Sojourner

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  Kicking him, I grit my teeth as Jimmy bursts out laughing. “That makes two of us,” he finally says. This is the first time since we’ve moved here that Jimmie has been this close to care-free. It’s almost as if Lev completely puts his mind to ease so that he doesn’t have to think about all the things which he cannot control.

  “If you’d like some help painting your garage tomorrow, I’d be glad to come over,” Lev offers and then takes a bite. Cheese stretches from the crust, and he has to set the piece down just to break the cheese link. Then he eats the mozzarella web he just broke.

  “I appreciate it, but this isn’t your problem.” He rises and goes into the kitchen, probably to get a drink.

  “It’s no trouble,” Lev calls after. “I know how things are around here.” Although there isn’t much emotion in Lev’s expression, his voice hints at the disgust he feels. “Besides, I know that working the night shift has probably really turned things upside-down.”

  “You got that right. I much prefer working days.” Jimmie hands both of us a cup of soda and then sits back down in the recliner. “But in a town like Hauser’s Landing, you take what you can find when you can find it. Still, with all this stuff going on, I hate leaving Elizabeth unattended.” He takes a drink of his own soda.

  “I’m not a little kid anymore, Jimmie,” I growl. “I can take care of myself.” Then I take a long drink.

  “Really, cause last time I checked, you can even walk across a bridge without dire consequences.” Although Lev is joking, there is also a serious glint in his eyes.

  “I can take care of myself,” I say, louder. Then I take a bite of pizza, feeling both of them staring at me as though I’d grown another head.

  “I do have a black belt in tae kwon do,” Lev announces, “and if you would like, and Elizabeth is amenable, I can show her some simple self-defense tactics that might come in handy.”

  I’ve never really wanted to learn martial arts, but already I can see that Jimmie has latched onto the idea, sealing my fate. Chewing my lip I wonder if maybe I can learn enough to land Lev on his butt from time to time. Now he would deserve that, especially since I’m giving him a blatant look of wanting to kill him and his only reaction is grinning.

  They are still laughing when I stop fighting against them. How interesting that Jimmie and Lev have formed such an alliance so quickly. Would it have happened with any guy who saved my life, or does Jimmie unknowingly realize Lev’s true nature and that knowledge deep down guides him in his reactions?

  I chew my bottom lip and look up, not to take in Lev’s beautiful eyes but instead to look for the shimmer I’ve seen around Lev’s body. His eyes narrow and he shakes his head.

  “What are you doing?” Lev wipes his hands on his napkin. But his words also get Jimmie’s attention about my fixed gaze.

  “Yeah, Lizzie, what are you doing? You look like Lev is some giant jigsaw puzzle you want to take apart and put back together.”

  If he only knew.

  That’s when Lev begins to stare back at me as though suddenly he’s wondering what I’m thinking. Well, it currently involves remembering those moments in the water before I surrendered to unconsciousness. I was looking at his face in a situation which should not have been possible, a situation that I will get answers for.

  Jimmie takes one last bite and rises. “I’m going to go and get ready for my shift.” He looks at me and turns to Lev, his expression softening in gratitude. I can tell by the set of his mouth and moist eyes he doesn’t know how to put what he’s feeling into words. So he clears his throat, picks up his plate and empty cup, and walks into the kitchen.

  “A jigsaw puzzle, eh?” Lev smirks, scooting closer to me. “I can already tell you I’m missing a few pieces so if you take me apart, good luck getting me back together.”

  “You’re definitely complicated. That much I’m sure of.” Jimmie has left the room, and I start trying to see the shimmer again. I know it’s there. Maybe I don’t see it all the time, but then again, I’ve never forced myself to try seeing it. I was more concerned with my eyes not playing tricks on me.

  “You’re staring.” Lev sets his empty plate on the table in front of us and grabs his cup. “What are you thinking, Elizabeth?” He takes a long drink and then shakes his head at the taste. “Too much sugar too fast.”

  “You don’t like soda?”

  He glances down at the cup, shaking his head. “I typically don’t drink it.”

