In Over Our Heads

by CJane Elliott

  Sophia gave a quick nod. “Sure, sure! I’m okay with that if Anthony is.”

  “Yeah,” I said sullenly. Then something came over me. I was done being ordered around by Walter Elkins. “No. Wait. First of all, I didn’t even want to do this! But I did it. And now that I find it’s totally cool, I’m yanked back by Mr. Freak-out here. No, damn it! Walter doesn’t need to come. We were doing fine. Right, Sophia?”

  “That’s true.” I loved Sophia, my loyal girlfriend. “I think we can handle it.”

  “We can. We’ll stay near the boat. But I’m only going back in if Walter doesn’t come.”

  There was a long silence during which I refused to look at Walter. He was dead to me. Also, I didn’t want to see his expression.

  Finally his gravelly voice spoke up. “Okay. Go ahead back in. Keep the boat in sight. You have half an hour.”

  I stuck the respirator in my mouth, my heart racing more from anger than from fear this time, and stepped to the side, ready to jump back in. Sophia joined me, and we held hands and clambered over.

  In, out, in, out. We spiraled down and down, back into the fairy-tale world. Sophia squeezed my hand and pointed to a couple of show-off red-and-orange fish. I nodded and then let myself be diverted by another school of silvery ones traveling by. Yes! I was under the frigging ocean! And I wasn’t going to let Walter ruin my fun.

  DURING THE boat ride to shore, I kept glancing at Walter’s back as he stood stiffly at the controls. Camila had helped Sophia and me on board after our dive while Walter had ignored us. Marco and Jonny had come aboard exuberant and more in love than ever. They could barely keep from kissing the whole dang way, in between talking excitedly with Sophia, who was just as enthusiastic about her first scuba adventure. They were already planning another dive before we left Key West, and the experience had cemented Marco’s resolve to take Jonathan back to Grand Cayman so they could scuba the reef we had snorkeled before.

  “When should we do it?” Jonathan asked when Marco brought up the Grand Cayman plan.

  “Why not this trip? We’re not going to get another chance to get away until after the holidays.” Marco glowed as he sat rubbing Jonny’s shoulder. “Let’s go this weekend!”

  “Really?” Jonathan crinkled his forehead. “So, cut short our Key West trip?”

  Egads. I piped up. “Dolls, I think you absolutely should go to Grand Cayman, but count me out. That’s a little too much traveling for one vacation.”

  “Wimp,” Marco retorted, but he said it fondly. I think. “You can stay here if you want. The condo’s rented through the end of next week. What about you, Sophia?”

  “I think I’ll stay here and keep Anthony company.”

  “Thanks, cara.” I took her hand, then whispered, “Although I know the real reason, and her name is Patricia—amirite?”

  She graced me with a Mona Lisa smile.

  Walter spoke, startling me. I’d assumed he was going to keep up the silent act all trip. “You know, there’s a hurricane out near Barbados. They think it’s going to pick up some steam. It’ll probably skirt the Caymans, but you need to keep an eye on it.”

  “Hmm. We will.” Marco pulled a small iPad from the Italian man bag he’d brought on board and made a note.

  “Oo, is it going to come anywhere near Florida?” Unlike me, Sophia seemed excited about meeting up with a hurricane.

  “I don’t know. Not if it sticks to its current path.” Walter scanned the horizon as though he expected a hurricane to pop up out of nowhere. “But you never know with these weather systems.”

  “Hey, Antonio, how’d you like your first scuba dive?” Marco grinned at me.

  “Awesome!” Except for that rude interruption by Walter.

  “All right! You ready for another one?”

  Marco’s face was so expectant I hated to burst his bubble, but the truth was, I was done with scuba diving. Did it once and now I had bragging rights, but despite the loveliness of the reef and marine life, I really did not want to subject myself to another jaunt underneath the ocean’s surface.

  “Maybe not this time around. I need to rest up. Remind me never to go on vacation with you guys again. You’re tiring me out.”

  Marco opened his mouth, no doubt to argue, but Jonathan placed a hand on his arm and leaned forward with his sweet smile. “I’m so glad you tried it, Tony. That totally rocks.”

  A snarky comeback died in the face of Jonny’s words. “Oh, well, um, thanks. I’m proud of you too, kid. We both rock!”

