But my time for getting used to the idea of a Natalie and Evan pairing is cut short when, forty-five minutes after Natalie has left, Evan walks in.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey,” I say back. He doesn’t come in often, and I think it’s because of what happened when I worked at Creek’s Coffee.
“So I kind of need to tell you something.” His wardrobe, a T-shirt, cargo shorts, baseball cap pulled low, and sneakers say relaxed, but he’s kind of giving off a nervous vibe with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets and eyes that have already darted away from me a couple of times.
“I’ll be off in fifteen minutes,” I say, “if you wanted to talk outside.” There aren’t any customers in at the moment, but I don’t want to hear from Evan’s mouth that he’s dating Natalie and risk messing up the order of anyone that might come in during the last part of my shift.
“Sure,” he says. “I can wait outside.”
“Just a sec.” I make him one of the smoothies he loves and produce another five-dollar bill and add it to the register. With me paying for drinks, my extra shift will end up costing me more than it will make me.
“Thanks, Paige. I’ll see you outside… in fifteen?”
I nod.
Only three more customers come in before the end of my shift, but they’re regulars, and even though I’m thinking about Evan and having a hard time keeping my eyes off of him at the table outside, I don’t mess up orders that I could do in my sleep. At precisely three, my manager takes over. I take my apron off and consider slipping out the back and not having to face Evan, but that would only put off the inevitable.
“Sorry I couldn’t really talk to you earlier, but my boss is a stickler for not conducting personal business while on the job.”
“No, it’s fine,” Evan says, standing while I sit down at the outdoor table with him. “I understand.”
“So what’s this news?” I of course know what it is, but I find myself needing to hear it from him, a concrete retelling so that I know it’s not just some fantasy Natalie concocted or words she misunderstood.
He sits, then looks down for a moment, swallows and then returns his eyes to mine. “I know things are weird for us, but I just wanted to tell you I’ve decided to go out with Natalie. I know she’s your friend and all, so I don’t want it to get even weirder.”
I acknowledge his news with a nod while my heart beats faster and my throat dries up.
“She’s kind of relentless,” he adds.
“I get it,” I say, clearing my throat and trying to smile but finding it pretty much impossible.
“Do you?” He’s staring at me, and it makes me feel totally exposed.
“Yeah, guys need to get laid, don’t they?” I know I’m being difficult when I say it. I know I’m making this harder on him than it needs to be.
He exhales, heavily and with exasperation.
“All you have to do is tell me no,” Evan says. “Tell me not to date her. Tell me you and I have a future.”
“You know I can’t do that,” I say, but if he asks me to explain to him again just why, I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it. All I can seem to get out is, “I have to think about—”
“Garrett,” he says with a modicum of disgust.
God, he’s right to be sickened by it all. I am, and I’m the one who keeps enforcing the rule that I somehow have committed my life to Garrett.
“Should I start sleeping with both of you?” I ask, not to be flippant or cruel but finding myself truly and honestly wanting to know if he thinks that’s a solution to our problem.
His face grows red, angry. “You slept with him?”
I freeze. I close my eyes for a moment, hoping to gather myself together enough to not make the next words that come out of my mouth sound utterly untenable.
“He’s my boyfriend,” I say. “And Evan, I didn’t—”
“I don’t want to hear it.” He puts his hand up and shakes his head.
“If you’d just listen to me.”
“I’m done listening.” The legs of the chair scrape up against the concrete patio. “I just wanted you to know about Natalie. Now you do.”
“Evan.” I call out to him, but he doesn’t turn around. He crosses the street and disappears into campus.
I bury my face in my hands, wondering how I got so deep into this mess and wondering if I’ll ever find a way out of it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
PAIGE
Studying for finals.
It sucks.
And because of the way the summer quarter is structured here, I’ll go right out of finals and into starting the fall quarter with no more than a few days off in between. I’ve thought about buying a cheap ticket to head home and see my family and Garrett, but I’m not sure if that’s about wanting to see them as much as it is about escaping Evan. And with him now officially dating Natalie, I feel like it’s time to face the music and accept that if I won’t give Evan what he needs, then someone else is going to.
