Holiday with a Stranger

by Christy McKellen

  Abigail became very still.

  ‘He arrived a few days into my holiday and needed somewhere to stay.’

  Abi turned to look at her, her dark eyes roving Josie’s face. ‘I’m sorry. His lawyers said he was in South America.’ Her voice wobbled a little and her eyes flicked down to her lap. ‘How is he?’

  Josie regretted her insensitivity. The mention of Connor’s name clearly had Abi rattled.

  ‘He’s fine,’ she said, careful to keep any emotion out of her voice.

  Stubborn and emotionally stunted, but physically fine was what she really wanted to say. In fact he was more than fine. Her skin warmed at the memory of his strong body holding her close. A blush crept up her neck and she willed it not to reach her face and give her away.

  ‘What happened? Did he let you stay?’ Abi asked, obviously fighting to keep her cool in the face of the unexpected bombshell.

  ‘Yeah, after a bit of negotiation. He’s a tough cookie, your brother.’

  ‘Tell me about it.’ The pain in Abi’s eyes confirmed exactly how she felt about him. ‘Did he...say anything about me?’

  ‘Uh...’ she began tentatively.

  Should she really be telling Abi this? No was the honest answer, but she wanted to hear Abigail’s side of it. To make sense of it all. She had to know the other side of the story or it would eat away at her forever.

  ‘He did tell me a bit about the rift between you both.’

  Abigail looked at her sharply. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘Well, he was cagey about it, but he insinuated that you went back on your word to you grandma and gave your inheritance to your parents, then threatened that if he didn’t do the same he’d never be welcome in the family again.’ She kept her voice light, as if suggesting she didn’t believe a word of it.

  She so wanted to know that it hadn’t happened like that. She needed to hear something negative about Connor to give her a reason to believe he wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. A way to ease the torment of missing him.

  Abigail sighed and dropped her head into her hands, rubbing them across her face. Finally lifting her head, she looked Josie full in the face, her eyes filled with pain. ‘All totally true, I’m afraid.’

  Josie was floored. She’d never expected Abigail just to own up to it in such a straightforward manner. Surely there had to be more to it than that? She waited for her friend to continue, her fingers tapping nervously on her legs.

  Abi took a deep breath before answering. ‘I was really jealous of his relationship with our grandmother. They got on so well and I always felt left out.’

  She looked away, her gaze skirting around the room, finally returning to a spot on the floor in front of her.

  ‘I was really unhappy as a child. Our parents didn’t give us much attention and I took out my anger on the people closest to me—Connor and my grandma.’ She rubbed a hand across her forehead. ‘I used to try to get Connor into trouble all the time—just for some attention, I guess—and he hated me for it. Anyway, when our grandma died she left us her inheritance—gave most of it to Connor and a small amount to me. It nearly destroyed me at the time. It was proof that she loved Connor more than me and I didn’t know how to handle that feeling.’

  Her voice broke on the last word and she paused for a few seconds to regain her poise.

  Josie put a reassuring hand on her arm, her heart sinking with wretchedness for her friend.

  ‘Then the opportunity to help our parents came up,’ Abigail continued when she’d steadied herself. ‘They needed a huge cash injection to keep their business alive and suddenly I was of interest to them. I felt wanted—needed—for the first time in my life. I’m ashamed to say I gave in straight away and promised them the money. I was still furious with Connor and I tried blackmailing him into giving up his share too. He refused, and I helped my parents kick him out of the family.’

  Her eyes filled with tears.

  ‘I’m not proud of what I did. I wish I could take it back and make everything right with us again. But he’s not interested in talking to me any more. I’ve tried so many times over the years to get him to speak to me I’ve lost count. But I can’t really blame him for not wanting anything to do with me.’ She brushed a tear angrily away from her face. ‘Connor always handled things so much better than me. I was a mess. Still am, really.’ She smiled sadly through her tears.

  He was a handler, Josie realised. Clearly he’d been doing it all his life, and the thought of allowing someone else to dictate how he felt or reacted or suffered was too much for him. It was safer and easier to be alone, with only himself to manage. She could comprehend that. Not that it meant losing him hurt any less, but it helped her to be able to understand why she couldn’t have him. It wasn’t a failure in her; it was an inability to trust in him.

  At least that was what she was choosing to believe.

  Poor Abi. She knew exactly what it was like to be on the receiving end of Connor’s disdain and it wasn’t fun.

  Putting out a hand, she rubbed her friend’s arm gently, hoping in some way to show her she still loved her and she understood. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For bringing it up.’

  Abi gave her head a small shake and seemed to pull herself together. She let out a long sigh and smoothed her hands down her skirt, composing herself.

  ‘It’s okay. Just something I have to live with.’

  Josie’s frustration levels slammed into the red. It was absolutely gutting to see the two of them divided over something that had happened so long ago.

  ‘So, Josie, what exactly are you going to do to get the staff back on your side?’ Abi asked, breaking into her thoughts and lightening the sombre atmosphere with a hopeful smile.

