Somewhere Only We Know

by Beverley Hollowed

  “I’m sorry,” Callum said, as he crouched down next to Alisha. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I am just having a bad day.”

  “It’s okay,” she sniffed, as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand. Callum reached back up to the top of the desk and grabbed some tissues from the box.

  “No, it really isn’t,” he said, handing her the tissues. “It’s just, things haven’t been really good for me lately, but none of it is your fault and I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.”

  “It’s okay, honestly,” she said, as she looked up and gave him a big teary smile.

  “Come on,” he said, standing back up and offering her his hand. “Let’s get you up off the floor.”

  He pulled her up from the floor, then quickly reached down and picked up the files.

  Alisha grabbed more tissues and cleaned up the spilt coffee. She was so embarrassed she cried in front of her boss. She thought he must think she is a complete and utter idiot now.

  “So,” Callum said, as he retook his seat behind the desk. “I will sort out these papers, if you could just go and get the other file I requested, please.”

  “Certainly, Mr. Greyson.” Alisha replied, then quickly hurried out the door.

  Callum sighed and rubbed his tired eyes. He had been back in New York six days and there had been no word from Kate. He had thought of calling her, but given how things were left between them that day in her house, he thought that he needed to give her some time and space.

  Still, she was all he could think about and he longed to talk to her. He looked at his clock on the desk. It was almost 10 pm which made it almost 7 pm in Seattle. She would be home, he hoped.

  A tidal wave of jealousy coursed through his body, as it did every time he thought that she might be with Finn.

  Screw it, he thought, as he reached for the phone and began to dial in her number, but put the phone back down when Alisha returned with the file he was waiting for.

  “Thank you Alisha,” Callum said and smiled at the girl. He decided he needed to stop taking his problems out on everyone else, especially Alisha, who he knew, he had been a complete bastard to, the past few days. “You can head home for the night now, it’s almost 10 pm. You shouldn’t have to be here just because I am.”

  “I don’t mind,” she smiled and added. “All I have is a cat to go home to, so I am in no rush. I can stay and help.”

  “Well, if you’re sure,” Callum smiled and indicated to the chair on the opposite side of the table. “Have a seat.”

  They both got to work on the paper work Callum needed to get completed, and if he was honest, Callum had to admit, having Alisha there was helping him get through the work much quicker than it would have if he were doing it alone.

  When Callum checked the time again it was almost midnight. He looked up at Alisha who was deep in thought.

  “It’s almost midnight,” he said, feeling guilty for keeping her here that late. “You should really call it a night.”

  “There isn’t that much left to do,” Alisha said, as she looked up from her paper work and smiled at Callum. “I really don’t mind staying.”

  “Have you even eaten anything?” he asked when the thought occurred to him.

  “I had a sandwich earlier,” she shrugged.

  “Jesus, you must be starving,” Callum said, as he grabbed his phone. “How does pizza sound?”

  “Very good,” Alisha said, as her smile widened.

  Twenty-five minutes later they were tucking into a delicious pepperoni pizza. Callum walked over to his drinks cabinet and pulled out a soda for himself, and poured a glass of white wine for Alisha.

  “Thank you,” Alisha said, a little surprised, as he placed the glass down in front of her. “Aren’t you going to join me?”

  “I will be driving home,” Callum replied and took a sip of his soda. “And I never drink and drive.”

  “Do you live far from here?” Alisha asked, feeling relaxed enough to speak to her boss as she never had before.

  “Not too far,” Callum replied. “I have an apartment on the upper east side.”

  Alisha just nodded and took another sip of her wine.

  “What about you,” Callum asked. “Where is home for you?”

  “I live about four blocks from here,” she replied quickly. “It’s a tiny studio apartment, I am saving for somewhere a little bigger.”

  “Where is your family from?” Callum asked, as he reached for another slice of pizza.

  “I am from Nebraska,” she said, as she sipped her wine, feeling herself becoming more and more relaxed. “My mom and dad have a small farm there, my three brothers still live at home. My mom hates I moved to New York. She thinks New York will corrupted me.”

  Callum couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Maybe she just misses you,” he said, as he leaned back in his chair.

  “I doubt it, my mother and I were never close,” Alisha shrugged.

  “I know how that feels,” Callum sighed, as he thought about his own overbearing mother. He had been avoiding her calls since he returned from Seattle. He was in no mood for her, “I told you so,” speech.

  “Don’t you get on with your mother?” she asked, though it didn’t really surprise her that he didn’t. She had spoken to his mother several times while he had been away and she was a complete bitch on the phone.

  “My mother approves of nothing I ever did,” Callum said with a small laugh. “She hated that I went to live in Ireland, which made the decision to stay there all the more appealing.”

  “Wow, you lived in Ireland?” Alisha replied. “I always wanted to go there. I love the accent.” Suddenly she remembered about the call that had come through while Callum was in the shower. The girl on the phone had an Irish accent.

  “Oh, I completely forgot,” she said, as she sat her wine down on Callum’s desk. “You had a call while you were in the shower.”

  “Did you take a message,” Callum asked, as he reached for another slice of pizza.

