Jackson's Girl: Being His Duology

by Charlie R. Love

  The diner was packed on a Saturday night, and I hadn’t had a break since I arrived three hours ago.

  Grant either, from the looks of it.

  Jackson and Aiden were at a corner booth, both nursing a cup of coffee. Jackson had driven me to work and hadn’t left since. Aiden only joined him an hour ago, and they were currently waiting for their food.

  I kept busy and tried not to overthink about what happened at my house, but still, aside from interacting with customers, my job had been pretty mindless. It didn’t take much for me to go back to those thoughts.

  I brought food out to Jackson and Aiden when it was done, and Jackson looked up from his cell phone at me.

  “Here you go,” I said placing down the plates of the bacon cheeseburger and fries on their table. They both ordered the same thing.

  “Thanks,” Aiden said.

  Jackson winked at me. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

  “You’re welcome,” I muttered out before turning away. But Jackson stopped me before I could get a one step from the table. “Was there anything else you need?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I tried to walk away, but again, I was met with resistance.

  “Something’s wrong.”

  “Jackson, I’m fine. But I really need to get back to work.”

  He let go of me after a moment of hesitation, but his eyes told me we weren’t done with this conversation.

  I walked away and worked for another two hours until I was off. Jackson was still there, though Aiden had left a long time ago. Jackson had his laptop opened, catching up on some school work.

  I clocked out and made my way over to him. When he looked up and saw I was done for the night, he quickly saved whatever he was working on and closed the laptop. “Hey, are you ready to go?”

  I smiled. “Yes.”

  He packed up and slung his backpack over one shoulder before grabbing my hand and walked us out of there.

  I waved ‘bye’ to Grant, who was still talking to Jamie. He had grown close to her since we started working here.

  Once outside, Jackson turned to me and said, “You look exhausted.”

  “I’m feeling a bit tired.”

  “Still want to go back to the house.”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Come on. Let’s get you home and into bed.”

  The drive home was uneventful. There wasn’t much traffic out at that time of night, so the half an hour drive was cut short to twenty minutes, and before I knew it, we were walking in the house, Jackson close by. I wrapped my arms around him.

  “I’m sorry about before,” I said into his neck.

  I heard the confusion in his voice when he asked, “What are you sorry about?”

  “For snapping at you.”

  I felt, more than I heard him laugh. “That was you snapping at me? Emily, that wasn’t anything. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you don’t have to apologize for that.”

  “Okay. Today was so perfect, up until we got to my house,” I said quietly.

  “I know, sweetheart.”

  “I wished I could stay here with you forever.”

  “You know you can, don’t you?”

  I shook my head. I knew Jackson would let me move in here with him this instant, but I didn’t dare. What if something happened and we broke up? Then I would end up homeless.

  “Maybe when you’re ready,” Jackson said when I didn’t respond.

  “Hmm.”

  I was too damn exhausted to do much. I was glad he carried me upstairs because I didn’t think I had the energy to move.

  It wasn’t as if my job was especially taxing. But suddenly, it felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders, and the strain relationship I had with my dad bearing down on me until it was nearly impossible to breathe, let alone move.

  But Jackson was there, and like always, he took care of me.

  He helped me changed out of my work clothes, and though I was still shy around him, I didn’t much care that for a brief moment, I was left in nothing but my underwear until he got his shirt on over me.

  He helped me brush my teeth and hair as if I was a baby. And whenever I met his eyes, he would smile at me before bending down and placed a sweet kiss on my cheek.

  Not long after, I was tucked in bed with Jackson lying down close to me. “Sleep, baby.”

  I didn’t say anything back, and soon, Jackson’s breathing even out and he was fast asleep. As for me, I was wide awake. I was tired, that was true, but it was an emotional fatigue, not a physical one; hence I stayed up most of the night, unable to fall asleep.

  This had only happened to me one other the time, and it was around the time I was seven, a week after my mother’s suicide.

  And here I was, unable to sleep once again, only I wasn’t sure what I was sad about.

  Finally, my eyes grew tired just before the sun was due to rise, and I fell asleep. And I slept for ten hours after, waking up sometime in the afternoon, feeling as if I hadn’t slept at all.

  26

  Past: Emily

  Sunday night, Jackson made spaghetti.

  He was hoping this would bring me out of the weird funk I’d been in since I woke. It worked a little, and even though I still felt off, Jackson got me to laugh with some awful jokes and even worse impressions of our friends.

  We stayed on the couch, with the lights dimmed down, the TV on, though the volume was on low, and with my head resting on Jackson’s shoulder.

  “Thank you,” I said, turning my head and kissing his shoulder.

  He met my eyes. “For what?”

  “For taking care of me.”

  “That’s not something you have to thank me for.”

  “I know. But still. You take care of me like no one ever had before. I feel cherish in your arms.”

  His smile was soft. “Then it’s working.”

  “What’s working?” I asked.

  “My plan to make you fall so deeply in love with me, you won’t ever leave.”