For the time being at least, school is keeping my mind occupied. I have my laptop, notebooks, books and loose pages full of notes all over the dining room table in our apartment, the entire day ahead of me completely free of work or classes so that I don’t have to do anything but study. I’d go to the library, but I’m afraid to see Natalie and subject myself to hearing about her and Evan. Everything in front of me is so chaotic, but there’s a method to my madness when it comes to my schoolwork at least. I’m absorbing most of what’s in front of me, trying to memorize and work problems out so that I won’t walk into my finals a nervous wreck.
My train of thought comes to a crashing halt though when Evan walks out of his room in nothing more than pajama bottoms.
“Morning,” he mumbles, going straight for the kitchen.
I do my best to keep my eyes off of him, but it’s difficult. When you have a gorgeous guy just a few feet away from you without his shirt on, it’s a little hard to focus. I should be used to it, but I’m not.
“Morning,” I say back. “You working today?”
He peels back the foil lid to some yogurt and shrugs. “Not planning on it.”
I’ve always felt like this is his apartment more than mine, and with our relationship so strained, I don’t feel like I can ask him to hide in his room so I can study in peace. So, I start to gather everything in front of me into my book bag.
“I’m just going to go to the library,” I say, hoisting the heavy bag over my shoulder, willing to risk seeing Natalie. “See you later.”
I barely make eye contact with him, but when I do, he’s just looking at me, yogurt in hand. “Later,” he says, just before I close the door.
EVAN
Great. Now Paige can’t even stand to look at me.
I can’t win.
Natalie, on the other hand, is crystal clear about her intentions for us. I don’t have to do any overtime in my head to try and figure out what she wants or when she wants it, which is right now. Our date last night was fine, and it was nice being in public with a beautiful girl who wanted to be there with me, who wasn’t giving mixed signals about wanting me one moment and then backtracking and telling me she needs to remain faithful to the guy who did the exact opposite with me. He was supposed to be my best friend, supposed to have my back when it came to the girl I’d always been in love with. But apparently she’s more important to him than I am, and I can’t totally blame him. I mean, she’s Paige.
And I can’t totally blame her either. Part of why I love her is because of her loyalty, even if I think it’s misplaced.
I plop down on the couch and turn on a soccer match on cable, and my phone beeps. No surprise my heart gallops thinking it might be Paige.
Hey handsome. Last night was great. Miss you already. See you soon?
No such luck. It’s Natalie. I decide it’s better to ignore her, for now, instead of giving her a half-hearted dick response. I lean back against the couch, say a few choice words out loud, and
try to decide why life has to be so fucking complicated.
PAIGE
It wasn’t the best idea to walk to the library with so many of my books at once. My shoulder is killing me, and I’m already dreading the eventual walk back.
“Howdy stranger.” It’s Natalie.
“Hey.” I say it without enthusiasm, as though she’s interrupted me. I’ve just gotten everything spread out in front of me on a table in the library, and before Natalie told me she was dating Evan, I would have made room for her and begged her to sit, but now? Not so much. I wish she’d just leave.
But she doesn’t.
“Didn’t you get my text this morning?” she asks. “I’ve been over in the corner studying for two hours. Was hoping you’d get yourself over here and help me out.”
“Oh, I guess I missed it,” I say and pull out my phone. “Yep, there it is. Sorry.” I didn’t miss it, and I’m not all that sorry. I just didn’t want to talk to her, and I’d hoped she’d stay in her own corner and steer clear. It might be immature, but I can’t seem to help myself.
“Not a problem,” she says. “You feeling good about our econ final?”
“I’ll be feeling a lot better about it after a day of studying,” I say, hinting we can cut out the small talk.
“Me too. Evan and I went out last night, and he’s such an amazing kisser. I’m pretty much in love. Jesus, that boy is hot!”