  “We all rock!” Sophia went over and gave Marco a hug. “Thanks for being our fearless leader, fratello.”

  They did their gooey Italian thing while Jonny and I exchanged manly fist bumps.

  Walter cleared his throat, and when he spoke his voice sounded gruffer than ever. “Um, glad you all liked it.”

  Marco released Sophia to send Walter a gracious smile. “Yes, we did. Thank you, Walter. And do you have room for one more dive on Saturday? For… three?” He checked Sophia’s response, which was a quick nod. “Three, then. And perhaps a longer dive, as we all now have some experience.” He turned to Jonathan. “We can dive Saturday morning and fly to Grand Cayman later that day.”

  Jonny nodded while I suppressed a shudder of thankfulness that I didn’t have to keep up with Marco 24-7.

  Walter picked up his phone and typed in a note. “Yeah. We can work something out.”

  I made the mistake of meeting Walter’s eyes at that moment, and their expression as he focused on me was… just beyond. What frigging right did he have to look so apologetic and… conflicted? Did he think it was his fault I wasn’t interested in diving again? And why did I care, and why was I automatically pasting on a reassuring smile?

  “You all do that!” I said in a tinkly voice. “I’m going to enjoy relaxing by the pool and drinking mudslides while y’all fulfill your Jacques Cousteau fantasies.”

  “You sure?” Lord, now Walter was talking straight to me, all earnest and…. Agh!

  “Yes, I’m sure. You worry too much.” I had this absurd wish to run my hands up his arms and massage those tight muscles I knew I’d find in his shoulders, like I used to. “You just go along with your bad self and take these criminals diving.” What the eff was I talking about? Evidently I was reduced to spouting bad ’70s movie-speak.

  “Oh, it’s probably not going to be me.”

  He’d turned his head, so I went over to hear what he was saying. “It’s not going to be you?”

  “No. I don’t usually do the dives. Patricia said she’d be happy to help if another one got scheduled.”

  “Mm-hm.” I stared at his forearms resting on the steering wheel—or whatever you call the thing they steer boats with—all muscly and sprinkled with black hair. Then what he’d said penetrated my foggy brain. “You don’t usually do the dives. That’s right, Mi—uh, I’d heard that. So why did you?” As if I didn’t know.

  “You know why.” He pressed his lips into a bleak line.

  Oof. This was heavy. My presence seemed to be torturing him, but he couldn’t bring himself to lie to lighten things up. Walter—hopeless at flirting or banter. No, that was my department. But I didn’t want to do the frothy bullshit. Not with him. Not now.

  “Thank you.” My voice was softer than usual, and he leaned closer. “I mean, for taking our group and teaching us—me—personally. I know it was hard for you, especially given I’m such a klutz and you were scared out of your gourd.”

  “You weren’t that bad.” When I snorted in disbelief, he laughed. “Okay, you weren’t great. But I’m sorry I was so rough on you.”

  Warmth began to fill me. “Well, you do have something of a protective streak,” I lilted. “Such a taskmaster!”

  “Uh, yeah. That’s me.” He said the next thing in a voice so low I had to lean right next to his face to hear it. “It’s just… I couldn’t stand to lose you again.”

  I stiffened. “I… did you say ‘lose’ me?”

  He got
red in the face and mumbled something I couldn’t decipher.

  “My Lord, Walter, why are you so hung up on losing me? You’re the one who left.”

  The closeness between us disappeared. His face shuttered, and the light went out of his eyes as he fixed them on the horizon. I stomped back to my seat, aflame with the same helpless rage I’d managed to tamp down all those years ago after he’d vanished from my life.

  Ignoring the questioning glances from my friends, I gazed out at the choppy sea and tried not to hurl.

  Chapter NINE

  “WHAT A day!” Sophia glowed as she strode into Cap’n Otto’s with me the evening of our diving expedition. Of course she did. She was meeting Patricia there.

  “Yep. I need a nap.” I yawned as I cased the joint, on the lookout for Walter. Didn’t see him, but then again, didn’t expect to. He’d stalked off after we arrived at Back Bay, and I’d been glad. At least that’s what I told myself.

  “Another nap? You had one after we got back, didn’t you?”