  “She didn’t leave one,” Alisha replied oblivious that her words had stopped Callum in his tracks. “I asked did she want to leave a message, and she said no, no message, but she did have the cutest Irish accent.”

  “What did you say to her?” Callum asked as he dropped the slice of pizza back in the box.

  “I told her you were getting dressed,” Alisha said, sensing she had done something wrong.

  “YOU TOLD HER I WAS GETTING DRESSED!” Callum shouted, as he was on his feet in one fluid movement. His mind raced, as he could only imagine what Kate thought when Alisha answered his phone.

  “I said you had been in the shower,” Alisha added, her voice shaky with nerves. She knew she had fucked up and that he was mad as hell.

  “What did she say exactly?” Callum demanded as he paced up and down. Alisha sat in her chair, her heart raced, as she watched him. She had no idea what to do.

  “She asked to speak to you,” she began, as she shifted nervously in her seat. “I told her you couldn’t come to the phone, as you were dressing after a shower. I asked her did she want to leave a message and she saidm no, no message.”

  Callum walked to the floor length window and looked out over the lights of the city below.

  “Mr. Greyson, I am sorry if…” she struggled to find the right thing to say.

  “It’s okay, Alisha,” he sighed without turning back to look at her. “It wasn’t your fault. I think we can finish up for the evening. I am grateful for all your help.

  Alisha slowly rose from her chair unsure of what she should say to Callum, so she just nodded and headed for the office door. She paused at the door and turned to look back at Callum.

  “Goodnight, Mr. Greyson,” she said, before she disappeared out the door.

  Callum pressed his head against the cool glass and sighed deeply. Why couldn’t things go the way they were supposed to, just one time?

  He turned and walked back to his desk and took his seat. He took a dee
p breath and picked up the phone and dialled in Kate’s number and hit call. He brought the phone to his ear and waited.

  It rang again and again, but there was no answer. Once it rang out, Callum hit redial, but once again, there was no answer.

  “FUCK!” He yelled, as he lobbed his phone across the room. He rested his elbow on the desk in front of him and buried his face in his hands.

  He knew she was mad and was refusing to answer his calls. He knew she got the wrong idea by Alisha answering his phone. He had no idea how he was going to fix this.

  Suddenly the phone began to ring from the far side of the room, were it had landed when he threw it.

  Callum was up on his feet in a heartbeat.

  She is calling back, he said to himself.

  He picked it up and without even looking he pressed answer and brought the phone to his ear.

  “KATE!” He exclaimed down the phone.

  “It’s me,” James’ voice came through the speaker and Callum’s heart sunk. “What’s happened?”

  “James,” Callum said, as he slumped against the wall of his office and slid down to the floor. “I can’t take much more.”

  Chapter 33

  Kate barely slept a wink. It was a little after seven when she climbed out of bed, deciding she just couldn’t lay there anymore. Pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, she slipped her feet into a pair of soft canvas runners and headed for the front door. She let herself out of the house, quietly, so not to wake her two friends. She needed some space and some fresh air. She needed time to think.

  She walked for about an hour until she found herself at the seat outside the grocery store where she had first met Jack. She sat down on the bench and watched as people began their day. Some rushing to work, some out walking their dogs, all lost in their own lives.

  She thought about Jack. She wondered what he would tell her to do about Callum. She knew she had done exactly what Callum did that morning he found Finn in her house, she jumped to conclusion and wouldn’t give him a chance to explain, but the truth was, she was afraid.

  She was afraid he would tell her it was over, that he had moved on.

  Her two friends had tried to talk sense into her the night before, and when Callum’s name flashed on the screen of her phone, her heart hammered so hard she thought it would burst through her chest. Olly screamed at her when she refused to answer it. She just wasn’t ready to hear they were really over.

  Even Leah was angry with her for not giving him a chance to explain, but what explanation could there be. It was after nine and Kate knew Callum never worked that late, so that meant, he probably had some girl back in their apartment, why else would she have had access to his personal mobile phone. Also there was the fact there she said he had been in the shower and was getting dressed. She hoped to God she was wrong, but logically, there could be only one explanation.

  Her head ached. She just wished, that for one day, life could return to something that resembled normality.

  In just six days’ time, it will have been exactly one year since her world was torn apart. It would be Emily’s first anniversary. She had no idea where that time had gone. It had passed so quickly, yet felt like a life time since she last held her beautiful little girl.

  Plus in two days’ time, it should have been Emily’s fifth birthday.

  She thought back to the day of Emily’s fourth birthday. They were happy, they had such a bright happy future. They were supposed to have a new baby, they were supposed to be together.

  Yet, here she was, miles from home, miles from the one person that she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. Her heart hurt. She just wanted to feel she belonged somewhere, once again.

  She knew where that one place was and she knew what she had to do. She needed to let go of the past and try and think about the future. She knew exactly where she needed to be and she needed to go before she changed her mind.

  Fifteen minutes later she was standing outside Jack’s front door. She took a deep breath and knocked softly on the door. It was a couple of minutes before she heard someone move from the far side of the door.

  “Kate!” A very sleepy Finn said, surprised to find her standing at his door at that hour of the morning. “Is everything okay?”