I literally want to throw up. I don’t care that I would be destroying months of note taking, ruin my books and perhaps even short circuit my laptop by spewing explosive bile all over everything. That’s how much I hate hearing about Natalie kissing Evan.
“Just don’t break his heart.” I don’t know what else to say.
“I don’t see us getting married anytime soon,” she says. “You do remember we’re in college, right? It’s a time for exploration and discovery.” She laughs. “Come on, Paige, lighten up a little!”
“It’s just I’ve known him since we were ten,” I say, so not in the mood to lighten up. “I have to watch out for him.”
“And you think I’d do something to hurt him?” Natalie’s actually the one who sounds hurt.
I shake my head. What am I doing? Natalie is nice. She’s my friend. And here I am basically thinking of her the same way I did Lexi.
“Of course not,” I say. “Like I said, I’m just overprotective I guess.”
“Very,” she agrees. “Maybe we should just get down to studying, huh?”
“That’s probably a good idea,” I say and am thankful I don’t have to endure any further storytelling about Evan’s mouth on hers.
Over the course of the next six hours, I cram as much information into my brain as I can, and yet by the end of it, it’s almost as if I hadn’t even cracked a book.
Why?
Because I can’t stop thinking about Evan.
Natalie has come and gone. She left during lunchtime to grab a bite and never came back. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to sit with a girl who was being as unfriendly as I was either. I’ll have to apologize to her. I’ll tell her I’m just stressed and moody and ask her to forgive me. And then I’ll try to talk myself into accepting her and Evan as a couple, knowing I’ll secretly hope they crash and burn as soon as possible.
I pack all of my books up, but I really don’t want to lug them all the way home, at least not right now. If Evan and I weren’t in such a weird place, I’d call him for a ride, and if I hadn’t been so rude to Natalie, I’d ask her for one. But instead, I rent one of those short-term lockers they have at school and stuff them all in there. I should head home and sleep or clean or eat, but I don’t want to face Evan yet.
Downtown Well’s Creek is ten times bigger than downtown Basin Lake, and it’s easy to just walk the streets and get yourself a little lost, though I doubt anyone living in a city with more than a hundred thousand people would agree. I go into a bunch of stores to pass the time, sniffing perfumed soaps, looking through ironic postcards and cat books, and browsing through furniture that I imagine I might actually be able to afford someday. It’s not until I go into a chic clothing store that I actually find something I want to buy.
The dress is kind of perfect. It’s sea blue, short and a bit flared at the hem, with a white scallop design around the waist. It’s very summery, and that’s probably why it’s on clearance, but it’s absolutely adorable, and for a moment it makes me forget all of the confusion in my head. I buy it along with a pair of open toe black heels with a clasp around the ankles. I love the ensemble so much that I have them scan the tags while I’m wearing them and stuff my jeans and blouse into the shopping bag. This is apparently the only way I buy new clothes now, walking into an expensive boutique, buying a dress and matching shoes and then wearing it out of the store. There’s just something romantic about it, and I kind of feel like Audrey Hepburn, all dressed up in the late afternoon with nowhere in particular to go.
I take some pics while I’m strolling through downtown and send them to Mom and the girls before I sit down at the edge of the big, ornate fountain in Well’s Creek’s city park. It’s the one I’d first seen when Evan and I drove into town a couple of months ago, and I’ve since strolled past it plenty of times, admiring the beauty of it while heading to class or work. I close my eyes while misty water droplets blow against my skin, fresh and cool under the warm North Carolina sunshine. I could probably sit here all day, but I move on when a couple of kids jump in and start splashing.
Crossing back into downtown, I stop off at Appalachian Roasters and grab a smoothie, walk around some more, then decide to head back toward the library and give studying another shot. I’m on my way when I change course—I’ll pick my books up in the morning—and start walking back to the apartment.