  “I tried. Couldn’t sleep.” Even beating off hadn’t helped, but I decided not to mention that to Sophia. I’d lain there afterward and brooded, thankful that Jonny and Marco’s room was on a whole other level at the other end of the condo. I hadn’t needed to hear their acrobatic sex to add to my general pathetic mood. “You go get us a table, and I’ll order some drinks.”

  Bootsie was womanning the bar that evening, but as she made our drinks, Miles emerged from the kitchen carrying a load of cups in a crate. I braced myself, ready for anger or for him pointedly ignoring me, so his big smile tilted me off base.

  “Hi, Tony! How’d the dive go? You’re still here, so that’s good.” He ran his gaze up and down my body. “And all in one piece, huh?” His lips curved in a sultry smirk.

  My confusion over why he wasn’t pissed at me anymore rendered me speechless—gaping, mouth opening and closing like the fish I’d partied with earlier.

  “And Walter didn’t let you drown, huh?” he continued. “Great! What’re you doing tonight?”

  “Uh….” Jeez, eloquent I was not. Then I finally remembered the bogus excuse I’d given Miles about not sleeping with him—the one about Walter being the protective big brother who might be upset about us, and how I didn’t want to risk it with Walter running our dive. So “dive over” equaled Miles and me being able to play, at least in Miles’s mind. Not that I was planning to. “Uh… nothing?”

  “Good. I have an hour more of work—then how about getting out of this place?” He glanced over my head. “Sophia is going to be tied up tonight, huh?”

  I turned. Patricia had arrived, and she and Sophia were already locking lips as they sat at our table. Fabulous. “Apparently.” I took the mojitos Bootsie had placed in front of me, and Miles was called away before I had to answer him about getting together. Just as well, because I felt muddled. I returned to our table in a daze, my mind clouded by exhaustion. The scuba diving and the Walter emotions must have taken more out of me than I’d realized.

  “Here you go, milady.” I set down Sophia’s mojito. She and Patricia broke off their kiss and smiled at me. “Would you like one?” I asked Patricia.

  “Not right now, but thanks, Anthony. Sit down and hang out with us!”

  I did. Patricia was a beautiful woman, tall and lanky but with banging biceps. She could probably bench-press me and Sophia combined. She was peaceful to hang with because, unlike me, she wasn’t full of nervous energy or chatter.

  Sophia leaned forward to make herself heard over the increasing din. “Miles is looking lovely tonight. That’s so wild about him and Walter being brothers.”

  I’d told Sophia the reason why I wasn’t pursuing Miles but not about his being genderfluid, figuring that information wasn’t mine to disclose.

  “Tell me about it. I’m not going to mess with him, but he is so determined. It’s flattering. I don’t know what he sees in an old thing like me.”

  Sophia rolled her eyes. “Oh pooh, you know you’re hot and fun and everyone’s idea of a great time.”

  “Moi?” I made a funny face. “How you do go on! But Walter… ugh. It’s too complicated.”

  “What about Walter?” Patricia asked.

  I didn’t respond, instead gulping my last bit of mojito and promptly having a coughing fit when some of it went down the wrong way. Sophia patted my back as I hacked, my eyes streaming. I finished off this display with a huge sneeze, wiped my face, and put my head down on my arms, sapped of energy.

  “Anthony has a history with Walter,” Sophia finally said.

  “Oh? Like what?”

  Raising my head a fraction, I said “Like first boyfriends and tragic breaking of my heart.” Then I closed my eyes and returned my brow to my forearms.

  “Really? That’s wild.” Patricia’s voice sounded excited for some reason, and I sat up to see her expression.

  “Why?”

  “Because. I’ve never seen Walter give the slightest time of day to anyone—man or woman. I never even knew what his orientation was. Not that it’s any of my business, but still. He’s an attractive man, in that dark, brooding, Heathcliff kind of way. And he’s certainly had his share of offers. From both sexes.”

  I felt my eyebrows come together. “He has, has he?”

  “Mm-hm. So it’s cool to find out he’s actually human and not a cyborg or something.” She regarded me thoughtfully. “So that’s why he wanted to be your instructor. I mean, that alone is unprecedented. He hasn’t taught or run the dives in, what, a few years? Something like that.”

