Love Me Always

by Marie Higgins

  Relaxing in a heavily cushioned loveseat, she pretended to take interest in her father’s stories, although the only thing on her mind was Nick’s presence beside her. She wanted so much to be with him – to marry him. Then again, he hadn’t asked. A strong feeling came over her, encouraging her to talk to Grant and tell him of her feelings for his nephew. Grant was a wise man, he would understand she wanted to be with someone younger. Yet would he understand? Or would the news kill him. Literally.

  It didn’t take long for Gertrude’s head to tilt against the wall and her eyes to close. Poor woman. It seemed nothing could keep her awake after she’d filled her belly. Then again, her old age kept her napping most of the day, anyway.

  “Catherine, my sweet?” Nick asked in a low voice.

  She looked his way and smiled. “Yes?”

  “Would you like to join me in a game of chess?”

  “It would be my pleasure.”

  He stood and held out his hand for her to take. She did, and was led to the chess table. Her father kept his eyes on them, so she made certain she acted properly.

  Nick set up the game pieces, his gaze switching back and forth between the board and her. The rhythm of her heart picked up and she silently scolded herself for becoming weak around him.

  Soon, her father’s attentions turned back onto Grant. Once again, Mary stood nearby as if she were a permanent fixture next to Grant. Catherine shook her head, not quite understanding why the older woman seemed so possessive.

  When a warm hand touched her fingers, she looked up into Nick’s soft gaze.

  “Is something troubling you?” he asked almost in a whisper.

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I don’t particularly approve of how Mary hovers constantly over Grant the way she does. It’s not what a normal nurse would do, in my opinion.”

  He glanced in that direction then met Catherine’s gaze again. “You know, I’ve been thinking the same thing lately.” He chuckled softly. “If I didn’t know my uncle better, I would think he was flirting with the woman.”

  A giggle escaped Catherine and she quickly covered her mouth. “You are just horrid, Nicholas. But I think you are right. Even if Grant doesn’t have the same feelings, I’m beginning to believe Mary might be in love with the duke.”

  “Now that would be hilarious.”

  Nick’s gaze softened, as did his charming grin. They were quiet for a while, only making comments about the game.

  “Do you know how beautiful you are tonight?” Nick whispered, disturbing her thoughts once again.

  Her gaze flew up to his and held. “No,” she answered softly.

  “You are so beautiful I cannot stop from looking at you,” he whispered again. “Do you know how badly I want to be alone with you right now?”

  She shook her head, keeping her eyes locked with his. “We can’t...”

  “Just for a few minutes. That’s all.”

  Her heart sang with excitement, but at the same time an inner voice inside her head shouted out a warning. If they were caught alone together and Grant found out...his life would end quickly by a failing heart. She didn’t want to be responsible for killing Grant, and she knew Nick would never forgive himself if that happened.

  She swallowed hard. “We can talk right now.”

  “No we can’t. What I want to say needs to be said in private.”

  “No, Nick. We cannot.”

  “We can.”

  “There’s no way.”

  “I’ll make a way,” Nick promise. “Tonight.”

  Grant’s voice boomed behind them, startling Catherine. “Well, I believe I’ve overdone it this evening. My body is letting me know it’s time for bed.” He stood, one hand pressing into his back.

  Catherine quickly jumped up, rushing to his side. “Would you like me to help you up the stairs, Grant?”

  He caressed her cheek softly. “Yes, my dear. That would be lovely.”

  Grant said his goodnights to everyone, then left the room with Catherine by his side and started up the stairs. Just as they were going up, Nick came up behind them.

  “Here, let me help you too, Uncle Grant,” he said as he took a hold of the duke’s other arm.

  She didn’t dare look at Nick, but couldn’t resist gazing into his dreamy green eyes. His enchanting stare communicated to her – warning her of his intention.

  Chapter Twelve

  Nick tucked the blankets around his uncle’s waist and straightened. Weary lines creased around Grant’s eyes and lips. His uncle smiled, and even the corners of his mouth struggled to lift.

  “Uncle Grant, I believe you have worn yourself out. Now the doctor will reprimand me for being a poor nursemaid.”

  Wearily, Grant chuckled and shook his head. “I had a wonderful evening. It was good to reminisce with Henry. It’s been so long.”

  “Yes, I’m certain it was good for your heart. Too bad your body disagrees.”

  Grant flipped his hand through the air then dropped it to the bed. “Balderdash. I needed that time with my family.” He turned his head on the pillow and met Nick’s gaze. “Did I ever tell you about my scandalous younger days?”

  “Yes.” Nick ground his teeth. He’d didn’t want to hear the duke’s stories again. Not when spending time with Catherine would bring him more enjoyment.

  “No, dear nephew, I don’t believe I have told you.” Grant inhaled deeply then struggled a smile again. “This was right after my dear Elizabeth passed.”

  Mary, Grant’s nurse, hung by his bed to pour him a drink of water. The duke accepted the glass and sipped. When he handed it back, he gave her a wink. Nick grinned to see such an exchange between his relative and the other woman.