  Just another way that Lev is so completely different than anyone else I’d ever met. Now about that shimmering. I focus so hard that I start to squint, but nothing comes to me, except Lev as he leans over and his face slowly moves toward me until his lips gently dance across mine, scattering my thoughts. I linger there, feeling his hand touching my face, his soft breath stroking my cheek. And when I open my eyes, the joking expression is gone, replaced instead by a single tear that he quickly bats away as he rises to take his empty plate to the kitchen.

  “Lev?” I follow him, dazed. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” He throws the plate and cup away and looks outside, all traces of the pain I’d just seen gone. “It’s going to snow again.”

  I walk up behind and wrap my arms about his waist so I can lean into his back. “How do you know?”

  “Look at the way the clouds speak to the sky.” The deep voice rumbling through his chest and back echo through me, and I close my eyes, enjoying. But his words seem so unusual. Who talks like that?

  “Lev?”

  “Hmmm?” One of his hands drifts atop mine and his fingers squeeze gently.

  “I know you’re different. I’ve seen things. You know things about me you shouldn’t, and I want the truth.”

  “We’re in history together…” he begins. Lev’s fingers slowly releases mine and he turns, his face slightly ashen, and in that moment he looks so much older than the teenage boy I’d fallen madly in love with. He looks…timeless…for want of a better word.

  “But we were together before that, Lev. A long time before that.” I chew my bottom lip, getting ready to blurt out something I’m not totally comfortable with. “You must have known me in another lifetime, because in this dream, you are always there. You were there long before I moved here and actually ‘met’ you for the first time. Don’t push me away with inane ideas about me hitting my head or being too enamored of fairy tales. I think I know what you are. But I don’t know why you are here.”

  There, I’d said it, and I couldn’t unsay it no matter how he reacted. The floorboards above us creak. Jimmie is probably heading to the shower. Both of us look up sharply as though we could be caught doing something wrong. For me it’s a fear that Jimmie could hear this conversation and wonder at my mental well-being. For Lev it is something else entirely. Once we’re sure Jimmie isn’t about to come down those stairs, we both relax slightly.

  “What do you think I am, Elizabeth?” Fear and sadness seemed to lace his tone, and he swallows hard, as though he isn’t at all sure about this conversation anymore but can’t think of a way around it.

  “You’re an angel,” I whisper, half expecting he will burst out laughing but he’s not even smiling. His hands drift to his hips and he laces his fingers through his belt loops as his gaze drifts far from my face. His mouth opens and he starts to say something but doesn’t.

  “Aren’t you going to say something?” I draw in a shaky breath.

  His eyes drift to the sounds of Jimmie now walking down the hall. “Let’s just watch the movie, and I’ll come to you tonight.”

  “Will you answer my questions?”

  “If you like.” Another shot of pain crosses his face. “But not every answer will be without consequence. Just remember that.”

  A million questions bubble inside me as I grab Lev’s hand and lead him back to the living room where we can turn on the DVD player and enjoy a romantic comedy as I sit next to him. But part of me is troubled by the sudden shift in his demeanor, the neutral line of his mo
uth, and suddenly almost lifeless eyes. The clenching of his jaw. His arm rests around me but it feels like dead weight.

  Chapter Eleven

  The sun set a couple of hours ago, and now, as I sit on my bed, my knees drawn to my chest, all I can think about is Lev’s odd reaction when I told him my suspicions. Everything about him shifted, leaving me groundless again. For a while, I’d gotten used to being around him but the way he acted after the movie, his body rigid, his gaze focused directly ahead, reminds me more of the nightmare Lev.

  It’s taken me a long time to realize what I’m seeing at night isn’t just a bad dream, but it does lead to other, more uncomfortable questions like, if it did happen and I did die, had Lev really been standing there watching? If Lev is an angel or some other supernatural being--and some part of me truly believes he is--why didn’t he do something? And why has he suddenly turned up in my life again?

