Rigadoon

by Louis-Ferdinand Celine

  “Hilda, do you see the steeple?”

  “]a Krist! sicher Krist! … of course, Krist!”

  “Should I jump out?”

  “Nein, Krist!… nein!”

  She answers very calmly, I guess she’s used to it … are they living together up here? … possible … it’s not exactly luxurious … something like the Zenith … about as comfortable, but not so many holes and crevices … same dangling wallpaper … the place has been shaken … all of a sudden Siegfried starts putting his pants back on … he turns around and says to Hilda.

  “Hilda! … Hilda! … this slowpoke asked me my age! …”

  I’m the slowpoke …

  She motions me not to answer … that it’s his head! … his head! … she slips her finger under her cap, her enormous raspberry dip … that’s where his trouble is! … of course! of course!

  “Come and look! … come and look, you bad boy!”

  I’m the bad boy … his Hilda motions : go ahead! … no time to antagonize him …

  “Far! … far!… over there!… the steeple?”

  “Yes!… yes!… right you are!”

  Fact!… at the other end of the avenue …

  “It’s five hundred and thirty-one feet high! … understand? the firemen’s carnival! Sedantag! me up there! … way up on top! … first! … eleven times first! up top!”

  I don’t quite get it … Hilda explains … “Sedan Day,” their “firemen’s carnival” … a rope-climbing contest … and he’d been first! he, Siegfried, eleven times winner! … But she didn’t know what year, neither did he … his rope-climbing days were over … she didn’t have to signal me not to contradict him … hell no! what if he jumped out the window? … why not? … since he was already half naked, he’d better just finish the job and let me examine him … he’d asked me … all of a sudden he’s willing, perfectly reasonable … Hilda doesn’t embarrass him, he even lets her help him … his black coat and his helmet on a chair … he lies down on the big bed … a big bed without a mattress or sheets … just the spring and a pile of something on top, rags … filthy, greasy … they must have been used for wiping machines and lamps … before the war … I go over to examine him … he stops me …

  “Do you think if I jump out the window I’ll break something? … in two? … in three?”

  She motions me not to answer … no intention … I see him there all naked, really all skin and bones … built like an ambassadress … a naked ambassadress, first thing in the morning … as amyotrophic as they come … with him of course it’s age and short rations … his abdomen? … I palpate … I palpate some more … nothing! cadaverous but normal … the heart? … a slight murmur … aortic? … the lungs? … emphysema? … maybe … mouth? … only three stumps left … doesn’t seem to bother him … ears? … eyes? … nothing to examine them with … blood pressure? no Pachon!° … I feel his pulse … very tense … same at the temples … makes me think of the Hôtel-Dieu in Rennes … old man Follet “at the bedside” … the ritual … the hospital … and old Leduc from Nantes … funny memories come to you sometimes … funny and not so funny, you can take your pick … moments like that when you reach a certain age, you get indulgent, once you admit that you’re old … the stationmistress there, she’s thinking too … or asleep on her feet? … no! the snoring is the kids … she signals me: don’t make any noise! … hell, why would I want to? … all I want is to get out of there … the police’ll be here any minute … what kind? … Kraut, Russian, Angliche? … maybe two together! … I want to talk to Lili… not to Le Vig! … not a word to Le Vig!… I ask Siegfried, very gently …

  “Dann? … Dann? now what? go back down? … hinabsteigen?”

  He should get dressed … and Mrs. Raspberry Cap should help him … I’m waiting … she asks me what’s wrong with him …

  “Nothing! … he’s old, that’s all … perfectly normal …”

  I’m sick of being questioned … oh, she agrees that it’s normal … and that we’d better get out of there … she helps him on with his shirt and drawers … now his pants … and his coat … and his helmet … a good thing about filth … dust and grime … is that you stop noticing … your eyes get used to it … best people, cream of the cream … “where shall we go for the summer, my dear?” hey! I’d forgotten! … his reflexes! … no hammer, but I can manage with my fingers … I make him sit down … it won’t take long … the elbows? … pretty near normal … a little flabby … now the knees … left knee, not bad! but the right knee? … next to nothing … he watches me, he thinks I’m funny … he’s got something to say … he squeaks, he laughs, I mean … well, he giggles.

