Breaking Matthew

by Jennifer H. Westall

  “So he did attack her again.”

  James raised an eyebrow. “Did you know about him being the one that beat her back several years ago?”

  I nodded. “Didn’t you?”

  “No,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “She never would say, and Mother said to quit asking her about it…Uh-oh, Mother. Guess I better let her know what’s going on.” He stood and began pacing again, looking like he couldn’t decide whom he was mad at. “Sure makes sense of some things, though. I knew them white sheets were behind her getting beat up for helping those Negro folks. Looks like they got something else to hold against her now.”

  “But why would the Klan attack her again?” I wondered out loud. “She ain’t still hanging around them folks, is she?”

  “Lord only knows. I don’t ask, and she don’t say. But I guarantee you this all has something to do with them.”

  I looked over at Ruby and a wave of guilt washed over me. If I hadn’t turned my back on her, maybe I could’ve been there somehow. Maybe I could’ve protected her from Chester. But I knew it wouldn’t have made a lick of difference. There was no protecting her from herself. I’d known that when she was just fourteen years old.

  I couldn’t change the past, and I couldn’t make up for being absent from her life. But maybe I could find a way to be there for her now.

  “What can I do to help?” I asked.

  James stopped pacing and sighed. “I have to get back to the farm. There’s equipment lying around all over the place. The field workers are all standing around doing nothing but chewing over all this gossip, and the negro workers scattered to the wind as soon as the law showed up. I gotta go get that place back in order.”

  “I can stay with Ruby,” I said.

  “Can you drive her to town later and stay with her while she talks to the sheriff?”

  “I got an interview in Nashville tomorrow. I was supposed to drive up there today. But the interview ain’t till the afternoon. I reckon I can drive up tonight or early tomorrow morning.”

  “I can’t thank you enough. It’s bad enough I got to go put the farm back together, but I’ve hardly even seen Emma Rae and the baby at all today.”

  “The baby!” Ruby hollered from the other room. She shot up from the rocking chair in a panic. “I’m supposed to be taking care of the baby!”

  James rushed over to her and wrapped the blanket back around her shoulders as she fought against him. “Now Ruby, I’ll take care of Emma Rae and the baby. You just stay here with Matthew and let him take you to see the sheriff. We’ll get all this straightened out today, and everything will be just fine.”

  She looked over at me with a deep sadness behind her dark eyes. A sinking feeling in my gut told me she knew as well as I did that none of this was going to be fine. But I pushed that feeling aside, and gave her a supportive smile. I had to believe that once she explained everything to the sheriff, and he understood the whole story, she’d be able to put this mess behind her, and maybe everything would be all right.

  James shot me one more uncertain look before heading out the door. My stomach twisted as I realized I had no idea what to do. I barely knew the woman across the room from me. Suddenly embarrassed, I shoved my hands in my pockets. “I reckon you’ll want to get cleaned up. Why don’t I get some water warmed up for you?”

  She nodded.

  “Should I go fetch your mother?” I asked.

  “She…she doesn’t live on the farm here anymore. She and Asa have a little place out on Sand Hill.”

  “Asa?”

  Her mouth gave the faintest smile. “They got married a couple years back.”

  “Oh. That’s nice.” It struck me how absurd pleasantries sounded at the moment. “I’ll fetch you some water so you can clean up. Then I’ll go see about helping out while you change.”

  I went out the back door and drew a couple of buckets of water from the well, brought them inside and set them beside the washtub in the kitchen. I turned and waited for her to move toward me, but she didn’t budge. Just stared.

  “You all right?” I asked.

  She nodded, but a tear slipped down her cheek. “It just happened so fast.”

  “What exactly happened? What made him come after you again like that?”

  She swiped at the tear, smearing a faint streak of pink blood. “I don’t know…Just…I went in the barn, and there he was. He was in a state, hollering and cursing about finishing me off this time.”