  I laughed softly. “It’s not working. It already worked. I don’t think I can get away from you.”

  He grunted his approval, a smile tugging at his lips. I turned back to the TV when I felt his eyes on me once again.

  “Hmm?”

  “Do you want to talk about what got you so sad?”

  I shrugged. “Do I look sad to you?”

  “Today? Yes.”

  “I don’t really know the reason.”

  “I guess we can talk about where it started. I know you said Jerimiah haven’t done anything to make you feel uncomfortable, but I know you are uncomfortable around him. Do you want to talk about that?” he asked softly as if he was afraid to scare me.

  “Not really,” I answered, running my fingertips back and forth on his forearm.

  Jackson sighed before he turned to me. “I think we should.”

  “What’s there to talk about. Please, I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.”

  He frowned but finally conceded, and we went back to the movie, though I was sure neither of us was watching.

  Monday morning, we drove to Jackson’s house – his parent’s house – because he left some homework back at home.

  Things were on their way back to being normal, and Jackson stopped being so persisted about bringing up Jerimiah. At least, for now.

  When we pulled up to the driveway, Jackson frowned at the black Mercedes parked on the other side.

  “Your parents are home,” I guessed.

  Jackson looked at me, apology in his eyes. “You can come in and meet them if you want. Though I can’t guarantee my dad won’t say something terrible. And then I’ll probably say something terrible back to him and… yeah, it’s going to be a mess.”

  “You’ve met my dad.” I shrugged. “I guess both of our families are messed up in our own little way.”

  A wry smile twisted his lips. “You’re wrong.”

  “
I am?”

  “Yeah. I’m sorry to say this, Emily, but you and your dad are practically strangers.”

  “I know,” I told him sadly.

  “It’s the same with me, too, you know. I don’t think my parents really know me, and I sure as hell don’t have any interest in knowing them.”

  “Well aren’t we something,” I responded. “But I still don’t know what I’m wrong about.”

  He kept his eyes on me when he answered, “You’re my family, Emily. And there’s nothing messed up about you.”

  I smiled. “I am?” He nodded. I paused, my eyes roaming over him, from his too beautiful for his own good face to his large biceps, and lean waist. And he was mine. “You’re my family, too.”

  He leaned forward and kissed me briefly. “Come on, let’s get this done and over with.”

  Jackson got out of the car and walked over to opened mine. I grabbed onto his hand and climbed out.

  And then, hand to hand, we made our way to the front door.

  When we first walked in, I almost thought we were mistaken, that his parents weren’t home, because the house was just too quiet.

  But then we walked to the kitchen, and I realized both of his parents were in there, eating breakfast, neither one of them talking to one and another.

  His dad was reading a book he had laid out on the table in front of him, while he cut into his eggs, and his mom texting on her cell phone as she scooped up a spoonful of yogurt.

  They both looked up at the sound of our footsteps. Their gaze landed on Jackson first before they made their way to me, and stayed there. From the looks on their face, you would think Jackson never brought a girl home before.

  Jackson’s hand tightened on mine before he spoke. “Mom, dad, meet Emily Lewis. My girlfriend. Emily, meet Caroline and Cooper Wright.”

  His dad was the first to speak, and it wasn’t what I was expecting him to say. “Lewis?”

  I nodded. “Yes?”

  “Are you Caleb’s kid?”

  “You know my dad?”

  He grunted. “Knew your mom, too.”

  Jackson and I shared a look.

  “How come I didn’t know that?” Jackson asked.

  “You didn’t have any reason to know. I haven’t talked to Caleb since Emma killed herself.”

  “What?”

  His dad turned sharply to Jackson. “You didn’t know? I thought you said she was your girlfriend.”

  “She is my girlfriend.”

  His dad shrugged. “You have your mother’s eyes.”

  “I know,” I replied. I didn’t know what else to say. The air was awkward, and since I was already an awkward person meant I didn’t deal with situations like this well.

  Cooper shook his head. “You don’t look like either one of your parents, though.” I nodded, and he continued. “I supposed that’s a good thing.” Jackson met my eyes, and I frowned. Why was it a good thing that I didn’t look like either one of my parents?

  I turned to his mom when I realized she hadn’t spoken the entire time, only to find her eyes trained on me.

  I jumped back from the hostility I found in them.

  “Alright, that’s it. We’re late for school.” Jackson pulled me out of there without waiting for his parent’s reply, though I didn’t think they would have responded anyhow.

  “Your mom hates me,” I said when he closed his bedroom door behind us.

  “She hates everyone. Just ignore her, Emily. She doesn’t matter.”

  I supposed she didn’t. Still, to receive that level animosity from a stranger was unnerving, but to receive it from my boyfriend’s mom was a whole other level.

  “I didn’t know your parents knew mine.”

  Jackson turned toward me. “I didn’t either.”

  “Your dad’s a surgeon at the hospital?” I asked. He nodded. “Grant’s dad is also a doctor at the hospital,” I said quietly.

  Jackson seemed surprised. “You don’t think they know each other?”

