Somewhere Only We Know

by Beverley Hollowed

  He stepped closer to her and began to reach out to her but she quickly stepped back.

  “Don’t,” Kate sobbed, as she pinched her eyes shut. She couldn’t even look at him right at that moment.

  “Katie, I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he said, the panic clear in his voice. He stepped closer to Kate, but he knew not to touch her. “I… I swear, it meant nothing, I just… shit I don’t know… it just happened. Please I love you, I want only you.”

  “I can’t do this,” she sobbed, as she turned to walk out the door, but he quickly grabbed her hand again and she yelped out loudly.

  “Oh my God!” he exclaimed in complete horror. “I’ve hurt your arm, Katie, I so am sorry I...I just wanted… please you have to believe me… I never wanted to hurt you… none of this was done to hurt you.”

  “Please,” she breathed softly through the tears. “Please, just … I can’t do this.”

  Before Callum had time to say another word, Kate turned and darted out of the bedroom and straight for the front door.

  When she got out into the hallway, she had no idea what she was going to do next. It was the middle of the night, she was in her pyjamas. She had no money, no coat and nowhere to go.

  She knew she needed to think fast, it was only a matter of time before Callum would burst out the door and come looking for her. She turned and began towards the lift. She just needed to get away. But suddenly a thought came to her, she really did have nowhere to go. She knew no one in this city. She had locked herself away in her damn ivory tower and now she had no one to turn to.

  Then she thought of Beth Rice. She remembered how friendly the lady had been to her earlier that day. She stopped and turned, then ran as fast as she could back up the hallway until she was standing outside Beth’s apartment.

  Before she had time to change her mind, she knocked hard on Beth’s door. She pressed her head against it and prayed she would open the door to her. She heard movement coming from inside the apartment, as if someone was walking to the door. There was silence for a moment and Kate knew who ever was behind the door was probably looking out through the peep hole. Suddenly there was the sound of the chain sliding back and locks being turned before the door swung open.

  “Kate,” a surprised looking Beth said, as she instantly put her hand on Kate’s shoulder and guided her into the apartment. She quickly closed the door behind them. “My dear, whatever is the matter?”

  Before Kate could reply, she heard Callum calling her name. He was now in the hallway and the fear in his voice was so evident, you could almost touch it. Kate held her breath as Beth gave her a reassuring smile. He called her again, but this time his voice seemed a little further away.

  Beth led Kate into her living room. It was exactly how Kate would have imagined it would be. Homely, warm and welcoming. Just like Beth.

  “Can I fix you some tea?” Beth asked, as she guided Kate to the sofa.

  Kate simply nodded, as she sat down. A fresh wave of tears took over and she began to sob again. Beth sat down next to her.

  “I am sure it’s not as bad as you think it is, my dear,” Beth said, as she took hold of Kate’s hand.

  “I think my marriage may be over,” Kate said and sobbed even harder.

  When she calmed down a little, she told Beth everything. About Emily, the accident, the last ten months and about what had happened that night. She held nothing back. It was like once she had opened the flood gates there was no stopping it now.

  Beth never said a word the entire time. She just sat and held Kate’s hand, occasionally nodding a few times.

  “This is all my fault,” Kate said looking at Beth. She closed her eyes and all she could think about was Callum and some random woman. Kate’s stomach heaved. She could picture his hands on her, him kissing her. She tried to push the image from her mind, but it played in her head over and over again.

  “Kate, this was no one’s fault,” Beth said finally. “What happened to Emily, what you have both been through these past few months, even what happened tonight? It’s no one’s fault. You are both hurting and you both need to sit down and talk.”

  “What’s to say,” Kate shrugged, feeling suddenly defeated. “He slept with someone else, she gave him what I just can’t anymore. I can’t be the person he wants me to be.”

  Beth just sighed and smiled sadly. They talked for another little while and then Beth made Kate a bed up on her sofa.

  As she lay there in the darkness of this kind stranger’s apartment, she replayed the past twenty four hours.

  If she was honest with herself, she knew this was coming, so as much as what Callum had done hurt her, it wasn’t any great surprise.

  By the time she had drifted off to sleep, she had decided what she was going to do next. Now all she needed to do was face Callum once more.

  *********

  When Kate let herself into the apartment early the next morning, her heart felt heavy and sad in her chest. She had been dreading going back to the apartment since she had woken half an hour earlier. When she stormed out the night before she hadn’t even picked up her keys, so when she arrived back to their apartment and found the door ajar, she felt a mixture of worry and relief.

  “Kate!” Callum exclaimed the minute he heard her walking down the hallway. He appeared in front of her before she reached the end of the hallway. “Oh Thank God, I have been out of my mind with worry.”

  He walked towards her, but Kate stopped him by simply raising her hand.

  “Katie, please,” Callum pleaded as he clenched his fists at his side. He wanted to pull her into his arms and beg her to forgive him. But he knew that was the last thing she wanted right now. “I wish I could go back to last night and undo the single biggest mistake of my life. I hate myself for what I have done to you, to us…”

  “I can’t listen to this,” Kate stopped him mid-sentence. “I just came back to get my things.”