  Her shoulders shook as she dropped her head into her hands. I felt like I might split in two. Didn’t seem to be a thing in the world I could do for her. “Listen, I’m gonna step out while you clean yourself up. But I won’t go too far. You call for me if you need anything. Then I’ll get you over to the sheriff, and you can tell him exactly what happened. Then you can put all this behind you.”

  Ruby lifted her eyes to the ceiling, a hopeless expression on her face. “Oh, it’s never going to be over. Mr. Calhoun let everybody know. He’s going to see to it that his son gets justice.”

  Chapter Four

  Ruby

  As I sat in the chair in Sheriff Peterson’s office, my mind turned in circles. Clutching the cup of water in my hands, I tried to block out the images from that morning. I focused instead on the books off to the side of his desk that were stacked on the floor, the seven or eight boxes with papers in them, and a large map of Cullman County on the wall above. I traced the red lines of the map with my eyes.

  But then the lines started resembling rivulets of blood. I closed my eyes and prayed for help.

  “Well now, Miss Ruby,” Sheriff Peterson said as he came into the office with a cup of coffee. “Let’s get down to it and get you out of here quick as we can.”

  I turned in my seat to face him across the desk, nodding my head in agreement. My throat was raw, and I had no desire to form words. He took a sip of his coffee then leaned back and laced his fingers across his chest. My stomach twisted and rolled as he looked right at me.

  “So, you feeling like you can explain everything to me now?”

  “Yes, sir,” I said. “Where do you want me to start?”

  “Just start from the beginning, honey. What were you doing at the Calhoun place this morning?”

  “Well, Dr. Fisher and I went out there to help Emma Rae deliver her baby. She’s my brother’s wife, you know.” He nodded and kept on looking at me like he wanted more. “Well, the baby was fine, and Emma Rae was resting, so I decided to go outside for a bit and get some fresh air. I walked around for a while. Then I decided to look for James, and I went into the barn. I looked around and didn’t see him, so I turned to leave, but Chester was standing between me and the door.”

  My heart raced. His eyes narrowed, like he knew I’d left something out. I clasped my hands together in my lap and prayed again for the strength to find some way to tell the truth without actually telling the truth. Lord, I hate lying. I’m so sorry. But it just has to be all right this one time.

  “Then what happened?” Sheriff Peterson asked.

  “He said I needed to be taught a lesson. Said he knew I went out to Colony to look after…colored folks…and he called me some vile names.” My cheeks flushed, and I hoped he’d believe it was because of my recollecting such harsh language. “I told him he’d best leave me alone, and I tried to run for the back door of the barn. But he caught me by my hair and flung me around onto the ground.”

  He nodded his head and offered a “Hmmm.”

  “Then he kicked me in the ribs. I couldn’t breathe for a moment or two. He yanked me up by my hair again, slapped me, and threw me against the hay bales. And quick as I could blink he was coming at me, so I screamed and kicked at him as hard as I could.”

  I tried not to look directly at Sheriff Peterson’s eyes. He leaned forward in his seat, and it creaked real loud. “Did you see the knife?”

  I shook my head. My throat tightened, and I wasn’t sure I could talk much longer. “Not till…after.”
r />   “Then what happened?”

  “Well, he kind of fell onto me. I was still pushing and kicking at him with all my might, and he rolled off to the side onto another bale. That’s when I saw he had the knife in his chest.”

  “So did you stab him?”

  “No, sir. At least, I wasn’t trying to. I guess I may have kicked it or something in the tussle.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “He fell onto the floor, and he pulled the knife out. He was bleeding all over everything. He kept on hollering at me that he was going to kill me. I didn’t know what to do. He fell over again, and I tried to help him. I tried to stop the bleeding, but he grabbed me again and slapped me.” My voice steadied somewhat as I got to the parts that I knew were the truth. “He told me not to touch him, but then he passed out so I tried again to stop the bleeding. I think that’s when Mr. Dalton came in. He tried to help me, but we couldn’t save him. Then he went and got help.”

