Few Things Left Unsaid

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  He continued, ‘She didn’t sleep with anyone. She just rested her head on his lap. She did not sleep with anyone. Do you get me? And who are you to say she slept with someone?’ I kept the phone down and called Neha. She sounded tense. I asked her what was wrong.

  ‘Aadi, Riya had called up Amit when we were in Grant Lane. She was crying a lot. She told him everything that had happened between you guys. Amit was quite disturbed. He went away and spoke to her for almost 15 minutes. Then he came back with a smile on his face. I wonder what he told her,’ said Neha crying.

  How foolish is this girl, I thought to myself. I am going through such a bad phase and she has to bring her own personal issues to the fore. Amit and I were good friends so he must have told Riya how much I loved her, nothing else. I did not know what to tell Neha. So I kept the phone down. It did not seem important to me. It was anyways not a big issue for me. Amit went away and had a word with Riya. What’s wrong in that? I wished Neha was in front of me. I would have killed her. Idiot!

  I received a call from Riya. I picked the call. She did not say a single word. She was crying continuously. I did not keep the phone down. It would have been an insult to her. She was disappointed and did not know what to say. She played our favourite song in the background. It brought tears in my eyes. It was the same song we used to sing for each other. The same song on which we used to kiss each other, smile at each other. But today with the same song playing, we were crying. I wanted to kill myself. I could not bear any of this. I pleaded with Riya to stop crying. But she didn’t. I had to keep the phone down. She called back again. I did not pick up. I received one message from her saying goodbye. Tears rolled down my face. Just when I thought that the dam I had built around my heart to keep the pain at bay would hold strong, it sprang a leak. Eating away at the aching pieces until it was torn down…and your eyes were nothing more than fountains of bitter tears that drained you of all emotion leaving you hollow and desolate inside.

  And strangely enough, I knew all this was going to happen. But no one told me it could hurt so much. My heart ached. I could not bear this anymore. I picked up the phone and called her.

  ‘Tujhe dekh dekh sona…tujhe dekh kar hai jagna…’ I cried and cried. I couldn’t sing any more. She continued with the song. We cried the whole night on phone. By morning we had decided to give our relationship one more chance.

  A Bitter Ending

  We were enjoying a new phase of our relationship, the thrill of being together again after so long. Amit and Neha had also become good friends with us and we would hang out together quite often. Amit in particularly had become really good friends with me. We used to call each other up frequently. I started liking him as a friend. He used to ask me about my relationship and whatever was happening in my life. He helped me – in work and in love.

  Mom came up to me one Saturday and said, ‘Aadi, tomorrow we have to go to Ratnagiri for a few days. Some important work has to come up and you need to come along with me. So inform your class professor and take a few days off.’

  I had a Maths class in Aerol that day. After classes the four of us used to hang out together along with Swapnil. Swapnil was happy seeing Riya and me together again. He used to care a lot for her. He apologized to me for the slap. I was sitting besides Riya in the class writing love messages on her notebook. It felt nice being back with her again. I also wanted to take studies seriously and attend lectures regularly. But I knew I could not do all this without Riya by my side. I studied for her. I attended lectures for her. I loved her like crazy.

  After the class got over, I told Riya that I was leaving for Ratnagiri and would be back in a few days. She seemed sad that I would be gone for some days and she would have to stay without me. I kissed her on her cheeks and told her how much I loved her.

  ‘I will miss you a lot, jaan. If Dad had not been there I would have told you to come along with us as well. Love you. Miss you,’ I said holding her hands tightly.

  We spent some time together after which I left for home. Early next morning we left for Ratnagiri. I messaged Riya before leaving:

  Jaan, it will take me four days to return. Love you. Will miss you.

  After some time I got a reply from her: Miss you too.

