Few Things Left Unsaid

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  Attending lectures regularly from 10.30 am to 6 pm was like watching the same movie in a multiplex everyday. Bunking classes became a regular habit. I never understood what made those first benchers sit for lectures. There was nothing interesting that was being said.

  It was Monday morning, time for the first lecture of the day. Swapnil was dozing as usual. And so was I. Swapnil was thinking of ways to bunk the lecture. I thought he was out of his mind!. The first benchers would never cooperate with him. They were paying such rapt attention to the professor during the lecture that it almost felt like they were watching Shakira move her hips in front of them.

  I wanted to know what was running through Swapnil’s mind. He was very smart at these things. After the first lecture, we had practicals. As we reached the practicals room, he told me to send an SMS to one student from each batch. It said:

  Mass bunk after the break. Forward the message to your entire class.

  A few students were afraid of mass bunking. They feared their attendance would go down and they would get less marks in the term paper. These were the most irritating students in the class. Every engineering college has a few students like them. I never understood what they got by buzzing around the professors like a bee all the time. For a few extra marks, they were willing to do anything it seemed. Swapnil warned them not to sit for the lectures. Still I thought they would ignore his message. They had done it once before too. We had spread the word for a mass bunk and six students had sat for the lecture without paying heed to the message. This time we were serious. We convinced everyone from our batch.

  The practicals were over. Our entire class was standing outside our classroom and we told all of them not to attend the next lectures. Looking at the majority standing outside, those ‘six’ nerdy and troublesome students were not able to enter the class. So they went back home. We were still standing in front of the door and did not want a single student to sit in class. Ten minutes were left for the lecture to begin. We told everyone to vacate the corridor. Almost 10 of us went to the second floor to check if the professor was going back to the staff room.

  When the professor came, he saw that the classroom was locked. He opened it, only to find the classroom empty. He was still standing there to see if any one was around. Almost 10 minutes later, he saw a student. He gestured for the boy to come to him. From behind the pillar, where all of us had been hiding and watching the proceedings, we saw the professor and the student talking about something. But we were too far to hear what was being said.

  After the professor left, we rushed to the student and asked him what the professor was saying.

  ‘He has asked me to tell everyone that tomorrow we all have to submit an assignment as punishment.’

  ‘A punishment assignment?’ Swapnil asked.

  ‘Yes, we have to solve 5 problems from the Kumbhojkar textbook.’

  ‘Forget it! He didn’t take your attendance, right?’ I asked him.

  ‘No he didn’t.’

  We left. It was our first mass bunk in engineering. Mass bunking is always a challenge. It is not so easy to stop the nerd students from attending a lecture. These students probably have the same blood group as the professors, I thought. But we had been able to convince them today. A proud feeling came over me, like I had my engineering degree in hand.

  We were telling everyone from the other section that we had managed our first mass bunk.

  Due to mass bunking, we were given four assignments by the professors of each subject. Swapnil and I decided to bunk the classes and write the assignments. Anup too joined us. Rohit had done the assignments already. We took his papers and left the class. I decided to call Sameer and asked him to join us. He did not have any assignments though. But bunking classes was always fun. We decided to sit at the local Aerol railway station. It was the best place to play cricket, or have a nice time with your girlfriend, or even write assignments for that matter. The last one we hardly did, though. The frequency of trains was one after almost two to three hours. So it was always a vacant platform like any other Navi Mumbai platform. The station was hardly 5 minutes away from our college and we reached there in no time. There were hardly any people on the platform and we spotted very few students. Some couples were sitting hand in hand. We had four assignments to be written. The writing work commenced. Sameer soon got bored waiting for us and broke the silence.

  ‘So you guys were yourselves interested in engineering or were you forced to take it up by your parents?’ Sameer asked Swapnil and Anup.

  ‘I was always interested in engineering. I wanted to be an IT engineer. It offers you a white collar job. I love that kind of lifestyle. What about you?’ Swapnil replied.