  Sheriff Peterson leaned back in his chair and laced his fingers together again. “Miss Graves, seems to me like you was defending yourself, and you did a mighty fine job considering.” His thick black eyebrows knitted together. “Just a thing or two I don’t feel right sure about. Now, you said Chester Calhoun told you he was going to teach you a lesson for…” He glanced down at his notepad. “…Going over to the Colony to look after colored folks.” He glanced back up at me. “How would he have known about your activities there?”

  I dropped my gaze. “I’m not sure.”

  “I see. And lastly, Miss Graves. Chester Calhoun was a very large man. And yet, you somehow managed to fend him off. You must be pretty strong for a young lady.”

  The bottom fell away from my stomach. He knew. Maybe not everything. But he knew something wasn’t right. I shivered. “I guess, I was just so scared that…I don’t know…I don’t know how I did it.”

  “Well, I may need to ask you a few more questions over the next coupla days. You do what you can to make sure you tell me everything. And if you think of something that might be important, be sure get in touch with me.”

  “Yes, sir,” I said. I pushed myself out of the chair, relieved to finally be getting out of there.

  But as I went through the doorway, Sheriff Peterson called out to me again. I turned to see him come around to the front of his desk. “I know this is a lot to take in, Ruby. I want you to know that the best thing you can do is be honest, tell everything you remember, and stick to the truth.”

  He’d said that twice. Maybe he didn’t believe me after all. Maybe no one would believe me, and all this was for nothing.

  I got into Matthew’s car outside the sheriff’s office and folded my hands in my lap. I gazed down at my feet, wishing I could make myself so small that no one see would me. I didn’t want to cry anymore, but I couldn’t seem to stop. Something was bound to erupt out of me sooner rather than later if I couldn’t get control of myself.

  Matthew got in beside me, saying nothing as he cranked up the car. He’d hardly said much of anything since James had left us at the house a few hours earlier. But he looked at me every once in a while. Looked at me with this mix of wonder and heartache. It didn’t last long; just a moment or two. I figured he was working out in his mind the quickest way to be rid of me again.

  “I’m sorry about Sunday afternoon,” I said.

  “You ain’t got nothing in this world to apologize to me for, Ruby.” He clenched the steering wheel, released it, then clenched again. “It’s me that owes you an apology. Been trying to find a way to say I was sorry for some time now, but I just can’t seem to do it.” He took a glance over at me. “I mean it. I’m awful sorry about the way I treated you after the tornado. I was wrong. I aim to do whatever I can to make it up to you.”

  That released a flood of tears, which was just plain humiliating. I swiped as many of them as I could. He handed me a handkerchief, and I managed to catch some more. He waited for me to get myself under control again, watching me the whole time with curious eyes.

  “Where do you want me to drive you?” he asked. “Back to James’s house?”

  “No, I think it’s best if I go home. Can you drive me back to Hanceville? Back to Ms. Harmon’s place?”

  “You sure?” he asked. I nodded. “All right then.”

  He pulled out onto the main road, heading south. I let the buildings blur in my vision. My eyes ached. I leaned my head back against the seat and closed them against the pain. “Thank you,” I said, not sure if it was even loud enough to hear.

  Once again, Matthew seemed content to let the silence sit between us, and I was grateful for it. Seemed like the wrong time for amends, but it was hard to deal with the present without dealing with the past. I wasn’t eager to face either one. So I tried to send my mind off on a more pleasant path of remembrances. Like when I was little, and Daddy would take the boys and me down to the creek not far from our house, and we’d fish and swim all afternoon. There wasn’t anything in this world as refreshing as sinking down into that cool water on a hot afternoon.

  But those thoughts were only happy for a short time. They always led to sadness eventually, wondering when I might see Henry next, or what life might’ve been like had Daddy lived. I certainly wouldn’t have gotten myself into such a fix as I was in. I hoped and prayed with all my might that Sheriff Peterson had accepted my explanation of the events. If anyone found out the truth…well, I couldn’t even think about that.