  “That’s what they did to me in Mannheim!”

  Now he’s ready to go down … Skeezix is impatient … he takes my arm … one step … two … three … four … a breather! … like on the way up … no faster … what’s he got to tell me? … he’s thinking …

  “That woman still adores me, I think …”

  “What woman?”

  “Hilda up there!”

  “Definitely!”

  “She’ll adore you too …”

  “Not yet! … not yet! …”

  Okay! … another four steps … sittee downee …

  “Now, Doctor, listen! I’ve still got my wits about me, I can feel it … but not for long … they’re slipping … oh, I know myself! …”

  That’s what makes him laugh … if you can call it laughing … the ideas rattling around … coming and going … in his head! …

  “I won’t go to the funeral! … no! … no! …”

  “What funeral?”

  “At the cathedral … down there at the end … the steeple, I showed you! … five hundred and thirty-one feet … hee! hee! … no, Doctor, no!”

  “Whose funeral?”

  “Rommel! … General Rommel!”

  I’d heard of him … from Harras, I think … Rommel …

  “Why not?”

  “A traitor! … I won’t go! you’ll go! … Rommel, Afrika Korps! … and look, the people that live on the avenue, look! look! … all the tenants … they won’t be there either!”

  “Why, Captain Siegfried?”

  “The tenants are all in the woods! … the whole avenue! … the S.A. took them all away! they’ll never come back! … never! nimmer! nimmer!”

  He crosses out the air with his finger … nimmer! nimmer!

  Eight steps this time … another eight! … now something’s worrying him! … he takes his head in his hands, he’s thinking …

  “Doctor, I confess! … that woman’s adored me for twenty years … but her children aren’t by me! oh no! ah no! … by her husband in the east! … Gott sei danke! Thank God! … her children!”

  That relieves him … another breather … Le Vig and Lili have been wondering what’s become of us … there they are, they haven’t budged … haven’t seen a soul … neither in the station nor on the avenue … talk about vacuums … I ask my nut …

  “Do you believe in Rundstedt?”

  “Ach ja! … he’s on his way, he’ll be in Ulm before nightfall … he’ll be coming down this avenue, here in front of us! … hee! hee! … I don’t want to see him!”

  Why? a very good reason … he, the supreme fireman and captain, promoted for that very purpose, would have to do the whole avenue with his fire engine! … orders! … not expressly him, but his brigade! … but where was his brigade? … since the bombing of Frankfurt, where it had lost three engines and a hundred and twenty-five men, dead, wounded, burned, and the rest crippled, home in bed, finished, there was nobody left but him, Siegfried, to parade the engine, the whole length of this avenue from the station to the cathedral … I wasn’t going to give him any advice! … his story isn’t impossible … it even makes some sense, but I don’t trust him … I’m beginning to know him …

  “I don’t want to put out any more fires! no more! … nothing!”

  He’s made up his mind!

  “Verstehen sie?
… do you understand? rechts!”

  “Captain Siegfried, you’re right! a thousand times right!”

  Somebody behind us … I thought so … Hilda! … she’s come down … with the fire extinguisher … her cap, her raspberry cap pulled so far down that the visor’s touching her nose … she sails right in …

  “Wilhelm, you must!… you must!”

  She wants me to tell him too … that he must!

  “Er must! Er must!”

  He doesn’t agree that he must!

  “Mein arschloch! My asshole!”

