Redeeming Justice

by Suzanne Halliday

  Heaving a sigh, Alex hauled himself out of the water and wrapped a towel around his hips before collapsing on a nearby lounger. His leg was fucking killing him whether from the strain of picking Meghan up off the ground or from sheer guilt for having been such a complete dick. Both were viable options.

  “I fucked up bad, bro,” he muttered to his friend.

  “Uh. No shit Sherlock,” Drae sneered. “You put Cam and I to shame with how fast you managed to fuck yourself up your own ass. I think you set a new land speed record with this girl. You might want to consider an asbestos suit because that’s one seriously pissed off lady. Unless I’m woefully mistaken, and I doubt that I am, I’d say you’re in for some well-deserved fire breathing.”

  Ah shit. Drae was so right. He was fucked. She was furious and hurt too. If she turned on him it would be nothing less than he deserved.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  Alex snorted in frustrated amusement and glared at his brother. “Did you wanna talk about it when it was you being a complete ass-hat?”

  “Mmm, probably not,” Drae answered solemnly. “But then again, my situation wasn’t quite as fucked up or as tied to the past as your is.”

  Alex threw his arm over his face to block out the sun and to shield his expression from the knowing eyes of someone who knew him too well.

  Standing over him so his body cast a shadow, Drae went for the gusto, making Alex wince at the frank way he spoke.

  “Alex. Fucking get over it, man. You are not responsible for what happened to her fiancé. There was not a single thing you could have done to stop what happened.”

  “The botched raid…” Alex said but Drae was having none of it.

  “That’s tired bullshit, and you know it. If it hadn’t been that raid, it would have been something else—something equally unexplainable. Those dickheads would use any excuse – fuck, they had no problem making shit up – to force what happened. Come hell or high water, they were going to eventually get explosives inside the perimeter. Yeah, people died. It’s part of embracing the suck, man. We all watched those body bags fly out but at some point you gotta let it go.”

  “She thinks I’m some sort of war hero.”

  Drae burst out laughing. “No she doesn’t you asshole. That’s your fucking ego talking. Meghan knows the score. Didn’t she tell us that her entire family was a bunch of first responders? Do you honestly think that you’re the only guy to ever think he’s responsible for bad shit when it happens? Give her some credit, man. The girl has a great head on her shoulders, and I’m sure if you just explain why this is so hard for you, she’ll understand.”

  There was a lot of truth to what Drae was saying. That was why he was the intellect in the family. He might be a cold-hearted bastard at times with the sort of nerves of steel that gets idolized in comic books, but he was also deeply intuitive.

  “Time to pull it together, Dad,” he mocked. “The kids want a mommy.”

  “Jesus. Don’t even joke about that.”

  “I wasn’t joking. Now pull it together and stop with the wah-wah shit. You’ve got a lady to talk down off the ledge. Ben’s had the smoker going all afternoon and we’re supposed to meet up in an hour for a family cook-out.”

  “Oh my God! She’s so adorable,” Lacey squealed with delight when she saw the puppy Brody was introducing to Tori and Drae. “What are you going to name her?”

  The couple laughed and answered in unison, “Raven.”

  “You do realize she’s a blond Lab, right?” Cam quipped. “Raven seems an odd choice.”

  Drae roared with laughter. “Excuse me, but Zeus for a female canine? Seems like we’re just keeping with tradition.”

  “Well played, bro,” Cam answered with a snicker. “Well played.”

  While Tori and Lacey cuddled and cooed over the new addition to Family Justice, Drae and Cam went to the big wood table set up for their cookout dinner and sat across from each other, cold beer in hand.

  “So I missed all the fun earlier, huh?” Cam smirked.

  “It wasn’t pretty,” Drae told him. “ When they got back, Meghan had that freshly mauled look and she slammed every door in her path. Tonight oughta be fascinating.”

  “Think he’s in love with this girl?”

  Drae almost choked on the beer he was swallowing. “What the fuck, man? How unreal is it that we both have pregnant wives and we’re sitting around talking about love? Go figure.”

