Somewhere Only We Know

by Beverley Hollowed

  “More than I can bare to think of,” Finn replied honestly. They both sat in silence, watching Jacks chest rise and fall slowly.

  “Do you think my mom is waiting on him?” Finn asked with a whisper.

  “I think she is here with you all,” Kate said with a smile. “And I think, when it’s time she will be holding his hand tightly.”

  Suddenly, the alarm on the machines began to sound and the room was immediately filled with medical staff. Kate and Finn quickly stepped back and let them work on Jack.

  “WHAT’S HAPPENING?” Sara yelled from the doorway. She hurried into the room towards the bed, but Finn pulled her to him.

  One of the doctor listened to Jack’s chest, then looked up at the rest of the team and shook his head, as one of the nurse reached up and switched off the machine, the beeping stopped. The room was filled with silence.

  “Why aren’t you doing something?” Sara cried pulling free from Finn and hurrying to her father’s side. “Turn the machines back on.”

  “There is nothing we can do, Ms. Morgan,” the doctor replied. “I am so sorry.”

  “NO!” she screamed, as she turned back to Jack. “NO, PLEASE, DADDY PLEASE.”

  “Sara,” Finn said, stepping behind her and wrapping his arms around her. “Sara, he’s gone.”

  “No,” Sara cried. “Please do something.”

  “Sara,” Finn sobbed. “He is gone.”

  She dropped to the ground and sobbed like her heart was shattered into a thousand pieces. Finn knelt next to her and held her tightly, as they both cried over the loss of their precious father.

  Kate stepped back until her back was against the wall. She fought to hold back the tears, but the grief hit her like a tidal wave. She closed her eyes and wished that Callum was there with her.

  She missed him more than she ever imagined she would. She wished he could take her in his arms and make everything feel better.

  How had she been so stupid to let things get to this? Yes, she was hurt he cheated on her, but she knew now, leaving had been the wrong thing to do. He was her Callum. The past year had been a nightmare, but they could make it right again. Well, they could have if she hadn’t have been so stupid.

  But if she hadn’t have left Callum, she would have never have met Jack, she would have never have met Finn. Yes meeting Finn had complicated things, but she didn’t regret the lessons that meeting him had taught her. And she certainly didn’t regret meeting Jack.

  “Kate,” Finn said, suddenly next to her. Kate opened her eyes and found him standing directly in front of her. “Kate, are you okay.”

  She nodded and quickly wiped her tears away.

  “I’m okay,” she quickly replied. “I am so sorry Finn, he was such a special man.”

  “I know,” Finn croaked, as the knot of grief in his throat almost choked him.

  Kate instinctively reached out, wrapped her arms around Finn and held him close to her. He buried his face in her neck and sobbed like a little boy.

  “My dad is gone Kate,” he whispered through his tears. “I have no one now.”

  “I am here Finn,” Kate replied. “I will always be your friend and you will never be alone.”

  Chapter 31

  The next few days passed in a blur. Kate kept herself busy helping Finn and Sara plan Jack’s funeral. Nonetheless, Kate found all she could think about was Callum. She missed him. She wished more than anything that Callum would just call. But he never did.

  She considered calling him but she just didn’t know where to begin. She wasn’t even sure he would want to hear from her and the more time that passed, the harder it became.

  Olly and Leah, both pushed her to make the call but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. She began to resign herself to the fact, she had blown her chance with Callum. Maybe it was time she let him go.

  The morning of the funeral, Kate, Olly and Leah arrived at Jack’s house. She had arranged to meet Finn there. When Sara opened the door, she told Kate that Finn was up in his old bedroom and that she needed to go talk to him.

  Kate hurried up the stairs and made her way down the landing to the door Sara told her was Finn’s old room. When she reached it, she tapped on it lightly.

  “Come in,” Finn called out from the far side of the door. Kate opened it and stuck her head through the gap, expecting to see Finn dressed in a black suit, white shirt and black tie. Instead, she found him in a white t-shirt and pair of jeans, sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the bedroom window.