  Letting out a deep sigh, Nick sat on the edge of the bed, trying to concentrate on what his uncle wanted to discuss. Hopefully, Grant’s story wasn’t very long. “So you were scandalous?” Nick asked.

  Grant nodded. “Although I missed Elizabeth terribly after her death, it was as if a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I felt free. I wanted to punish society for making me act and behave the way they thought I should. My father was dead by this time, and I wanted to prove that I could be my own man.”

  Curiosity overcame Nick. He’d never heard about this part of his uncle’s life. Hard to believe Grant would be rebellious.

  “There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do or say just to make people react. People were reluctant to invite me to their parties, only because they feared what I’d do next.”

  Nick grinned. “Indeed? Pray, why are you telling me this, uncle?”

  Grant shrugged. “Seeing Henry made me think back to those days.”

  “But you knew Catherine’s parents before you married Elizabeth.”

  “Yes.”

  “So why would Henry’s presence remind you of those days?”

  Grant blindly reached for Nick’s hand and clasped it. “Because I hadn’t talked to Henry and Sophia since I married your aunt. During my rebellious time, I became reacquainted with them.”

  “Is this when you thought about marrying Catherine? After all, it would be scandalous to offer for a young girl who was younger than your own nephews.”

  Grant’s gaze moved around the room before finding a point and staring. Nick didn’t know what he was looking at, and could only assume memories ran rapid through his uncle’s mind.

  “No. That came much later. But after your father died, I took you boys with me when I visited Henry and Sophia.”

  “Yes. I remember.”

  “Catherine was such a lovely child, so fun and full of life.”

  Nick grinned. The lovely child had blossomed and became lovelier. He’d loved her all this time and had dreamed of making her his wife one day.

  Grant sighed. “She’s so much like her mother.”

  The tenderness in his uncle’s voice made Nick pause. Had something been going on between him and Sophia? Nick patted Grant’s hand. “You are getting tired, so I shall leave n
ow.”

  “Thank you. You’ve been most attentive. Just like my dear Catherine. She’ll make a perfect wife, do you not agree?”

  “Indeed, she will.”

  Nick’s heart tugged. As much as he wanted to forget she was his uncle’s fiancée, he couldn’t. Yet at the same time, Nick couldn’t ignore the yearning inside of him for wanting her nonetheless. He’d loved her for so long. Why was God punishing him this way? Couldn’t He see Catherine made Nick happy and always would?

  He stood. “Good night, Uncle Grant. Pleasant dreams.” He turned and strolled out of the room, his heart twisting in knots.

  As much as he wanted to get Catherine alone tonight to hold her and discuss their dreams, he couldn’t. Catherine had been correct when she told him this was wrong. So then why couldn’t he refrain from wanting to make it right?

  * * * *

  The hot water Catherine sunk into should have relaxed her, but lately that wasn’t part of her daily activity. Sighing, she sank lower in the now cooling water and rested her head against the back. There was really no other choice. She’d been raised properly and knew she must follow her parents’ wishes and marry Grant.

  Tears filled her eyes and she glanced at her nightgown hanging on the door. Tonight she couldn’t allow Nick to come to her room. She must tell him of her decision no matter how much she wanted to change her mind.

  After climbing out of the tub and toweling herself dry, she dressed in her nightgown and slipped on her wrapper. She walked to the vanity and picked up her brush, pulling it through her hair as she walked to the low burning fire.

  The soft click of her door opening, had her swinging around to see who had come in unannounced. She wasn’t surprised to see Nick, and her heart leapt.

  His gaze moved over her night attire as he closed the door. “Forgive me for coming, but I just had to see you.”

  “Nick, you should have knocked.”

  He shrugged. “Then I take the chance of being caught coming to your room, especially if I wait for you to answer the door.”

  She moved to the vanity and set her brush down. “I meant what I said earlier, Nick. We cannot do this. Meeting alone in secret is wrong.”

  He walked up to her and grasped her hands. Warmth enveloped her fingers, and looking at him she could see how much he cared for her, but this would not work. Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head. “Please Nick, don’t—”

  “Catherine let me say this and then I’ll leave.” He breathed deeply. “I know you are engaged to my uncle, although not legally yet, but I cannot help the way I feel about. I don’t want you to marry him, Kitty.” He lifted her hands to his mouth and pressed them against his lips. “I’m in love with you and have been since we were children.”

  Her heartbeat hammered as happiness filled her, yet at the same time, dread washed over her, knowing their love could never be. “Indeed? That long?”

  He nodded. “I didn’t want to say anything when we were younger because we both had a lot of growing up to do. By the time I became a man and was successful in my shipping business, I found out about my uncle’s wishes. Then it was too late. He had already spoken to your parents and the deal was done.”

  Tears slipped down her cheeks. “Oh, Nicholas. Do you know your words make my heart sing? Yet...what can we do?”

  He pulled her into his arms and she rested her head against his chest. Softly, his palms rubbed her back in soothing circles.

  “Kitty, don’t you realize I know this? It’s killing me inside every day I see you. I want to be the man loving you and marrying you, but I can’t deny my uncle’s dying wish.”

  Squeezing her eyes closed she held back the sobs rising to her throat. She clutched the front of his shirt as tears poured down her face, wetting the material quickly. “Oh, why are you telling me this? Why now?”