  “Your things?” Callum said, the blood drained from his face. “You’re….you’re leaving.” He grabbed her wrist and she flinched. He pulled back her sleeve and when he saw the finger marks he had left on her from the night before, he felt sick.

  “I am so sorry…” he began to say.

  “I’m fine, it’s nothing, really Callum, don’t make this harder than it already is,” Kate pleaded, as she quickly hurried past him, heading straight for their bedroom.

  “Make it harder!” Callum exclaimed as he followed her down the hallway. “Kate please, you can’t do this. You can’t give up on us. We have been through too much together, I am begging you.”

  “That’s the thing Cal,” Kate said, quickly turning back to face him. “There is no us, the best part of us died ten months ago with Emily, and you killed what was left last night with some tart from a bar.”

  “Katie, you don’t mean that,” Callum replied, sounding so hurt Kate regretted her harsh words, but she knew she couldn’t back down now. “I love you, and I know that you still love me. I can’t go on without you. What I did last night was stupid, but it meant nothing. I am so sorry. Please, just give us a chance. Katie, I need you. I swear it meant nothing.”

  “But it meant something to me Cal,” Kate shot back, but stopped before she said too much. “Callum, I can’t do this anymore. I am not angry with you for what you did last night. It just made me see, I can’t be what you need me to be. You deserve to be happy and I don’t make you happy anymore.”

  “YES YOU DO!” He cried, taking hold of her hands. He brought them to his mouth and kissed them gently. “Please don’t do this, please. I will make this right. I promise. I will do whatever it takes, Katie, I love you.”

  “And I love you too,” she said sadly and softly touched his cheek. She blinked to free her eyes of the unshed tears. “And that’s why I have to do this. We are done Callum. Go and find someone that will make you as happy as you deserve to be.”

  He stood and stared at her, completely lost for words and thoroughly heartbroken. She t
urned and walked into the bedroom, leaving him standing helplessly in the hallway.

  An hour later, she emerged from their bedroom with a suitcase and a smaller bag. She set them down in the hallway before she returned to the living room where she found Callum staring out over the city.

  “I will call you in a couple of weeks,” she said, as she sat her apartment key down on the coffee table. “Just to let you know where I am, you know, so you can send the rest of my stuff on to me once I have sorted somewhere for me to stay.”

  “So you are just giving up on us,” Callum said when he finally turned to face Kate. “Just like that. After everything we have been through, you are walking away. It doesn’t matter what I want.”

  “Callum, it’s for the best,” she sighed sadly. “You don’t see it now, but you will. You will find someone else to love.”

  “Is there anything I can say?” He said, taking a step closer to her. “Anything at all, that will make you stay? This is wrong, you belong here.”

  “Callum, I can’t be who you want me to be,” Kate replied sadly. “My mind is made up. This is the right thing to do.”

  “I still love you Katie,” he said as the tears trickled down his face. “I will never stop loving you.”

  “I love you more,” she replied then turned and without saying another word she left. It was over.

  Chapter 6

  Kate turned over in bed, picked up her mobile and saw three missed calls from Callum. Every day for the past two weeks he rang her several times in the morning, again in the afternoon and then again at night.

  She refused to take his calls and didn’t read his texts either. She knew it wouldn’t take much for her to cave and go back. She missed him so much she could barely breathe.

  But she also knew leaving was for the best and in time, Callum would see that too.

  The day she left, she climbed into her car, pulled out of the underground car park and just drove. She had no plan and no idea where she was going. Before she knew it she was on the interstate heading west.

  She stopped a few times, staying at little road side motels and small towns along the way. Finally, eight days later, she arrived in Seattle, she was too tired to drive anymore. She booked into the Grand Hyatt in Bellevue and had been camped out in her room ever since.

  She had spent the last four days in her PJs, watching movies and ordering room service.

  You need to get your ass out of this bed and out of this room, she thought to herself. And you need to get your stinking butt into a shower.

  She kicked back the bed clothes and climbed out of bed. She made her way to the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, she turned and looked at herself in the vanity mirror.

  “OH JESUS CHRIST!” She exclaimed when she saw her reflection. She was almost unrecognizable. Her hair was like a nest on the top of her head, her eyes were red and swollen. The three day old mascara-induced panda eyes made her look that bit scarier. She leaned in and looked at herself closer. “You, my girl, are a mess.”

  She climbed into the shower and washed quickly. When she had dried herself and put on the fluffy white hotel robe, she sat in front of the dressing table in the bedroom.

  She picked up her brush and set about trying to sort out the mess that was her hair, but it didn’t matter what she tried, it was still a disaster. She sighed deeply and dropped her chin to her hands and stared blankly at her reflection.

  She needed help. Professional help. She remembered reading something in the information book for the hotel the day she arrived, something about a beauty parlour in the hotel. She decided it was probably the best thing to do. She dressed quickly. Then she tied her hair up in a hair tie as she was unable to do anything else with it. She grabbed her jacket and handbag then headed for the door.

  Twenty minutes later she was sitting in a chair in front of a large oval mirror waiting for the stylist who was going to look after her. As she sat there, she thought about Callum and wondered what he was doing right in that moment. She missed him. Which she found ironic as they had barely spoken in months. She wished she could just call to see if he was okay, but she knew if she rang him, she would fall to pieces.

