He barked out a laugh. “I doubt that. Besides, you might have mentioned you were upset enough to hunt for a place to live. There’s no way we can talk through our problems if one of us is left out of the loop.”
“Well, you’re in the loop now, and I won’t be living here, so things should calm down.” He glared at her, his eyes as hard as marbles. She glanced away. “I think it’s best that I leave now before we say things we’ll both regret,” she muttered.
“Don’t hold back on my account.” When she didn’t respond, he shoved away from the counter. “I’ll get your luggage.”
“It’s already at the condo,” she said. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
Anger and shock filtered over his face. “Don’t be so sure about that,” he said, his jaw so tight that his mouth barely moved.
She drew back in shock. “I’m not quitting my job, Ethan. Just getting my own place.”
“Without saying a word to me about it.” He slapped a hand on the kitchen table and she jumped. “Looks like you and Ellie aren’t so different after all.” His words pierced her like a dagger, and she shrank back.
“I didn’t say anything to you because I knew you’d try and talk me out of it,” she responded in self-defense.
“Damn straight I would have, because I thought we had something good between us.”
“I thought we did too,” she admitted through tears. “Obviously I was wrong.”
“How would you know?” he yelled. “When you decided not to discuss our problems with me, you didn’t give us a chance to find out if we could work through this.” He stormed over to the kitchen sink and poured himself a glass of water, gulped it down. “Don’t come back tomorrow. Kayla and I can get along just fine without you.”
She gasped. “Surely, you don’t mean that.”
“I sure as hell do mean it. I busted my ass to win Ellie back but nothing was ever good enough for her. I made a mistake this weekend, and without saying a word to me you make your own plans, pack your bags, even take your own damn luggage to the new place before ever letting me in on your plans. Look at you,” he said spreading his arms, “acting just like Ellie who grabbed her shit and left without saying a word to me. Without giving a damn what it would do to Kayla.” He glared at her, a look of dismissal on his face. “Go get Ryan and leave, because I’m not going through what I did with Ellie again. Not for anyone. You want to be gone so damn bad, then go, but don’t think you can ever come waltzing back, because I’m done.”
Haley felt as if every bit of air had been sucked from her lungs. Shock reverberated throughout her body and she started to shake. “What about the children?”
“You should have thought about that while you were planning your great escape.”
Haley’s stomach rolled and she fought down nausea. She stood, her legs weak, and hurried to the den to get Ryan. Bending down, she hugged Kayla close. “I have a new home to live in, Kayla. I won’t be your nanny anymore, but it’s not because I don’t love you. I hope you can come see Ryan and me sometime. You’re always welcome at my house.”
Kayla’s eyes filled with tears and she clung to Haley’s legs. “Why are you moving away?”
“I needed to get my own place for a while, and right now it’s time to go there.” Oh God, she should say more, so much more, but she couldn’t. She simply couldn’t. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt Kayla’s body begin to shake. Tears seeped out of Haley’s burning eyes.
“I don’t want you to go to another house,” Kayla said, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Please don’t leave me.”
“I don’t want to leave, sweetie. And please, please believe me when I say this has nothing to do with you. You’re the sweetest little girl in the world.” She kissed Kayla on the top of her head. “I love you, honey.” Fighting for control, Haley picked up Ryan, grabbed her purse, and then hurried through the kitchen toward the back door, not even stopping when Kayla screamed for her and Ryan reached for Ethan. She had to get out of here right now before she fell apart and begged Ethan to forgive her and give her another chance.
“Wait.” Ethan’s voice stopped her in her tracks. He walked up to her and she thought for a minute he might apologize, but his gaze was on Ryan. He stroked her son’s blonde hair and then kissed his cheek. “Bye, little buddy.” Without so much as a glance at her, he turned and walked away.
Holding her crying son, Haley practically ran out the door, too shocked and hurt to do anything but get away as quickly as she could.
