The Other C-Word

by Schiller, MK

  There was more to it than just that. I started thinking of how our future would look. It wasn’t about being disturbed in your sleep or watching someone go through trauma and not being able to help them. It was more than that. This man loved to travel and I wasn’t able to go anywhere. I would scream bloody murder and I’m sure any hotel personnel would think Rick was raping me in the middle of the night. What would happen if we had kids? How would we ever explain why mommy called daddy a rapist every night? God forbid, what if they crawled into bed with us after having a nightmare of their own and I hurt them? It was all too morbid. I knew I was thinking far ahead, but the ramification of my infliction was not as simple as separate beds like Rick made it out. In fact, he couldn’t even follow through with that. He insisted on sleeping next to me every night.

  I had never even thought of things like travel, marriage or children before Rick. Hell, I’d never even thought of dating or relationships, for God’s sake. I didn’t voice any of my concerns to him because I knew he would only try to deflect them. Rick would never tell me. He would never turn his back on someone he loved. Although we’d never said it to each other, I had a strong perception that he loved me as well. That’s why I knew I had to let him go. I had to be the stronger one. He deserved a normal life with a normal girl that wouldn’t try to hurt him while he slept or make him feel like a pervert.

  I was selfish though, because I wanted this week. It was Stevie’s wedding week and I wanted to wake up next to the man I loved every morning. I knew once it was over I would be completely…inconsolable.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The day of Stevie’s wedding was one of the craziest I’d ever seen. I was running around like a mad woman, finishing all the last minute details. Rick had left early, kissing me goodbye. After that, a million people had accosted our house. Dillon did Stevie’s hair and makeup. Adam’s mother Kate and my mom, were either laughing or crying tears of joy most of the day, going back and forth between our houses. Billie and I dealt with last minute issues between the caterers and hall. I also had the task of keeping Adam away from Stevie. This was very difficult, since he’d made up his mind to make love to her in her wedding dress, before the ceremony. I literally had to threaten to punch him, like I had Mr Clean’s nephew, to get him to back off.

  I loved the whole day though. Despite how we fought, Stevie was my best friend too. It was an honour to stand up for her in the elegant, black dress she had chosen for me. The wedding took place at the outdoor gardens of San Marston club. Stevie and Adam stood under an arch of white roses and twinkling lights, made even brighter by the stars in the night sky. They stared at each other as if they were the only two people in the world. Everyone admired Stevie in her gorgeous, form fitting, pearl-encrusted gown. They had written their own vows, choosing to tie their union with their own sentiments. Stevie’s vows were beautiful and poetic, then it was Adam’s turn.

  “Stevie, I’ve loved you forever. I loved you even when I was being mean to you and popping the heads off your dolls. I’ve loved you when you were bossing me around, not that you’ve ever stopped. I used to watch you when you were dancing in your room with your sisters. I swear it wasn’t weird or anything, but I always thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. When I learnt to play the guitar, I learnt every Nickelback song there was. I left my window open so you could hear me. I have a confession to make—I hate Nickelback. It didn’t matter though because I knew you loved them, so I learnt every single song. I played them for you whether you heard me or not.” Adam choked on the last line. He was doing that man sob as if he was trying to keep the fullness of his feelings inside, because if he let out all his emotions, he might explode. Everyone cried with him, at least all the women did. The men glanced away or smiled nervously as if they felt sorry for poor Adam.

  I laughed because Stevie had always known he watched her from his window, which faced hers. He should have suspected because I doubted most girls dressed up and put on makeup to dance in their rooms. I also knew she’d listened up every time she’d heard a guitar riff coming from his window.

  “I loved when you got glasses and braces, because I didn’t think they made you look ugly like you said. I thought you made the glasses and braces look better. Do you remember when we were eight and Danny Morris knocked you down into that mud puddle?” Stevie nodded. “Remember how he came to school the next day with a black eye? Yeah, that was me, babe.” Stevie’s shocked expression revealed she’d had no idea. “Actually it was Marley who punched him, but I held him back for her.”