  ‘Same here. Even I wanted to be a civil engineer. It gives you an opportunity to earn more than other categories of engineers. A civil engineer gets the desired salary as white income, but along with that lots of black money can also be earned,’ he winked.

  ‘Is money everything?’Anup asked.

  ‘No. But we need money for everything, don’t we? If we need to drink water, we need money. If we need food, money is required and so on. What better field than engineering to provide for our monetary needs? Moreover, being a civil engineer is like sone pe suhaaga,’ Sameer laughed.

  ‘What about you Anup?’ I asked.

  ‘Kya yaar…why are you thinking so much? All of us have got admission. Now we cannot change things. Whether we like it or not, we have to get our asses fucked for four years. Ab lag Gaye la**e. So stop this discussion and start writing assignments. Or else Deshmukh sir will cut our dicks into pieces,’ said Anup in all seriousness.

  His speech made me feel good. I felt as if I was not alone and somebody thought like me. Who can be forced to do this bullshit, anyway? I really felt at that time that engineering was like marriage. Bachelors are eager to do it. But married people declare themselves dead a few years into the marriage.

  After writing assignments and having lunch on the platform itself, we started walking towards college. Anup saw a ‘Tapri’ near college and asked us to join him. I was unaware that Anup smoked.

  ‘Anup, smoking kills…’ Swapnil said.

  ‘Ya, but slowly,’ he replied.

  I loved his cocky reply. The want in me to smoke was increasing each second. I had never tried smoking before, though Sameer had. Anup and Sameer kept forcing me to give it a try.

  ‘Have it, yaar. It’s nothing serious. You will cough slightly in the beginning but then when you get used to it, you’ll feel normal. Plus, cigarettes keep your mind active. You think better. So have one puff,’ said Anup forcing me.

  Finally, I asked him to buy a cigarette for me.

  ‘Bhaiya ek Gold Flake do,’ he said to the chacha at the tapri. He handed one to Anup who gave it to me. I took the cigarette in my hand. I was holding one for the first time and it felt something different. Something I had never felt before. There I was, smoking a cigarette with my good friends. Five minutes later, I was expertly blowing out rings.

  A cigarette is the only consumer product which, when used as directed, kills its consumer.

  And I was ready to be killed. Slow poison, so why to worry? Enjoy it while it lasts. And I did precisely that. I started smoking another cigarette. When we heard that the college would be closed due to heavy rains, we started making plans for the day. Sameer suggested we go to the nearby waterfall and we agreed.

  Since it was at a short distance, we decided to walk towards the destination. All four of us were enjoying in the rains. Sameer had bought three bottles of beer along and we went and sat close to waterfall. It was an awesome view. I did not drink. I had never tried it before. Not even on that day. I had taken three cigarettes with me. I was enjoying the moment with a cigarette in my hand. Everyone was drunk. It became difficult for me to control them. However, I was enjoying their silly drunk jokes. It was the first time all four of us had gone out and enjoyed together.

  Sameer—though he had a few bad habits, he was s
incere. I knew friends like him were rare to find. He helped me whenever I needed him and had helped me many times before. I cherished our friendship.

  Swapnil—he was a new friend. A frank guy with an X-factor which I couldn’t quite decode. He was a charmer and I knew he could bring many girls close to me. This is the quality of a true friend.

  Anup—I really could not understand him. Though we had become friends, he always seemed aloof and lost in his own world. He never came too close to us. He was transparent in his proceedings but there was something missing in him.

  Our First Meeting

  We were living in our own little world. A world of fun and enjoyment. I had never thought life in an engineering college could be so much fun. Moreover, I didn’t think I would manage to get such wonderful friends. Still I thought something was missing. Girls. We used to sit on the last bench and observe the girls in our class. It was the first lecture of the day.

  ‘Look at the girl in second row in a blue T-shirt. She is so hot,’ Swapnil whispered in my ears.

