Love Me Always

by Marie Higgins

  He raked his fingers through his hair and rubbed his skull. “Because you’re my daughter and I’ll protect you.” His gaze softened. “And no matter what you think, I do love you and care about your well-being.”

  Fresh tears joined the stream running down her face. “If you cared so much, why did you betroth me to an older man?”

  “Oh, not this again.” He scowled and shook her head. “We have been over this countless times. Your mother and I wanted what was best for you. Why can’t you see what a fortunate girl you really are?”

  Obviously, he would never understand. Catherine quickly stood and wiped her wet cheeks. “You’re right, Father. We have talked about this subject too much already. I grow weary of trying to make you feel my frustration.”

  She turned and walked toward the door, then stopped. She called over her shoulder, “I would like you out of this house this afternoon. Your presence is putting too much stress on Grant, and I fear he’ll go into another attack. Maybe when he’s better you can come back for another visit, but I don’t want to see you again before that time.”

  She angrily marched out of the room, almost knocking down a few servants on her way. When she turned the corner, she ran smack into Hodgson, who grasped her shoulders to keep her upright.

  “My dear, Catherine. What’s wrong?”

  The worried expression on the older servant’s face made her emotions crumble. She covered her face and leaned against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and cooed softly.

  “Oh, Hodgson. Why can my father not understand this turmoil I’m in?”

  He stroked her hair. “I wish I knew.” He lifted her chin with his fingers. “Have you gone to the Lord with this problem? The good Lord will always understand.”

  Sniffing, she wiped her eyes. “Hodgson, when did you become so smart?”

  “I’ve always been this way.” He chuckled. “Why else do you think your father keeps an old man like me around?”

  “You’re not much older than my father.”

  “No, we’re not.” He grinned. “Do you know we are related?”

  “Indeed?” She gasped. “Father never told me that.”

  “Well, we are second cousins. I was from the poorer side of the family. But we were close growing up, and that’s why he puts up with me.”

  She leaned up and kissed his cheek. “You are a wonderful man, Hodgson. Why couldn’t you be my father?”

  He shrugged. “Because your father got to Sophia first.”

  She laughed and pulled away. “Thank you for making me smile.”

  “Any time, my dear.” He patted her head and walked away.

  Taking a deep breath, Catherine hurried up the stairs, straight to her room and didn’t stop to relax until her bedroom door closed. Although Hodgson took away her anger momentarily, too many confusing emotions stormed rapidly through her mind: those from the past, and especially those from the present. How could she deal with everything? Last night’s confession from Nick had only added to her list of problems. Staying locked in her room wouldn’t solve anything.

  She wandered to her vanity and looked in the mirror. The long sleeved, yellow satin day dress made her face pale, even though she was certain her churning stomach had a lot to do with it. Running her hand over her warm cheeks, she swiped the last trace of tears. She smoothed her long hair, not having the ambition to wear it in a fashionable bun today.

  A frown marred her face, and she pinched her cheeks to give her ghostly appearance a little color. She must find the courage to talk to Grant no matter the consequences. There must be a way to prove they shouldn’t marry – and actually have him agree.

  She kneeled by her bed and said a prayer for strength and courage, and for the Lord to help her say the right things. She stood and smoothed out her dress. Taking a cleansing breath, she walked out of her room and to Grant’s. After she knocked, Hobbs opened the door.

  “Is now a good time to see His Grace?”

  “Yes, Miss Catherine.” He motioned her hand to enter, and once Catherine did, she stopped dead in her tracks.

  Nick was here, too!

  Standing at the end of the bed, leaning his shoulder against the post, his gaze met hers, his warm smile growing the longer he stared. Keeping cool indifference as her mask, she tried to appear as if his affecting scrutiny didn’t make her legs weak.

  Something different hung in the air as she looked from Nick to his uncle. Both men looked a trite forlorn.

  Inwardly she groaned. She definitely couldn’t discuss what she had planned now...not with Nick here and not in this atmosphere. Lifting her chin, she walked past him and to the bed where Grant sat with a breakfast tray on his lap.