The new heels had been pretty easy to walk in downtown, but the mile home on a road that is missing sidewalks in places is a real slog. It’s made even less bearable by the looks I’m getting by passing motorists in this dress. I suppose it’s not every day you see a girl walking down a two-lane residential road in high heels and a short dress. And this is perhaps why two men and one woman pull over, separately offering me a ride. The two men, one younger and one older look as though they may have ulterior motives while the woman just appears concerned that my feet must be killing me. I assure them all I’m fine and close to home. And when I’m finally at the door to our apartment, I’m relieved for the sake of my feet, but I also feel lighter because walking around town took my mind off Evan for a while.
But as soon as I’m through the threshold, he’s right back to the forefront. Sitting on the couch, he’s still shirtless, with a book in his lap and notebooks spread all over the coffee table. He pulls his reclined feet off of the table, sits up straight and starts to put all of his notes and books into a pile, as if he’s trying to hide something.
I close the door behind me and consider going into my room and shutting myself off from him, if not for any other reason than to stave off another argument about him and Natalie. But that carefree romanticism I felt this afternoon walking around Well’s Creek in this dress is still with me, softening my heart and encouraging me to make up with Evan. He’s my friend first, and if Natalie makes him happy, then I need be happy for him too.
“Hey,” I say, stepping toward him and his mess of books.
“You have a date or something?” He’s staring but takes his eyes off of me long enough to stash all of his books and papers under the coffee table.
I shake my head. “Impulse buy.” I lift one foot up at a time and slip out of my heels. “Probably not the best use of funds considering it’s going to be fall soon.”
“It looks good on you,” Evan says, scanning me from head to toe. “Definitely not a waste of funds.” And then, as if he’s decided he shouldn’t have said anything at all, he turns toward the blank TV screen and stares at it while at the same time scooting down the couch and making room for me.
“Thanks,” I say, cautiously sitting
down next to him. We are mere inches away from one another, and yet I still feel like we’re worlds apart. “You’ve been studying all day?” I ask, seeing that he’s changed into a pair of cargo shorts instead of the pajama bottoms he had on earlier. I’m so close to him, so tempted to reach my hand out and touch his bare shoulder or slide a finger against his full lips, grab a tuft of his hair or slide my lips down his firm stomach.
“Played some Frisbee earlier,” he says, dragging his hands through his hair while still facing forward. “But yeah, pretty much just been studying after that. Did you—”
I lean in and kiss him, cutting his words off, catching him by as much surprise as I do myself at my spontaneity. His lips are hard at first, but they soon soften to mine, and I close my eyes and lose myself in the tingle and warmth that is flowing through my body.
He’s the one who pulls away, and I feel like I’m floating in midair for a moment, ready to fall because I don’t have the support of his body against mine.
“You’re killing me, Paige,” he says, and when I open my eyes I see frustration and confusion in his.
“Am I? Isn’t this what you wanted?” For all of the barriers I’ve put up to us being together, I realize in this moment that I not only want Evan but need him, no matter the repercussions.
“You know it is…” He presses his lips together and shakes his head. “Are you sure though? I can’t—”
“You can’t what?” My quickening heartbeat is making me feel as though I can do anything now. All the frustration over not being able to be with Evan and the years of making excuses, of second guesses, of not daring to go after what I really wanted ends here and now.
“I’m not going to want to stop,” he says. “Are you really sure?”
I nod. It’s the only thing I’m sure of in this moment.
His hands are on my shoulders in no time, and his lips return to mine, just where I want them to be. Feeling a sense of freedom, I grip his flanks, feeling the firmness of his muscles, exploring across his abdomen and up to his chest before finally wrapping my arms around his neck. He’s already unzipping the back of my dress, and I quickly wiggle my way out of it so that it’s pooled around my waist. We both stand, still holding on to one another, still kissing and exploring, so that the dress falls to the floor. And then my fingers find the waist of his shorts. I’m unbuttoning them, unzipping them, and pulling them down. I don’t peek at what I’m sure is undeniable evidence of him wanting me under the confines of his boxer briefs, but I do feel his hardness when he pulls me close to him, his hands gripping my ass and my breasts squished up against his chest.
Between the Boys (The Basin Lake Series Book 1) Page 24