  “Guys,” Brody called out. “And ladies too, sorry but I gotta roll. My crew is having a tough time with one of the Shepherds. Enjoy the puppy Tori!” On his way out he slapped Drae on the shoulder and whispered, “Good luck. Puppies are a handful, y’know.”

  Drae smirked and said, “That’s what you’re for Jensen.”

  Alex passed Brody as he left and the two men nodded at each other but didn’t speak. After having ripped his head off over absolutely nothing, Alex was wise enough to steer clear of the dog trainer. Something about the good-looking loner being around Meghan didn’t sit well with him. He was being unreasonable but especially after what had gone down earlier, he didn’t give a shit.

  After greeting the ladies present and saying all the appropriate things about the new puppy he went to join the men who sat shooting the shit while Ben and Gus fussed with the grill. Betty had gone into town but Carmen, Ria, and Meghan were nowhere to be found. He wondered what the hell that was all about.

  Didn’t take long to find out when his housekeeper appeared wearing an expression directed solely at him, which suggested he go fuck himself. Ria, on the other hand, ignored him completely. To make matters worse, Zeus who had been ambling along by their sides also dissed him, choosing to investigate the new puppy instead of sitting adoringly at his feet. And Meghan was a no-show. Fucking fantastic.

  When Ben shot him a murderous look as his wife stood close whispering fuck knows what, he almost groaned out loud. Whatever this was, it wasn’t good. For him.

  “Let’s eat everybody,” Gus called out as the family took their places at the big outdoor table.

  Alex gritted his teeth but took his place at the head of the table as a bead of sweat rolled down his back. Scraping his hands through his hair, he hunched over with a dark scowl on his face aware that Meghan’s absence was not lost on anyone. He couldn’t remember ever having to endure such a painfully silent meal.

  There wasn’t any use in ignoring the fucking elephant in the room, especially not with the meaningful glares being sent his way.

  Everyone around the table was surprised by his outburst, even Alex, when he’d finally had enough.

  “Alright, goddammit. You can all stop with they dirty looks.”

  Carmen’s fuck you look never wavered, something she’d never done before. He tasted the distinctive flavor of shoe leather as the image of his foot protruding from his mouth lit up his mind. Shit. Ria, Lacey, Tori, and even Zeus were also looking at him in a way that made him squirm. Apparently they were all on Team Meghan. Besides the one black look Ben had shot him, the men were wisely staying silent. That was what happened when women got added to the mix. Even Gus—the old fucker said nothing and seemed to be taking his cues from the testy housekeeper. Great.

  Alex stood up and tossed his napkin onto the table. Looking to Carmen who seemed to be the lead bitch in this scenario he barked, “Where the fuck is she?” No one misunderstood the question or the meaning behind it.

  Seemingly satisfied that she’d managed to rattle his cage, Carmen smiled sweetly then smirked right to his damn face. “She has a headache,” was all she said although she made the term headache sound like, she’s putting bullets in a gun to blow your damn head off you fucking idiot.

  A headache? Women actually used that stupid excuse for real? Alex knew that headache was code for bite me.

  Turning, he stormed from the group, hearing the distinct titter of laughter as he marched away.

  He was at her door in record time, just barely managing to stop from flingin
g it open without knocking first. Trying to reign in the aggression coursing through his body was a lost cause although he didn’t know why he was pissed off and that was part of the problem. It was his damn need for control he was sure of it. He wanted her with him and by not joining them for dinner she had provoked him beyond words. Headache, yeah right. More like a female manipulation; something he was having none of.

  The moment he rapped on the door with his knuckles, he remembered that it was his rejection of the beautiful woman after she’d given herself to him that brought this situation about. That didn’t stop him from wanting an explanation. This type of behavior wasn’t what he’d come to expect from Meghan. The woman had brass balls so why was she playing the headache game?

  When she didn’t answer the door he simply pushed it open and strode in like he owned the place. Which he did but that wasn’t the point. The primal man inside him had staked a claim on the red-haired woman when he buried his dick inside her hot wet heat and that was all he could focus on.