  “Hi there,” she said when he looked up to see who was at the door. “May I come in?”

  “Sure,” he said and turned his attention back to whatever he was looking at outside the window.

  Kate walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Finn. Neither said anything for a moment. Then Finn sighed deeply before he spoke.

  “I was just thinking,” he said, still looking out the window. “When I was seven, I was a huge Superman fan. He was my favourite superhero. I wanted to be him so badly. So, one day, I tied a sheet around my neck and climbed out this window, I really believed I could fly. I jumped and of course, hit the ground. I broke my leg and spent the whole summer laid up in this very bed. My dad was on holiday too, as school was out. He spent every day in this room with me. He taught me to play chess, he read me Robinson Crusoe five times. He played The Beatles every day. My dad was a huge Beatles fan. But some days, we would just lay here and talk for hours and hours. It was the best summer of my entire life. After that summer, Superman was no longer my favourite superhero. My dad was.”

  “That is very sweet, Finn.” Kate said as she imaged a seven year old Finn and a younger Jack spending hour after hour in that room. It was exactly what she would have expected from Jack. “It’s a beautiful memory to have.”

  “Yeah it is,” Finn said as he looked at Kate. “That’s all I have now, memories.”

  “But you still have them, Finn,” Kate replied. “Nothing or no one can ever take them from you.”

  “I guess so,” he replied sadly and turned his attention back to the window and once again, they were in silence.

  “Finn,” Kate said nervously, finally breaking the silence. “Don’t you think it’s time to get ready for the service?”

  “Oh that,” he replied and shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, about that, I have decided I am not going to go.”

  “Finn, you have to,” Kate said, taken aback by his response.

  “Why?” he asked as he turned back to look at Kate. “What does it matter if I am there or not? He isn’t going to be there. Not really.”

  “But you need to do this,” Kate said, as she reached over and took hold of his hand. “You need to go and say goodbye.”

  “What if I don’t want to say goodbye?” Finn asked, dead serious.

  “I am afraid that is something you don’t really have a choice in,” Kate replied. “Finn I know you are hurting. These past few days have been so hard on you, but they were hard on Sara too. Finn she needs her big brother there to help her get through the day.”

  “But what’s the point?” he sighed. “What’s the point of any of this?”

  “Right now you don’t see the point because you are angry and upset,” Kate replied very simply. “But trust me, if you aren’t there, you will regret it every day for the rest of your life. Believe me, I know.”

  “Do you regret not being at Emily’s funeral?” he asked.

  “Every single day,” Kate replied honestly. “But that was not my choice. Callum had to do what he had to do. I don’t hold it against him, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

  “If I go, it makes it real,” Finn said, as he dropped his gaze down to his hands.

  “Finn, it is real,” Kate said as she reached over and took hold of his chin. She turned his face until he was looking at her. “He will still be gone, even if you don’t go. Nothing can change that. But you can go and be the man he knows you are. Go stand by your sister as th
e new head of this family and make your dad proud.”

  He smiled and nodded as Kate stood up and walked to the door. She stopped and turned back to Finn.

  “I will be with you, every step of the way,” Kate said. “So when you get tired of being strong and doing the right thing, I will be there and I will be strong enough for the both of us.”

  “Thanks, Kate,” he said with a smile.

  Thirty minutes later, Sara, Dan, DJ, Finn and Kate climbed into the black stretch limousine that was waiting for them outside Jack’s house. Olly and Leah took Kate’s car.

  Kate hadn’t wanted to go in the mourning car with the family but Finn had insisted.

  The service was beautiful. There was hundreds of people there, including children from the school Jack used to teach in. Kate had never seen so many flowers.

  As they sat next to Jack’s coffin in the cemetery, the smell of the lilies and roses that were on top of it, filled the air and they reminded Kate of her dream. She thought about their meadow and all the happy days they had there. She missed it.

