The Adventures of Caterwaul the Cat

by Damon Plumides

  Because Pudding had been a dressmaker, she knew something of fashion. In the home in which they lived, there were all manner of bangles, bows, and strips of colored ribbon. The chocolate-colored kitty wanted to make sure her cousin was the fairest cat in all the land when she showed up at the castle for the feast.

  You see, Pudding knew her cousin was in love. She had never seen Muse so happy. It was more than just the fact that he had saved her life, although that would usually be enough to encourage devotion. There was something special about Caterwaul. He was one in a million, the kind of cat who really stood for something, and both she and her cousin knew it.

  Since they both had once been human, they’d retained the human fascination for dressing up. They spent hours trying on different variations of ribbons and collars and costume jewels. After all, they had been teenagers just a few short weeks before.

  “I think that’s just perfect,” said Pudding, admiring her handiwork. Muse looked absolutely amazing. She was wearing a beautiful ribbon of cerulean blue, which looped in a bow at her breast. Her collar was covered in jewels they had scavenged from one of the homes of another transformee. Her hair was styled perfectly, and her face beamed with the joy of new love.

  “Do you think the queen will like me, cousin?” asked Muse.

  “How could she not?” replied Pudding reassuringly. “You are the most beautiful cat I have ever seen, and you are twice as lovely inside as out. If she doesn’t adore you as Caterwaul does, it will be because she has no heart. But your Caterwaul would never stay with someone with no heart, so it follows she will love you.”

  The smile on Muse’s face was electric. She hopped up on a chair to see herself in the mirror. It was the same mirror that had changed her weeks ago. That was the best day of my life, she thought. She would never go back, even if she could.

  Druciah was humming to herself as she moved along the corridors of her huge and empty castle. She was overjoyed and full of herself. The queen was so happy she was practically dancing as she glided down the passageway toward the kitchen, where she knew Orris, her chef, was waiting.

  “Orris, my dear, the day is nigh upon us,” she shouted down the hall. “We will at long last be having company. The day after tomorrow, my loyal servant Caterwaul is introducing us to the most perfect specimen of a pure-white female cat in all the land.”

  Under her breath, she added, “And I will have my beauty once again.”

  She was puffed up with confidence that her plan was bearing fruit as she strode into the kitchen, where her chef was hard at work preparing for the feast to come.

  “Is everything ready?” she asked.

  “Yes, your majesty. I have done everything you asked.”

  His head was down. He had been around Druciah enough in Caterwaul’s absence to know she was planning something, and he was not at all happy about being a part of what he felt soon would be the betrayal of a friend.

  Over the time they spent together, Orris had grown to respect and care about the black feline. Caterwaul had brought a sense of fun back into this tedious castle existence. He wasn’t sure exactly what was in the queen’s mind, but he knew her well enough to be suspicious.

  “Good,” she said, “show me what you’ve done.”

  “Your majesty, I have prepared the sauce to your specifications, and now I am working on the crust. I must admit I was worried about some of the ingredients. As you might have imagined, I’ve never worked with salamanders or the toes of rats before, so you will excuse me if I had my doubts. But I assure you the end result . . . c’est magnifique.” He brought his thumb and index finger together in a loop and kissed them as he said these final words.

  “As far as the crust goes, I have dispatched one of your best men to procure the honey necessary to sweeten the dough, because I know that you are not fond of caramel.”

  “Excellent,” she said expectantly. “Then things are almost ready. All we need now is the main ingredient, and it will be delivered soon.”

  “But what is the main ingredient, your majesty?” he asked her respectfully. “After all these years I have worked for you, is it too much to ask to know the main ingredient featured in this pie?”

  “Why, Orris, it is the tail of a pure-white female cat,” she answered him excitedly. “And she will be arriving very soon.” She giggled insanely with her own cleverness, while across from her, Orris bowed his head in shame.