  Four days seemed like a lot without her. I was not able to concentrate on anything. I wanted to get back home as quickly as possible. I wanted to look into Riya’s eyes. I wanted to feel her touch. I wanted to make her smile. I wanted to hear her voice. I called her once or twice but she didn’t pick up the call. The place where I was staying did not have good network coverage. Maybe she did try calling me but the call did not get through because of bad network. By the end of the trip, I was missing her a lot.

  The work that we had come for was almost done. It was our last day in Ratnagiri.

  I messaged her saying:

  When our song comes on the radio, I can’t help thinking of you and I start crying. When I go to bed at night, I cry because I miss you so much. Jaan I need you.

  I want to see you. It’s been four days and it feels like four weeks. I love you so much. I am leaving now. I will be back tomorrow morning. I hope you are as excited to see me as I am.

  I wanted to be with her that very moment. But she was miles away. I wished she could call me and make my day better.

  Nothing would be more beautiful than hearing her voice. But I could not complain as the mobile network was weak.

  My folks and I reached home early next morning. I had slept for only three hours and retired to bed to catch a quick nap. I called Riya the minute I got up. But she did not pick up my call. I tried calling her again. No reply. I messaged her saying I was back and wanted to meet, but did not get a reply for my message. I was afraid. What had happened while I was gone? I decided to check up on her without informing her in advance. I could not wait to see her face. I wanted to see her smile. I drove my Activa almost at full speed and reached Aerol. I called her again, but she did not pick up my phone. Maybe she’s in college, I thought. I went straight to college. I looked for her everywhere in the campus but could not find her. I called up Swapnil.

  ‘Have you seen Riya? Did she came to college?’

  ‘No. She hasn’t been coming to college—neither today nor yesterday. She came only on Monday and Tuesday. Is there a problem?’ Swapnil asked me.

  ‘Nothing serious. I am back after my trip and have been trying to contact her. But she is not picking up my call. She hasn’t even been replying to my messages. That’s why I thought she must be in college.’

  I disconnected the call and came outside the college. Once outside, I called her up again. She finally picked up my call.

  ‘Where are you?’ she asked me in very low voice.

  ‘I have just reached Mumbai. I have been trying to call you since a long time. Where are you?’ I asked her in a tense voice.

  ‘I am in the middle of a lecture. Why don’t you come to college directly? When are you coming? I will meet you after college. I have practicals now. Sorry. Bye,’ she said and kept the phone down.

  I had been in college a few minutes back. I had looked for her everywhere. I had checked her classroom and confirmed with Swapnil. Why was she lying to me? I was confused. I called up Swapnil again.

  ‘Swapnil, are you sure Riya is not in college? Did you check in the lecture hall? She must be in class,’ I asked him.

  ‘No, she is not in college. I was present for the last lecture. She was not there. I thought you had found her and she was with you,’ Swapnil said.

  ‘She told me she was in a lecture and practicals and that she will meet me in the evening,’ I said.

  ‘She must be joking for sure. Maybe she wants to give you some sort of a surprise. Good luck buddy,’ he said and kept the phone down.

  This could be a possibility. She must be planning a surprise for me since I had not been with her for so many days. The thought of a surprise excited me.

  I called up Neha thinking that she might know about what was go
ing on.

  ‘Hey Neha, how are you? Where is my jaan? What planning is going on behind my back? A big surprise, huh?’ I asked her.

  ‘Aadi, I want to meet you now. Where are you? Come near sector 19. It’s urgent,’ Neha replied.

  ‘Okay fine. Surprise in sector 19, is it? Superb. I am coming right now. I will reach in 5 minutes. Come soon. Bring my jaan also,’ I kept the phone down and started for sector 19. When I reached there, I saw Neha standing alone. My eyes searched for Riya. When I asked Neha about Riya, she started crying. I asked her what the matter was.

  ‘Aadi, Amit has been avoiding me since the past few days. From the day I shouted at him in Grant Lane when Riya called him, he has been treating me very badly. I am afraid I might lose him. Please do something Aadi. He will listen to you. Please.’