  Kate thought about Callum, and wondered where he was at that exact time. Was he thinking about her? Did he still love her?

  She looked over at Sara and Dan. He was holding her, doing everything he could to protect his wife and try to give her strength.

  Then she looked down at her hand intertwined with Finn’s. He was holding on to her like he would die if she let go of his hand.

  She thought about Callum again. She wondered how he had survived Emily’s funeral all on his own. He had lost his child and didn’t know if he was going to lose his wife. How hard must that have been for him? She thought back to her conversation with Finn early that day. Did she blame him for not being at Emily’s funeral? Maybe she did.

  “Kate,” Finn said, pulling her from her thoughts. “It’s time to go.” Kate just smiled as she stood up and followed him back to the car.

  When they arrived back at Jack’s house, it was already full of people. Sara had insisted on hiring a caterer to sort out the food and refreshments for all the people who came back. Kate hadn’t been sure it was a good idea at the time but never voiced her opinion on the subject. However, now, looking at all the people in the house, she realised it was the right decision to make.

  She found Olly and Leah sitting in a quiet corner, each sipping a glass of wine and she joined them.

  “How are you doing, sweetie?” Leah asked as she shifted over in her seat to make more room for Kate.

  “I’m doing okay,” Kate replied honestly. “Finn is talking to a couple of his buddies so I left him to it…”

  She stopped mid-sentence as a thought occurred to her. She was lost deep in thought when Olly spoke.

  “What is it Kate,” Olly asked. “Is there something wrong?”

  “I was just thinking about Emily’s funeral,” Kate said looking at her two friends. “I was actually thinking more about Callum to be honest. That day, I wasn’t there. I know his mother was there, but let’s face it, you could never accuse her of being a supportive and nurturing mother. James was in the middle east.”

  “You weren’t there because you were in a coma,” Leah said, confused by where her friend was going with this. “That wasn’t your fault

  “Yes, I know,” Kate replied, looking at her two friends. “But it got me thinking. Who was there for him? Who was his rock, when he buried our little girl?”

  “We were all there for him,” Olly replied.

  “But I wasn’t,” she replied. “In one weeks time is her first anniversary. A whole year has passed. And for that whole year he never stopped trying. Not for one day. But I never gave an inch. I was so angry with everyone. I was angry with me because I blamed myself for Emily’s death. I was angry I lived and she died. I thought I didn’t deserve to be loved, especially not by Callum. But I realised today, something I never realised before, I was angry with Callum too.”

  “What were you angry about?” Leah asked.

  “I was angry I never got to say goodbye,” Kate replied as tears danced in her eyes. “I was angry Callum buried her before I got to kiss her one last time.”

  “Kate, he didn’t really have a choice,” Leah said.

  “Today, sitting at the grave,” Kate explained. “I thought about Callum, I was angry with him for taking that away from me, but that’s when I realised he didn’t. He did it for me. He did it for both of us. He stood there alone, and watched…watched as our little girl was lowered into the ground and I wasn’t there to hold his hand. How difficult must that have been for him?”

  “Kate, it’s not too late!” Olly exclaimed. “Talk to him, tell him what you just told us.”

  “I will, I will call him once we get home,” Kate assured her friends. “I promise. I will put this right.”

  It was almost six before the last of the guests left. Kate went looking for Finn and found him sitting on the back porch with DJ.

  “Hey,” he said with a big smile, when he looked up and saw Kate standing there.

  “Hey yourself,” Kate said, as she sat down next to Finn. “How are you holding up?”

  “I am doing okay,” he nodded and smiled. “Glad I went today.”

  “I’m glad too,” Kate replied. “Everyone has left now, and the place it all cleaned up.”

  “Thank you,” Finn said. “Thanks for everything today. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  “That’s what friends are for,” Kate replied. She looked down at DJ and gave him a big smile as the little boy yawned. “I think somebody will be having an early night.”