  ‘No yaar, she just has a pretty face. Look below her neck. They aren’t even the size of carrom coins.’

  ‘Hmmm…maybe you are right,’ Swapnil admitted.

  ‘What about the girl in black in the third row. How is she?’ Swapnil continued.

  ‘Not my type. You can try your luck with her.’

  We stopped the discussion and began paying attention to the lecture. Five minutes into the lecture, a girl shouted from the back door, ‘May I come in sir?’

  I looked at her and my heart skipped a beat. Was I watching a dream? She was no Angelina Jolie, but there was something about her that made my heart skip a beat. I asked myself, Is she the one I am looking for?

  She came and sat in the third row. Once settled, she turned to look behind her. Our eyes met for a fleeting second and I felt like our souls had united. Somewhere in my heart I knew she was the one for me. After a while, I started giggling and she gave me the most incredible smile I have ever seen. I felt something I had never felt in my life before-—true love. I had heard that love was that tingly feeling inside you when you get a call or message from your partner. You smile and your heart beats a thousand times a minute! Love is, when you hold your partner’s hand, and know that there is nothing better in the world than being with that person.

  But nothing like this happened here. I think I just felt attracted to her because of her looks. Her dress. Her eyes. Her lips. I told myself it was purely lust and nothing else. Love can’t happen in a second. But it wasn’t just lust either. I was thoroughly confused.

  A week passed and I still couldn’t get her out of my mind—the way our eyes met for the first time and the incredible smile she gave me. My attitude in class had changed. I wanted more of her attention. My dressing style changed. I became more conscious of how I looked. I just wanted to talk to her somehow but was afraid. It was not that tough to talk to her but I didn’t know the right way to make the first move. I knew she was keeping an eye on me. I knew that in her heart she liked me too. But I was afraid. This was happening to me for the first time. I had had many girlfriends before. But this was something different. This was like rains in the summer. This was like shining sun in clouds.

  A few days later, I headed for the computer practicals. We entered the lab. I took the computer in the corner. Swapnil was sitting beside me. She entered the lab. She was looking awesome in a red top and low waist dark blue jeans. Her top was somewhat transparent and her sexy shape attracted me. It made me more nervous. She came and sat besides Swapnil. We were asked to write the experiment from the manual. Swapnil was looking at my nervous face. I was looking at her on the sly. And I knew she was doing the same. There was something odd between us. I watched her lips closely. Soft and luscious. Was I falling for her?

  Swapnil exchanged a few words with her. I was getting jealous watching them talk. Swapnil was fast in chatting up girls. I still did not know her name and he was talking to her as if he had known her for the past few years. Even I wanted to join the conversation. But something stopped me.

  The professor started with the roll call. Now was my chance to know her name.

  ‘Roll no. 33.’

  ‘Present, Ma’am,’ she replied.

  Shit! Chance gone. She responded so quickly that I missed her name. We left the lab and I hurriedly went upto Swapnil and asked him her name. He told me it was Riya.

  Riya and Aditya…made for each other?

  Swapnil started talking to her regularly day after day in class or through SMS chats. Even Anup had been conversing with her. It was just me who was left now.

  When we were leaving for home after college, I asked Swapnil to give me a Xerox of the mechanics assignment given earlier that day. He said he did not have it, and neither did Anup. Swapnil went and asked Riya for the assignment. Finally, she broke the long silence between us.

  ‘I have not written just one question. The rest is all here,’ she said handing over the assignment to me.

  I was blank. I could not reply. I was just watching her lips move. She was staring back at me.

  ‘Hello, is it okay? I have not written the last question,’ she said again.

  ‘Absolutely. No problem. Give me your number. If I have any doubts I will call you.’

  Fuck! This is silly, I said to myself. What doubts will I have? But it was too late.

  ‘Okay fine. Take it,’ she said writing something on a piece of paper.

