Few Things Left Unsaid

by Sudeep Nagarkar

‘Yes. I’m sure. Now let’s leave,’ she said sensing the awkwardness.

  ‘I don’t think so. If you want to support me, then you will have to take care of me like a little kid.’ I wanted an answer.

  ‘Are you crazy? I’m not your wife.’

  ‘So what? You can take care of me. Can’t you? And wow, that is a good word. From now onwards, I will call you my wife.’

  ‘Oh no, please don’t. I will take care of you but don’t call me your wife. Please.’

  I was sure she liked me. I continued flirting with her.

  ‘I will call you my wife. In addition to that, you have to take care of me. Like a little kid. Like your sweet bachcha. Is that okay?’

  ‘Do whatever you want,’ she blushed.

  We left for our respective homes. I had had the best time of my life till date. Shortly afterwards, I got a message from her saying that it was the best time she ever had. That made me love her more.

  That night before sleeping, I sent her a long SMS.

  Hey dear, oops sorry, my dear wife. This was the best day of my life. Talking to you makes me feel complete. Looking into your eyes makes me feel energetic. So much so that I am still missing you, my sweet kachori. My dearest friend. Thanks a lot for spending quality time with a person like me who dosen’t even deserve your friendship. Thanks a lot. Miss you, my wife. Take care. Good night. See you tomorrow.

  I got an immediate reply.

  Good night, my bachcha. My husband. Haha…tc, good night. And don’t take these things seriously.

  I loved the first part of the SMS. It told myself that someone really cared for me. Someone loved me a lot. Showered me with love and affection. I was overjoyed. But why the hell did she have to write the next part? Girls will be girls. They will never show what is going on in their mind. However, they do not know that boys are much smarter than them. I knew she loved me but didn’t have the guts to tell me.

  We were slowly coming closer to each other. But she never said she loved me. I tried telling her about my feelings by dropping hints like casually saying ‘I love you’, but there would be no reaction from her side. I started calling her MY WIFE, something she liked. We started bunking lectures as submissions were getting closer and many write-ups were pending. Swapnil, Anup, and Riya helped me in writing the class assignments as I was lagging behind them.

  Once we were sitting in the hall of the college. I was talking on phone while Riya was writing my assignment. The sheet she was writing on fell on the ground. So she bent to pick it up. She was wearing a red top and light blue jeans that revealed her shapely figure. As she bent down, her top moved upwards, revealing her back. Her back was just too sexy. I wanted to touch it. I wanted to move my fingers all over it. I purposely stood back and kept watching. I wanted her on bed right there. But I knew she would not have agreed to it and nor was there a bed around. I went close to her from behind. I could feel the fragrance of her body. I could feel her warmth. I wanted to kiss her neck. I went too close. I wanted her. But I wanted our ‘first time’ to be special. She was my love. I wanted to spend my entire life with her. I wanted her to be my wife. I wanted her to take care of me.

  She looked at me. She was surprised to see me so close to her. I bent down and whispered in her ears, ‘Pull down your top. It has moved a bit up.’

  Before she could realize what had happened, I pulled down her top for her. This was the first time I had touched her. My heart was beating at an abnormal speed. She blushed, but did not say anything. She was too good for me.

  The Applied Mechanics practicals began at 2 pm. They were held in a small classroom. I sat with Riya.

  Thakur sir was giving a small lecture on trusses. I was not interested in trusses. I was interested in shapes and curves. I was sitting beside my love. My wife.

  ‘When did we marry? Do you remember?’

  ‘Shut up, Aadi. We are in the middle of a practical.’

  I used to love it when she would call me Aadi. It made me feel like she loved me too. I really wished she did.

  ‘So what. As if you are learning something productive or as if you have interest in learning about mechanics. Utter bullshit all this is.’

  ‘Aadi, it’s a tough subject. We won’t be able to clear it if we don’t study.’

  ‘Leave it yaar. I have joined coaching classes on Saturdays. Why should we worry? I will teach you.’

  ‘Okay fine. Now tell me what you want to ask?’ she replied.

