The Firm of Girdlestone

by Arthur Conan Doyle

  CHAPTER XXVIII.

  BACK IN BOHEMIA.

  Fortune had been smiling upon the Bohemians of late. Ever since themajor's successful visit to Fenchurch Street he had been able to live ina state of luxury to which he had long been unaccustomed. His uncle,the earl, too, had condescended to think of his humble relative, and hadmade a small provision for him, which, with his other resources, removedall anxiety as to the future. Von Baumser had his fair share in thissudden accession of prosperity. The German had resumed his situation ascommercial clerk and foreign correspondent to Eckermann & Co., so thathis circumstances had also improved. The pair had even had someconversation as to the expediency of migrating into larger and moreexpensive lodgings, but the major's increasing intimacy with his fairneighbour opposite stood in the way of a change. In any case, they wereloth to leave their fourth floor, and to have the trouble of movingtheir effects.

  These same effects were the pride of Major Clutterbuck's heart.Small as their sanctum was, it was a very museum of curious objectsbrought from every part of the world, most of them of little intrinsicvalue, but all possessing a charm of association to their owner.They were his trophies of travel, battle, and the chase. From the bisonrug and tiger skin upon the floor to the great Sumatran bat which hunghead downwards, as in the days of its earthly existence, from theceiling, there was not an object but had its own special history.In one corner was an Afghan matchlock, and a bundle of spears from thesouthern seas; in another a carved Indian paddle, a Kaffir assegai, andan American blowpipe, with its little sheaf of poisoned arrows.Here was a hookah, richly mounted, and with all due accessories, just asit was presented to the major twenty years before by a Mahommedanchieftain, and there was a high Mexican saddle on which he had riddenthrough the land of the Aztecs. There was not a square foot of thewalls which was not adorned by knives, javelins, Malay kreeses, Chineseopium pipes, and such other trifles as old travellers gather round them.By the side of the fire rested the campaigner's straight regulationsword in its dim sheath--all the dimmer because the companionsoccasionally used it as a poker when that instrument happened to bemissing.

  "It's not the value of thim," the major remarked, glancing round theapartment, "but, bedad, there's not one of the lot that has not got astory tacked on to it. Look at that bear's head now, that's grinning atye from over the door. That's a Thibet bear, not much bigger than aNewfoundland dog, but as fierce as a grizzly. That's the very one thatclawed Charley Travers, of the 49th. Ged, he'd have been done for if Ihadn't got me Westley Richards to bear on him. 'Duck man I duck!'I cried, for they were so mixed that I couldn't tell one from the other.He put his head down, and I caught the brute right between the eyes. Yecan see the track of the bullet on the bone."

  The major paused, and the pair smoked meditatively, for Baumser hadreturned from the City, and the twilight was falling and everythingconduced to tobacco and reverie.

  "See that necklace of cowrie shells hanging beside it," continued theveteran, waving his cigarette in that direction; "that came from theneck of a Hottentot woman--a black Vanus, be Jove! We were trekking upcountry before the second Kaffir war. Made an appintment--could notgo--orderly duty--so sent a trusty man to tell her. He was found nextday with twenty assegais in his body. She was a decoy duck, bedad, andthe whole thing a plant."

  "Mein Gott!" Von Baumser ejaculated. "What a life you have led! I havelived with you now many months and heard you tell many tales, but everthere are fresh ones."

  "Yes, a strange life," answered the major, stretching out his gaiteredlegs and gazing up at the ceiling. I niver thought to be stranded in meould age. If I hadn't commuted I'd have had a fair pinsion, but I drewme money in a lump sum, and went to Monte Carlo to break the bank.Instead o' that the bank broke me, and yet I believe me system wascorrect enough, and I must have won if I had had more capital."

  "There is many says dat," grunted Von Baumser doubtfully.

  "I believe it for all that," the major continued. "Why, man, I wasalways the luckiest chap at cards. I depinded on me skill principally,but still I had luck as well. I remimber once being becalmed for afortnight in the Bay of Biscay in a small transport. Skipper and Itried to kill time by playing nap, and we had the stakes low enough atfirst, but they soon grew higher, for he kept trying to cover hislosses. Before the ind of the two weeks I cleared out of him nearly allhe had in the world. 'Look here, Clutterbuck,' he said at last, lookingmighty white about the gills, 'this ship that we are in is more thanhalf mine. I am chief owner. I'll stake me share of the ship on thenext game against all that I have lost.' 'Done!' said I, and shuffled,cut, and dealt. He went four on three highest trumps, and an ace, and Iheld four small trumps. 'It's a bad job for my creditors,' he said, ashe threw his hand down. Ged! I started on that vyage a poor captain,and I came into port very fairly well off, and sailing in me own ship,too! What d'ye think of that?"

  "Wunderbar!" ejaculated the German. "And the captain?"

  "Brandy, and delirium tremens," the major said, between the puffs of hiscigarette. "Jumped overboard off Finisterre, on the homeward vyage.Shocking thing, gamblin'--when you lose."

  "Ach Gott! And those two knives upon the wall, the straight one and theone with the crook; is there a history about them?"