  I brush my hair back and look at the clock. 8:00. Jimmie left for work a little while ago, and now I’m starting to wonder if Lev will show. Outside I hear two cats fighting. The hissing and spitting are really getting to me, and I think about dumping cold water on them. Then again, it is winter, and that would be cruel. I chew my bottom lip, my thoughts tumbling and cart wheeling over one other until I’m dizzy.

  Trying to ignore the animals, I cross to my dresser and look in the mirror. My hair seems tangled at the ends and I tug a brush through it, restoring the shine and smoothness.

  One cat gives a loud growling hiss and runs off with the other chasing after it, and at once there’s a loud thump on one side of the house. Thinking immediately of the graffiti, I feel the brush slipping from my suddenly nerveless fingers and hitting the floor. There’s a scooting sound, like something grating over cement.

  I should shut myself in my room, but I can’t. I’m not just going to sit back and wait for somebody to come after me. Chewing my bottom lip, I grab the hammer from my nightstand. It’s been lying there since I started hanging pictures. Then, not breathing, I creep downstairs and to the front door.

  Stepping into the cold night, I see the two cats, still fighting across the street. One stands close to the other and sideways, puffing himself up, his low growling is audible from here. No one appears, but I hear more scraping off to the side. I tiptoe in that direction, wishing the motion lights weren’t burned out. I’m willing to bet if things hadn’t been so crazy lately, Jimmie would have fixed them. The frigid pavement chills my bare feet, and, not for the first time, I’m starting to question my sanity.

  Still, I edge toward the sound and peek around the corner to find some guy leaning over our trashcans. He suddenly moves in my direction, and having been spotted, I have no choice. I raise the hammer and start to bring it down hard, but a hand grips that wrist and I find myself suddenly on the ground, my chest aching from the breath being knocked out.I try to rise, but his foot presses me down.

  “Still think you can take care of yourself?” Lev asks, amused.

  I swallow my scream and shake my head in disbelief. “What are you doing here?”

  “I told you I’d be back.” He eyes the hammer and lifts his foot. “Nice.”

  “You wouldn’t have thought so if I’d nailed you with it.” My voice catches as I take his hand and he pulls me to my feet.

  “It never would have touched me,” he promises, brushing the dead grass from my back.

  “You scared me.” I shake my head, still trying to calm down. “What are you doing out here?” I gesture around the side of the house.

  “Painting over the graffiti on the garage so Jimmie won’t have to. He’s got enough to worry about.”

  “Ha ha. Very funny.” I give him a glaring look as he finishes adjusting the trashcans. That explains the noises he’d been making.

  “I’m serious. Why didn’t you call the police?”

  “I figured I could handle it.” A cop out, really. “I wasn’t sure anyone dangerous was out here.”

  “You can’t even handle putting shoes on. It is winter, you know?” Without waiting for an answer, he stoops and grabs the hammer. On the way up, he scoops me up, too and carries me to the house, back to my room. Even as I sit back down on the bed, I feel my body trembling in anticipation, but I’m not totally convinced words are going to make any of this seem any more real.

  His hair seems especially light; he’s wearing a white button-down shirt, and the soft florescence of my room glances off his bracelet. His skin still carries the same unusual glow, and his eyes are deep and inviting and familiar, but at the same time, a million miles distant. No, not distant—apart.

  For a moment we both just look at one another. I like to think it’s because we both realize that whatever comes out will mean change, and change will come even if we say nothing at all. Even if that change is good, it’s still going to forge a major difference in our lives. I lick my lips, which have suddenly grown dry again and wonder how to start without sounding absurd.

  “You promised we’d talk,” I say, hands folded neatly in my lap to still their shaking.

  “You’re right. I did.” His voice is calm, measured—apart like the eyes. He seems much older, in a way that I can’t put into words. I can’t think what to say so I just blurt out the one thing on my mind.

  “Are you…an angel?”

  He takes a deep breath. “Yes.” The reply is measured, clipped.

  “Really?” I suddenly feel as though I’m floating. “An angel.” Laughter tinges my voice, and I step behind him and start to touch him then draw back, unsure. “I knew something was off.”