  “It’s certainly interesting,” Sophia agreed, swiftly glancing at me as if to gauge the level of my inner hysteria.

  “Interesting! Yes, yes, yes, indeed. Well, I’m dry. Who else wants a drink?” I hopped up from the table. “How about another round of mojitos? You ready for one, Patricia?”

  “Sure.” She tilted back in her chair, the picture of ease.

  Sophia stood. “I’ll come with you.” As we walked, she murmured, “You look like you’re about to climb the walls.”

  “Doll,” I breathed, “all this talk of Walter is driving me crazy! He’s not been with anyone? What’s he been doing, being a monk?”

  “Whatever he’s been doing, it’s high time you and he talk about stuff. You’re both going crazy, and it’s ridiculous.” She put a hand on my arm, stopping me from getting closer to the bar, where Miles stood pouring beers. “And it’s also not fair to Miles! He’s got a big fat crush on you, so don’t go leading him on.”

  I stared over at Miles, who raised his eyes. His lovely face broke into a smile. “You’re right. Even if he weren’t Walter’s sibling, I’d have to keep away. He’s so young, he can do better. I’m not what he needs.”

  “Well, I’m not agreeing he could do better. But you aren’t the one for him, because you’re entangled in this Walter business. And Miles is Walter’s half brother. So it’s a bloody mess.”

  “Thanks for the encouraging words, doll,” I said drily, then squawked when she pinched my sides in my ticklish spots. Her face suddenly fell. “What’s wrong?”

  “Don’t kill me.”

  “For what?”

  We’d reached the bar by then and stopped to order drinks from Miles, who was still beaming at us. As he mixed them, I tore my gaze from him and nudged Sophia. “What am I going to kill you for?”

  “I really want you to go diving with us on Saturday.” Her eyes grew big and pleading.

  “Sophia….”

  Miles raised his head. “That’s a great idea!”

  “Ugh, not you too.”

  “Caro, it’ll be so amazing. I know you were afraid today, but you did it! And you loved it once you got down there, right?”

  “Yeah, I really did. Until Walter came along and I almost had a heart attack.”

  Miles set our drinks down. “What’s this? What did Walter do?”

  “Freaked out and came after us when he couldn’t see our bubbles.”

&n
bsp; “Well, yeah, of course he did. I don’t fault him for that.”

  “No?” Sophia asked.

  “Of course not. Walter’s got to ensure everyone’s safety. If your bubbles disappeared, he needed to come down and see why. He would have done that for anyone.”

  “Oh. Hmm.” Damn it, Miles had a point, and I was starting to feel bad about getting mad at Walter. “Yeah. Anyway, he let us go back down by ourselves, and we had a great time.”

  “It was magical!”

  “It really was.” I squeezed Sophia’s hand. “Okay, cara, count me in. I’ll go on the dive.”

  “Yay!” Sophia kissed my cheek while Miles clapped. “I’m so excited!”

  “Me too! I’m gonna see if I can go with you.” Miles glanced at the clock. “My shift’s over in fifteen minutes. Wanna get out of here, Tony?”

  “Um, sure.”

  “Cool!” Miles turned to help another patron, and Sophia leveled a significant glance at me.

  “I know,” I mouthed back at her.

  TWENTY MINUTES later I found myself on Smathers Beach, hand in hand with Miles. He walked with a determined stride but slowed down after I protested. I was gearing myself up to actually talk to him, rather than lead him on and on into something that was going nowhere.

  “Miles.”

  “Yes, Tony?”

  “You’re great, you know.”

  “Hmm. Well, thanks, but you don’t have to say that.”

  “No, I do. I hope you know how… um, how outstanding you are. You’re gorgeous, but you already know that. But you’re also strong. I wouldn’t have been able to do what you did, leaving home so young and going to live in New York. Making your life without your parents. I would have freaked out.”

  He tilted his head, and his curls bobbed. “It’s not that big a deal. I did what I had to do.”

  “No, it is a big deal. You’re pretty fearless. And determined.” I held up our linked hands, and he laughed. “Once you set your sights on something, you don’t give up, do you?”

  “No, I don’t. But I haven’t set my sights on too many things, really. Or people.” He slowed and turned to me. Oh shit. “But you,” he continued in a soft voice. “You’re worth fighting for.”