The Shepherd's Heart Series: A Boxed Set Book Bundle Collection Volumes 1-4

by Lynnette Bonner

He paused and reached for her hand. It trembled in his grasp and she closed her eyes. “Rocky, please. I know you were saying goodbye.” She fumbled to find the end of the bandage. “Let’s just leave it at that, and move on.”

  Pain sank claws into his heart. She really knows me so little? “I wasn’t saying goodbye.”

  She blinked and looked at him, but her face indicated she didn’t really believe him.

  Aggravated, he bit the inside of his lip. Sure, the fact that her parents had given her away by choice would probably be hard to deal with. But… He frowned. God had given her a wonderful family. No girl could have asked for better parents than she’d had in Clarice and Bob Snyder. He didn’t understand her. Why did she think he would want to leave her just because she wasn’t their blood daughter?

  He let go of her hand and carefully removed his shirt, wincing as the movement shot shards of fire through his torso. His shoulder was still painfully tender even though the wounds were nearly healed. The front wound was sealed shut completely, but along his back where the bullet had exited there was still a small open sore. Doc had said that inside, muscles had been ripped and it would take some time for them to knit back together.

  “Sit down, please.” Her fingers were cool, as she unwrapped the bandages, cleaned the wound and applied salve to the gash on his back. “Hold this.” She pressed the end of a clean, rolled bandage to the front of his shoulder. Her fingers trembled as he reached to do what she’d asked.

  He glanced up. She was blinking back tears, even as she concentrated on wrapping the bandage tight and smooth.

  I’m a cad! Still, irritation coursed through him and his jaw clenched in annoyance. What would cause her to feel so inferior?

  She tucked the last of the bandage under a section of the wrap and he came to his feet in one swift motion.

  “Ria?” He reached for her hand. He wanted to have it out with her. Make her admit that she knew he wasn’t the kind of man who would leave her simply because she was adopted.

  Instead, he reached into his front pocket and pulled out a half eagle. Turning her hand over, he set the coin into her palm and curled her fingers around it. “Get the children whatever they need tomorrow.”

  Her shoulders relaxed perceptibly as she glanced up. “Thank you.”

  He clasped her small hand tightly in his and stepped closer determined to make her understand he wasn’t about to leave her.

  She looked away, staring over his shoulder then, tears coursing down her cheeks and doubt mixed with fear etching her expression.

  He felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water on his exasperation. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

  He rolled the side of his lower lip between his teeth as he studied her. He didn’t know what to tell her, he realized. Would she believe anything he said, right now? He couldn’t believe she thought he’d be that selfish. How could he convince her he wasn’t that kind of man?

  Nothing came to mind. He released her hand and folded his arms tightly across his chest. “You don’t have to thank me. It’s what a man does for his family. ’Night, Ria.”

  Her only answer was the uncertainty reflected in her gaze and the jut of her jaw as she walked away.

  He sighed as he watched her pad down the hallway. Lord, I need a little help here. He huffed. Make that a lot of help.

  Rocky grimaced as Hannah threw her hands in the air pinning him with her distinctive soul-seeing stare. He looked away and glanced around the orphanage kitchen. As usual, it was spotless. Cheery yellow curtains hung at the one window. And the ever-full, bright-blue cookie jar sat in its spot on the shelf to the right of the sink. The scent of cinnamon and sugar still wafted through the kitchen, a tribute to the last batch of cookies Hannah had been placing into the jar when he arrived. How many times as children had he, Sky, Cade and Jason come over here to beg a cookie from Hannah?

  Hannah was still slicing and dicing him with her eyes. He sighed and looked over at her.

  “You done come out here to ask me why that gal think you gonna leave her?”

  Rocky felt heat infuse his face. Again. He nodded.

  “Rocky Jordan, that is probably the most selfish… Bah!” She waved a dismissive gesture. “That gal think her mama and daddy didn’t love her none ’cause they give her away when she was born. She grew up in a small town back Nebraska way and the children, they was cruel to her. Told her things like how ugly she musta been for her folks to give her away. Said she probably descended from a bad lot o’ folks and she wouldn’t turn out none too good.”