****
“Why can’t Haley watch me anymore?” Kayla asked Ethan for about the millionth time. “I know she has her own house, but that doesn’t mean she can’t come here and babysit me.” Kayla sniffed. “I want to see her,” she begged, her voice more whiney with every word.
Ethan sighed with frustration even though he hurt for his daughter. They’d been doing this dance for three weeks now, and Kayla would not let up. She missed Haley so much that she cried herself to sleep every night, and it broke his heart. But short of calling Haley and asking her to come back to work, there wasn’t much he could do, and he sure as hell didn’t want Haley back here. His heart couldn’t take it.
“I miss Ryan, too,” Kayla went on, scowling at him like a fierce lion cub. She picked up her empty cereal bowl, carried it to the sink, then whirled around to face him. “And besides that you’re boring, Daddy.”
She was right about that, Ethan thought. He even bored himself these days. “Your grandmother will be here soon,” Ethan said. “And she’s not boring.”
“But I want Haley.” Kayla started to cry in earnest.
Ethan rinsed a plate and then dried his hands. “Come here, Kayla.” She didn’t budge so he went to her and picked her up, giving her a big hug. “Would you like to talk with Haley on the phone?”
Kayla nodded and wiped her nose. “Hold on.” Ethan pulled out his cell phone and hoped he wasn’t making a huge mistake that would only make matters worse, because the thought of things worse than they already were was enough to knock the wind out of him. God knows he understood how Kayla felt, because he’d spent the last three weeks missing Haley something fierce. Several times, he’d almost called to see if he and Kayla could come over to her place for a visit, but he’d somehow managed to keep from acting on that impulse. He knew he had to hold firm or he would never get over this woman, and he was determined to do that and not be foolish enough to try and win her back like he’d done with Ellie. He realized he’d been the one to send Haley away, so it wasn’t exactly like the situation with Ellie, but close enough, and he would not call and ask her to come back.
The trouble was, he had to do something to help his daughter through this. Praying he was doing the right thing, he called Haley, dreading hearing her voice even as he yearned to hear it. She answered on the fourth ring and his breath caught in his throat. Only for his daughter would he put himself through this.
“Just calling because Kayla really wants to see you,” he said, and then realized how cold he sounded. And what a big fat lie it was.
“Ryan and I have missed her, too” Haley responded.
You could have called, he thought with more anger than he realized he still carried. “She’s pretty adamant about seeing you, Haley. Think there’s a way we can work something out?” Silence greeted him and he clenched his jaw. “This has been pretty rough on her. I think it would help her to at least get together with you and Ryan, even for a little while.”
He heard her clear her throat. “Ryan’s been asking about Kayla, too. And you,” she added. Pain cut through him, ragged and relentless. Ryan had become like a son to him and he missed that boy almost as much as he missed Haley. He waited for what seemed like an eternity, listened to her ragged breathing and wondered if talking to him was affecting her like it was him. Don’t go there.
“Does she want to come swimming this afternoon?” Haley finally asked.
“Let me ask.” Kayla grinned at his question and shouted with glee. “
I guess you heard that.”
“Yes.” Her voice sounded strained. “Why don’t you drop her off at noon and then get her after work?”
“Mother comes now to help, and I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to drop Kayla at your place. Thank God he didn’t have to go through that. “Give me the address.” He set Kayla down so he could write on the notepad on the counter. “Thank you,” he managed to say and sound halfway normal. “Mom will bring her around one o’clock. He pocketed his phone and smiled at Kayla. “Looks like you’re going swimming with Haley and Ryan this afternoon.”
Kayla threw her arms around him. “I need to find my swimsuit.” Grinning, she raced out of the kitchen.
Ethan took a sip of tepid coffee, grateful as hell his mother would be the one taking Kayla to Haley’s and picking her up. The minute she walked through his door this morning, he was heading to the office and doing his best to bury himself in work. As pleased as he was for Kayla, it certainly wouldn’t be easy for him knowing that everyone but him was together for the afternoon.
He finished his cup of coffee, filled his briefcase with work and hoped his mom got here soon, because he needed to occupy his mind with something besides Haley, and he sure as hell couldn’t do that here, where memories coated every room and even her scent sometimes still lingered.
