Her New Worst Enemy

by Christy McKellen

“You forgot?”

  “We forgot,” he said, moving fully away from her now and pulling on his trousers. “I seem to remember you being part of this, too.”

  He turned away from her and ran a hand across his eyes, battling with a sudden rush of anger.

  “Don’t worry, I don’t have anything nasty. I got myself tested after I found out Paul had cheated on me, and you’re the only person I’ve been with since.”

  Gideon didn’t reply, still battling to contain the rising panic that made his stomach nauseous and his veins feel like they were filled with fire.

  “I’m guessing you’ve been careful, too?” Ellie asked quietly behind him, her voice now small and strained.

  “I always use a condom,” he said, fighting to keep his voice level.

  She snorted. “Not always.”

  He spun round to face her, his heart racing like a snare drum. “You have to take care of it, Ellie. I can’t have any … ” he struggled for a word big enough to sum up the potential life-altering catastrophe but couldn’t find one, “mistakes.”

  Her eyes immediately lost their amused twinkle and her expression closed over. “I’ll take care of it,” she said, her voice now hard.

  “You have to, Ellie, we can’t take any risks.”

  “I said okay, Gideon,” she practically hissed at him, her face contorted with hurt and anger.

  “Look, I’m sorry, but having a kid right now would be … ” he paused, unsure how to kindly put into words the utter chaos that would befall them if she did get pregnant. The idea terrified him. He would lose everything he’d so painstakingly built over the years: his lifestyle, his freedom, his peace of mind …

  Ellie pushed herself away from the wall and advanced toward him, her body tense with fury. “You think I’d try to trap you, Gideon?”

  He thought back to the pain on her face as she talked about Paul’s new girlfriend being pregnant and the look of jealous longing when she found out Penny was going to have a child. He knew she wanted children of her own and that she thought she was running out of time. “I don’t know,” he said, desperately trying to gather himself and slam a lid on the whirlwind of confusion that made rational thought impossible. He hadn’t planned for any of this and he felt like things were spinning away from him now. He was losing control. He stepped back toward the door to the hallway as she advanced on him, her eyes narrowed in anger.

  “Do you really think I’d want to have a kid with someone like you?” Her voice shook with rage. “I feel sorry for all those girls who started a relationship with you with the impression that something more could develop. Little did they know. You’re not in it for the long term, just a quick fix and time to move on to the next one.” She was clenching and unclenching her hands at her side in agitation. “Because you’re a coward, Gideon. And you know what? Each time you trade up, they’re going to get just a little bit younger.” She pointed a shaking finger at him now. “You do realize that you’re going to end up a pitiful, letchy fifty-year-old trying to date twenty-year-olds? That’s sad, Gideon, really sad. And pathetic.”

  The growing panic transformed into a white-hot rage, pounding through his veins as the cruelty of her words sank in. He looked down at her as she stared defiantly back at him and felt nothing but cold, hard anger.

  “I’m not surprised Paul left you if this is what he had to put up with,” he said as the anger overtook him and he gave in to it, shoving away a niggle of shame as the words left his mouth.

  Her stunned expression told him he’d hit his mark, and her eyes welled with angry tears. “Get out,” she shouted, pushing him hard away from her.

  He stumbled backward from the force of the shove, smashing his hip against the doorframe. An unnerving calm overtook him, and he turned and walked away from her quickly, before he did something stupid, slamming the front door hard behind him.

  • • •

  Ellie stood in the now silent room, with the sound of her anger reverberating around her head. How dare he accuse her of plotting to do something so … low. Hot tears of rage and disappointment sprang to her eyes, and she let them fall heavily onto her cheeks and drip down onto her top.

  She’d felt such elation when he’d stormed forward to kiss her, was so relieved to see he was caught in the same desperate need to be with her again. But that’s still all it was to him. Sex.

  His hysterical reaction to forgetting the condom had proved he wasn’t interested in a real relationship with her. It wasn’t as if she didn’t expect him to be worried about her getting pregnant — they’d only been having sex for a short time after all — and in an ideal world they’d probably have worked up to talking about having children if he’d been serious about her. But he’d been angry about it, as if she’d planned the whole thing and deliberately tried to catch him out.

  Bastard.

  He’d come to her. She’d already decided there wasn’t any future with him and tried to move on.

  A sudden swell of sadness took over her rage and she slumped back onto the sofa and let the heaving sobs wrack her body, expelling all the hurt and humiliation he’d left her to deal with alone.

  A loud knock at the door made her jump in shock, and for a moment her hopes rose as she wondered whether he’d come back to apologize.

  “Taxi!” a voice shouted through the letterbox and her heart sank again. Of course, her night out. The night she’d been looking forward to, to help her put the memory of Gideon to the back of her mind.

  She brushed the tears forcefully off her cheeks and took a deep breath. She would go out — there was no way she was going to let him get the better of her and allow herself to wallow in misery all night. No way was she going back to being the old Ellie. Readjusting her clothing, she ran to the door and shouted to the taxi driver to give her two minutes.

  In the bathroom, she freshened up as fast as she could and reapplied her make-up, putting an extra layer of bright red on her lips for confidence.