  ‘Do you remember when we got married?’

  ‘Stop trying to be funny. You know we are not married. We are just friends.’

  ‘What yaar!. Let it be. It’s better if we concentrate on mechanics.’

  She gave me a sweet smile after the discussion which said it all. Maybe she was afraid of accepting that she loved me. I wanted to find out the real reason.

  I always wanted to tell her how much I admired her. I always wanted to tell her that whenever she would be upset, I would hold her tight. I always wanted to hang out with her. Play with her hair. Pick her up, tickle her, and wrestle with her. Hold her hand and run. Just hold her hand and kiss her. Give her piggyback rides, Push her on swings. Tell her she looked beautiful. When she was sad, I wanted to stay on the phone with her, even if she was not saying anything. I wanted to look into her eyes and smile. Kiss her on her forehead. I wanted to kiss her in the rain. I wanted to tell her all of this.

  We started appreciating each other in every possible way we could. She used to compliment me if I looked nice. I used to do the same for her. I always used to tell her that she looked beautiful in red and black. She use to wear those colours quite often. She liked blue and black on me. Even green sometimes. Sameer, Swapnil, and Anup had taken a backseat in my life. It’s not that I avoided them on purpose. However, Riya and I were always in our own dream world. Talking about marriage, teasing each other. It was fun. She never took it seriously though I always did. But I never told her about it.

  All my friends started teasing us. They used to say we were ‘made for each other’. It was never serious from their side either. I was living the best days of my life. And I had started liking engineering in the process.

  One day, we decided to bunk college and just hang out in the canteen. Actually we were not in a mood to sit for lectures. Sameer joined us. We ordered cold drinks and snacks. Riya was looking very beautiful that day in an orange and yellow salwaar kameez. She looked like a perfect wife.

  ‘Let’s play a game,’ Sameer said.

  ‘Which game?’ I asked.

  ‘Truth or dare. What say?’ he asked us. We all looked at each other and agreed to play. Sameer started telling us the rules of the game. We had to sit in a circle and one person would spin an empty cola bottle in the centre. When it stoped, the person in front of whom the bottle’s mouth pointed would be given either Truth or Dare. Whosoever got truth would confess something about his life in his own style. And whoever got dare would have to write all the assignments and experiments. The catch was that he would have to write not only his own assignments, but assignments for all of us. The game seemed interesting to me. I had already decided what I was going to do if I chose truth. I wished it was not dare. I didn’t want to spend my week writing assignments for the rest.

  ‘Sameer, spin the bottle,’ Riya said.

  Round and round the bottle went. I wished for the bottle to stop at me. I wanted to do something different. I was listening to the radio on my phone at the same time. And I had decided whichever song it would play, I would dedicate it to Riya.

  The bottle stopped at Sameer. We all decided to give him dare so that he would have to write all the assignments for us. A majority of people in Electronics made Civil suffer. He reluctantly agreed since he had set the rules and couldn’t back out.

  In the next round, the bottle stopped at Riya. I gave her truth. Now it was her turn to confess. I was waiting for her to say something that could take our relationship to the next level.

  ‘I don’t have anything big
to confess. I am originally from Borivli, Western Mumbai. I did my schooling there. I shifted here due to my dad’s business in Navi Mumbai. Initially it was difficult for me to settle here in Aerol. I had to change my way of dressing. I also have a younger brother named Ameya. I call him bachcha. He is my life. My parents tell me that I have to look after his education later on. Ummm…What else? Yes, I am very possessive about Shah Rukh Khan. I love him a lot. If anyone says anything against him, I get really mad.’

  She stopped short and looked at us. All of us started applauding. My respect for her grew even more. Not because she loved Shah Rukh Khan but because she loved her brother so much. She was perfect. She is going to be my wife, I said to myself.

  The next time the bottle stopped at me. Swapnil gave me truth. I had already decided what I would do. I just put my earphones on and switched on the radio on my Nokia 2300 mobile phone. I searched all the channels for a nice song and stopped on one.