  Rocky leaned back against the kitchen counter, arms folded over the pain that kicked to life just under his ribs.

  “Victoria gots a soft heart. She take people’s words much too serious. So her mama and daddy they brung her here and decided to let her grow up ’thout folks knowin’. But the day God took her daddy home, I saw a change take place in that gal. She turned into herself mostly. She be questioning the Good Lawd. Wonderin’ if He really love her like He say he does.”

  “So…” he scuffed his foot across her the floor, “how do I make her believe that it doesn’t matter to me that she’s adopted?”

  Plunking her hands down on ample hips, Hannah angled a glance at the ceiling. “Lawd, you done give this one rocks ’stead o’ brains?”

  Rocky clenched his jaw, but bided his time. Hannah was having just a little too much fun with this.

  She looked at him then and sure enough, the familiar twinkle danced in her dark gaze. “Awww, Honey.” She stepped right up to him and cupped his face in her large hands. “You done got yourself one good gal. She gonna come to her senses and see what a fine catch she made, any day. And ol’ Hannah is gonna help you speed things along. Just you wait and see! Now,” she gestured to the kitchen table, “you plunk yourself down there whilst I get us some coffee and pie.”

  Rocky moved behind the table, but instead of sitting he took a moment to study the model ship that rested on a shelf high on the wall. It had sat in the same place ever since he could remember. The intricate details on the vessel had always fascinated him as a child – still did. The rigging was strung with real string and the canvas sails could be furled and unfurled with a simple tug here or loosening of the string there. Tucked inside the cabin, a small wooden man grasped the helm, another crew member bent over a coil of rope near the main-mast. Great Happiness was scrawled in a sloping hand across the stern of the ship. Whoever created the piece had a masterful eye.

  He’d tried to ask Hannah about it once, but she’d gotten teary eyed and shooed him out of the kitchen without answering his questions. He angled her a look, once again wondering what it was about the Great Happiness that brought her so much pain yet made her keep it in a place where she couldn’t help but see it every day.

  She bustled across the kitchen and disappeared into the pantry, obviously pretending not to notice his study of the craft.

  With a sigh, he turned from the ship and sat, tracing the grain of the long rough table with his finger. He had enough troubles without trying to get Hannah to open up about it again.

  Hannah reappeared carrying a pitcher of cream. She set a piece of cherry pie and a steaming mug of black coffee in front of him. He inhaled appreciatively and Hannah chuckled as she added a dollop to the top of a second piece of pie and placed it before an empty chair across the table.

  He savored his first bite with a grunt of satisfaction and Hannah laughed again.

  “That’s right. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” She eased herself into the chair and slid her own pie closer. Forking off a bite she savored it before she pointed the tines in his direction. “Well if that is true, then ol’ Hannah is a rich princess!” She threw back her head on a laugh, slapping her thigh at her own joke and Rocky couldn’t help but smile. She lowered her chin then and pierced him with a white-eyed look. “Huh. How would you feel if alls Ria ever did was set a plate of food in front of you, never talked to you, never return
ed your kisses? Just the food – that’s all you got.”

  Rocky sipped his coffee and waited knowing it was a rhetorical question.

  “Course you wouldn’t want that. No one would. Well, gals is even a little harder to figure than you men. See, we likes to be pampered a little.” She chuckled. “Okay, make that pampered a lot! You done told her you ain’t leavin’. She don’t care about that! She want you to love her!”

  Rocky opened his mouth but she waved away his attempt at a protest.

  “Now, you listen to ol’ Hannah. That girl jus’ want to be loved the way she is. She’s never felt accepted by anyone ’cept maybe her mama and her daddy afore he passed on. You can get past that but you got to show her! You got to… court that gal. Just like you planned to do ’fore you up and married her! Make her realize you think she is the most special thing in the whole wide world. Let her know that you is thinkin’ of her while you work. Bring her flowers for no reason at all. Oh, and a gal likes to be told she is loved, so best you get into the practice of saying that.”

  Rocky shoved another bite into his mouth with a frown. He’d told her he wasn’t leaving, hadn’t he? What better way to express his love?

