Stay

by Mulholland, S.

  At the mention of Jason, I stop looking at Melanie and her scandalous Santa Claus lingerie looking outfit with overdone makeup and hair.

  I glance around to see if I find him, but I don’t. “I don’t see him anywhere…I just see a bunch of drunken idiots staring at me like I’m a piece of meat,” I say a little relieved that we haven’t spotted Jason.

  Magda comes around and stands next to me. “I know…I don’t see him either,” she says not looking at me but making her way around the room.

  She scrunches her nose, “I knew that Bitch was lying. She was just trying to piss you off…we should slap the shit out of her just for that—at least the trip here will be worth it.”

  I finally genuinely laugh at her comment because I’m feeling a little more relaxed now that Jason clearly isn’t here.

  “I totally want to punch her in the jugular but honestly, she’s not worth it. She obviously has too much time on her hands,” I say feeling irritated with myself for playing into her stupid little games and thinking the worst about Jason.

  She groans and stomps one of her heels like I took all her excitement for the night away. “Fine! You ruin all my fun…but don’t think I’m wasting your hotness and my hotness tonight. We’re still going to a party…we just gotta get out of this STD infested one.”

  “Let’s just go. I don’t care what we do after. I just want to call Jason and pretend like I wasn’t acting like a total idiot tonight,” I say feeling relieved. “I just need to put a bra on before we hit any other public places,” I finish with a wink.

  Laughing, she grabs my hand again to lead me to the exit. I stay focused on the floor the whole walk back to the enormous living room so that I don’t have to see everyone’s eyes on me.

  Magda stops abruptly again which makes me bump into her once more.

  “Dammit, Magda!” I admonish.

  She pulls on my hand not saying anything, just staring straight ahead. Her finger goes up as I’m watching her face.

  “Holy shit! There!” She points out hysterically.

  I immediately follow her finger and see that she’s pointing at the door we just came in from a few minutes ago.

  My body goes cold and motionless when I see the person that’s just walking into the party…Jason.

  I look at him up and down. He’s wearing a black suit and tie with a white collar shirt.

  He looks to die for, but this isn’t the time for me to notice how unbelievably sexy he looks in those clothes.

  His hands are in both his pant pockets and he’s staring straight ahead. He has no idea that I’m standing here in shock at the sight of him.

  He lied to me is all I can think when Magda says, “Alex, let’s get out of here…this was a bad idea.”

  Anger engulfs me once again. “No! This is what we’re here for. Let’s see what he’s doing here,” I say through clenched teeth.

  “But—“I raise my hand to let her know I mean business.

  She takes the hint and steps closer to me while I watch Jason walk straight through the living room and into the dining room.

  My heart rate escalates when we follow him directly to where we saw Melanie sitting. Magda and I are walking side by side in silence as we watch all this unfold before our eyes.

  I contemplate closing my eyes and just turning around and making a run for it but I know I can’t. If this is what he’s been hiding from me the whole time, I need to know. I cannot keep putting myself through this with him. I can’t allow this to go on when I’m the one getting hurt in the process. I will not be someone’s play thing. He might’ve fooled me up until now, but not anymore.

  I love him so much it hurts but if he doesn’t feel the same and has been playing me—there’s nothing left for him and I.

  I grind my teeth until they hurt in order to keep the tears forming in my eyes to spill over.

  Standing there motionless, I see Melanie light up when she finally notices Jason walking towards her. I try to keep my eyes focused on her so that I can see her full reaction but I can’t. I look away and watch Jason approach her with no emotion on his face.

  When he reaches her, everyone around disappears, leaving them alone. I’m too far away to hear anything that they’re saying so I try to step closer to them but Magda stops me.

  “Don’t! They’ll see you….let’s just watch what they do.” She says softly.

  I don’t respond because I know she’s probably right so I just keep my eyes focused on the scene in front of me.

  I look at Melanie this time and I see her flashing her flirtatious smile at him the whole time he’s talking to her. My stomach churns when I see her hand come up and grab his tie.

  I want to close my eyes so bad but it’s like watching a train wreck—I can’t look away.

  He immediately grabs her hand and takes it off his tie while saying something to her sternly.

  That move makes me think that maybe just maybe there’s nothing going on but then it happens. It all feels like it’s in slow motion for me but in reality it’s not.

  She says something in return and then puts her arms around his neck pulling him towards her disgustingly overly lip glossed mouth.

  “Oh…shiiiit…it’s about to go down!” I hear Magda say excitedly next to me.

  My feet are moving at lightning speed without me even knowing it but I don’t care at this point. I need to confront him. I need him to know that I found out about his little game and that I don’t intend on being one of the players anymore.

  His back is towards me when I approach them. All I can see are his hands on top of hers around his neck making me feel nauseous at the fact that those hands have been on me. The whole time he’s been with her, he’s been with me…I’m gonna be sick…

  I compose myself when I’m finally standing behind him. Magda is still by my side not saying a word. I take a deep breath before I tap on his shoulder.

  He roughly grabs Melanie’s hands and pushes her off of him so he can turn around. Rub it in, Toolbox!