  And he spits! … and spits some more! … long distance … sitting there … stubborn as a mule … Hilda gets good and mad … she calls us to witness … Lui, Le Vig, and me! … we can see for ourselves! … that this Siegfried is the lousiest rotten lunatic in the world … he should try and deny it! … that he’s the laziest, drunkenest fireman that ever lived and the biggest liar! … he’s pissed off because he can’t find anything to drink! … because it’s all gone! because his brigade have drunk it all up! … but he’s the worst of the lot! … the biggest funnel! … and they didn’t find any in Pforzheim! … nothing! not a drop! schnaps! or in Frankfurt either! all Frankfurt! a sea of flames! two hundred thousand women and children in the cellars! … all burned … but he … Siegfried … wanted schnaps … all he was looking for in Frankfurt! … the monster! … Siegfried the monster’s sitting there all huddled up, turning his back on us … he wants to spit, but he can’t any more … it hurts him to try … he’s gone dry … Hilda’s chewing him out doesn’t bother him … nobody there but us … we don’t count … the whole avenue as far as the steeple, nobody … no dogs, no cats … oh! mistake! … Bébert! … Lili’s let him out of his bag … he’s washing … his ears, his paws one by one, very carefully … Bébert’s no sloven, soon as he gets out he takes advantage … take more than Hilda with her raspberry cap and her screeching to faze him! … when he’s finished tidying up, Bébert folds back his paws, curls up his tail till it’s just right, and looks into the distance … not at us … dignified, I’d call it … the stationmistress isn’t dignified at all … she doesn’t care … she’s too mad at her Siegfried! … I say “her” … I wouldn’t know … but they seem kind of intimate … shriveled up on his bench, all he wants is not to move!

  “But the extinguisher? What about the extinguisher?”

  She’s talking to us! …

  “Hey, you! you don’t know a thing! … the police’ll be here any minute!”

  They’d already been there! she tells us about it … and they’d be back … to her pad! … and take her three children away!

  “My children! … the bastards!”

  She means the police!

  “I’ll tell them the whole story!”

  I see this is getting complicated … bad blood between them …

  “You don’t know! … I’ll tell you! … it’s true! … it’s all true! … this drunken bum, they made him a captain because they had nobody else on the engines! … nobody! … for Marshal Rundstedt … when he passes the fire department in review! … nobody! they’re all sick in bed! except him, the drunken bum! Schmidt! … ja! ja! he’s got to go! … on all fours! Siegfried! that’s the way it is! Captain Siegfried! you understand?”

  The drunken bum grunts … hey! … he’s going to fight back … no, I guess not!

  “Hauptmann Schmidt!”

  I tap him on the shoulder …

  “Ja! … ja! …”

  “Your orders?”

  He’s thinking it over … now we’re getting somewhere.

  “Sie! sie! … you take the extinguisher! apparat!”

  His decision! … he wants us to take the extinguisher!

  “You! … extinguisher and arm band! …”

  Hilda explains … he wants us to march up the avenue … very slowly … one step at a time … keeping our eyes open … as far as the cathedral … the steeple up there … with the fire extinguisher! … both sidewalks! … and the gutters … on the lookout for “fragments” … fragments? … she explains … incendiary fragments … from where? the air, the planes … and then what? … douse them quick! … a squirt! … Hilda knew how … but she wouldn’t go … what could I do with my two canes? … I’m looking at this extinguisher … a tank in a knapsack … with a nozzle on the end … looks pretty heavy to me. Le Vig? … he’s willing … chance for a stroll … we’ll go too, Lili and me, give him a hand …

  “Sicher! sicher! certainly!”

  It’s all right with Siegfried, as long as he can sit on his ass … oh, but the arm band! … here you are! … Hilda’s got half a dozen … but only one for the “extinguisher” … Le Vig? … me? … naturally Le Vig! … their Ulm “passive defense” arm band has an owl on it … an owl’s head … Le Vig slips it on and fastens it … he takes the apparat … he wants to look at himself … with his equipment … hand him a laugh! … but there’s no mirror …

  “You look perfect, son!”

  “You won’t leave me?”

  “You crazy? Think we’d let you escape?”