  Hannah narrowed her eyes. “Don’t you be frownin’ at what I say, now. You come out here for advice and I’m givin’ it. You do just what I say and she gonna come around before you know it. You two got two great things on your side and that’s the Lawd and the fact that you two been pinin’ for each other who knows how long. God never gonna let you down, Rocky. You just turn to Him when you don’t know what to do next.” She savored another bite of pie, a serious contemplative look on her brow. “Ria has some… things she gonna have to overcome. But the good Lawd, well, He done sent you to her to help with just that.”

  Rocky shoved the last quarter of his piece of pie into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. He washed it down with a gulp of coffee then looked up at Hannah. “I just can’t believe she thinks I’d leave her just because she is adopted.”

  Hannah sighed and toyed with her cup. “Honey, that chil’ has had her heart broke so many times I fear what might happen if the good Lawd ask her to go through one more trial. When you get to that place o’ waitin’ for the next bad thing to happen, life loses a lot o’ its sense. She just so bruised up inside, she think the Good Lawd got it out for her. She’s afraid to let you in. That’s all it is, pure an’ simple. Fear. Fear that you’ll leave her. Fear that you be killed at work like her daddy was. Only the Good Lawd himself can help her get over that. An’ I been prayin’ about it for a long time.” She smiled at him. “Somehow, I believe you be part of her answer.”

  Rocky swallowed.

  “But—” Hannah slapped her palms to the table, “remember it be God’s job to worry about. All’s you can do is the job He give you to do, which is love that gal best you can!”

  Hannah sighed. She looked up at him and folded her plump hands on the table. “You gonna do just fine by that gal, I just know it.”

  As Rocky stood and headed for the door, he had his doubts.

  Victoria’s basket, piled high with the fresh baked rolls she’d made this morning for the bakery, wafted a pleasant yeasty aroma. She eyed the three children as they ambled down the boardwalk in front of her on their way to the mercantile. A niggling bother played at the back of her mind.

  What if Hannah was right? She had said Victoria didn’t believe the Lord loved the children as much as she did.

  Victoria longed to believe that God really loved the world as much as the Bible claimed He did. But how could God claim to love these children when, if she and Rocky hadn’t been there, the girls would have been split up, probably for life? How could He claim to love them when He could have prevented their parents from dying in the first place? How could He claim to love her when her mother had taken her to the Foundling Hospital in New York when she was just two days old and dropped her off like some unwanted piece of baggage?

  Victoria sighed. She’d been to church all her life. All her life she’d heard about the great love the Lord had for people. And all her life she had wondered if everyone had it right. Did God really love the world? Then why did He allow so much suffering? If she were in charge she would snuff out anyone or anything that would cause suffering.

  She sighed as they came abreast of the bakery. Well she wasn’t in charge and, unfortunately, the answer to her lifelong question would have to wait for more contemplation.

  “Children,” she called. “We need to stop here. Please sit on the bench and wait for me while I go in and talk to Mr. Jonas. I’ll be right out and then we can go on down to the mercantile.”

  As soon as Mr. Jonas gave her the customary two bits for the rolls she and the girls and Jimmy were once again on their way to the mercantile.

  Mrs. Halvorson looked up as they all entered the store and smiled widely. “Good morning!” She hurried out from behind the counter. “What can I do for you today?”

  Victoria laid her hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. “This young man here is in need of a new pair of boots and a pocket knife, I think.”

  Jimmy’s eyes rounded and his jaw dropped open. “Really?”

  Victoria chuckled. “Really, but boots first.”

  “Alright!” He gave one tremendous leap into the air, already scanning the store. Victoria turned him by one shoulder in the direction of the shoes and then looked at Mrs. Halvorson. “If you could help him try on shoes, I will take the girls back to the dress goods and see if we can’t find some suitable material for a couple new dresses for them.”

  Mrs. Halvorson smiled, lifted her skirts and hustled after Jimmy who had already disappeared around the end of one aisle.

  ChristyAnne’s brows were arched when Victoria glanced down at her. “What?”