  “Hello, Grant. How are you feeling this morning?”

  A frown marred the duke’s face. “I’m feeling well I suppose...considering the tragedy that happened late last night.”

  She sucked in a breath. Did he already know about Nick’s confession to her? Was that why Nick was here now? Should she quickly explain? But then, Nick didn’t look as if guilt weighed heavily on his shoulders. Perhaps it wasn’t what she’d thought.

  “Late last night? What happened?”

  “You didn’t hear?” Nick asked.

  “Hear what?”

  “Mary, Uncle Grant’s nurse, was killed. Beaten to death, in fact.”

  She gasped and covered her mouth. “Oh, dear Lord. How awful.”

  “Yes, it is.” Grant grasped her hand. “Nobody seems to know anything. The constable is looking into the matter, though, and I have every confidence the culprit will be found.”

  “I’m relieved to hear that,” she said. “I know I’ll sleep better once this crazed person is caught.”

  Grant took hold of her hands, pulling her to sit next to him. He kissed her hands gently. “What can I do for my beautiful Catherine today?”

  Since she couldn’t say what she’d originally planned, she had to do some quick thinking. “Um...I was going to ask if we could go to the opera, but because of the bad news about Mary...”

  Grant waved his hand through the air. “The opera is a stupendous idea. It will give the constable time to question our servants and search for evidence, plus it will help us get our minds off Mary. Besides, it’s about time we appear in public, do you not agree?”

  Hesitating, she held her breath. No, she didn’t really want to appear in public with him, not when she wanted to break off their engagement before it was even announced. But she couldn’t tell him that. Once again, she prayed the Lord would forgive her for lying. “Yes, I agree.”

  Grant’s gaze switched to Nick. “Perhaps you and your brothers would like to join us? We can make this into a family affair.”

  Inwardly, she cringed. Although she didn’t mind Gregg and Ian being there, Nick could not come with them. His nearness made her too breathless and she couldn’t have Grant noticing.

  Nick’s gaze remained on her. “I can’t speak for my brothers, but I’d love to go. I haven’t been to the opera in quite a while.” His voice stayed solemn, and she couldn’t read his expression.

  “Splendid,” Grant said. “Will you inform your brothers of our plans?” He picked up the mostly empty tray and handed it to Hobbs. “I’m going to get plenty of rest today. I don’t want anything to ruin this evening.”

  “Neither do I,” Nick replied.

  Even with the terrible news of the nurse, she couldn’t stop her heart from skipping with anticipation. Then she scolded her reaction. Her only purpose tonight was to help Grant see they should not wed, and she’d do it – or die trying.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Nick stood down the hall from Catherine’s room, his gaze focused on her door. Her maid had been in there for over an hour, and he’d exhausted his patience wearing out the carpet while waiting. He had to see her again. Alone. Had to hold her, and kiss her, and tell her that he loved her.

  And he had to convince himself Catherine had nothing to do with Mary’s death.


  He shook that thought out of his head. Of course Catherine didn’t. Just because she had been suspicious of Mary’s closeness with his uncle didn’t mean anything.

  Or did it?

  Growling, he pushed his fingers through his hair. No, Catherine wasn’t capable of such a thing. A crazed person was to blame for murdering a servant in such a violent way, not the woman he loved with all his heart. And he’d forget about the misleading comments Colonel Martin had put into his head earlier. No matter what her father said, Catherine did not kill Mary.

  His uncle had taken Mary’s death harder than Nick figured he would. So perhaps Grant was in love with Mary and not Catherine…

  Nick shook his head. The duke confused him greatly. Perhaps it was his illness making him seem like a different person. Sometimes the old man acted like he couldn’t wait to marry Catherine, and other times he would rather pawn her onto Nick or his brothers. He wondered if his uncle did this just so he could spend more time with Mary, which was how it really appeared.