  From his position safely hidden on the shelf behind the spice jars, Caterwaul witnessed this entire exchange. He thought he was going to be sick. Everything he thought and felt about this queen was a lie. She was clearly out of her mind. Her aging and vain obsession had completely put her psyche out of balance.

  While he thought he was bringing a guest to his home to enjoy the hospitality of the castle, he was actually leading his darling Muse into a trap. Druciah had used him the entire time. And now it was clear that Orris was also involved. This puzzled him and caused him to choke. He wondered how Orris could be any part of such a plan. While he sat there in hiding, sickened, the queen turned giddily toward the entrance to the room and left.

  Well, Caterwaul had news for the queen. Things were not going to go the way she’d planned. Not if he had anything to say about it.

  23

  Feline Pie

  Caterwaul would not let the queen out of his sight. He knew she had terrible plans for his beloved Muse. Those plans included the taking of her tail. There was no way he was going to let that happen—he would stop her.

  He was a cat and, therefore, naturally surefooted, but his experiences of the last week or so had made him craftier and more catlike than he’d been in years. He really felt alive, and all this clandestine activity really got his blood flowing.

  He was spying on her the day that Muse was set to arrive. He overheard Druciah telling her chef what he was to do once the white cat got there. From what Caterwaul could gather, Druciah had acquired some kind of drug, which she wanted Orris to put into the dessert course of the five-course meal. With both Caterwaul and Muse unconscious from this drug, Druciah intended for Orris to then come in and take Muse’s tail.

  Caterwaul shook violently at the thought of his Muse losing her tail.

  Then he smiled because he realized that all he had to do was make sure the sedative never made it into their food.

  Still, he couldn’t understand why Orris, of all people, would turn on him. Orris had been his friend, and he thought, perhaps foolishly, that he had been the one to bring substance back into the cook’s life. The cat decided to hide in the kitchen for a while to watch him.

  What Caterwaul saw was a man torn. He was stretched thinly between his loyalty to his queen, which was owed by right and custom, and the loyalty to his friend, which was owed by what was in his heart. Flustered, the chef held the bottle of the elixir in his hand. He turned it over and over repeatedly trying to decide which course was the best to take.

  Finally he made up his mind. He could not do it. He slammed the crystal bottle on the counter and went off in search of his friend.

  Caterwaul waited until Orris had left the kitchen before jumping down. The bottle was small, and its stopper was fitted with an eyedropper. Caterwaul was able to grasp the bottle and hook the stopper through his collar. Setting the vial squarely between his shoulders, he was able to carry it off.

  On his way to follow Orris, Caterwaul encountered the queen. “Are you excited to see your lovely friend Muse, my love?” she asked.

  “Yes, of course I am, my queen,” he said. “I miss her. It’s been far too many days since the last time I saw her.”

  “Well,” said Druciah, “she will be here tomorrow afternoon, and I promise you that she will be treated like a princess. I do so enjoy the company of cats, much more than that of other humans.”

  “Thank you, your majesty. You have been very good to me,” said Caterwaul, excusing himself.

  “Oh, and Caterwaul,” added the queen, “make sure to remove the spell fr
om all of the mirrors, won’t you, my darling?”

  “Of course, your majesty,” he said.

  Caterwaul found the chef sitting on the narrow bridge over the koi pond. He was looking sad and forlorn. “You look like a man with a lot on his mind,” Caterwaul opened.

  Orris just looked at him with that sadness in his eyes.

  “Caterwaul, you and I are friends.”

  “I have come to believe so,” the cat answered.

  “Well . . . I have something I must tell you.”

  “I know.”

  Orris was puzzled. “You . . . you know?”

  “You, my friend, face a dilemma. You have been told to do something by the queen, your mistress, which you know with all of your heart and soul to be wrong. Am I right on this, Orris?” Orris shook his head in answer, yes.