  When he comes face to face with me I see his eyes slide down my body and his body becomes rigid.

  His eyes come back up to find me glaring at him.

  I see his jaw start to tick like he’s angry about something. I’m the one that needs to angry! What the fuck is he angry about? He’s the one kissing fart-mouth.

  His lips thin out, “Alexan—“

  My hand connects with his face immediately so he’s not able to finish saying my name. His head goes sideways at the sudden impact but his eyes don’t waver from mine.

  Magda gasps but I don’t care enough to look at her. I just glare at Jason and hope that the hurt and disappointment that I feel right now is visible in my eyes because no words are coming out of my mouth.

  I finally turn to face Magda. “Let’s go. I’ve got nothing left to “take care of” here,” I say through gritted teeth.

  Her only response is a nod.

  I turn on my heel and start walking away with Magda behind me. I only hear loud voices as I get further away. I don’t have the control to turn around and see what’s happening so I just keep walking as fast as I can.

  When I make my way into the living room someone grabs my ass out of nowhere.

  Not having the patience for Magda’s stupid jokes, I turn around ready to knock her out but stop dead in my tracks when she’s not the one behind me. There’s a tall ass guy standing there with a beer in his hand and she’s nowhere near me.

  “Hey, baby…” He slurs as he gets closer to me.

  I take a step back to get away from him but he puts an arm around my waist to stop me.

  “Where you going, sweetheart? Dance with me…” He says with his yellow-teeth smile, pulling me close to his body.

  My body shudders with disgust at the smell of his nasty drunken breath on my face.

  I try to pull away but his grip gets tighter.

  “Let me go, douche bag!” I yell, hitting him in the chest to no avail.

  He starts
laughing and grinding his erection on me. I try to wiggle out of his hold but I can’t.

  I look around for help but nobody’s watching us. That’s when I realize that everybody around us probably thinks we’re just having a good time because this is the way everyone in here is dancing.

  I could get raped right here, right now, and nobody would notice. Son of a bitch!

  This is what I’m thinking when douche bag all of a sudden turns around for some reason and lets me go.

  I instantly look down because I can feel my dress barely covering my ass from struggling with him. I’m fixing my dress when I hear what sounds like a loud crash happen right in front of me.

  I look up just in time to see the guy that was grinding on me hit the floor right by my feet.

  My hand flies to my mouth as I gasp loudly when I see him lying on the floor knocked out. I’m paralyzed on the spot until I see Jason grabbing the guy off the floor and making him stand up.

  There’s only the sound of the music playing loudly because everyone is silent just watching the show.

  I’m baffled by Jason’s reaction because I’ve never seen him act like this before.

  “Don’t you ever fucking touch her! You understand me?!” He yells in the guys’ now bloody face.

  My eyes go wide at the rage I hear in his voice for this drunken asshole that probably won’t remember anything that happened, tomorrow.

  “Oh my God, Alexandra are you okay?” Magda asks appearing at my side once again and grabbing my arm.

  I don’t’ respond because I panic when I see Jason make a fist like he’s going to punch this guy again.

  I pull away from Magda’s grasp and step in to grab his fist before he strikes the half conscious man. I may be livid with him right now, but I refuse to let him get in trouble for beating somebody up at his girlfriends’ party.

  “Stop it, Jason!” I yell holding his scraped, swollen fist in place.

  His attention turns to me but his mouth stays in a thin line. “Don’t do this. It’s not worth it…” I continue barely above a whisper so that only he can hear me.

  I can only hope that he’ll realize the double meaning of my words.

  Tears threaten to spill over but I refuse to let them go in front of him.

  A flash of sadness crosses his face but he doesn’t say anything.

  I look away and shake my head disappointed at what has transpired tonight.

  I sigh as I let go of his hand and turn back around to leave this suffocating house. I walk past Magda and soon after I feel her by my side as I walk out into the driveway where she parked the car.

  I know that she understands how much I don’t want to talk about everything that just happened because we reach the car in silence.

  I’m about to grab the handle to the passenger side when a hand covers it.

  “Dammit, Alexandra! Why in the fuck are you here dressed like that? Are you trying to get me to kill someone?” Jason scolds me.

  I whip my head up. “Excuse me?” I ask incredulously.

  From the corner of my eye I see Magda standing by the driver side. She quickly makes her way inside the car to avoid the drama or to have a front row seat to it, not sure which one. Traitor!

  He grabs my arm roughly. “You’re barely fucking covered. You shouldn’t be leaving the house dressed like that.”

  Confused I say, “I’m sorry, but you must be speaking to the wrong girl because I know for sure you mean to say this to your girlfriend—you know? The one who had one of her dingle-berry sniffers tell me to come here and see for myself who you really are--“

  “Let’s get some things straight here, Alexandra.” He interrupts me mid-sentence, his face dark with fury. “First, I don’t want you dressing like that if I’m not around. It’s not safe. Next…Melanie is not my girlfriend, she never has been. I have never slept with the girl nor have I had any other type of interaction with her outside of what you just saw—which was business—she was messing with something that belongs to me but I took care of that,” he finishes.