****
“I’m not changing my mind, Dad.” Haley rolled her eyes at her father’s unrelenting campaign for money. The doorbell rang and she was glad Dottie was here to pick up Kayla, because it was the perfect excuse to hang up. Besides, Haley had enjoyed having Dottie here earlier, and Ryan had been over the moon with sheer happiness.
As her father continued his plea for why she should at least lend him money, Haley hurried to the front door, pulled it open and gasped when she saw Ethan. Her stomach knotted instantly and she wanted to slam the door shut and lock it, which was pretty juvenile, but seeing him made her heart ache with a need she’d so hoped had lessened over these last few weeks. No such luck.
She motioned him inside and closed the front door. “I’m hanging up now, Dad. I’ve had my day’s quota of this. Goodbye.”
Ethan raised his brows. “Day’s quota? I guess your father is still ragging on you.”
She ignored his comment. “I thought Dottie was coming to get Kayla.”
“She went home early. I think she was bored at the house all by herself.”
“Oh. She stayed and visited a while this afternoon. It was good to see her.” There was an awkward silence. “Ah, let me get Kayla.” She practically ran out of the room to get away from Ethan. “Kayla, honey, your dad is here.”
Kayla’s shoulders slumped. “Do I have to leave?”
“Yes, but you can come back another time. I’ll make sure your dad knows that.”
Kayla dragged herself out of the room, Ryan trailing behind her. When he saw Ethan, he raced to him and threw his arms around his legs. Ethan picked him up. “Hey there, Ryan.”
Haley’s eyes teared as she watched her son wrap his arms around Ethan’s neck and hold on tight, burying his head against Ethan’s neck. She remembered only too vividly how it felt to be snuggled up in Ethan’s arms, surrounded by his fresh masculine scent.
Ethan rubbed Ryan’s back. “I’ve missed you, little buddy.”
“Missed you too, Daddy.”
Haley’s throat tightened with raw emotion and her eyes watered so much that the entire room blurred. What had ever made her think she could deal with seeing Ethan, but how could she not let the kids see each other? They were hurting and she had to do everything she could to help them. From the look on Ethan’s face, he felt the same way.
Ethan’s gaze landed on her but his expression remained hard and unreadable. He obviously didn’t want to be here anymore than she wanted him here. Yet part of her was glad he had come, because Ryan had begged numerous times to see him.
She walked toward them. “Ryan has missed you.” And so have I, she thought, despondent that she felt that way.
“He can visit anytime. There’s no reason the kids can’t get together.”
She nodded. “You’re right. We’ll set up another playtime soon.”
“Can Ryan come over tomorrow?” Kayla asked. “Grandma won’t mind.”
He glanced at Haley. “I’m not sure what Mom has planned. I’ll have her call you.”
Haley nodded again, not trusting her voice. Ethan obviously wanted nothing to do with her. She gave Kayla a big hug. “I had a great time with you today. Come see me again. We have all summer to swim.”
Kayla clung to her as tightly as Ryan clung to Ethan. “Ah, Kayla, we need to head home now.” Ethan started to hand Ryan to her, but her son clung to him like a baby monkey trying to keep from falling out of a tree. Ethan finally managed to pry Ryan’s grasp from his neck so Haley could take him. Their hands brushed and Haley jerked back. Both children were crying so hard no one even bothered to try and talk. She walked them to the door, gave Kayla one last kiss and closed up behind them, trying in vain to quiet her tumultuous emotions and console Ryan, but knowing there was no way she could make Ryan feel better when her own heart was breaking into pieces just like his.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The sound of Ryan’s cries jerked Haley out of a vivid dram of Ethan kissing her. Fighting back tears, she crawled out of bed, tossed on a robe, and headed toward Ryan, whose cries had intensified.
The minute she stepped into his room, the smell of vomit assaulted her. She flipped the light on and hurried to her son. His face was red with fever and he was covered in his mess.