  “I just wanted you to know.” He kissed the top of her head. “I wanted to tell you in hopes that this pain ripping through my chest would disappear.”

  She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “Let me know if it does, because I’m afraid mine will never go away.”

  He lowered his head and captured her mouth with his. She clung to him and kissed him, knowing this may be the last time. His arms tightened around her as his lips moved with hers. When agony constricted her chest to where she couldn’t breathe, she pulled away, shaking her head.

  “I’ll leave now,” he whispered before turning and walking out the door.

  She ran to her bed, knowing that her pillows would help soften her cries.

  * * * *

  Morning came quickly, and Catherine hadn’t slept a wink. She’d lain awake all night pondering her life, and even though a headache pounded through her skull, making it hard to open her eyes, she came to a conclusion.

  She could not marry Grant. She may be shunned from society, and her father may hate her, but she deserved a better life. She worried telling Grant would cause another attack, and she prayed the Lord would guide her words to where Grant would understand her dilemma.

  Through half-closed eyes, she dressed without her maid’s assistance, ran a brush through her hair and pulled back the bulk with a ribbon. Before the day started, she must tell Grant.

  Today may be her last day here at the duke’s estate, but she was confident she could find a job as a seamstress somewhere in town. She refused to return home to a father who thought she was insane, so she was determined to make something out of her life. She hoped Nick would still love her and want to marry her, but if she was the cause for his uncle’s death, he may never forgive her. Unfortunately, she must take that chance. It was the only way to be happy.

  She left her room and made her way toward Grant’s, but when Hobbs, his servant, came out and shut the door, Catherine stopped. “Good morning,” she greeted nicely.

  The older man nodded without smiling. “Good morning to you, Miss Catherine.”

  “Is Grant awake? I would very much like to talk to him.”

  “I’m about ready to bathe him. If you would like to come back in an hour, I’m sure he’ll be more presentable then.”

  Although Catherine didn’t want to wait, she had no other choice. “Thank you, Hobbs. I will return later.”

  Catherine took careful steps down the hall and into the breakfast room, fearful her head would split open if she walked too hard. If only she could sleep, this headache would leave, she was certain.

  Through squinted eyes, she peered into the room. Her father sat by himself at the table, a piece of bread halfway up to his mouth as he stared wide-eyed at Catherine.

  Inwardly, she groaned. Knowing her father, he’d see right into her heart and know what had happened with her and Nick, and more importantly, what she wanted to talk to Grant about today. It would be her own fault if lightning struck her from heaven right this minute, and knowing her father, he’d say she deserved it.

  “Good morning, Catherine. How are you?”

  Catherine didn’t smile, nor did she scowl. It would take too much effort and probably be too painful. She moved with slowness to the table and took a seat across from him. Resting her face in her hands, she said, “As you can probably tell, I have quite a headache this morning.” She peeked between her fingers. “How about you?”

  Henry’s smile made Catherine’s stomach churn. Did she detect malice lurking in his eyes?

  He linked his fingers together and rested them on the table. “I had a most pleasant evening, and today is beginning to look brighter, thank you.”

  “When are you going to return home? Don’t you have a business to attend?”

  “Not since I retired, my dear. Besides, even if I did, my daughter comes first.”

  Catherine dropped her fisted hands to the table and scowled. “Why didn’t you think of your daughter first before now? Why didn’t you think of your daughter two years ago when she needed you the most?” Although each heated word created a painful throb in her head, she couldn’t stop the words from flowing from her
tongue.

  His eyebrow arched. “What are you prattling on about?”

  Her heart clenched. He hadn’t even remembered. “I’m referring to those awful weeks after Mother’s death. I needed someone who would comfort me, but you refused.”

  His cup of coffee was halfway to his mouth, but he stopped. His eyes darkened, and she was certain fire would shoot out any moment. A muscle in his cheek twitched and his jaw hardened.

  He straightened and slowly sat his cup on the table, his gaze never wavering from hers.

  “This is sudden. Why bring up this after all these years?”

  “It’s been two years, Father. Don’t make it sound longer than that.”

  He nodded. “Fine. So why discuss this now?”

  “Because I want to know the real reason you’re here, Father. Why do you have concern for your daughter now when you haven’t had that emotion for quite some time?”

  He leaned forward on the table. “I’d rather not talk about your mother’s death.” His tone of voice was lower, deeper. His gaze narrowed, his jaw tightened. “And you know the reason.”

  Tears stung her eyes and a knot formed in her throat. “Yes, but I don’t understand. You’ve never told me why you think I killed her.”

  Nostrils flaring, his chest heaved with deep breaths. “Your mind has hidden the truth from you.”

  She shook her head. “Why would I want to kill my own mother? There’s no logical explanation,” she whispered.

  “I beg to differ. Insanity runs on your mother’s side of the family. Because of your outrage when you discovered your betrothal, I think you went mad.”

  A tear slid down her cheek. “Then why can’t I remember?”

  “Because your mind has blocked it out, child.”

  She took in a deep breath. “Why didn’t you turn me over to the police?”