  He strode to the hall window and peered outside. Night had blanketed the land, only the full moon gave light to the creatures of the dark. Scrubbing his hand over his face, he sighed. If he could have changed the way things had ended with Catherine last night, he would. He didn’t mean for his confession of love to sound like a farewell. That was far from what he wanted. Deep emotions ran through him, telling him he could never say goodbye to her. No matter if she married his uncle, he would always love her.

  The whistling of the maid drew his attention toward Catherine’s room. Emily walked out and closed the door, then strolled the opposite way.

  Smoothing his hand down his blue waistcoat and straightening his neck-cloth, he hurried toward her room, his heart beating quicker than his hurried steps. He’d dressed in his best black coattails and trousers, hoping to make an impression on Catherine. He reached the door and stopped, taking a deep breath before turning the knob. Quiet as he could be, he stepped into the room and closed the door behind him.

  She hadn’t heard him as she leaned over the vanity table to pick up her earbobs. He caught his breath. Hair fashioned in a twist on the back of her head, there were only a few tendrils of hair left around her neck and ears. Dressed in a black satin evening gown with short bell-shaped sleeves that hung off her shoulders, she looked as regal and refined as any woman of the ton.

  She straightened and looked his way, then gasped. “Nick, you should really think about knocking before you enter my room.” Her voice shook.

  “As you wish. I’ll think about it before I enter.” He grinned.

  “No, what I meant to say was that you shouldn’t just walk into my room. It’s not proper.”

  He moved away from the door and stood in front of her. “Since when have we ever been proper?”

  His fingers caressed her cheek softly. Her chest rose and fell quickly, and he dropped his gaze to her mouth, knowing he shouldn’t kiss her, but wanting it nonetheless.

  “Since I’ve realized the mistake in not doing so before,” she said, pushing his hand away as she tried to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm, stopping her.

  “You look breathtaking tonight. Do you know how hard it’s going to be to keep my eyes off you?”

  “Then maybe you had better stay home.”

  He stepped closer and pulled on her arm until she fell against him. He circled her in his embrace. “There’s no way I’m going to stay away from you tonight. Not when you look as beautiful as you do.”

  She squirmed, but he held her tight.

  “Nick, please let me go,” she begged.

  His heart twisted. He’d never force his attentions on women, but to let this one go was utterly impossible. “Before I leave, I want to give you something.” He released her and reached in his jacket, pulling out a long black velvet box. “This is from – well, you know.”

  He held the box while she opened it. There, lying surrounded by black velvet was a sparkling diamond necklace. The chain glittered, but not as much as the cluster of diamonds at the base.

  Catherine’s eyes widened and she touched it in reverence. “Oh, Nick. It’s so lovely.”

  “It will be even prettier when wore by a beautiful woman.”

  She smiled at him then looked at the necklace. “Why didn’t Grant give this to me himself?”

  “I cannot fathom, unless he was upset over Mary’s death.” He took the necklace then stepped around back of her. “May I?”

  While she held still, he placed it around her neck. Before he stepped away, he bent and brushed his mouth across her neck. She hitched a breath and shivered.

  Hesitantly, he pulled away and offered his arm. “Shall we go, my sweet?”

  She nodded. “You go down first. I don’t want anyone to know we walked out of my room together.”

  “As you wish, but hurry. I can’t bear to be away from you for very long.” He gave her a wink and left.

  With his heart still thumping madly in his chest, he met his brothers, uncle, and Gertie in the parlor. Mumbling filled the room – all talk about Mary’s death. It seemed everyone wanted to figure out what happened.

  Grant looked his way. “Do you know if Catherine is coming, Nick?”

  “I think she is. Her maid left her room as I was leaving mine.”

  “Oh, this evening will be a delight with Catherine coming along.” His Aunt fluttered a fan in front of her face. “She’ll bring joy to our dreary evening.”

  “Yes, she will sister, dear.” Grant nodded.

  Across the room, Gregg threw Nick a glare. His brother couldn’t possibly know what happened last night when he went to Catherine’s room. Perhaps Gregg noticed the sappy look Nick knew had probably been plastered on his face as of late. The same look Gregg had been wearing recently.