  “Not really,” she sighed, but then smiled. “But I think it will be. Can we talk?”

  “Sure,” Finn said, as he stepped back to let her into his father’s home. “Come in, I will make some coffee.”

  Kate sat on the back porch and waited for Finn to join her with two coffees. She looked up and smiled nervously at him when he appeared at the back door.

  He sat the coffees down on the table and took the seat across from Kate. He watched Kate carefully as she picked up the coffee and took a sip. He knew something was on her mind. It was written all over her face. Be his gut instinct told him, it was something he was not going to like either.

  “So,” she said nervously, suddenly looking at Finn, she wasn’t as certain about her decision. “How are you doing this morning?”

  “Still in shock, if I am honest,” Finn said sadly and the tears danced in his eyes. “I just keep expecting to see him standing there. Telling me what a complete wuss I am, crying like a girl,”

  “I really don’t think he would,” Kate couldn’t help but laugh. “He was so proud of you. Of you and Sara. You both meant everything to him.”

  “I hope so,” Finn said. “I really do. I just wish that when I think about him it didn’t have to hurt so much. I want to try and think of the good times we all had together, but all I can remember is that day here in the yard, him lying there face down.”

  “It’s still so fresh,” Kate replied. “I could tell you it will get better, easier even. All the crap I was told when I lost Emily, but the truth is, it doesn’t get better or easier. You just learn to handle the pain differently. See I realized, that you can't get rid of the pain. The pain is a part of you, it never leaves. It fades, it goes deeper inside, but then it sneaks back up on you when you least expect it. I don’t know that it ever truly leaves you. It’s been a year and sometimes it hurts so much, I can barely breathe.”

  “Then how do you carry on?” Finn asked. “How do you get up and face each day?”

  “You do it because you have to,” Kate replied honestly. “You don’t really have a choice. But eventually you will do it without having to convince yourself it’s the right thing. You do it because you want to. But it does take time.”

  Finn just nodded and sipped his coffee. They both sat in silence for a few minutes each lost in their own thought.

  “Now,” Finn said finally when he couldn’t bare the suspense any longer. “Are you going to tell me why you really came here?”

  “I…em,” Kate said, suddenly she didn’t know how to put in words, what she had come there to say. She dropped her eyes down to her hands, unable to look hat him anymore.

  “Kate,” Finn said reaching over and taking hold of her hand. “It’s me, you know you can tell me anything.”

  “I know,” she said letting her eyes meet his. “But it’s hard to find the words.”

  “I’m not going to like this,” he said, he face dropping a little. “Am I?”

  “Finn, these past few weeks,” Kate said leaning forward in her chair. “You have become very important to me. You are so sweet and I know, you would never ever hurt me.”

  “Then give me a chance Kate,” Finn asked. “I know there is a lot of history with you and Callum, but where is he Kate? Why isn’t he here fighting for you? Because if you were mine, I would fight tooth and nail to keep you. I would never walk away.”

  “Finn, please,” Kate said.

  “No, listen,” he said, as he got up from his chair and knelt down in front of her. “I know you think you are not right for me, but shouldn’t I be the judge of that. We could try. I would spend the rest of my life making you happy.”

  “Finn,” Kate said reaching up, taking his face in her hands
and kissing him softly on the lips. “I wish I could say yes, I really do.”

  “But,” Finn said knowing where this was going.

  “But, I need to find myself,” Kate said. “I need to learn how I can be happy with me before I can be happy with someone else.”

  “And that someone else is Callum?” Finn sighed.

  “Maybe,” Kate replied. “All I know is, I have to let go of the past and start thinking about my future. So I need to find a place where I can be happy. Somewhere I feel like I belong. So, I have decided I am going home.”

  “To New York?” Finn asked as he slowly stood up and sat back down on his chair.

  “No,” she said, knowing he was not going to like what was coming. “I am going home to Ireland. I need to be with my family, if I am ever going to find me again. I figure I should start in a place that is part of my soul. The place where I am closest to Emily.”

  “I see,” Finn said and sighed deeply. “So when do you plan on heading back?”

  Kate hesitated. She looked down at the ground, unable to tell him she was going home sooner rather than later.

  “Kate,” Finn pushed.

  “If I can get a flight,” Kate said, taking a deep breath. “I hope to fly out tonight.”

  “TONIGHT!” Finn exclaimed.

  “It’s Emily’s birthday in two days,” Kate explained. “I think I need to be…there…It feels closer, somehow.”

  “I guess I understand that,” Finn said with a nod. “But, I could go with you.”

  “You can’t leave Sara,” Kate replied with a sad smile. “She needs her big brother. Besides, I need to do this myself. I need to go find myself, somewhere only we know.”

  “We? As in you and Callum?” Finn asked.

  “I know it’s stupid,” Kate shrugged. “Truth is, I think Cal has moved on. There was this girl…anyway, that’s not important. It’s just, if he wants to find me…he will know where to look.”

  An hour later, Finn walked Kate to the front door.

  “I wish there was something I could say to make you change your mind,” he said as he shifted nervously from one foot to the other.