Stay

by Mulholland, S.

  We get to the door and I feel him looking at me as I unlock the door. That’s when I figure that he’s probably just really excited to see Magda for some reason.

  Then I remember that she’s not a huge fan of him and as far as I’m concerned the feeling’s mutual. She says it’s because she can tell he’s a heartbreaker and she’s waiting for the time he does it to me so she can kick his ass. I think his reason for not liking her is because he knows she doesn’t like him. Weirdos.

  I shake my head at the thought and open the door to find rose petals all over the floor leading to my bed while candles burn all over the windowsill. Darren Hayes is singing about love being insatiable on my computer.

  Tears pool in my eyes when I think of him going through all this trouble to make tonight with him special. There’s a tingle in the pit of my stomach when I picture him doing this for me. Then I realize that I haven’t been the only one thinking about getting to this level.

  I know that he’s waiting to hear my reaction but I can’t find the words to describe what I’m feeling. All I know is that I’m a little scared because I have never done this before.

  I look around my room again and after a couple of minutes of taking in everything that he has done to make me feel comfortable, my apprehension disappears because I know that he’s the only one I want to be with.

  I’ve known for a while that it hurts my heart when I’m not with him and there’s only one word that can describe the strong feelings he invokes in me—love.

  I think that I fell in love with Jason the moment I met him. I’ve just been too scared to accept it, until now.

  This whole time I’ve thought he felt the same way about me but I question it at times because he’s always so hot and cold about us.

  Now, the real question is, do I have the courage to tell him what I feel so that we can become more than what we are?

  Anxious, I turn to face him. “Jason, this is beautiful, did you do this…for me? No one’s ever done this for me--” I say with tears threatening to spill over.

  “It’s not as beautiful as you are to me. Besides, I wanted tonight to be special and I know you like all this “romantic” stuff so I figured I would give it to you.” He shrugs as if the gesture means nothing.

  I smile to try to keep the tears at bay. “It’s something all right, Mr. Roberts. I love it, I –“

  I don’t get to finish because he stops me by grabbing both sides of my face and kissing me gently. Dammit! Almost…

  I was about to tell him what I haven’t been able to since that night we met a month ago—that I’m in love with him.

  He pulls away to look me in the eyes. “You’re so beautiful, Alexandra…sometimes when I look at you, it hurts.”

  Stubborn tears fall slowly down my face from how beautiful he’s making this moment for me but I’m also sad that I won’t be able to tell him how I really feel tonight or maybe ever.

  He kisses away my tears with his mouth while continuing to make me melt with his words, “Don’t cry, baby, I just wanted tonight to be special for you because you make me feel special every time we’re together…I just—I don’t want to hurt you…”

  All thoughts about what I wanted to do and say go away at the feel of his lips on me.

  I moan when he starts to leave a trail of kisses down my neck. I lean my head back to give him better access, then his tongue licks the inside of my collarbone and I’m instantly wet.

  “Jason…” I whisper.

  I hear what sounds like a growl coming from his throat.

  “Baby, you taste so good. Let me taste all of you tonight, please, tell me you want me to be inside you as much as I want to be inside you?” He pleads softly.

  I swallow, loudly. I can only nod my head in approval because my mouth just went as dry as the Sahara Desert.

  I have never wanted any man like I do Jason. It’s like my body automatically calls out to him whenever he’s around.

  It’s been so hard to not be intimate with him for a whole month, but I have to keep some sort of dignity. I mean, I am definitely not Magda and let’s be real here, I don’t know how to do this. I love Magda but like I said before she has way more experience in this department than I do—actually all the experience.

  He looks at me and his eyes are filled with desire. I feel his fingers slide under the straps of my dress sliding them off my shoulders. My dress pools at the bottom of my feet and I’m left in my matching lace panties. His eyes slowly roam my body making me shake involuntarily.

  He takes a small step back. “God, you’re beautiful, I don’t deserve you…” He says under his breath.

  I forget about that comment when he places his left hand behind my neck and pulls me towards him to kiss me on the lips.

  Once his tongue touches mine, all hell breaks loose. Clothes start falling everywhere. There’s licking, biting—yes, I said biting-- and even sucking going on before we even reach my bed. It’s like we’ve been holding back this whole time and now that we’re so close to getting what we both want...we’re desperate and there’s no time to waste.

  By the time we reach the bed we’re both a sweaty naked mess.

  He lays me down on the bed and takes a nipple into his mouth. I arch my back and bite my lip to keep from crying out in pleasure.

  He pays the same amount of attention to my other nipple and by then, I’m writhing under him hoping he gets to the point that needs him the most.

  “Jason—please…” I say breathless as I dig my nails into his flexed biceps.

  I suck in a harsh breath when he makes a popping noise when releasing my nipple.

  He meets my eyes. “What, baby? Please, what?” He asks with a playful smirk. God, even when he’s all smug he turns me on.

  I look deeply into his eyes willing him to see how much I love him. I don’t know how it happened so fast but it did. Jason Roberts stole my heart—he’s owned it since that night in October.

  “Make love to me…make me yours…” I state without hesitation, biting the side of my lip.