  ‘Thanks, bye.’

  I had really started loving her for I was continuously thinking of her. The feeling of love, the feeling of romance, the feeling of being together—it was all so overwhelming. I loved her. I really did. I was sure it was love. I tried to ask myself why I loved her. Was it the sway in her hips? Or the colour of her lips? Or was it the love in her eyes, the softness of her skin, the silky hair? I had fallen into her trap, and there was no way out.

  I finished writing the assignment. I was staring at her name on the upper right side of the page. I was madly in love. I searched for a nice SMS on my cell to forward to her.

  Two difficult things to say in life:

  1. HELLO to a person who is unknown

  2. GOOD BYE to a person whom you love the most. Good night.

  After 15 minutes, my phone buzzed. I opened my Inbox. It was an SMS from her:

  Good night. Sweet dreams.

  I was excited at the prospect of an SMS chat with her. But I didn’t reply. I did not want to show that I was desperate for her. I wanted her to text me. But she didn’t. I checked my mobile every 10 or 15 minutes. But it did not show anything. I put the cell on vibration mode and kept it under my pillow in case her SMS came. It had been a few minutes but I still did not get a reply. I felt like I should have replied earlier.

  Now it was too late to do so. I cursed myself and went to sleep.

  Soon the lectures turned interesting. Not because I started loving engineering, but because I started loving her. The way she used to look at me during lectures. The way she used to give me naughty smiles indicating she liked me. Canteen became a regular hangout spot for us. She used to sit beside me in the canteen. We started chatting regularly through SMS. We started calling each other daily. We started sharing our food daily. It was a new world altogether. And I loved each moment of it. We bonded with each other quickly. She too hated engineering and this brought us even closer.

  Our assignments, in the meanwhile, had also increased. I was at the station writing an assignment along with Swapnil when Riya called me. I told her to join us. She reached the station within 15 minutes. She lived in Aerol itself. So the station was near her apartment. Swapnil had an inkling that I liked her. I wanted to discuss my feelings for her with Sameer. But he was always busy with his lectures. He hardly bunked any. As we were about to finish our assignments, Swapnil noticed how we were sitting in such close proximity and looking at each other. He knew we had became more than friends. However our feelings were left unsaid.

  ‘
Do you have a boyfriend?’ Swapnil asked Riya. I was shocked. I looked at him in anger. Riya looked at me and said with a smile, ‘No. I am single.’ I did not react.

  We started walking towards the college. Swapnil got a call from his dad who wanted him to come to his office immediately due to some personal work which Swapnil didn’t disclose. Being left all alone with Riya made me a bit nervous. We had never been alone before. We were always accompanied by either Anup or Swapnil. Sameer hardly came with us. We decided to bunk the lectures and go to a restaurant near our college. I wanted to tell her a few things.

  We ordered some snacks. I came to know that sweet kachori was her favourite. Paav bhaji was my favourite.

  ‘Riya, have you ever fallen in love?’ I asked her summoning up all my courage.

  ‘No.’

  ‘No one?’ I asked again.

  ‘I liked many. But I never loved anyone. Maybe I never found anyone who could be perfect for me. What about you?’

  ‘I was in a relationship for a year or so. Actually, it was during my junior college days. I do not know what it was. Was it love or something else? But when we broke up, it did hurt me for a few days.’

  ‘So are you over it now? Or do you still…’

  ‘I am out of it. My friends were very supportive. They helped me a lot.’

  ‘Don’t worry, I am with you,’ she said.

  What does she mean by that? Does she love me? Did she really say that or did I imagine it? I was confused. I wanted to ask her what she meant. However, what would she think? Would she be okay with it? A million thoughts were running through my mind. Finally, I asked her.

  ‘What do you mean you are with me?’ I asked.

  ‘I meant as a friend I am with you always. What did you think?’

  ‘I thought you meant more than a friend. Are you sure you meant that?’