  “But I know what the queen will do to me if I do not follow her orders. Servants quickly find themselves to be ex-servants, or worse.” Orris thought of the castle’s former chef Elias and the hair. It made him giggle for only a second, and then he was dead serious again.

  “Let me get this straight. You were ordered to cut off the tail of the white cat, correct?”

  Again the chef nodded.

  Well then, it seems that we need to make sure you have a white cat to work with.” Caterwaul smiled. “You just leave that to me.”

  Pudding arranged for Muse to travel with a procession on her journey to Cathoon Castle. The furry, brown cat had two reasons for this. First, there was still the possibility that the Felinos were out there ready to cause mischief, and second, she believed that anyone traveling to visit the queen should travel with an escort. It was just the classy thing to do.

  When Muse left the village for the castle, she did it in style. In her entourage, she brought a friend of Pudding’s to dress her, as well as the brothers Juan and Feliz to serve as her protection. It was understood by all that the brothers would only escort her as far as the castle gate, but they felt that this was the least they could do considering what Caterwaul had done to help them in the battle against the Felinos.

  Besides, both Juan and Feliz were completely smitten with Pudding, and they would do just about anything to keep her cousin safe, especially if it meant showing off their bravery.

  The trip to Cathoon proved uneventful. There were no ambushes or attacks of any kind. Feliz was disappointed. Like most fighters, he liked to keep his skills finely honed. He was expecting, or hoping, to be jumped at least once along the way. Nevertheless, Muse was ecstatic the journey went off without a hitch.

  Up ahead, they could see the walls of the castle. Though it was still a good distance away, Muse knew it wouldn’t be long before she would see her cherished Caterwaul. She smiled and called to increase the party’s pace.

  In the great room sat the queen. She was dressed in her royal finest. Caterwaul had never seen her dressed so formally before. She really looked regal as she approached him on the day of the feast. Her dress was made of the choicest golden silk from the east, and on her head she wore a crown adorned with the most beautiful and ornately carved gems imaginable. This was to be a day for the ages.

  “It won’t be long now,” she said to her cat companion. “Your Muse will be arriving soon. I certainly hope we have done all we can to fulfill her expectations.”

  The queen seemed genuine in her goodwill, but by now Caterwaul knew better. He now knew she had the ability to slip in and out of character at will. It was the way she used people—and cats too, it seemed. There was nothing at all sincere in her appearance. Caterwaul found it just a bit too creepy. He wondered if there ever had been any love in her at all, whether their entire time together had been a sham.

  The black cat shook his head. He wanted to believe he had meant something to the queen, but in the long run it didn’t matter. Her plan to drug them was exposed. He continued to play along with Druciah for as long as he could stand it.

  “You have removed the spell from the mirrors?” she inquired.

  “Of course, my queen,” he replied. “I am your dedicated servant.”

  It was about teatime when Muse arrived at the castle. Caterwaul met her at the drawbridge. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. He thanked Juan and Feliz for their help in escorting his lady friend all the way from Harsizzle and offered them a room filled with food and water in which to rest. They eagerly accepted this hospitality; neither of them had been to a castle before.

  Muse was very glad to see Caterwaul. He looked strong and rested. All of the wear and tear he’d absorbed back at the old windmill was gone. He really is a handsome cat, she thought.

  “You must give me the grand tour of your home, my love,” she begged, grabbing him tightly by the paw. He was delighted to again be with her. As she dragged him forward, she was giggling. Dinner was more than an hour off, so Caterwaul figured he had the time to show her at least some of the sights.

  He took her to all of the places he’d redesigned. He brought her to the solarium where they stretched out on the many plush pillows strewn all about. Then they went to the maze of hedges he had planted in the yard and watched the birds as they ate and drank at the special feeders he had designed.

  Muse could not believe her eyes. Every room they ventured into came alive with swirls of color and wonderful textured fabrics. Every one of them was filled with various cat playthings. She could see that he’d been right when describing it to her back at the old windmill. This place was a cat paradise.