  It took a few seconds once he entered the room to realize he’d made a huge mistake. The curtains were drawn making the atmosphere shadowy and silent. He saw her right away, curled on her side in the bed, with her knees drawn up and a hand covering her eyes.

  Moving to her side he reached out and ran his hand across her hip making her moan out loud.

  “Jesus, Meghan,” he hissed, alarmed and chastised at the same time. “Are you alright?”

  She flopped onto her back and looked at him through narrowed eyes, discomfort etched on her face. The words ass and clown flared in his mind. She really did have a headache.

  Her voice sounded small and thready. “I feel like shit. Too much sun. Too much…well, I don’t know. Everything’s just too much. Don’t be mad.”

  Mad? He wasn’t mad. Okay. Maybe he had been a minute ago but seeing her in such a state instantly wiped all that from his head.

  She was wearing one of those flimsy nightie things guys fantasized about, which got his dick throbbing in record time. Nothing but a bit of silk and lace, it barely covered her tits, tying underneath the glorious mounds and stopping at the top of her thighs. He saw matching silk panties peeking out which all but destroyed what little self-control he was clinging to.

  After the blinding surge of lust cleared he immediately saw bright red strips of skin alongside the straps of her nightie that extended down her arms. Her nose was hot pink, and she looked like someone who’d spent way too much time under the blazing Arizona sun. Add to that what happened between them and it was understandable why she was in a funk.

  “I was worried about you.”

  She struggled to sit up making him swiftly move to assist her, bringing him close enough to pick up on that delicious scent of hers that had been fucking with his head from moment one.

  Getting her situated against a stack of pillows, he saw a bottle of water on the nightstand and handed it over.

  “Drink this, baby. You’re dehydrated. Have you taken anything for the headache?”

  “Yeah. Carmen gave me a couple of tablets; they just haven’t kicked in yet. I took a shower and was starting to dress for dinner when it all hit me.”

  They were talking but she was avoiding his eyes. He didn’t like it. Not one bit.

  “Look at me Meghan,” he growled at her.

  When she finally did he saw so many emotions flash across her expression he didn’t know which one to deal with first.

  Before he could say anything, she beat him to the punch.

  “I’m sorry about earlier.”

  The comment, innocent as it was, fired up a replay in his head of their provocative coupling and the ugly aftermath.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “I shouldn’t have forced myself on you like that. It’s so unlike me.”

  He knew that without her saying it.

  “There’s something you need to know but first, I want to tell you, uh…what I mean is you don’t have anything to worry about.”

  He looked at her searching for meaning. She was blushing so hard her neck looked like it was on fire. She cleared her throat and put on what he suspected was her teacher face.

  “The thing is, I’m on the pill. Have god awful periods.” The blush deepened. “Anyway. I thought you should know after the way I behaved in the truck.”

  The way she behaved in the truck? Jesus. Who the hell was she kidding? He let the encounter get completely out of control knowing full well that he should have stopped things before he slid into her body. At least he was sorta sure he could have stopped her. Thing was – she affected him on such a primal level maybe he was kidding himself about that.

  “We were both in that truck Meghan, and I don’t want to hear anymore about it.”

  She nodded and gave him a worried smile. “Now here’s the other thing, Alex…”

  He wasn’t so sure he wanted to hear what she was going to say. Something about her tone freaked him out.

  She must have picked up on what he was feeling because she quickly added, “I know this may be something you don’t want to hear but it’s important that I say it out loud, okay?”

  He nodded but didn’t have a clue where this was going.

  “It’s about David. David and me.”

  His gut clenched. She was right. He didn’t want to hear it especially if what she had to say included regret for having let him inside her body. He might have been a pig for taking her like that but he didn’t want to hear about her fiancé or deal with the possibility that she felt as he did, that they’d disrespected the young man’s memory by what they’d done.

  “Are you sure that talking is a good idea? I’m not a complete prick Meghan. Maybe we should wait till you feel better.”