  ‘I’m going to start by grovelling,’ Josie said, standing up and taking a breath, determined to make something right. The only thing within her control.

  Striding to the other end of the room, where she’d left her bag and a box that she’d brought from the bakers that morning, she pulled out a chair and stepped up onto it, turning to face the now full room.

  Clearing her throat loudly, she waited until she had the full attention of the staff before beginning her apology, her hands sweaty and shaking at her sides.

  ‘I just wanted you all to know how sorry I am for being such a bitch recently.’ There was a low murmur of whispers, but she chose to ignore them and plough on before she lost her nerve. ‘I’m going to try really hard from now on to be more patient and hopefully more approachable. If not, you have permission to kick my butt. Hard.’

  There were a few giggles at this and she took heart at the friendly response.

  ‘I know it’s not much, but I’ve brought in a cake for you all to share as a token of my appreciation for all the hard work you’ve put in recently.’

  She reached down to the table next to her and lifted the cake she’d picked up that morning, which had the word Sorry iced on it in large letters.

  ‘I’m going to skulk away now, and leave you all to it, but I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she said, stepping down from the chair and turning to give Abi a smile. Her friend smiled back and gave her a silent clap, nodding her head in appreciation.

  She was under no illusion that she was going to be totally forgiven right away, but it was a start.

  * * *

  Josie felt drained for the rest of the day. She paced aimlessly around London, barely taking in her surroundings.

  The South Bank hummed with life as she wandered past bars filled with people out enjoying a drink in the sunshine. Their chatter and laughter rang out across the water, mixing with the hypnotic sound of the tide lapping against the shore. Josie imagined she was floating above it all, in some kind of dispossessed state. Disconnected.

  The sun penetrated her clo
thes and warmed her skin. Vitamin D. Good for her happiness levels. Her stomach plunged as Connor’s words filtered through her mind.

  How was it possible to ache for someone so much?

  Being with him had made her question exactly what she wanted from life. He’d drawn back the veil to show her how much fun she was missing, leaving an aching sadness in her belly for all the wasted opportunities, all the friends she’d let fall by the wayside. She was proud of what she’d helped achieve with the business but, like any addiction, she’d let it overtake her life to the point where it had become unhealthy.

  Cold turkey with a side order of Connor had been a roaring success.

  Connor. She’d got over her crazy workaholic attitude. Now she just needed to get over him too.

  The hopelessness of the situation came back to haunt her every so often, and she had to duck into a shop or gallery in order to give her brain something else to focus on. There was a constant tight feeling in her throat and her stomach churned, so she didn’t even bother to try and eat anything.

  She knew what she needed to do. She needed to arrange some counselling to work through her anger issues, stop living in Maddie’s shadow and be her own person—take responsibility for her actions. Make the effort to start seeing friends again, cut back on the amount she was working and get her bloody life back.

  Meet someone new, perhaps?

  Sadness crushed her at the thought. She didn’t want anyone else. Connor was so right for her in a lot of ways.

  But he didn’t want her. Not for a proper relationship anyway. He’d made that very plain.

  * * *

  Connor had been sure he’d be able to banish the thought of Josie and leave France with a clean conscience.

  But he couldn’t.

  He’d thought he’d be pleased to be on the move again. But he wasn’t.

  There hadn’t been a day in the past week when he hadn’t thought about her, and it was becoming a problem. He was having trouble sleeping, which was really unusual for him. When he did sleep he dreamed about Josie, and when he woke to find he wasn’t holding her he felt as if someone had punched him in the gut.

  He’d gone out every evening to sit by himself, nursing a beer and thinking, thinking, thinking.

  A couple of brave and not unattractive women had approached him in the bars as he’d sat staring into his drinks and he’d talked to them, willing his recalcitrant brain to give them the opportunity to impress him, but he’d found them puerile and dull compared to Josie’s exhilarating company.

  She was one of a kind, that woman, and he’d let her slip through his fingers.

  After his family’s dismissal of him he’d spent so long on his own he’d forgotten how to care about someone else. Josie had reminded him of how good it could feel. The problem was she’d also highlighted how terrifying it was to trust someone with his affections again. Hence that panic attack.

  He’d been searching for unconditional love from his partners—something he’d been missing since he’d lost his grandmother—but he had no right to expect that. He needed to earn it.

  It occurred to him that he’d used his family’s lack of interest in him over their business as a convenient excuse when he’d wanted to end a relationship, because Josie’s passion about her career, her drive and determination, were the things that he valued most about her.

  He spent his days in a sleep-deprived daze and started making mistakes with the project, which he couldn’t afford to do.

  He missed her. He missed her smile; he missed her energy and her passion. He missed the way she played music on her legs as if they were a piano, and the way she looked at him with those beautiful intelligent eyes.

  He’d told himself to forget her when she’d left him in France, that there was no point pursuing anything with her. The whole gamut of arguments had run through his head. She was too wrapped up in her career to be worth the effort. He wanted her, but he didn’t want it to turn into anything too serious. It wasn’t fair on either of them. She was too work-focused. He was too transient. It would never work. He’d be an idiot to open the whole thing up again.