  Funny, I had forgotten this memory. Probably because there were many memories that weren’t so clear from that year, when things had started changing for me. Things I wanted to forget and things I didn’t. They’d occurred in the same timeframe so I’d just forgotten them all. It occurred to me that was the reason why I thought Adam and Rick were holding Mr Clean’s nephew for me, because Adam and I had been in that position before.

  Adam cleared his throat because a few of his macho buddies had snickered when he said I was the one who hit Danny. He turned in their direction. “Yeah, we double teamed him, but he was a huge guy and Marley had a great arm.”

  He directed his loving gaze back to Stevie. “Remember, when we were in art class in eighth grade?” This time he glared at his buddies before the snickers could begin. “Yeah, I took art class. I thought it would be an easy A.” He looked back to Stevie. “Remember when Mrs Casper said you were horrible at depth and line and you shouldn’t consider a career in art? You were so upset you threw your sketch away.” Oh my God, if that boy didn’t reach into his jacket pocket and pull out Stevie’s crumpled drawing from the eighth grade! He held it across his chest so she could see it. I heard gasps of shock from every woman there. Combined together, we sounded like a freaking birdcall. Stevie was completely bawling now, and as maid of honour, I did my job and handed her a handkerchief. I wished I’d had the foresight to bring one for myself. “Babe, I always thought you were amazing. I always knew you had mad skills.

  “The best night of my life before tonight was prom. I remember seeing you in your white dress that night and wondering if I’d get to stand next to you like this in another white dress. I’m so happy I do. I thought when I went away to college that you’d find someone else, but you stuck with me, even though I have a million faults. I didn’t have to wonder about myself. I knew I wouldn’t find anyone else, because you were and will always be the girl of my dreams. The girl next door, the girl I sometimes bullied, the girl who gave me her first kiss. The only girl to slap me, but I did totally deserve it. The girl that made me so insanely jealous when she dated Antoine, the French exchange student, that I still can’t eat a croissant to this day. Stevie, you are the girl I’ve always loved, and the one I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with.”

  Yep, he was that good. The muffled sounds of women swooning and crying filled the night air. When you could physically make a woman swoon with mere words, especially when they were said to another girl, you were a special guy. You knew on the ride home, those women were going to turn to the men in their lives, and say ‘why can’t you be more like him’. Stevie had worried she would cry during her vows and not be able to finish, but she was fine. In the end, she did cry though because of what Adam said to her. At that moment, I loved Adam even more, because I knew he would take care of Stevie like she deserved.

  It was a crazy night and I didn’t truly relax until Rick held me in his arms and we danced.

  “I’ve been looking forward to this all night,” he said to me.

  “Copping a feel on the dance floor,” I replied, giggling. The man’s hand was dangerously close to my behind.

  “That’s a bonus. I just wanted to dance with the second most beautiful girl here.”

  I was glad he’d said that because Stevie was definitely the most beautiful girl tonight.

  “You have no idea how hard it was for me to watch you dance with that other guy.”

&nb
sp; I scrunched my nose. “Jason, Adam’s cousin? You know I had to dance with him since he’s the best man.”

  “I know, but it didn’t make it any easier for me. He held you closer than he needed to in my opinion.”

  I laughed. “You are a possessive one, aren’t you?”

  “I guess you bring that out in me, Marley. You make every emotion sharper for me whether it’s frustration or joy or…lust.”

  “Funny, I guess I could say the same thing about you, Rick. You don’t have to worry about Jason, he’s not my type.”

  “Oh, why is that, baby?”

  “Because, I’ve decided I like businessmen who wear suits and ties even when they don’t have to, the kind with funny conjoined surnames that have double meanings and infinity symbol tattoos that I can trace with my tongue.”

  “Stop it, you naughty girl, you’re making me very hard and I have some stuff to tell you.”

  “What do you have to tell me?”