  Thankfully, Catherine’s father wasn’t coming with them tonight. The older man claimed a headache and said he couldn’t make it. At least that was one less person Nick had to worry about upsetting tonight.

  The clicking of women’s heeled slippers on the marbled floor drew his attention to the doorway. Catherine walked in, and Nick’s heart jumped to his throat. She looked as regal as a Queen.

  “Good evening, gentlemen. Miss Gertrude.” Catherine’s voice lifted in a magical tune.

  Grant stepped to her and took her hands. “Catherine, my dear, you’re so very lovely. You’ll be the prettiest woman at the opera.” He dropped her hand and touched her necklace. “What a remarkable piece of jewelry. Is it one you purchased while in town the other day?”

  Inwardly, Nick cringed. Why did his uncle have to go and say that? Now she’ll know it was a gift from Nick. He worried she wouldn’t accept it if she knew the truth.

  Her brow creased and her gaze darted to him, but within seconds it flew back to Grant, the color of her face growing red.

  “Uh – no, I didn’t. I’ve had this for a while now. It...it was my mother’s.”

  Grant smiled. “Well, I think it’s beautiful on you.”

  “Thank you.”

  Grant held out his elbow. “Are you ready to go? I can hardly wait to show you off. Tonight is going to be absolutely wonderful.”

  A bitter taste formed on Nick’s tongue when his uncle escorted Catherine out to their carriage, his aunt trailing behind them. Nick wanted to run after them, to claim the woman who’d stolen his heart in front of everyone… In front of the whole world if he had to.

  Despairingly, he trudged to the coach with his brothers. Ian chatted as if he didn’t notice the animosity that hung thick in the air while Gregg aimed his glare at Nick.

  Adjusting in his seat, Nick stared out the window, hoping the night would pass quickly; hoping he’d be able to control his feelings of jealousy whenever another man looked at her.

  At the theater the family was bombarded with people. Most came over to look upon the new woman in Grant’s life, yet they were pleasant about it. Even Lady Ruthaford was polite when she mentioned how well Grant looked.

 
Catherine and Aunt Gertrude were invited to a couple of brunches for the following week, which Catherine accepted quickly, and they were all invited to the Ruthaford’s ball that night. Nick stood back as the future Duchess of Ashton conversed with his family’s friends and associates. The years she’d attended the girls’ school were not wasted. She made the Fielding family proud.

  The family made their way to the box before the opera began. Catherine’s gaze met his briefly before Grant seated her on the first row then took the seat next to her. Nick’s heart picked up rhythm. The next chair on the other side of her was empty. He glanced at his aunt who scooted her way on the back row to the end. Quickly, he sat beside Catherine before Gregg decided it was his chair. Her body stiffened, but she didn’t look his way. His brothers sat behind them with their aunt.

  When the opera began, Catherine straightened and focused on the stage. Theater workers moved from box to box dimming the lights. Nick turned slightly and bumped his arm against her and meaningfully leaned his leg very close to hers. She still refused to look at him.

  After a while, their close contact didn’t seem to bother her. Her shoulders relaxed as she kept her stare focused to the stage.

  Nick had no clue what the opera was about, nor did he care. He’d rather watch her out of the corner of his eyes. Definitely more interesting. The most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, she outshone all the others here.

  Within time, his brothers fell asleep, their light snores almost matching his uncle’s and Aunt Gertrude’s. Usually Nick would be nodding off about this time, but not tonight. Especially when they were sitting so close.

  Shifting, he turned more toward her as he slipped his arm behind to rest on the back of the chair. So engrossed with the opera, she didn’t seem to notice. Everything was perfect as long as Catherine didn’t make any noise or sudden movements, she wouldn’t be drawing attention to herself or to him.

  Very softly he brushed his fingers across her shoulder. She stiffened, but still refused to look his way. His other hand reached to her clasped hands and rested over them. She sucked in a quick breath. He grinned.