  ‘I am dedicating this song to Riya…’

  Everyone started with ooo’s and aaa’s and Riya started blushing.

  Lagta hai yeh kyun mujhe…sadiyon se chaahun tujhe…

  Lagta hai yeh kyun mujhe…sadiyon se chaahun tujhe…

  Mere sapno me aake…mujkho apna banaake…

  Mujhpe tu kar ehsaan… jiya dhadak dhadak… jiya

  dhadak dhadak jaaye…

  After I finished singing, everyone clapped loudly and Riya gave me a huge smile.

  ‘So sweet of you. You are my best friend. Thanks a lot,’ she said happily.

  I wanted her to realize how much I loved her. I needed a shoulder to lean on, someone who would listen patiently to all my problems. I wanted her to realize that she was the only girl who excited me. When I was with her, I felt like I was out of control! When I was with her, I felt no fear. I had fallen for her badly.

  ‘Are you in love with her?’ Swapnil asked me when we went to order a sandwich.

  ‘Yes, I am in love with her. I am crazy about her,’ I replied.

  ‘Then go and tell her. I think she loves you too. I was observing her reaction when you were singing the song.’

  ‘You think so? Maybe she does loves me. But I am not sure. Let’s see what the future has in store for us.’

  We had snacks. Riya was blushing throughout. This was the first time I saw her blush so much. If I could have just one wish, I would wish to wake up everyday with the warmth of her lips on my cheeks, the touch of her fingers on my skin, and the feel of her heart beating with mine…I was deeply in love. And I was sure this feeling wouldn’t come with anyone else but her in future.

  November 10. The preliminary exams had begun. The first paper was Applied Chemistry. I was blank. I was unaware of what was in the syllabus. Riya’s roll no. was 33 and mine was 36. She got a seat in front of me. There were four students in each row. I didn’t know answers to even a single question. The professor started distributing papers. I requested Riya to show me whatever she was writing. I just wanted to write something on the answer paper. I was repeatedly reading the same questions over and over again. There were five questions of 10 marks each. I felt as if I was seeing the questions for the first time. I was not surprised. I had never studied earlier. Riya started writing. I was constantly whispering in her ears to show me something. After writing one page, she passed on the paper to me. I started copying whatever she had written. She had answered two questions. I gave her the paper back after sometime. The professor didn’t noticed what we were doing. He was busy consuming his tea and samosas. After answering the two questions, I got up to leave. Everyone started smiling as I was leaving barely 20 minutes into the paper.

  I went outside the college to chacha’s tapri. I lit a cigarette and was thinking about Riya. We had known each other only for a couple of weeks and she already had me completely and totally infatuated. I didn’t even want to think about being with anyone else. I thought that if I could keep myself busy, I would be okay. But I was so overwhelmed by my feelings for her. I needed to hear her voice always. I needed to feel her touch. I was madly in love with her. I wanted to tell her that she was everything to me. She was the one for me. I just could not imagine her with anyone else. I was becoming increasingly possessive.

  However, I kept thinking to myself, does she think the same way as me? What if she loves someone else? No, she doesn’t love anyone. She had said so that day. But what if she is lying? No, she could not lie. I could see the love in her eyes for me. But is it true love? What was it that I saw? What if she rejects me? What if she didn’t want anything beyond friendship? I had to know everything. I could not keep waiting like this.

  All these thoughts were running in my mind. I left the tapri and started moving towards college. I wanted to shout at the top of my voice, I love you Riya. I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you a lot.

  A Day to Remember

  It was Saturday evening. I was just chilling at home, playing games on my PCn. I logged on to Gmail chat. Riya was online.

  Me:

  ‘Hi, whats up?’

  Riya:

  ‘Nothing special, was just checking my mail.’

  Me:

  ‘Some important mails?’

  Riya:

  ‘No yaar, just casual ones.’

  Me:

  ‘So what’s up with my wife? How was her day?’

  Riya:

  ‘What wife re! I am not your wife.’

  Me:

  ‘You are my wife.’

  Riya:

  ‘Tell me one thing seriously, will you?’

  Me:

  ‘I will try to.’