  She wondered if Callum had called her dad or even Leah or Olly. She guessed he hadn’t, as they would have being calling her non-stop too. She decided she would call her father when she got back to the hotel room. Just to check in with him.

  “Hi, I am Jen,” the bubbly little blonde that suddenly appeared behind her chirped, and made Kate jump with fright. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to give you a fright.”

  “It’s my fault,” Kate replied quickly and blushed a little. “I was miles away.”

  “Wow!” Jen exclaimed. “I love your accent. British?”

  “Irish,” Kate corrected her.

  “My grandmother is Irish,” Jen replied with a broad smile. “She’s from Cork.”

  “Wow,” Kate smiled, not really knowing what else to say. “Cork is beautiful.”

  “My boyfriend and I are going there later in the summer,” Jen told Kate excitedly. “I can’t wait.”

  Kate just smiled, but didn’t reply.

  “So what can I do for you…?” Jen said looking at Kate and she realised she was waiting for her to tell her what her name was.

  “Kate,” Kate replied. “And I am not really sure. It’s a mess. I guess I need a trim and God knows what else.

  “Well let’s take a look, shall we?” Jen said brightly, as she pulled the hair tie from Kate’s hair. Her face dropped for a moment, but she quickly recovered her perky demeanour. “Oh dear.”

  “I know it’s bad,” Kate said, as her face burned hotter from embarrassment. There was a time she would have had her hair done every four weeks. Now, Kate couldn’t even remember the last time she used conditioner.

  “It isn’t great,” Jen said, placing her hands on each of Kate’s shoulders and smiling at Kate in the mirror. “But nothing we can’t put right.

  They decided on a conditioning treatment before Jen put in some highlights and then gave Kate’s hair a good cut.

  “So, what brings you to Seattle?” Jen asked when she had Kate back in the chair after her treatment and was applying her highlights.

  “I just needed a change of scenery,” Kate replied and smiled.

  “Well I guess Seattle is different from Dublin,” Jen laughed.

  “Actually,” Kate said, unsure of why she felt the need to explain. “I was living in New York.”

  “Oh wow,” Jen said with an excited grin. “I love New York.

  “Yeah, I did too once upon a time,” Kate replied sadly.

  “Oh?” Jen asked, her interest peaked.

  Kate knew she had caught the girl’s attention and mentally scolded herself. She had thought coming to another city, okay not as big as New York, but a major city none the less, she would have been able to blend into the crowd just like she could in New York. She was wrong.

  She just smiled at the girl and changed the subject to the weather.

  For the remainder of the time, she kept the conversation away from anything too personal. Even when Jen tried to push her for information about why she had decided to leave New York.

  An hour and a half later, a very different looking Kate waved goodbye to Jen and headed back to her room. She pulled out her laptop and started to google rental properties in Washington State. After searching through several properties, she found a beautiful bungalow in the sleepy town of Redmond that was available to move into straight away.

  After making a few calls, Kate packed her few belongings, climbed into her car and set off on her journey once again.

  She had tried to call her dad before she left the hotel room, but it went straight to voice mail. She left a quick message, trying her hardest to sound up beat, something far removed from what she was really feeling.

  It was almost 5 pm when she reached the little bungalow, she was hoping was going to be her home for the next few weeks. She had stopped alon
g the way at a mall and bought some supplies for her new home. Although it was furnished, she knew she would need some bedding and towels. Also she picked up some groceries to get her through the evening until she had time to go and do a proper shop the next day.

  As she pulled her car into the driveway, next to a silver mustang, a middle aged lady appeared on the front porch.

  Kate quickly climbed out of her car and hurried up the path way to the lady who was standing waiting with her hand outstretched.

  “You must be Kate,” she said, as she shook Kate’s hand. “I am Nina, we spoke earlier on the phone.”

  “Nice to meet you Nina,” Kate replied, giving the lady a bright genuine smile. But she couldn’t deny the butterflies racing around her stomach. She was afraid Nina would ask her a lot of personal questions, ones she was just not ready to answer.

  Nina led Kate into the beautiful little Bungalow and the moment she stepped inside, she fell in love with it. It was welcoming and homely, yet modern and classy.

  The Bungalow was a two bedroom, two and a half bathroom, cosy little building. It had hard wood floors and a beautiful open fire. It was decorated in mute, natural tones with random, colourful wall art, giving off the perfect splashes of colour the place needed.

  Nina went through all the details of the house, as Kate wandered around only half listening to her. She was relieved when she didn’t push too hard when the subject of her marital status came up.

  Twenty minutes after Kate arrived at the bungalow, Kate signed a three month contract, got the keys and the green light to move in straight away.

  As Kate stood on the front porch and watched Nina pull out of her driveway, she couldn’t keep the smile from her face. When Nina had gone, Kate turned and walked back inside, closing the door behind her. She was home.

  **********

  It was almost 1 am before she was finally finished settling in to her temporary home. She gave everywhere a good clean and made up her bed. Rearranged some of the furniture and unpacked what little belongings she had.