  Right. She was going out. She wouldn’t think about Gideon again tonight and would deal with the rest of the problem in the morning. Grabbing her bag, she gave herself one last cursory look in the mirror before stepping out of the door and pulling it firmly shut behind her.

  • • •

  After leaving Ellie’s flat, Gideon paced around the block to try to cool down his overheated temper.

  He was so angry with himself for getting into this position in the first place. He knew he should have followed his initial instincts and left her well alone, but at the same time he also knew that was rubbish — he’d hadn’t been able to stop himself. Neither of them had.

  He knew he had to go back to her flat and smooth things over with her. Virtually accusing her of trying to get pregnant on purpose had been one of the stupidest things he’d ever said, but apologizing wouldn’t help the fact he wasn’t sure he could give her what she needed. She’d made that abundantly clear to him with her jibe about him making a terrible father.

  Ellie needed someone who was willing and able to settle down right away and give her the love and support she needed. That she deserved. He didn’t know if he had it in him to make her happy. After all, he hadn’t managed to make any of his family love him enough to want him around. He’d hardened himself against the possibility of it happening to him again, and he didn’t know if he could soften himself enough to trust anyone now. He didn’t want to risk Ellie’s sanity on the possibility that he couldn’t.

  The dull pain in his chest that had appeared after she’d given him the chewing out throbbed there, adding to his discomfort.

  He finally decided to stop being such a coward. He shouldn’t leave things as he had. For the sake of his sanity — and his friendship with her family — he needed at the very least to apologize and make sure she was all right.

  Walking back toward her flat, he stopped dead as he spotted her coming out of her door, pulling it closed behind her with a determined look on her face.

  So she was still going out judgi
ng by the fact she hadn’t changed her clothes and had applied some deep red lipstick.

  Perhaps the best course of action was to leave things be, he decided. Why rock the boat if she was apparently already over him and ready to go out and face the world? And maybe find herself someone who was able to give her what she wanted.

  The thought of all those men in the bar she’d end up in, staring at her, maybe one of them buying her a drink with a view to taking her home with him made him clench his fists so tightly, his nails bit into the skin of his palms. No, he should treat this as a blessing. It would be ridiculous to chase after her now. She was fine without him — she was a survivor.

  He turned to go, before she caught sight of him, and walked quickly in the opposite direction, away from the taxi, away from the woman who was the closest thing he’d ever had to a true lover.

  • • •

  Waking up the next morning, it took Ellie a few minutes to fully come round and let the events of the night before seep back into her consciousness. Ugh. She’d definitely drunk too much wine trying to blot out the memory of Gideon and the “unfortunate incident” as she was now calling it.

  Despite her determination not to brood about what had happened, every time there was a lull in conversation she’d found herself thinking about what she needed to do this morning. The thought of it brought tears to her eyes.

  Gideon would make a fantastic father.

  She knew she’d gone too far telling him he wouldn’t, and she regretted her cruelty, but she couldn’t let herself dwell on the thought. If only he’d let himself trust someone enough to stay put and give a relationship a real go. He had everything she could ever want from a partner: kindness, brains, a great sense of humor, security … but not the one thing she really needed — sticking power. He’d walked away from her without a backward glance.

  Apparently a relationship with her wasn’t worth fighting for.

  She sighed and rolled out of bed, groaning as her brain pounded against her skull. In the kitchen, she swallowed down a scalding cup of tea, but couldn’t touch any food. There was no point in delaying any longer; she needed to get to the pharmacy.

  Twenty minutes later, she was back in her apartment with some headache tablets and a morning after pill.

  She stood staring at it where it lay on the counter for a few moments.

  If she didn’t take it, there was a possibility she could have what she wanted. A child. Gideon’s child.

  If she fell pregnant, she could pretend she’d taken the pill and it hadn’t worked.

  Her hands shook as she placed them against the counter and dipped her head, taking deep breaths in and out.

  She could trap him, just like he suggested. She could have the one thing her whole life had been focused on for the last couple of years.

  But she could never do that. She knew because the thought made her feel sick. How low would she need to stoop to put her own selfish needs first and to hell with anyone else? It would be a hollow victory. In fact, it wouldn’t be any kind of victory at all.

  What had she turned into?

  Taking one last breath, she grabbed the pill and held it on her tongue for a second before swallowing it down with a large drink of water. As soon as it slipped down her throat she allowed the tears to come again, giving in to the heavy painful drag in her chest and hunching down onto her heels, resting her head against the cupboard door.

  All that could have been swam through her head. The image of a little boy with Gideon’s bright green eyes and jet black hair, sitting on her knee giggling as they played Row the Boat appeared front and center in her mind, and her body convulsed with devastated tears until she was barely able to breathe.

  Logically she knew there was no guarantee she would have become pregnant this time anyway, but that didn’t stop the deep, ache of loss that pummeled her now. But it wasn’t just the loss of the phantom child, it was the fact all hope of making anything happen with Gideon now was gone.

  She was in love with him and there was nothing she could do about it.