  He doesn’t say anything. He just places his hands on both sides of my face being careful to not have his full weight on me.

  From this angle I can see the little beads of sweat starting to form on his biceps and chest.

  He positions himself to enter me but he feels far away so I slide down to get closer.

  He moves further away. I look at him confused.

  “I want you so much…but I don’t want to hurt you.”He whispers.

  I plead with him, “You won’t. I just—I need you…please.”

  He takes one more look at my face before moving slightly off of me and getting a condom out of his pant pocket. After he sheathes himself he re-positions his body over me.

  He moves a stray hair away from my face before pushing into me for the first time. He moans as I cry out at the feeling of being filled—by him.

  My eyes close and my head tilts back at the overwhelming sensation of him being inside me.

  “I need you to look at me, Alexandra, please…” He says with a hint of vulnerability.

  My head comes back forward and we lock eyes as our breathing becomes more ragged. I grab the back of his neck and pull him in for a kiss. I let him go and we stare at each other.

  “I’m here, baby, I’m here with you. I’m yours—only yours.” I say gently.

  All it takes are those words for him to thrust into me time and time again. There’s so much passion in his movements that I scratch the hell out of his back before we both reach our peak.

  I expected it to hurt as much as everyone told me it would, but it didn’t. It was uncomfortable in the beginning but having Jason was all I ever needed. I know that he’s the only one that will ever make me feel the most wonderful pleasure in my life.

  As a matter of fact, I found this new activity so enjoyable that I plan on having plenty of the same tonight and tomorrow.

  We lay in each other’s arms later in the night after a few rounds of expe
rimenting with new positions.

  Drifting in and out of sleep I think of his kindness and patience and it makes me ache for him more than I already do. It makes me feel like I’m only his and he’s only mine but Melanie’s words come back to haunt me, “Roberts is known as the love them, leave them type of guy so she better not be thinking it’s going to be any different for her.”

  I fall asleep knowing that although, I have Jason now, I feel like I won’t for much longer because if he doesn’t let me in anytime soon—it will be the end of whatever it is that we are to each other.

  Loving him will be the end of me and him not loving me will be the end of us.

  Chapter Three

  December

  “Do you think that this looks slutty enough?” Magda asks standing in front of the mirror.

  Why is she always standing in front of that damn mirror? I smile and shake my head at the only person that is there for me. There’s no one else I can trust these days—not even the person you give your virginity to, apparently.

  I look at her very short strapless red dress with a black bow below her boobs and then down to her black beaded pumps. “Not your usual slutty self…but still Hoe-ish, nonetheless. Why do you ask?” I ask sarcastically.

  She walks towards my desk where I’m currently sitting waiting for her to finish her three hour routine.

  Standing directly in front of me she points her dainty finger at me. “Don’t you dare give me attitude. You know I don’t want to go to this shit and you’re making me—just because Jason will supposedly be there...”

  I sigh heavily because I know she’s telling me the truth. I have been testy all day since finding out that Jason is going to a Christmas party tonight that’s being thrown by none other than the Bud girls (a sorority of some sort that has Melanie as their selfless Skanky leader).

  I’ve avoided Satan’s Mistress since the last time I saw her at the gym where she insinuated a few things about Jason that I decided not to believe…until now.

  “I know…I’m sorry. I’m just a little bitchy about all this, that’s all.” I apologize.

  She looks at me thoughtfully. “You’re forgiven. Just don’t get your panties in a bunch. You don’t really know for sure that he’s going to be there with Crater-Face anyway.”

  I roll my eyes. “Magda, she had one of her minions tell me a couple of hours ago…and he did tell me that he was going to a party to “take care of something”—he just didn’t mention he was going with anyone in particular,” I say annoyed with how dismissive she’s being.

  Melanie plays dirty and I know that, but it doesn’t stop me from getting aggravated at the “coincidence” of them both being at the same party tonight.

  He told me earlier today that he couldn’t do anything tonight because he had plans. Which according to Jessica (Melanie’s Bitch) include Melanie herself.

  My stomach churns at the image in my head of them together. I get up from my desk and move around her to look at myself in the mirror.

  My makeup is subtle and my curly hair hangs loose over my shoulders. The only thing that’s covering my body is a piece of cloth I borrowed from Magda. A black short dress with a plunging neckline that barely covers my woman parts. I’ll have to be watching my every move tonight or I’ll be flashing my very tiny g-string to anyone within a mile radius.

  My back is bare except for the cloth that covers my cheeks up to my crack. The hot red spiked heels finish off my “revenge” ensemble which is what Magda called it when she shoved it in my face a few hours ago when I told her about Melanie and Jason.

  I’m debating whether or not I should leave the dorm looking like this when Magda interrupts me, “You look hot, Alex. Both of those Bitches are going to drool when they see you tonight. I just want you to keep in mind that Jessica and Melanie could just be trying to get under your skin like she did last time and nothing else.”

  I place my hands on my hips as I turn around to face her. “Fine, I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll also give Jason the benefit of the doubt, like I always do, but can I at least wear a bra?” I ask with a half smile.