  “It seems likely. Do you think your parents and mine and Grant were all friends once?”

  “I don’t know.” Jackson looked over at me carefully, and then he wrapped his arms around my waist, though I got the feeling he was only doing so to keep me from running away. His next question confirmed it. “Why didn’t you tell me your mom committed suicide.”

  I tried to pull away from him, but his hold on me was firm. “There’s nothing to tell. She took the selfish way out. I don’t really like talking about her.”

  “Do you remember her?” he asked quietly, ignoring my previous comment.

  I gave up on trying to get away from him and sighed. “Not really. I was seven when she left. I just remember her being… I remember her being sad all the time. I think she was clinically depressed.”

  “Do you think that’s why she committed suicide?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure.” I was quiet for a moment. I wasn’t sure what made me say what I said next. “I found her while my dad was at work.”

  “Jesus. How long…” He shook his head, unable to finish.

  “How long was she there? Until my dad got home.” I didn’t tell him that though my memories of her were a little blurry, the memories I had of that day was crystal clear. I had been hungry and was wondering why my mom hadn’t come down to make breakfast yet.

  So I went into her room. And when I found her still asleep, I knew I couldn’t wake her, because when she got into one of her moods, she tends to lash out. But when I touched her and found her cold, I laid down next to her underneath the blanket, trying to keep her warm.

  And I fell asleep soon after.

  I was asleep next to my mom’s body for five hours before I woke up, and too hungry to wait any longer, went into the kitchen and searched for cereal.

  My dad came home that evening, and things were never the same.

  Jackson cupped my neck and brought me in close. “Where did you go just now?” he asked softly.

  “I was just thinking about that day,” I told him honestly.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Someday. I tell you it all. Just not now, not here, in your parent’s house.”

  He nodded. “Okay. Come on, let’s get to school.”

  We didn’t talk much after that, both of us lost in thought.

  Just before we walked out of the house, I could hear the soft clanging of forks against ceramic plate but nothing more.

  There wasn’t laughter or talking between them. Did Jackson’s parents love each other? Like the way my parents had loved each other. And which was worse, to loved someone so much that your whole life revolved around them, and once they were gone, you didn’t know what to do with yourself? Or to not have loved at all, and coexist in a big house like strangers?

  27

  Past: Emily

  Jude wasn’t at school, and his absence was hard to miss.

  Everyone was still talking about the fight, and for those who were there, talked about me being there. And that was somehow, a huge deal. I didn’t understand it, but I kept mostly to myself throughout the day.

  Beth was uncharacteristically subdued, for the most part, choosing to hang out among her friends and not with her usual hangout spot, with the football team. And I found out why just before lunch.

  Jude dumped Beth.

  It came as a surprised because they had always been together. Since the start of our freshmen year, it was Jude and Beth, and everyone knew it.

  And I couldn’t help but think I had something to do with it somehow. That Jackson and I were the reason. And that meant there was going to be more trouble for me.

  Graduation was only two months away, and yet it felt as if it couldn’t come fast enough.

  I loathed high school.

  I saw Jackson by the lockers as I drew near, his eyes were already on me. He had his cell phone out, though he wasn’t looking at it then, and when I reached him, he placed the phone back inside his jeans pocket.

 
It had always been like that with him. If I was with him, I had his undivided attention. I smiled and walked into his arms, the arms he had spread out for me.

  He bent low and buried his face in my hair. He inhaled in my scent as if that alone was enough to calm him.

  “Hey, beautiful. Are you ready for lunch?”

  I nodded. “I think I gain like ten pounds since we started dating,” I said, and that was true. My jeans were starting to feel a little snug.

  He nodded in approval. “Good. You were so tiny before I didn’t know what to do with you. I was afraid the slightest pressure from me, and you’d break.”

  I gapped at him. “I don’t think it matters to you. I could be two hundred pounds, and you’d still treat me like I’m made of glass.”

  He laughed. “True. Though I do love the way you fill out those jeans.”

  He wigged his eyebrows suggestively, and I playfully slap his chest. “Should I walk in front of you so you can get in your fill?” I asked, wiggling my hips a little.

  Jackson threw his head back and laughed, garnering the attention of most of the students, a lot of them girls. I didn’t blame them. There was just something about seeing Jackson so carefree…

  I grew hot just staring at him.

  And to know I was the one to make him laugh? It was the greatest feeling in the world.

  “That would be great,” he said.

  I shook my head. “You’re incorrigible.”

  He smiled and held me close as we walked to the lunchroom, looking happier than I’d seen him.

  Grant walked me outside to Jackson’s car after school.

  “So I was thinking, on Friday, if you don’t already have plans, we can hang out.”

  I looked up at Grant, but he wasn’t looking at me. And he was biting on his bottom lips. He only did that when he was nervous. I frowned, unsure why he would be nervous to ask me to hang out with him until I realized the reason.

  Guilt assaulted me, and there was no way to get rid of it.

  “I have been a terrible friend, haven’t I?” I said quietly.