  “New dresses? Really?” ChristyAnne held out the worn skirt of her faded dress. “These’ll do for both of us for awhile yet.”

  Victoria brushed off her comments with a wave of her hand. “You can’t go to school without at least one new dress a piece. It just wouldn’t seem right.” She winked at the little girl.

  ChristyAnne smiled wide and she eagerly scanned the store, searching for the materials section.

  Victoria chuckled. “Right this way, ladies.” She led them towards the back right corner of the store past shelves and shelves stacked above her head with all kinds of goods. The girls hustled along, right on her heels.

  “How do you suppose she roped him into it?”

  Victoria stopped so swiftly that ChristyAnne bumped into her from behind. The girls glanced up at her, bewildered. She held out one hand for them to be quiet and held her breath. That was Julia Nickerson’s voice.

  “Maybe she told him she was expecting. Maybe she is expecting and he just felt sorry for her and married her to protect her reputation.”

  Victoria’s stomach clenched into a tight knot. Still Julia talking. And Victoria had no illusions over who she was talking about.

  Another softer voice, “I don’t know. That doesn’t sound like Victoria to me. I think they’ve had eyes for each other for quite awhile, maybe it was just the right time? You were there weren’t you?”

  That was Mary Hunter’s voice. Mary had moved to town with her young husband, Harold, two years ago. Victoria had always liked her and it encouraged her a little to hear Mary standing up for her. Still, her throat burned at Julia’s mean-spirited comments.

  “Well, yes I was there. But I don’t know whatever possessed him to propose to her like that. I think it’s quite obvious that she forced him into marrying her, somehow. I mean, Rocky and I have been an item for months now. I think she was just jealous and wanted to take him away from me.”

  Victoria’s eyes narrowed. She didn’t know? And Rocky and Julia? An item? Maybe when pigs could fly! “Girls,” she said loudly, “the dress material is just back here. I’m sure we’ll find something suitable. Mrs. Halvorson always keeps a nice stock.” And with that she stormed around the end of the aisle and did her b
est to act surprised that they were there. “Oh, Mary, how nice to see you!” She pulled the startled woman into a quick hug.

  Julia didn’t even have enough conscience to look guilty. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and innocently fingered the edge on a bolt of material. “Victoria. The girls look well rested, but you look positively tired this morning. Did you have a rough night last night?” A smirk flattened her lips.

  Mary gasped.

  “Julia, you’re here too.” Victoria turned towards her as though seeing her for the first time and spoke the words through a smile clenched so tight she felt sure if someone tapped her cheek her face would shatter like glass. Why she let the woman get to her she would never know. But the very thought of Rocky having any interest whatsoever in this conniving little strumpet sent a blast of fire coursing through her so assuredly that she wanted to slap the innocent smile right off of Julia Nickerson’s face.

  She turned back to Mary before she could actually follow through on the temptation. “Mary, I don’t think you’ve met the girls. This is ChristyAnne and this is Damera.” She pulled the girls around in front of her with a hand to each of their shoulders. “We’re here to buy dress material.”

  “Lovely!” Mary’s face brightened. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, girls.” She held her hand out to both of them. ChristyAnne shook her hand but Damera, thumb planted firmly in her mouth as usual, merely buried her face in Victoria’s dress. “That’s alright.” Mary ruffled the hair on top of Damera’s head. “You’ll get to know me at church and then I’ll have the pleasure of shaking your hand another day. Well,” she held up a bolt of green cotton, “I have what I came for, so I’ll talk to you another time.”

  Victoria smiled and only then realized that Julia had disappeared as well. With a sigh of relief she set to helping the girls pick out material in their favorite colors.

  Still, she couldn’t keep her mind off of Julia’s words. There’s no possibility she and Rocky were ever an item! Yet, doubt clenched a fist around her heart. She sighed as Damera quietly glanced back and forth between a bolt of pink gingham and one of blue calico. Why couldn’t she just trust his word? He’d said he wouldn’t leave her. That she was stuck with him, in fact. She needed to just quit worrying about it and concentrate on finding a good home for the children. And it was Julia Nickerson, of all people. Of course Rocky had never had anything going on with her.