  He turns, cocking his head to one side. “Oh, is that what you think? That I’m off?” His eyes are a little harder than I’ve seen them, and it gives me pause to wonder what stands before me. I take a step back.

  “I…I didn’t mean to be rude.” I feel my body start to tremble.

  He smiles. “I know that. You have no reason to fear me.” He walks over to my bulletin board where I’ve tacked pictures of my life in Dallas. “I thought you had questions.” He plucks one of the pictures of me in a black semi-formal gown, taken during the homecoming dance last year. He frowns and stares hard.

  “I don’t know what to ask.” I’m distracted by the shimmering.

  “Of course you do.” His tone sounds nothing like a seventeen-year old boy, and I wonder how I could have missed that for so long. “You just don’t know if you should.” He replaces the picture.

  “Do you have…wings?” My breath catches as I realize how stupid this sounds, but it’s been bugging me.

  “What do you think?” He arches his eyebrows questioningly.

  “I can’t see them,” I whisper, focusing on the shimmer.

  “There are many things humans can’t see, Elizabeth. That doesn’t negate their existence.” He walks to my bookshelf and takes down a copy of Dante’s Inferno. His graceful fingers flip through the pages.

  “You read Dante?” I want to laugh because that seems so incongruous.

  “Among many other things, although it was much more entertaining standing behind him as he wrote it. Every once in a while I dropped the number ten in there just to bug him. I was just messing with guy. He was supposed to stop at nine, but darned if he didn’t go on to write The Impyrion. Go figure.”

  “The Impyrion?”

  He nods. “Yeah, about Heaven and, well, angels.”

  I shake my head. “Oh, we never got past Purgatoris in Honors English. I didn’t know there was another section.”

  “There wasn’t supposed to be. My Father really wasn’t so pleased about that one. He grounded me in Calcutta for ten months.”

  My throat is dry and I sink onto the mattress, dumbfounded. “You were bad!”

  “I was very young and I was bored!” Lev shakes his head. He flips a few more pages. “When he gave it the name The Divine Comedy I wanted to laugh. Nobody got married.”

  “You’ve been around that long?” I trace the flower on my bedspread, trying to take all of this i
n and believe it.

  “Seven hundred years.” He scrutinizes my face. “Surely you didn’t believe I was new.”

  “I don’t really know what to believe anymore.” I keep trying to imagine his wings, but I can’t. The image won’t gel. “How big are your wings? Do you have…feathers?”

  “Back to that. Well, I don’t have scales. If I did, I’d be perched on a cathedral somewhere and I don’t think I could sit still for that long.” He shakes his head and snaps the book shut and walks to the window. “Large enough to suffice.”

  “How do you hide them?” I look at his shoulders and wonder at the hidden strength.

  “Let’s just say I’m not exactly bound by physics.” He peers out the window.

  “Do you ever knock stuff over with them?” I try to envision him opening them in this room and what would happen. I can’t help but smile.

  “They can be awkward,” he replies, neither confirming nor denying anything. He turns to me and folds his arms over his chest.

  “Are there many others like you among us?”

  He nods. “Yes. You just don’t see them.”

  Chills sweep down my spine as I listen to his deep, hypnotic voice. Even though I grasp his words, I struggle with the meaning. “How?”

  “You mortals typically only find what you believe is there, and most of the time everything can be explained away if necessary.” He leans against the windowsill, his arms still crossed at his chest.

  “Besides the wings, what else is special about you? What can you…do?” I know I should stop acting like a five-year-old, but I just can’t seem to help myself.

  He laughs and narrows his eyes at me. “This isn’t Show and Tell.”

  I chew my bottom lip. So many questions. “What about God?”

  Lev slowly crosses the room and stops a few feet in front of me. The nearness of him catches my breath, and I’ve never been so aware how big he is compared to me as now. His hand slowly lifts and he gently sets it over my heart. Heat radiates from his palm, tingling on my skin. Then our eyes meet.

  “You already know, Elizabeth, or I wouldn’t be here in the first place. Your heart is yet open. If you follow it, you won’t go astray.”