  "An incident," the major answered languidly. "Curious, but true. Sawit meself. In the Afghan war I was convoying supplies through thepasses, when we were set upon by Afreedees, hillmen, and robbers. I hadfifty men of the 27th Native Infantry under me, with a sergeant.Among the Afreedees was a thumping big chief, who stood among the rockswith that very knife in his hand, the long one, shouting insults at ourfellows. Our sergeant was a smart little nigger, and this cheek set hisblood up. Be jabers! he chucked his gun down, pulled out that curveddagger--a Ghoorkha knife it is--and made for the big hillman.Both sides stopped firing to see the two chaps fight. As our fellowcame scrambling up over the rocks, the chief ran at him and thrust withall his stringth. Be jabers! I thought I saw the pint of the bladecome out through the sergeant's back. He managed to twist round though,so as to dodge it. At the same time he hit up from below, and thehillman sprang into the air, looking for all the world like one o' thoseopen sheep you see outside a butcher's shop. He was ripped up fromstomach to throat. The sight knocked all the fight out of the otherspalpeens, and they took to their heels as hard as they could run.I took the dead man's knife away, and the sergeant sold me his for a fewrupees, so there they are. Not much to make a story of, but it wasintheresting to see. I'd have bet five to three on the chief."

  "Bad discipline, very bad," Baumser remarked. "To break the ranks andrun mit knives would make my old Unter-offizier Kritzer very madindeed." The German had served his time in the Prussian Army, and wasstill mindful of his training.

  "Your stiff-backed Pickelhaubes would have had a poor chance in thepasses," answered the major. "It was ivery man for himself there.You might lie, or stand, or do what you liked as long as you didn't run.Discipline goes to pieces in a war of that sort."

  "Dat is what you call gorilla warfare," said Von Baumser, with a proudconsciousness of having mastered an English idiom. "For all dat,discipline is a very fine thing--very good indeed. I vell remember inthe great krieg--the war with Austria--we had made a mine and were aboutto fire it. A sentry had been placed just over this, and after thematch was lit it was forgotten to withdraw the man. He knew well thatthe powder beneath him would presently him into the air lift, but sincehe had not been dismissed in right form he remained until the ausbruchhad exploded. He was never seen no more, and, indeed, dat he had everbeen dere might well have been forgotten, had it not been dat hisnadelgewehr was dere found. Dat was a proper soldier, I think, to beplaced in command had he lived."

  "To be placed in a lunatic asylum if he lived," said the Irishmantestily. "Hullo, what's this?"

  The "this" was the appearance of the boarding-house slavey with a veryneat pink envelope upon a tray, addressed, in the most elegant of femal
ehands, to "Major Tobias Clutterbuck, late of Her Majesty's Hundred andNineteenth."

  "Ah!" cried Von Baumser, laughing in his red beard, "it is from a woman.You are what the English call a sly hog, a very sly hog--or, I shouldsay, dog, though it is much the same."

  "It's for you as well as for me. See here. 'Mrs. Lavinia Scullypresints her compliments to Major Tobias Clutterbuck and to his friend,Mr. Sigismund von Baumser, and trusts that they may be able to favourher with their company on Tuesday evening at eight, to meet a fewfrinds.' It's a dance," said the major. "That accounts for the harpand the tables and binches and wine cases I saw going in this morning."

  "Will you go?"

  "Yes, of course I will, and so shall you. We'd better answer it."

  So in due course an acceptance was sent across to Mrs. Scully'shospitable invitation.

  Never was there such a brushing and scrubbing in the bedroom of a coupleof quiet bachelors as occurred some two evenings afterwards in the topstory of Mrs. Robins' establishment. The major's suit had been pursuedunremittingly since his first daring advance upon the widow, but undermany difficulties and discouragements. In the occasional chanceinterviews which he had with his attractive neighbour he became more andmore enamoured, but he had no opportunity of ascertaining whether thefeeling was mutual. This invitation appeared to promise him the verychance which he desired, and many were the stern resolutions which heformed as he stood in front of his toilet-table and arranged his tie andhis shirt front to his satisfaction. Von Baumser, who was arrayed in adress coat of antiquated shape, and very shiny about the joints, sat onthe side of the bed, eyeing his companion's irreproachable get-up withenvy and admiration.

  "It fits you beautiful," he said, alluding to the coat.

  "It came from Poole's," answered the major carelessly.

  "As for me," said Von Baumser, "I have never used mine in England atall. Truly, as you know, I hate all dances and dinners. I come withyou, however, very willingly, for I would not for nothing in the worldgive offence to the liebchen of my comrade. Since I go, I shall go as agentleman should." He looked down as he spoke with much satisfaction athis withered suit of black.

  "But, me good fellow," cried the major, who had now completed histoilet, "you've got your tie under your lift ear. It looks very quaintand ornamintal there, but still it's not quite the place for it.You look as if you were ticketed for sale."

  "They von't see it unless I puts it out sidevays from under my beard,"the German said apologetically. "However, if you think it should behidden, it shall be so. How are my stud-buttons? You have them ofgold, I see, but mine are of mother-of-oysters."

  "Mother-of-pearl," said the major, laughing. "They will do very well.There's the divil of a lot of cabs at their door," he continued, peeringround the corner of the blind. "The rooms are all lighted up, and I canhear them tuning the instruments. Maybe we'd better go across."

  "Vorvarts, then!" said Von Baumser resolutely; and the two set off, themajor with a fixed determination that he should know his fate before theevening was over.