  She shifted her position, sitting cross-legged with her forearms resting on her knees while she clutched the water bottle in her hands. He didn’t even try not to notice that he had a clear shot of her panties, and she didn’t seem to care. With the riot of auburn curls hanging on her shoulders she looked every inch a naughty temptress and it was all he could do not to reach out and touch her. He would have given his eye teeth right then to slid his hand into those silken panties and see if she was as wet as he remembered.

  The minute she started talking, he pulled his thoughts out of her underwear and focused.

  “I’ve never spoken of this to a single soul, Alex. But I think you need to hear this as much as I need to say it.”

  He’d faced almost certain death in combat but nothing scared the shit out of him more than whatever put that sad, confessional tone in her voice.

  “David was my teenage crush. He and my brother Mike were BFF’s. They were a couple years older than me and I tagged along after them like a puppy dog, eager to join in their antics. We were always together, hanging out, getting in trouble. And they were my protectors too. You can imagine,” she said while pointing at her chest, “that once the girls came on the scene, every horny teenage boy in a twenty mile radius was intent on feeling me up. I think that’s why I never dated or looked for a boyfriend. I had Mike and David. Eventually David took on a protective role. To a teenage girl, that protectiveness felt like love. He took me to prom, my parents loved him; knew his parents too. It was all so predictable. During my first year in college he suddenly announced one day, like literally one day, that he was shipping out to the Middle East. He’d been ROTC in college but whatever was going on was way more than reserve officer stuff.”

  Alex nodded understanding what she was getting at. David hadn’t been regular Army. Or even a Marine. He was CIA and a relative newbie to their base in the months after he’d been promoted to commander.

  “Your eyes tell a lot Alex, even though you’re not saying anything.”

  All he could do was look at her. It wasn’t in his purview to talk about things that went so far above his pay grade.

  “Everyone just sort of assumed we were boyfriend and girlfriend so it seemed natural to fall into a relationsh
ip even though it wasn’t entirely true. He was off in a war zone doing God only knows what and it felt like my duty to be his emotional anchor back in the real world. I wrote long letters full of stupid stuff.” She glanced at him and winced. “You’d know all about that.”

  Alex shifted uncomfortably but said nothing.

  “As time went on, our friendship really did grow into something else. As a dreamy-eyed college student I imagined it was love, and he certainly cultivated those feelings. It was like he needed the reassurance or something. It was weird but I didn’t realize that until much, much later. Over the next two years he came home a few times and like the dutiful girlfriend I was always on hand. Mostly we spent time with his folks—seeing us together gave them some peace, as if he wasn’t in constant danger. There wasn’t much of anything physical between us to talk about and I’d always figured it was because I was Mike’s little sister. God, I was so painfully naïve.”

  She looked away from him but he saw the blush she tried to hide.

  “Anyway – to make a long story short, he came home for two months, just in time for my university graduation. We hung out and played like kids. It was so nice. I could tell something was up with him but figured it was whatever he was doing. I was just trying to be the perfect, supportive girlfriend. Coming from a family of first responders it felt like my patriotic duty. Keeping the home fires burning and all. Right before the time came for him to leave, he suddenly asked me to marry him, totally out of the blue. I said yes, and everyone was happy. His parents cried, mine were ecstatic. Only Mike seemed less than thrilled.”

  She stared off into space, lost in her memories.

  “Not too long after that I overheard David and Mike in the midst of a fierce argument. Mike screamed at him that it wasn’t right that David should use his sister but for what I couldn’t figure out. He was furious about something and I imagined it was because he hadn’t sealed the deal with an engagement ring. Later I would see the omission was a warning sign that passed right over my head at the time. After that I headed off to grad school and the letter writing continued only something changed. Shifted. Maybe it was because I was a bit older, wiser, I don’t know. But I started to see that when he talked about the future it was in past terms. Like a re-telling of how we grew up. Christmas dinners with his folks, summer camping trips, rooting for the Red Sox. He never ever spoke of kids or having a family. Never shared his dreams for what he thought our future would look like, it was all weirdly anchored in the past. That was also when he started talking about the Justice Team. There were other squads and people he talked about too but it was mainly you guys.”