  About that time, we pulled up to Ms. Harmon’s place, and Matthew shut off the car. He turned in his seat and faced me with a grim expression. “Ruby, what happened out there this morning? Why did Chester come after you again? You mixed up in something?”

  “What? No. I mean, I’m not mixed up in anything. I just went into the barn and there he was, and he attacked me.” I clenched my hands to stop their shaking.

  “Something don’t seem right. You telling everything the way it happened?”

  “You think I’m lying?”

  “No, now I didn’t say nothing like that. But…it just don’t make sense, is all. I mean, has Chester come after you since that first time?”

  I shook my head. My face flushed red hot. I needed to get out of that car before everything came flying out of me. Flinging the door open, I took a huge gulp of air as I clambered out. Then I shut the door and leaned back against it. A searing pain shot through my head, the same one I got every couple of months since the concussion.

  Matthew came around the car, looking at me like I was about to keel over. “You all right? You need me to fetch Dr. Fisher?”

  “I’m fine. I just need to lie down for a while. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Walking past him, I started up the front porch steps. His footsteps followed close behind, and when I reached the top, I turned around. “I’m fine, really Matthew.” He stopped just below me. “Thank you for taking me into town, and for driving me home. Thank you for…well, for being here. And I accept your apology. All’s forgiven.” I turned and crossed the porch to the front door.

  “Wait a minute,” he said. “Ain’t there anything else I can do? I don’t want to just drop you off and leave you like this.”

  “You have an interview to get to, right? A job in Nashville or something?”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Right.”

  “You should put your mind on your future. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

  His face fell. He seemed like he wanted to say more, but I knew if I didn’t lie down soon, I’d pass out from exhaustion. So I went inside, and left him standing there. Maybe we’d both be able to move on and forget the past. I wanted to fall asleep and forget the present as well.

  Ms. Harmon was flustered by my lack of information and desire to go to bed, but she eventually quit asking questions long enough for me to escape to my room. By the time I slid under the sheets I felt almost desperate for sleep, and it wasn’t even seven o’clock in the evening. But as soon as my head hit the pillow, and
my eyes closed out the world, all I could do was think about what had happened that morning.

  I could hear the shouts of anger, smell the hay and feed, feel the scrape of the dirt against my cheek as I fell. I saw Chester slump to the ground, over and over. I’d tried to save him. Hadn’t I? I’d prayed for the power to heal him, to stop the blood. But I’d felt nothing of God’s presence in that barn. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I hadn’t really wanted to save him.

  I tossed and turned with that weight on my mind for long into the night before I finally fell asleep, still begging God for answers and forgiveness. When I awoke the next morning, I heard my mother’s voice drifting around downstairs, mixed in with Ms. Harmon’s. My stomach tightened as I thought of how I’d explain the mess I’d gotten myself into this time. Already I could hear the lecture and see the disappointed shake of her head. But I knew she’d also hold me close, and eventually she’d tell me everything would be all right.

  So I pushed myself out of bed, washed my face and changed my dress. My hair was hopeless on the best of days, but especially this morning. I gathered it best I could and plaited it down one side. That would have to suffice. As I reached the top of the stairs, I heard Uncle Asa’s deep voice, and my spirits lifted.

  I practically ran down the stairs and straight into his arms. “Oh, Asa, I’m so glad you’re here!” I soaked up the warmth of his hug before gathering my wits and finding Mother. I hugged her too, though it was more reserved. “You too, Mother. I’m so glad to see you.”

  When I pulled away from Mother, I could see the slight disapproval in Ms. Harmon’s gaze, but I didn’t care. I’d work on the finer points of being a proper lady some other time. I looked between Mother and Asa, both afraid and relieved. “I suppose you’ve heard?”