She hurried to the bathroom, grabbed a towel and wet wash cloth, then returned to Ryan, who held out his arms and cried harder.
“Me want Daddy,” he sobbed.
His words shot slivers of pain through her, a thousand stings that assaulted her senses as her own childhood pleas for her father filled her head. How many times had she asked him for help and been disappointed? Called to him when she was scared and he hadn’t come?
Her son wanted Ethan, the man he knew as Daddy. She would call him, but only because her son needed him. Wrapping the towel around Ryan, she wiped his face clean and carried him to the bathroom. As she stripped off his dirty pajamas and touched his bare skin, she realized his body was burning up. Anxiety curled through her as she turned on the bathtub water, making sure it was tepid and not cold.
Grabbing the thermometer from the medicine cabinet she took her son’s temperature and froze with fear. Oh God! It was one hundred and four. Blood rushed through her veins, making her a little lightheaded as she eased Ryan into the water. He screamed and arched his back, his body shaking as if she’d put him in a bucket of ice cubes, and it was all Haley could do to keep herself even halfway calm.
“You’ll be better soon, honey. The water won’t feel so cold in a little bit.” He continued to scream, his teeth chattering, and Haley had to clamp her lips together to keep her own teeth from chattering. She reached for the Tylenol, sucked the dosage into the dropper and somehow got him to take it without choking.
She dipped the wash rag in the water and laid it across his forehead, then scooped water onto his stomach and chest. He screamed louder and her heart ached for him, but she continued doing the only thing she knew might help.
It seemed like an eternity before he quit shaking and his crying abated. She grabbed a fresh towel and lifted him onto her lap, cuddling him close. Thank God he had calmed down because she didn’t think she could have stood that much longer. She dried him off and carried him to the changing table, where she quickly slipped a nighttime diaper on him and a fresh pair of pajamas.
“Let’s go get in Mommy’s bed,” she said.
Halfway to her room, he grabbed her shirt, a look of pure panic on his face and then threw up, covering them both. Haley headed back to the bathroom, where she stripped him down and pulled off her dirty robe.
“I’m so sorry you’re sick,” she cooed as she took his temperature again. Still one hun
dred and four. Her nerves sizzled and she pulled in a deep breath, hoping to calm herself. Ryan had needed the Tylenol but she doubted he had kept much, if any, of it down.
After cleaning them both up and re-dressing Ryan, she called his pediatrician and left a voice mail. She grabbed yet another towel in case he threw up again and sat in the chair in her room. Fighting down fear, she waited for the return call from the doctor. After what seemed like an eternity, she glanced at the clock. Only eight minutes since she’d called the doctor. At least Ryan hadn’t thrown up again. Oh how she wished she felt comfortable calling Ethan. Ryan wanted him and so did she, but now was not the time to use her phone.
She willed her racing heart to slow down. She could do this. Ryan needed her and she would be there for him. The room became quiet as Ryan’s cries stopped. Thank God, she thought. Glancing down at him, she realized he had become listless. Her heart skipped a beat and then raced with fear. Being listless was way more frightening than his crying.
Her cell rang and she answered, quickly explaining the situation to the pediatrician.
“You need to take him to the emergency room,” Dr. Crowley said. “I’ll meet you there.”
Relieved to know Ryan would be in good hands in only a few minutes, Haley gathered what she needed and carried Ryan out to the car. He never made a peep.
She made it to the hospital in record time, but it seemed like hours before she and Ryan were taken back to a cubicle where her doctor waited. After a quick exam, she turned to Haley. “Your son is dehydrated,” she said. “Good thing you brought him in.”
“How could that happen so quickly?”
“His fever is high and he can’t keep fluids down. It becomes a vicious cycle very quickly. He’ll be fine,” the doctor assured her. “We’ll keep him overnight, give him something for the nausea and hydrate him.”
“How will you give him nausea medicine when he keeps throwing up?”
“Through an IV.” Dr. Crowley nodded to the nurse who hurried from the room.
A Home for Haley Page 26