  I’m beginning to get used to their little Kraut tricks … something fishy! … this Hilda … all of a sudden she’s not the same … I can see it, I’m sure … not just an impression … she lifts up her visor with her finger … I can see one eye … say! … that’s a black eye … she been fighting? … with fire pump Skeezix here? … with the cops … or somebody? … I’m certainly not going to ask her … anyway, she’s friendlier all of a sudden … she helps Le Vig adjust his extinguisher, the belt, the straps … she’s no spring chicken, but not old … a slight moustache, dykish … she’d better be with her job, the whole station to look after, your wilting lily couldn’t take it …

  Siegfried’s talking, that’s new too … instructions! … about the avenue …

  “If you see any fragments … plaketten! … put them out! … like this! … one squirt! … the extinguisher! … zzzz! … foam! …”

  We’re all set to put out Vesuvius! … our lounge lizard could stay right here … but these fragments? where were they? … Hilda must know … I ask her …

  “Wo die plaketten?”

  “All over the avenue! … incendiary fragments!”

  “Have you seen any?”

  “No! … not here! … neither has he! but in Frankfurt … Pforzheim … falling like rain! so today! here! naturally! … with the funeral… the Marshal!”

  “What marshal?”

  “Rundstedt … I told you … up the avenue … before nightfall …”

  All right with me … but what about armbands? … we haven’t any arm bands … hey! of course! mine from Bezons, from the “Passive Defense” … I’ve got it on … forgotten to take it off, but it’s all black, soot and grease … I’d better give it a rinse … no! … Hilda has an idea …

  “You can be a blind man, you and your canes!”

  She shows me … Le Vig would take one arm … Lili the other … Bébert would follow us, he’s used to it, better than staying in his bag … there’s nobody on this avenue, if he sees anybody coming, he’ll jump up on my shoulder, one jump … he knows … he’s an experienced traveler! …

  He sure was … he made it back here to Meudon, he’s buried out there in the garden …

  Looks like we’ll be marching up this avenue … arm in arm, me playing blind … this Hilda is full of ideas … all Siegfried wants is to be left alone … for us to go looking for fragments! not him! … Bébert will follow us, I’m not worried about that … his bag’ll be empty … but what about food? … not that we’re hungry, but you got to have food! two loaves of bread and some margarine … coupons? … Hilda? … ja! ja! she’s willing! … sure thing! … she goes upstairs and gets us everything we need … it all goes into the musette bag … Bebert’ll follow us … we’re ready to go!

  “Good-bye, madame! good-bye, Captain!”

  And off we go … one step … two steps … I’m a pretty good blind man, I think … I ought
to have glasses … available in Ulm? … not at all sure …

  “Anybody at the windows?”

  I ask … no, they don’t see a soul … we’ve gone about a hundred yards … doing all right, I think …

  “Seen any fragments?”

  I’m not looking … his job … in the gutters …

  “Fuck their fragments! … they can stick ‘em up their ass!”

  He’s thinking out loud … too loud …

  “Easy does it, Le Vig!”

  “Do they go easy!?”

  That starts me thinking … I sit down! … a bench … curses!

  “Lili, I don’t know … I’m not feeling so good …”

  “Le Vig can go on by himself … we’ll find you … okay?”

  “Sure! … sure! … good idea!”

  It’s all right with him, he’s got the fidgets …

  “Don’t you worry! … we’ll find you … you know, by the cathedral, the steeple … if you don’t see us, just come back … we’ll be here … but look hard! every corner! don’t forget! … you’ve got the extinguisher! ssss!”

  We’re laughing, all three of us, Bébert looks at us, he’s serious … he doesn’t budge, he stays with us, he’s made his choice … he needs a rest too … he’s not so young … besides, I need time out to think … all the stuff they’ve told me to do … the nerve of them! … especially that captain of engineers … his name? … I’ve forgotten … no loss! … damn it all! in the first place why can’t they go looking for that jerk themselves? … see if they can find him … that other captain! … at the funeral … or the town dump! … me carrying their messages … “your sister in Berlin is well”! … who does he take me for? … and come to think of it, that Marshal von Lubb! … smothered under the coke? I wonder if he ever existed … And this Bundstedt that’s supposed to be on his way … could be dead for all I know … one thing’s for sure, since we’ve been here, nobody’s shown, nobody’s passed … nothing …