  “I just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me. How special you are.”

  I put my hand to his mouth before he could say anymore. I knew he was about to say something that would melt my heart. He may have even told me he loved me and I didn’t ever want to hear the words. It would make what I had to do so much harder. I didn’t want him to proclaim his love when I couldn’t say it back. It’s not that I didn’t feel it, but I wasn’t going to lead him down a path of misery for my own selfishness. This week and the wedding had been freaking emotional enough. Tonight was some sort of pinnacle for all that emotion and I was having difficulty deciphering my feelings, like a fine wine that tastes so sweet you don’t even realise you’re getting drunk. I didn’t trust my reaction to Rick’s words.

  I grabbed his tie and pulled him closer to me. “I have a question for you first. Are you trying to tempt me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you didn’t freaking shave today and you’re wearing my favourite tie. It’s all a girl can do to keep from jumping your bones.” He actually had shaved, but there was a slight stubble on his face, and it was turning me on fiercely.

  He laughed. “I know how much you like being tickled and I love pleasing you, Garter Belt Girl.” His nickname for me caused delicious tingles to generate in my tummy.

  I spoke to him in my best Brit accent, “Mr Randy, I require your assistance.”

  “What can I help you with, love?” he replied in a British accent of his own. I felt the dampness immediately because Rick’s British enunciations were crazy sexy.

  “I’m looking for a place to fuck you. Where would you like to be fucked?”

  He chuckled. “Anywhere but the arse.”

  I laughed at his joke, but damn if he wasn’t totally turning me on. “Can you keep up that accent? You sound like Daniel Craig when he played James Bond.”

  “Does Daniel Craig turn you on, my love?”

  “No baby, you turn me on. Sounding like Daniel Craig is just a bonus. I really like James Bond.”

  “What a coincidence because you sound like James Bond too when you try to do a British accent, but when Sean Connery played him.”

  “Oh yeah? Well, I guess I’ll just have to use my French impression to lure you then, monsieur.” My French accent wasn’t much better. I tried to sound like Juliette Binoche, but it came out Gerard Depardieu.

  “You don’t have to use an accent to lure me. Your voice is sexy enough, especially when you’re screaming my name. Now, the only question is, where can I hear you scream it?”

  We were talking quietly and the music was loud, but I still glanced around nervously to make sure we were not overheard.

  “Rick, someone once told me if two people want to fuck bad enough, finding a place isn’t that difficult.”

  “Sounds like a smart man, so let’s follow his advice.”

  I led him through the grounds and inside the main building into the most girly room in the world. Everything was pink, white, frilly and flowery. I locked the door behind us.

  “What’s this?” Rick asked me.

  “This is where Stevie got ready,” I answered, sitting on the rose patterned chaise and patting the place next to me for him.

  “This is where you want to do it?” Rick looked around curiously.

  “It was either this or the woman’s bathroom and trust me, I don’t want Great Aunt Fern walking in on us.

  He walked over to me and knelt down next to me on the floor. He slid his hands up my legs.

  “Yes, we can’t have that. You’re wearing a garter belt.” He let his fingers trail along the suspender portion.

  I laughed. “You bought me so many I figured I should wear them.”

  He slid his hands all the way up my dress until they encircled the lacy part of my underwear.

  “I have to tell you the rules,” I said, already breathless from his touch.

  “We have rules again?”

  “Yes, tonight we do. You can’t mess up my hair and you have to fuck me with all my clothes on.”

  “We’ve done that before, except that your hair looks so beautiful it might be hard to resist.”

  “Dillon thinks it looks beautiful too. He worked on it for an hour and he’ll totally freak if it’s messy.”

  “All right, baby, I can work with those rules.” He edged up and pushed me on my back. “Now slide up.” I edged backwards on the chaise using my elbows. Rick placed an arm on each side of my stomach and followed me.

  “Turn around, baby. It’ll be hard for me not to touch you if I’m looking at you.”