  None of those arguments seemed to work. She was still all he could think about.

  It was going to take a lot more than he’d first thought to get Josie Marchpane out of his head. She’d somehow instilled herself into his psyche and no matter what he thought about she wouldn’t goddamn go away.

  Perhaps he’d finally found a reason to stop leaving? Was Josie going to be the one who helped him find the peace he’d been craving for so long? Could he allow himself to trust that they had a future? Could she be the one to keep him grounded? There was a good chance that he could answer yes to all those questions.

  Without the distraction of Josie’s dynamic presence it had all come rushing in on him. The emptiness. The total singleness of his existence. She’d opened Pandora’s Box in his mind and all the angst and pain had come rushing out.

  Before meeting Josie he’d been fine, hopping from girlfriend to girlfriend over the years, never getting too involved, never giving too much of himself. That had been why Katherine had riled him so much—she’d been more demanding than the rest and he’d found himself plagued by her to the point of being stalked. Poor Katherine. He knew what it felt like now to want someone so much you were willing to make a fool of yourself for them.

  It was time to stop running. To turn around, face his fears in an open and honest way and trust they wouldn’t knock him on his ass.

  TEN

  Walking into the grand lobby of the hotel where the awards ceremony was taking place, Josie steeled herself to face her family.

  Barely acknowledging the opulent surroundings and the throngs of famous faces, she pushed her way through towards the ballroom, where a stage was set up for the show.

  She’d managed to duck out of the past few family get-togethers, but she knew it was time to get over her anxieties. She was just as much a part of the family as Maddie and she refused to consider herself secondary any longer. This was her getting on with her life, moving forward. She would face them and come out fighting on the other side.

  Her mother was standing in the doorway to the ballroom and as soon as she spotted Josie she came busying over, resplendent in a heavily shoulder-padded eighties throwback gown and six-inch heels with diamante bows. Clearly Josie was completely underdressed in her simple slip dress and flats, if her mother’s face was anything to go by.

  ‘You made it, then?’

  The condescension in her voice made Josie’s pulse quicken.

  Keep cool and ignore! Ignore! The words ran through her head. She’d probably need to turn it into a mantra and repeat it ad nauseum if she was going to survive a night with her mother at this thing and leave with her head held high. But she would do it. She would be serene and poised.

  ‘Follow me. It’s about to begin. We don’t want to embarrass ourselves by being late to the table,’ her mother said, beckoning her with a flapping hand. ‘They’ve put us right at the front.’ She moved her head back so her mouth was lined up with Josie’s ear. ‘I suspect we’re there so Maddie can get out easily to the stage,’ she said, not bothering to lower her voice a jot and wiggling her eyebrows as if she was imparting some great secret to the world.

  Clearly Maddie not winning this thing would not be tolerated.

  Josie followed her mother’s swinging bottom, scooting through the packed tables, keeping her head high. She would not be intimidated by all the hoopla.

  When they reached their destination she only managed a feeble wave at her sister and father before there was an announcement about the ceremony starting in five minutes.

  Sitting down next to them, she crossed her legs and straightened her skirt, ready to take her place as ‘loving sister’ in front of all Maddie’s friends and admirers.


  ‘Have you been away, Josie?’ her father asked, leaning in, a studious frown on his face. ‘It looks like you’ve been out in the sun.’

  She gave him a tight smile. ‘Yes. I went to France for a couple of weeks.’

  The look on his face didn’t give her much hope that this was going to be an easy conversation.

  ‘So who was looking after your business while you were holidaying?’ He said the last word as if she’d actually been in prison for drug smuggling instead of having some well-needed time out.

  ‘Abi had it all under control.’

  He nodded. ‘I see.’

  She thought that was it. That she’d got away without having to elucidate. But unfortunately her mother had other ideas.

  ‘Isn’t it a bad time for you to be going away, Josie?’ she asked, giving her trademark concerned frown. ‘If you want that business to actually make some money you should be fully focussing your energy there. Surely there’s time for a break once you’ve managed to start making a dent in the marketplace?’

  Josie wondered why her hands were hurting—until she looked down to see that she’d made deep welts in her palms with her nails. Her heart raced as adrenaline and anger surged through her.

  She was not putting up with this. No way. Not any more. She was worth more than a disgruntled footnote in her parents’ encyclopaedia of life.

  ‘The business is fine,’ she said through clenched teeth. ‘I, on the other hand, am not. I’m tired of trying to please you. I realise now it’s an impossible task, and I’m not prepared to waste any more time or energy on it. My business is just that. Mine. I’m doing it for me now, not you.’

  She realised she was pointing a shaky finger at their shocked faces but she was too far into her rant to stop.

  ‘I may not be famous or noteworthy, but I am making a difference in my own small way. And that’s good enough.’ She took a deep, calming breath and splayed her hands on the table, leaning in towards them and looking directly from one set of shocked eyes to another. ‘It’s good enough.’