spilled down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Rocky. I should have told you. I knew it would change how you felt about me, but I just couldn’t figure out—”

  “Ria—” He cupped the side of her face, his thumb settling over her mouth. For several moments he stood in contemplation, softly stroking her lower lip, a jumble of emotions crossing his face. His gaze dropped to where his thumb rested and slowly he bent toward her.

  A bloom of desire curled through her. If she had any sense she would turn away, but she remained rooted to the spot, even lifted her face slightly, her heart a tympani in her ears.

  When he was a scant breathe away, he froze. “You want to know how I really feel about you?”

  She couldn’t help but give a tiny nod.

  With a tilt of his head, he closed the distance between them, his lips settling on hers, soft and sure.

  The kiss stole her breath. She collapsed back against the wall and he pressed closer, sliding one hand along the side of her face and curling it around the back of her head.

  A shudder coursed through her and she gave in and responded with all the emotion she’d been holding at bay.

  His fingers dug into her hair until the pins loosened and her curls tumbled about them.

  She clutched handfuls of his shirt. She should push him away, but her grasp was more to hold him close. The kiss could be goodbye and she didn’t want that – but he deserved so much more than she could give him. Her tears mingled with the taste of him and her legs trembled with weakness. But the strength of his arms held her up and the pressure of his legs kept her knees from buckling.

  His kiss softened. Slowed. Enticed with an allure she’d never experienced before but longed to give in to. Finally, hands still cupping her face, he pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against hers. They both gasped for breath.

  “That, Mrs. Jordan, is how I really feel about you.” His thumb stroked the corner of her mouth. “I might be a little frustrated, but I would never—” He pushed back from her, glitter sparking in his eyes as he scanned her with dark appraisal. “You know what frustrates me the most?”

  She made no response; only pushed her hair back from her face, not sure she wanted to know.

&nb
sp; “The fact that you don’t even know why I’m frustrated.” Abruptly, he turned and walked down the hall. “I need your help, when you have a minute.”

  7

  Rocky paused in the door way to the living room and turned to study Victoria. Face covered by her hands, she gave a soft moan and slid down the wall to squat near the floor, her hair falling in a red curtain around her, her shoulders shaking.

  He shouldn’t have been so blunt with her. Definitely shouldn’t have kissed her like that. He rubbed one hand across his mouth as though he could wipe the sweet taste of her from his lips. He’d just been so frustrated when he realized that she assumed he would think less of her simply because she was adopted. What kind of a man did she think he was?

  Her head fell against her raised knees and she wrapped her trembling arms tightly around them.

  He clenched his fists. He should go to her. Comfort her. Apologize. But, then she might think he regretted the kiss and that wouldn’t be true. He only regretted that he’d hurt her by voicing his frustration with her.

  And so help him, if he went back to her now, he’d want to kiss her again, and if he kissed her again, he wouldn’t want to stop. He turned, instead, for the relative safety of the parlor and sank down onto the hearth. Burying his face in his hands, elbows planted firmly on his knees, he prayed. Prayed like he hadn’t prayed in a long time.

  It was several moments before he heard her enter the room.

  He glanced up. Lord, show me how to reach her.

  She had plaited her hair into a braid that rested across one shoulder. Her eyes were red-rimmed, her cheeks blotchy. She didn’t look at him.

  I’m an idiot.

  He gestured to a bottle of ointment next to him. “I need to rebandage my shoulder. If you prefer I can head over and have Ma help me.”

  “No. I don’t mind.”

  He worked at the buttons of his shirt. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. But the kiss…”

  She picked up a clean bandage without saying a word.