  She stayed crouched against the cupboard door until the sobs lessened and she felt like her legs wouldn’t give way if she stood up. She needed to pull herself together and make a plan for the rest of the day, to keep the sadness at bay. There was no way she was spending the weekend mooching around on her own feeling sorry for herself. He may have proved to be totally untamable, but Gideon had at least given her a lesson in how to drag herself up by her boot straps and start living her life again.

  As she pulled herself up to make herself a strong cup of coffee, the phone rang and she reached to pick it up.

  “Hello?”

  “Ellie, it’s Penny.” Her friend’s voice sounded light with excitement.

  “Hey Pen, how’s it going?” She struggled to make her voice sound as normal as possible. If her friend asked her what was wrong she’d only break down and she was determined not to do that again.

  “It couldn’t be better actually. He’s back. Will came back.”

  Ellie closed her eyes and blew out a relieved sigh. Thank God.

  “Oh, Penny, that’s great.”

  “Can I come over?”

  “Sure, I’m not busy today. Come over whenever.”

  “Great, I’ll be there in half an hour.”

  “Okay,” she said, grateful for at least a few minutes to put herself back together and transform herself from the tragic mess she must look like. She didn’t want to distract Penny from her excitement by having to explain swollen eyes and blotchy skin.

  • • •

  Half an hour later, they were sitting on Ellie’s sofa drinking cups of tea.

  “So, he turned up looking awful and apologized for leaving and begged me to take him back. I gave him a pretty hard time, but he refused to let me kick him out,” Penny said, her cheeks pink with happiness and her eyes more alive with joy than Ellie had ever seen them. “I think he genuinely wants to make this family work. He was scared he couldn’t do it, that he wouldn’t be a good enough father and husband, but it’s okay now. It’s going to be okay.” The exuberance in her voice was catching and Ellie found herself beaming with happiness.

  “I’m so pleased for you, Penny,” she said, and she realized she meant it. All she wanted was for her friend to be happy.

  “So the wedding is back on,” Penny continued, “and we’ve decided to have it in England after all. Will said he wants me to have the wedding I really wanted all along, which means I can have my friends there to celebrate with us.”

  Ellie twisted her fingers together, her breath catching in her throat as she waited for her friend to say the words she’d been anticipating since the conversation began.

  “I want you to be my maid of honor, Ellie.”

  Ellie smiled through the tears that now welled in her eyes. “I would love to. Thank you.” She pulled Penny in for a hug and held her tightly.

  So this was it. Her friend was getting married and starting a family, and Ellie would no longer be the most important person in her life. Pushing away the jealousy that niggled at the corner of her mind, she steeled herself against it. This was about Penny now, not her. She would be fine. Absolutely fine. It was time for her to grow up and start acting like an adult.

  • • •

  It had been a week since Gideon had last seen Ellie and he was still waking up each morning with a sinking feeling that he couldn’t shake. His concentration was suffering as a result and he decided to take a few days away from the office to try to work the melancholy out of his system. He filled his time visiting friends and tried to get her out of his head, but she refused to budge. Typical Ellie.

  He spent a weekend alone in his Cotswold manor, wandering from room to room, reliving the painful childhood memories. Without Ellie there, the place once again felt cold and unfriendly. He decided it needed more than just a cosmetic makeover.

  It needed new memories.

  Later that afternoon, he found Penny locking her front
door as he tramped up the driveway to her house.

  “Gideon!”

  “Hello, sweetheart, how are you?”

  “I’m great. How are you?”

  He took a deep breath before answering. “You heard about me and Ellie, right?”

  She gave him a puzzled smile. “No.”

  “She didn’t tell you what happened?” He felt a thud of sadness that she hadn’t even told her best friend about what had gone on between them. So she’d written him off completely then.

  “Is this about the weekend at your house? I wondered if something was going on with you two.” She broke into a beaming smile, and he put up a halting hand to stop her from getting the wrong idea.

  “Don’t get too excited because it’s all over now.”

  “Oh.” Her face fell at the news. “What a shame.”

  He shrugged and tried to appear nonchalantly unconcerned, but apparently it didn’t work because Penny gave him another sad frown.

  “Do you want to come in?”

  “Thanks.”

  Penny opened the door and led him into her living room, gesturing for him to sit down.

  “So Will tells me he bumped into you.”

  “He told you about that, huh?”

  “Not that I’m not grateful, but why did you go and see him?”

  “Because I could see what a huge mistake he was making, walking away from something so good.”

  She looked at him for a moment and he could feel the weight of her underlying question about why he’d walked away from Ellie. She chose not to push him on it though. “Well, thanks. Whatever it was you said to him did the trick.”

  “He knew what an idiot he was being, he just needed it reaffirmed for him.”

  Penny laughed and swiped her fringe out of her eyes.

  “Well, thanks for making him feel like an idiot.”

  “It’s one of my great talents, apparently,” he said, giving her a wry smile.

  He paused for a moment and rubbed a hand across his eyes. “And I thought it was about time I did something for someone else for a change. I seem to have become so insular, I forgot what it’s like to do something without having an ulterior motive.”