  “Yeah, I think we are going to stay here for tonight,” Finn said as he glanced down at DJ.

  “Well I am going to head home,” Kate said as she stood up. She leaned down and kissed Finn on the cheek, then kissed DJ, on the top of his head. “Call me if you need anything.”

  She walked to the door and glanced back at Finn and gave him a big smile, then went in search of her friends.

  It was fifteen minutes past six when they got back to Kate’s house.

  Leah, went straight into the kitchen to make them all tea, while Kate flopped down on to the arm chair and pulled out her phone. She glanced up at Olly, who gave her a reassuring smile, then she brought up Callum’s number and pressed call.

  The phone rang about five times. Kate was about to hang up when she heard a woman on the other end of the line.

  “Callum Greyson’s phone” the voice chirped brightly down the line.

  “Eh… hi,” Kate said a little thrown to have a strange woman answer Callum’s phone. “Can I speak to Callum please?”

  “Callum can’t come to the phone right now,” the girl replied matter of factly. “He is just getting out of the shower and getting dressed. Can I take a message?”

  “No… no message,” Kate replied and hung up. She could feel the blood drain from her entire body.

  “What is it?” Olly said as she moved closer to Kate. “What’s wrong?”

  “I think he has met someone else,” Kate said before she was on her feet and racing towards the bathroom. She dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and got violently sick as the realisation hit her, she was too late. Her heart broke.

  Chapter 32

  “Alisha,” Callum bellowed, as he emerged from the bathroom, still towel drying his hair. He paused briefly, surprised to see her already standing in his office. He had been like a bear with a sore head since he returned to New York, a few days earlier. His mood had only been made worse by the idiot cab driver, who drove straight through the huge puddle on the road and soaked Callum to the skin in muddy water.

  He had been to dinner with a client and was heading back to the office to get some work completed, when he got drenched right through.

  When he got back to his office he was surprised to find Alisha still there, working after nine. He grunted at her, as he passed her by and went straight for a shower in his personal bathroom. He then changed into his clean trous
ers and shirt. He always kept a change of clothes at the office.

  “Yes, sir,” Alisha said, as she jumped with fright. She turned and saw Callum taking his seat behind his desk, his face was like thunder. She was still holding his phone, so she quickly sat it down on his desk.

  “I want the Jenkins file immediately,” he barked without looking up from his desk. “And a coffee, black, no sugar.”

  “Yes, sir,” she hurried out of the office. She hated it when he was in a mood like this. She felt even more nervous than she usually did. These past few weeks had been a nightmare. He seemed in a permanent bad mood. She grabbed the file and got the coffee he asked for, before she quickly hurried back to Callum’s office.

  “I need the Coleman account too,” he said without looking up at his secretary. “And I want you to clear my schedule tomorrow, I have a ton of work to sort through. Apparently nobody did a thing around here, while I was away.”

  “Here is your coffee, Mr. Greyson,” she said as she placed the files and the coffee down on the desk in front of Callum. “Sir, while you were in the shower…”

  “Where is the Jenkins file?” Callum interrupted her mid-sentence. Alisha reached for the file she had just sat down on the desk. As she pulled it out, the cup of coffee she brought Callum, tipped over and spilled all over Callum’s desk.

  “JESUS CHRIST!” Callum screamed, as he was up on his feet in one clear movement and managed to avoid the river of coffee, streaming from his desk.

  “Oh my God,” Alisha exclaimed, completely mortified. She grabbed some tissues from the box on the desk and started to mop the coffee up. She picked up the files from the desk to move them to safety, but instead they spilled down to the floor. “Mr. Greyson, I’m so sorry.”

  Then, much to her horror, she could feel the tears well in her eyes. She dropped to the floor and began to pick up the files, while she tried to blink back the tears.

  Callum stood for a moment and watched her, realising it was his boorish behaviour that had made her cry.