  Riya:

  ‘Are you ever serious or do you just joke all the time?’

  Me:

  ‘Regarding what, the ‘wife’ thing?’

  Riya:

  ‘Yes, exactly.’

  Me:

  ‘What you think? Am I joking or am I serious?’

  Riya:

  ‘I think you are joking.’

  Me:

  ‘Shall I be frank today?’

  Riya:

  ‘Yes, I want to know what is going on in your mind.’

  Me:

  ‘Okay listen, I am serious. You are my wife.’

  Riya:

  ‘Are you kidding again?’

  Me:

  ‘No, I am very serious actually.’

  Riya:

  ‘I don’t think so. Anyway, I gotta go. Bye.’

  Me:

  ‘Now what is this? Why are you ignoring the topic and leaving?’

  Riya:

  ‘I have to leave. Sorry my husband…haha… Will chat with you on SMS. Bye.’

  It made me very angry. Why did she always avoid this topic? Why do girls like to irritate us so much? Why could they not be straightforward? I took my phone and sent her a message.

  Dear Riya, I am very serious about what I said and I will shout it from rooftops. I hope you will not let me down. Coming Monday, I will tell you something that is in my heart. Okay?

  I got a message shortly afterwards.

  It’s okay. I will not let you down.

  I called her up. She was in a bus. She was coming from her class. I asked her if she was serious and wouldn’t let me down, or was she taking it lightly as always.

  ‘Aadi, I am serious. I will not let you down. You can say whatever you want to. Even I am serious.’

  ‘Pakka, are your sure? It will be embarrassing for me if you…’

  ‘Don’t worry my husband. I will not let you down. Do whatever you want.’

  ‘Are you sure I can do whatever I want in public?’ I was flirting.

  ‘Stop being naughty and keep the phone down. Bye,’ she said and hung up.

  Was she serious? I had made up my mind of proposing to her on Monday. I hoped she would say yes. I was feeling nervous, excited, fearful—all at the same time.

  I hoped she loved me too.

  Was it going to be the beginning of our relationship?

  What wo
uld happen if she came to know about my past relationships?. I wanted to tell her that she was not the first girl in my life. Nevertheless, she would be the last girl in my life. I was really amazed by her beauty. The way she used to talk with me. The way she cared for me. The way she used to force me to eat in the breaks. The way she used to send me a sweet good morning SMS. The way we used to talk during nights. Everything was special about her.

  That night, I thought of flirting with her on the phone for a bit. It was already 11 pm. But still I messaged her.

  Are your legs tired?

  Why? came the reply.

  Because the entire day you were running in my mind. Aren’t you tired?

  Shut up, Aadi…and go to sleep. Miss you. Take care. Gn. Sd.

  She loved me. She surely did. I wanted her to be with me always. My life had changed ever since she came into it. I had become more responsible.

  I called Sameer and Swapnil in the morning. I asked them to meet me immediately. I was very anxious to tell them how things were progressing between Riya and me.

  When I told them about every single SMS, they were not surprised. They knew this was bound to happen.

  ‘So are you serious about her?’ Swapnil asked me.

  ‘Yes, this time I am serious. Trust me, I want to marry her and I will.’

  ‘Did you tell her about your previous relationships?’ Sameer added.

  ‘No yaar, I will tell her on Tuesday itself after mid-terms get over.’

  ‘Aadi are you really serious about her? She is a very sweet girl. I treat her like my sister. I will kill you if your intentions are just to sleep with her,’ Swapnil said raising his voice.

  ‘I am really serious man. Please do not take this the wrong way. I do not have any wrong intentions. I would never do anything like that to her. I really love her a lot. I keep thinking of her all the time. It has never happened with me before. If it was lust then I would have wanted to just sleep with her and get it done with. But I want her to be my wife for good. Please trust me.’

  They both looked at each other and finally smiled and said, ‘So what’s the plan for tomorrow?’

  ‘I haven’t thought about it right now. All I know is I want November 14 to be so special that we remember it for the rest of our lives. I want to show her that I can really keep her happy.’