  I turned and he took both my hands and placed them on the backrest of the chaise. “Hold on tight,” he commanded. Rick was a complete type A personality, especially in the bedroom. I liked how he took charge and dominated. It was a complete turn on for me.

  He lifted my skirt over my back and rubbed my behind. I could feel the lace of my panties and the warmth of his hand. Then the gentle pulse of his finger inside me. “You are so wet, Marley, how is it possible that you could be this wet from my voice, love?” he said with the British accent. I moaned out because the combination of his finger pulsing inside me with that accent made everything in my body clench. “You have the most beautiful ass I’ve ever seen.”

  He moved my legs apart. I heard his zipper come down. He pushed my panties to the side then he was filling me. His breath was warm on my back. He gripped my waist then he pushed into me completely. He bit my back, not hard, but just enough that it was good. I felt his every thrust and I screamed his name loudly over and over, until he clamped his hand on my mouth.

  “I love it when you scream my name, but let’s not advertise what we’re doing, baby.” He pushed inside me so hard I lost my balance on the headrest of the chaise, and my face smashed into it. “Marley, are you all right?” His words came out garbled because I knew it was difficult for him to concentrate on anything else. He still managed to pull me back towards him and turn my face to him.

  “Yes, don’t stop,” I said breathlessly.

  I was more than all right. This was how we used to have sex, before I’d told him. Before I’d made him feel sorry for me. This was how I’d always wanted it to be.

  He thrust, holding onto my waist, pulling my whole body into his, until our climax came. He managed to put us in a sitting position so I was on his lap. He leaned his head against my back.

  “Let me see your face, baby. I want to make sure there’s not a bruise.”

  I turned towards him. His green eyes were soft and they looked sad to me. It freaked me out. His expression was not the kind of reaction I ever wanted to elicit from Rick, especially after we’d just had sex. I stood up and readjusted myself before proceeding to the small bathroom. He followed behind me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that.” I took the lipstick out of my clutch and reapplied it, avoiding his penetrating gaze.

  He embraced me from behind. “Looking at you like what?”

 
“Like you feel sorry for me.”

  “Marley, I wanted to make sure you weren’t hurt, that’s all.”

  I turned to him and shook my head. “No, Rick, you look at me like that all the time now. You pity me, you think I’m weak.”

  His eyes widened. “Marley, I don’t pity you. I feel helpless when it comes to you. I just want to help you and I can’t.”

  I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah because that’s what you do isn’t it? You like to help broken things. That’s your job isn’t it? To swoop in and fix what doesn’t work. I’m not fucking broken.”

  “I never thought that.” He caressed my cheek, but I slapped his hand away. His expression changed to one of hurt and anger. “Is it so wrong that I feel sympathetic for what you’ve been through? Is it wrong that I don’t want you to keep going through it? Is it wrong that I care about you that much?”

  I didn’t answer. I wasn’t sure what the answers were, so he kept talking.

  “I found some places that can help you. I’ve been doing some research on it.”

  “You can’t fix me. I don’t want you to. I never have. I’m sorry I’m not perfect, I never will be. The only thing I wanted from you was for you to lust after me and fuck me hard, and I’ve managed to screw that up too.”

  He looked at me incredulously. “I don’t want you to be perfect—I want you to be happy. Apparently, you don’t want me to try to make you happy. Is that what you’re trying to say to me?”

  “I don’t want your fucking pity. I already have enough of that from everyone else in my life.”

  The knock on the door interrupted us. “Marley, are you in there?” Dillon’s voice boomed.

  “Yes,” I replied loudly.

  “Get your ass out here, kid, everyone’s looking for you. Stevie’s going to throw the bouquet.”

  I walked past Rick, but he grabbed my arm. “We need to finish this conversation later.”

  I didn’t respond and he let go. I didn’t even wait for him. I took Dillon’s hand and ran down to the stage area where all the single women gathered for that one symbol of hope that they would be in Stevie’s place next time. It was the last place I wanted to be.