  My mouth hangs open at what he’s trying to get me to believe so nonchalantly but I find my voice soon enough.

  “You know what, Jason? I can dress however the fuck I want—I don’t need your permission…I’m not yours!” I say exasperated, throwing my hands up in the air annoyed. “I’m not gonna do this with you anymore. I know everything now…I’m not playing your games. You can go back to Melanie.” I finish, looking directly into his piercing blue eyes.

  I get a whiff of his sexy ‘jump my bones’ cologne when he moves closer to me.

  His hand remains on the handle so I try to take a step back to move around him but he grabs me by the waist with his free one.

  He pulls me close up against his body.

  My eyes close involuntarily at his nearness.

  “That’s where you’re wrong, Alexandra …You. Are. Mine. It’s not a game.” He whispers.

  His minty breath on my face sends sensual shivers down my spine. My mind instantly goes to that dirty place he always takes me to when he gets this close to me.

  The thought of him being jealous for any reason makes me yearn for him to ravish me right up against Magda’s car. Calm down, Alex! Keep it together.

  I feel his hand caressing the curve on my lower back and I automatically lean into him. I open my eyes when I feel his arousal by my waist wanting to see if he needs me just as much as I need him.

  But as I stare into his eyes I don’t know what to believe from him anymore. All I know is that I want him so badly right now even after all that’s happened tonight but I don’t know if he genuinely means what he just said. I have to figure this out.

  “What do you want from me, Jason?” I whisper back to him, trying to get back on topic.

  His eyes roam my face before he answers softly, “I want you to come back to me, baby…Melanie means nothing to me. I didn’t lie to you. She was what I had to take care of tonight. Her and I had some business to take care of and she felt the need to kiss me once I was done…I didn’t kiss her back, Alexandra. I want you to believe me…to trust in me enough to know that everything I do is to protect you…please…”

  The tears I’ve been holding back this whole night finally spill over at hearing the sincerity in his voice.

  My heart tells me to believe him but my mind says not to, it tells me to run as far away from him as possible, but I can’t. He just owns me—every part of me.

  “You were…kissing her…” I remind him in between breaths.

  He lets go of the handle and brings his hand to my face.

  Making circles with his thumb on my cheek he explains, “I wasn’t kissing her back…I was pulling her off of me when you showed up. I’ve never had anything with her or anybody here. Please believe me--it is worth it.”

  I find myself taken aback by his sweet words and my heart flutters at the hope I start to feel again because I realize that in the last two months that we’ve spent together, he’s never said I was his out loud. It’s only when we’re making love that he makes me feel that way…but he never says it.

  My heart races at the memory of him finally saying that I was his. But I still have to clear the air about this whole thing.

  “Jason—I do believe you. I always do...I just don’t know how much longer I can wait for you to be totally honest with me. I know there’s more…” I say softly.

  His eyes are haunted at the mention of what he hides from me and it breaks my heart when he looks away from me before saying, “I can’t right now, Alexandra. I will—soon. I just—“

  “Okay…okay…I’m not going to push you. I never have…just like you don’t push me,” I say interrupting his internal struggle even though there’s nothing more that I want than for him to open up.

  He places a gentle kiss on my lips making me forget this whole weird “relationship” we have going on.

  I believe everything he’s said to me tonight because it’s been what I’ve wanted to hear for a lo
ng time but mostly it’s because right now…I believe in us.

  Chapter Four

  January

  I place the last piece of tape behind the picture of Jason and me, the one that I took at last week’s football game. I walk over and find a place for it with all the other ones I’ve taped up to the wall to the right of my desk.

  I love taking pictures of him alone but I especially like it when we take them together. Those are the ones that I like to post up for everyone to see, since it’s the only way for me to really claim him.

  I smile inwardly because of how happy he makes me and just thinking about how much time we’ve spent together makes my heart full. Even after the drama with Melanie, we’re still here.

  I feel Jason watching me as I put the tape back in the top drawer of my desk.

  I turn to him as he gets up from my bed and heads towards the door.

  “Am I going to see you tonight at Jesse’s party?” I ask over Richard Clayderman’s ‘Love Story’ playing on my laptop.

  I’m a hopeless romantic, what can I say? That…and Clayderman is the shit, I don’t care what anyone says.

  He stops mid stride. “Ummm--about that—listen…I--”

  I raise an eyebrow and frown when I get closer. “What about it?”

  He looks away from me and shakes his head before turning to face me again. “Nothing, babe. I’ll see you there, okay?”

  I ignore how tense the atmosphere just got because I’m too excited about seeing him tonight. “Great. I can’t wait!” I say with a wink.

  I lean in to close the gap between us and place a passionate kiss on his lips.

  He hugs me tight against his chest. As he pulls away he takes a stray curl and places it behind my ear, making my eyes close.

  I still can’t believe he has this effect on me without even knowing it or maybe he does. Frankly I don’t care. All I know is that I love it.

  We stand in that embrace for a minute and when I open my eyes, I see him staring at me with an expression on his face that I can’t interpret. It’s like his eyes are memorizing every single part of me, which is weird because I’m going see him later. It must just be my imagination.