  I wanted to meet Riya desperately and Neha was asking me to talk to Amit. This meant Neha did not know anything about the surprise. She was crying a lot. I could not see her crying like that. I called Amit. He did not take my call. I messaged him to call me back as soon as he got free. I asked Neha about Riya.

  ‘I don’t know where she is. I did not meet her after you went to Ratnagiri. I did not call her. I was not in the mood to talk to her. I was at home all through. But please talk to Amit. Please,’ she cried again.

  I calmed her down and left. I promised her I would talk to Amit, but even he was not taking my call. Nobody knew where Riya was. I called her again. Her cell was switched off. I was getting increasingly worried. I could not think of anything and told Neha to call at her home. Neha told me that her mom picked up the call and said Riya was in college. Now this was something unusual. Riya was not in college. Where could she be?

  I went home. I was very upset with whatever had happened. I messaged her again.

  Jaan where are you? I am tensed. Please reply. What has happened to you? I am sorry if I did something wrong. Please reply.

  She sent me a reply saying: I am with my boyfriend. Ha ha…

  I knew this was a joke and said: So how is your new boyfriend? Is he as hot as me?

  Riya said: Yes. Not only is he hot, he is also an expert kisser.

  I replied: Oh seriously? So you must be happy now. You got someone better than me. Congrats. Where are you now?

  She said: I am in Grant Lane with him. Yes, he is better than you. He is sweet and does not make up excuses like you.

  I replied: Stop joking jaan. I want to meet you. Where are you? I am in Aerol.

  Riya said: I told you I am in Grant Lane with him. Meet you tomorrow morning. I will give you a big surprise.

  I replied: Wow, I knew this. Thanks a lot. Even I have a small surprise for you. Miss you. I will come to Aerol tomorrow morning at 10 am. Then we will decide whether to attend college or not. Good night. Miss you. Love you. Muaah.

  I couldn’t sleep all night. I was eager to meet my sweetheart after so many days I decided to take chocolates for her and a greeting card that said ‘Miss You’. I bought the best card available at the nearby gift shop. It said:

  I want to be in your arms where you hold me tight and never let you go…

  I may be away but…

  Even when we are far apart…

  Distance can never change,

  The love between us…

  The love I have for you in my heart…

  Love you always…

  I reached Aerol and ran up to her and gave her a tight hug. I was about to kiss her when she stopped me and pushed me away. Her behaviour seemed a little odd. She had never pushed me away before. I asked her what had happened.

  ‘I have a boyfriend now. Please don’t do these things in public,’ she chided me.

  I was shocked. What was she saying? Was she still joking?

  I asked her, ‘Are you serious? Who is he?’

  ‘Yes I am serious. I called you here for to tell you precisely this.’

  I could not handle it and started crying. I took out my cell phone and called Swapnil. He did not pick up the call. I called Sameer next. Thankfully he picked up. I told him what Riya had said.

  ‘Aadi, don’t cry. Please, I request you. Please stop crying. First listen to her and then call me back. Just hear her out,’ Sameer said and kept the phone down. I could not stop crying. I thought she had done it on purpose.

  ‘So what’s his name?’ I asked her.

  ‘You want to know the name of my new boyfriend? He is better than you. He cares for me more than you ever could. Moreover, the most important thing is he loves me more than you. And I love him too.’

  ‘Was he the reason you were not picking my call while I was away? And there I was thinking you were missing me,’ I said.

  ‘I did not miss you at all. He was with me all through. I tried calling you so many times. You want to know his name?’ Riya said with a wicked smile on her face. ‘His name is Amit. I like him. Maybe I love him…I don’t know yet. He proposed to me a few days back and I accepted. We both like each other. Sorry Aadi… you hurt me a lot. And yes, we are in a relationship.’

  ‘You are what?’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. ‘I demand to know everything.’

  ‘I’ll tell you everything, provided you don’t say a word in between.’ And then she recounted her side of the story.