  I might as well try to get her to sympathize with me and help me feel a little more secure in my own body than I feel right now with my C cups being as free as a bird.

  “Uh—No. You cannot wear a bra with such a revealing dress. You’ll look like an insecure little girl. You need to look like the secure Bitch you are…so, NO BRA!” She flat out denies me.

  “Ugh! Fine…let’s get this over with,” I say defeated and ready to get on with the show.

  ***

  It takes about fifteen minutes to get to our destination on Lost Dauphin Drive where all the emotionless rich people live in their empty loveless mansions.

  I often wonder if any of the couples that live in this neighborhood are as happy as they seem. We spotted some couples leaving their huge homes on the way here and they just look like they are in such cold relationships. There’s no love between them.

  I can only hope that I never fall into a loveless relationship like that. That hope is what has allowed me to continue with Jason and our strange situation. I know the last couple of months together have been unbelievable when he allows it to be.

  He still has this wall up but it seems like the more time we spend with each other the more I see that he does care a lot about me—or I think he does.

  There’s times when we’re so close, yet so far away. It’s like there’s something he’s holding on to that he can’t get rid of, or maybe…he doesn’t want to.

  “We’re here.” Magda says breaking me out of my dark thoughts.

  I look around and notice that we’re at Melanie’s house. It’s an all red brick house with overdone landscaping and over the top decorations. Figures…her house is just as fake as she is.

  I look at Magda and shrug. “You know what? No matter how hard they try to make this place look like a home…you still get the feeling that this house is as empty and shallow as the owners.”

  “I know…this Bitch and her fucking parents try too damn hard—the funny thing is no one likes them for that same reason.” She takes a deep breath and smiles menacingly, “But tonight…Melanie Martinez will learn not to mess with things that don’t belong to her.”

  I roll my eyes. “Jason’s not mine, Magda. He never has been and that has been proven time and time again—he doesn’t belong to me. Just like I don’t belong to him,” I add with a forced smile.

  My heart hurts at the pain I hear in my voice.

  I have wanted to be Jason’s since the first day I met him and I’ve tried to show him by sticking around and never bringing up the topic of what we are to each other but I’ve had it.

  I believed him when he basically told me he hadn’t slept with Melanie.

  I believe him every time he makes love to me and makes me feel like I’m his only one. I never thought he would play me…until this very moment.

  I feel my blood boiling at the thought of him lying to me for the past two months about his relationship status and his involvement with Melanie.

  So tonight, I end this little mystery because I don’t care anymore. If he’s been bullshitting me…well, shit—let’s just say two can play this game.

  “Yea…okay,” Magda says with a snort. “Let’s get out and show these assholes who’s boss, shall we?”

  Ignoring her comment, I revel in the fact that part of what she said is true. It’s time for all this nonsense to come to an end, even if it means losing Jason. I have too much pride to be his second or third lay each night.

  “Oh…we shall indeed, Magda…we shall indeed.” I say bitterly.

  Mixed emotions flood through me when we enter Melanie’s packed house. I’m angry at the reason for my being here, I’m sad at the fact that Jason more than likely has been lying to me this whole time, and I’m disappointed that out of everyone on campus it had to be Slutinez that he got with. Yuck!

  I would be lying to myself if I said that I didn’t ha
ve a glimmer of hope that this might all just be a lie and Jason really isn’t here with Melanie or with anyone. I want to believe so badly that it’s just me but I’m not so sure anymore.

  Looking down as we walk through the crowd of people in the living room, I put on my big girl panties to deal with the drama I have going on right now. After gathering my courage, I look up and see that I’m getting stared at by every single person here. What the fuck?

  “Magda…” I whisper in her ear mid stride.

  She turns around irritated that I’m stopping her motivated speed walking. “What?!” She asks harshly.

  I look around the room once more to make sure I’m not imagining things but no such luck.

  There’s a bunch of drunken people dancing to Melanie’s wannabe theme song, ‘Milkshake’ by Kelis, but the rest of them are all gawking at me like they’ve never seen me before.

  My insecurities start to come out and I start pulling my very short dress down to make sure I’m not showing my cheeks or anything.

  I look down my chest to make sure my nipples aren’t out in the open. “Why am I getting stared at like I’m an alien or something?”

  “Because you look fucking hot,” she says laughing and looking around the room smugly. “Now, come on, let’s go find Dick-Eater.”

  I take a deep breath and try to forget all the eyes on me before letting her drag me through the crowd again. She walks past the living room and into what looks like the dining room.

  Magda stops abruptly as I’m looking at all the faces around me hoping Jason isn’t among them, making me bump into her.

  “Shit!” I yell, readjusting my chest so that there’s no side boob from the bouncing around that just occurred during the impact.

  She doesn’t turn around. She just pulls me by the arm and moves me in front of her body. I pause my readjusting.

  I’m confused at her action until I glance ahead and see Melanie sitting at the edge of the dining room table surrounded by her minions.

  “There’s the Skank. Now…what do you want to do? You want to go ask her about Jason or should we keep looking for him?” She asks near my ear.