  He showed her rooms designed as testing grounds for cats to improve their strength and conditioning. There were balance beams and vaulting horses. Finally he brought her to his favorite spot, the bridge above the koi pond.

  As they sat together on the bridge, their legs dangling over the ledge, he told her his wonderful plans for the future. She beamed at him because, as she’d hoped, those plans included her. She sweetly slid her arm over his shoulders, kissed his cheek, and purred contentedly.

  “Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined this place,” she whispered to herself. Cathoon was all he had promised her and more. She was the luckiest kitty in the entire world.

  The sun was starting to go down. Caterwaul flicked a dangling paw at one of the huge goldfish below and said, “I believe that it just may be dinnertime.”

  The table in the royal dining hall was beautiful. It was long and opulent, made of brilliantly carved polished hardwood. On top of it were placed three sets of plates and the appropriate silverware for a five-course royal feast. Caterwaul sat at one end of the table and the queen at the other. Muse sat next to Caterwaul on his right. She was shaking with excitement. She could hardly believe she was here.

  “How was your journey, young Muse?” asked the queen. “Not too difficult, I hope.”

  “Oh no, your majesty,” Muse answered. “It wasn’t difficult at all. The weather was wonderful and the scenery magnificent. We had no trouble making excellent time along the way. But then I had some excellent escorts who knew how much I wanted to see Caterwaul again.”

  Muse looked down the table to where the queen sat holding a glass of wine.

  “And you also . . . your majesty. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the generous invitation.” The queen acknowledged her respectfully with a smile and a nod.

  Then Muse continued, “Your home is the most wonderful place I could ever imagine; yet for years, everyone has spoken of this place with horror.”

  The queen, unused to criticism of any kind, became agitated.

  “Yet as Caterwaul told me, and more importantly, has shown me, the fears and concerns of Harsizzle are obviously unfounded. Every part of your castle that my love has shown me is incredible. I say to you, my queen, that you have been portrayed unfairly. I consider it my duty to tell the world they have been wrong about you.”

  Druciah grinned with the impression of gratitude. “Thank you, Muse. My association with Caterwaul has helped me to grow more than I ever could have imagined. It
is because of him that I have allowed my home to be opened to things I never could have imagined.” She hid her disgust regarding Caterwaul’s “improvements” masterfully.

  “You, my queen, are a true friend of cats everywhere.” Muse curtseyed to Druciah with honest respect.

  Orris brought them the first course at a quarter after six. It was a delicate creamy soup made with mushrooms, root vegetables, and some type of shellfish. The smell coming from the terrine was heavenly. Both Caterwaul and his companion were in awe. Orris was a truly gifted man in the kitchen.

  Muse dipped her spoon into the bowl and withdrew a huge piece of what must have been crabmeat and popped it into her mouth. For a few seconds, she felt slightly ashamed. This was truly a soup for royalty. Nobody eats like this in Harsizzle, thought Muse, as she licked her lips and cleaned her bowl of every drop.

  Then she thought, there is no need for me to feel guilty. After all, she had been invited, and so, she would make sure she enjoyed every morsel of this fantastic meal. Next came the salad course and, about ten minutes after that, the “officially designated” appetizer.

  Caterwaul did not usually care for salad. But this one was topped with tiny, delicate anchovies. Caterwaul gorged himself on the little fishes, while leaving the greens and other vegetables untouched. Muse, a much more civil and lady-like diner, savored the offering in the manner in which it was intended.

  The appetizer was a stuffed and roasted pigeon breast. Though for Druciah, this was of appropriate size, for the cats it proved to be enormous. Caterwaul and his date each tasted a few mouthfuls, but then they retired it. After all, there were still two more plates to come.

  As the entrée was delivered, Caterwaul noticed that in the back of the dining hall, a doorway opened and two of the queen’s guards entered, pushing between them a large mirror covered by a silk spread. It was the mirror from her private chambers.