  Riya’s Confession

  ‘Aditya—the man who came into my life and changed everything. Before I met you, I never knew what true love was. Though I admit I had liked a few people before, I had never ‘loved’ anyone. You were my first love. I realized why people go mad in love only after I met you. I still remember all our dates well—November 14, when you proposed to me; November 16, when we went out together for the first time; our first kiss, your first touch, all the sweet moments in central garden, each moment which we spent in Grant Lane, our engagement, our marriage, everything, everyday, every minute, every second—it was you in my mind and my heart. It was a dream come true for me.’

  ‘However, as the days passed, I started noticing some sudden changes in you. I tried to ignore them at first, but it got difficult with time. You started drinking beer; suddenly studies became more important to you. You had begun to avoid me. I never thought the man of my dreams would behave like this. I never thought my Mr Perfect would ignore me. The same man who once sang songs for me, who had gone on his knees and proposed to me, had now begun to avoid me.’

  ‘Slowly, everything began to fade around me. I had never thought of making good friends in college since I loved your company and that was enough for me. When you suddenly went away from me, I was left all alone in college. I did not have anyone to share my feelings with. I could have told Swapnil and Anup but I did not as I did not want to hurt your friendship with them. But by doing this, I had become more lonely. You never realized all this. Earlier you used to understand every small need of mine but how could you ignore what I felt? How?’

  ‘It started from the day you ignored my calls. Remember? More than 20 calls I think. Right? I was awake the whole night. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to tell you so many things. I called Amit to ask what was wrong with you. His phone was busy. I guess he was talking with Neha. He called me after an hour or so. I told him about you. I told him about our problems so that he could make you understand.’

  While she told me this, I kept thinking to myself how she could have talked about her problems with Neha. She could have expressed her feelings to Swapnil. I didn’t understand how it would have hurt our friendship. Maybe she just wanted excuses. I said sorry for whatever I did that night. I said I was tired. Even I am human. She could have understood. ‘I love you jaan. I love you. Why did you do this?’

  She continued, ‘I told Amit about the problems in our relationship. He said, “What are you saying! I never thought Aditya could behave like this. He seemed perfect. What happened to him? He loves you so much. Every time we talk, we talk only about you. He is a darling. I can’t believe he is behaving like this.”’

  Bloody rascal. If he thought I was perfect,
why was he dating my jaan? People had always taken advantage of her sweetness. Now it was Amit.

  Riya continued, ‘I had called up Amit and said, “Amit, just think what might be running through my mind. I never gave him any chance to complain. I gave him whatever he wanted. I gave him such lovely presents on his birthday and still he is behaving like I don’t matter to him. I called him so many times. Please can you call him and ask?” This is the reason he called you that day. Even Neha called you that day. But you still didn’t bother. You wanted your sleep.’

  ‘Amit called me again that night and said, “Aditya is not picking up the call. He might be sleeping. He might be tired today. Don’t think over it too much. This must be new to you. I am used to this. Neha always does this to me. I wait outside the college for hours and she never bunks lectures. I want to meet her but she never meets me. I am used to this type of behaviour.” I cried. I was crying a lot. He consoled me saying he would talk to you. He did talk to you. Still you never heard him. You had changed Aadi… I had lost my old Aditya. He died. He died the day our exams ended.’

  I knew this bastard would tell Riya about his problems with Neha. There was no need to tell her that he was used to it. What the hell did he mean? Why did he want to persuade Riya? ‘I never did anything on purpose. It’s not that I had stopped loving you, Riya. I wanted to give you all happiness in the future. I wanted to study for you. So that my mom would accept you from her heart. You couldn’t understand something as simple as this? Why bachcha? Why?’

  But Riya’s complaints were not over. She continued with her explanation, ‘Your behaviour became worse day by day. I thought you had stopped loving me. I thought you never loved me. Did you? Why did you change so suddenly? The day you said you wanted a breakup, I almost lost my senses. I had never expected to hear this. We loved each other so much that I never thought you would betray me. I was really upset. I was broken completely. I was in pain, I was frustrated, and all I could think about was you and your love.’