Holding On

by Meg Jolie

  When they had decided to have the shower, they knew they would have to make it a surprise. They knew if they were to ask, she would never agree. They kept the guest list small. Only her closest friends and a few aunts and cousins but Carly was suddenly feeling guilty for the sneakiness of it all. Despite the intent, they had gone behind Quinn’s back. And she did not look at all happy about it. In fact, Carly noted, she looked a bit pale.

  “Don’t be mad, Quinnie,” Carly carefully requested. She explained to her what was going on as she parked the car.

  Quinn sat silent, staring at the house.

  “Look,” Carly finally said with a sigh. “We kept the guest list as short as we could. All of these people, every single person that is here? They care about you. They are worried about you and they love you. They want to be able to do something for you. Can’t you please, please just let them? Everyone feels so useless and this…for the baby, Jake’s baby…it makes them feel like they’re doing something. You know? These people all cared about Jake, too. They need to see you. They need to do this for the baby.” She waited for Quinn to say something. When she didn’t, she added on, “Please.”

  Quinn visibly braced herself. “Okay.”

  They got out of the car and Nora met them at the door. She pulled Quinn into a hug. “I am so glad you’re here.”

  “Quinn,” Margo said, clearly distressed. She was wringing her hands. Her voice was accusatory. “I told them—”

  “Mom!” Carly snapped. “She’s here. It’s her baby shower. Do not ruin this for her.”

  Margo took a surprised step back. “But she already looks so—”

  “Mother!” Carly cut her off again. She threw her hands up in the air but kept her voice low. “Can you just please leave the poor, sweet girl alone?” She moved toward her mom and gently pushed her toward the kitchen. Quinn couldn’t make out her words but she could tell by her sister’s tone that Margo was getting a lecture on her behavior.

  “She looks just fine! Why do you always say that?” she finally heard Carly say.

  Quinn only had a second to wonder how she looked. Surprised? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Too thin? All of the above? With her mother involved, it was hard to say what accusation was about to slip out. Luckily, she didn’t have time to dwell on it.

  “Quinn!” Jill cried as she appeared beside her. She pulled her into a hug. It was a welcome distraction from her mother. “It’s so good to see you!”

  Jemma and Lily were there, next in line for a hug.

  “I was so afraid Carly wouldn’t be able to get you out of the house,” Lily admitted as she gently hugged her friend. When she was done, she handed her off to Jemma.

  “We had a back-up plan,” Jemma admitted as she squeezed her into a hug too.

  Quinn let out a little laugh. “Do I even want to know what that was?”

  Jemma smiled brightly. “If we had to, we would’ve brought the party to you.”

  “Believe me when I say,” Nora jumped in, “that it worked out for the best this way.”

  “Good job Carly,” Lily said with a smile when Carly returned again.

  “No problem. It was a piece of cake,” she said as she gave Quinn a wink.

  Quinn was grateful that she didn’t admit to everyone that she had literally had to tow her out of the door.

  “Come on Quinnie, let’s get this party started,” Carly said as she looped her arm around her once more.

  She led her into the McGrath’s family room. It was decorated with balloons and streamers. A table was overflowing with gifts. Quinn smiled and greeted the small group of friendly faces, the few who had been invited. Carly led her to the couch and made her take a seat.

  Quinn was grateful for the upbeat mood everyone was in.

  To her relief, Carly had been right. The number of people did not overwhelm her. However, the amount of gifts she received amazed her. Gifts from both Nora and Margo’s co-workers, neighbors and their friends…All of whom understood that under the circumstances, it would be just too stressful for Quinn to have a huge shower. So they had just dropped off gifts ahead of time.

  To her surprise, Quinn found that she was having an okay time. It would be too much of a stretch to say that she was having fun. But it was a nice distraction to visit with people, play a few games, eat cake and open gifts. The afternoon went by quickly. The mood was kept as light as possible.

  When the shower was over, Nora insisted that Carly and Quinn stay for dinner. Carly immediately accepted. Quinn was hesitant and told Nora that she’d really rather head home. She hadn’t been out of the house this long for weeks and she told Nora it was wearing her out.

  Tom had chosen that moment to materialize from wherever he’d gone during the shower. He’d been adamant that Quinn should stay. He pointed out that he hadn’t been around for the shower and he’d missed the chance to visit with her.

  Carly argued that she should stay for dinner because it was impolite to turn down an invitation. So they had and Quinn had found it comforting to be with Jake’s family. It was fairly late in the evening by the time they had all of the gifts loaded up into Carly’s car so they could head back to Quinn’s.

  “It’s going to take a while to carry everything inside. I’ll stay and help you put everything away,” Carly said. When Quinn didn’t argue, she pushed on. “We can even wash up the clothes tonight. Won’t it be nice to have them all hung up and put away in the drawers?”

  “I can’t believe how much we got!” Quinn said in disbelief. She didn’t think she’d have to buy a single outfit for at least a year. Everything was so cute and so precious. After she had told Luke the baby was a boy, she’d told Carly and her friends. Once the secret was out, the shopping had begun.

  “It was fun, wasn’t it?” Carly hesitantly asked. “I mean, did you at least have an okay time?”

  Quinn nodded. “It was nice.”

  “Good,” Carly said. “So you’re not mad at me?”

  Quinn forced a smile. “You know I could never be mad at you.”

  When they pulled up to the house, Luke’s truck was there. Quinn was surprised that he was there so early. But then she decided that he’d probably known about the shower. And he probably hadn’t wanted to be at his parents’ house with a bunch of women. He’d probably decided to hang out at Quinn’s instead. She didn’t have a problem with that. But she did think it was odd that he hadn’t asked first. Then again, she realized he couldn’t have done that without spoiling the surprise.

  “Oh, Luke is here!” Carly said. Her tone sounded odd as she pulled up next to his truck.

  Quinn turned to look at her sister. Her tone sounded…surprised. But phony. She narrowed her eyes at Carly again. She hoped she wasn’t going to make a big deal out of Luke being there. Things with her and Luke had been, oddly, back to normal. Or, at least, as normal as they could be under the circumstances.

  She didn’t want her to make it into something it wasn’t. But then she realized something about Carly’s voice was…Off.

  “Yes, it looks like he is,” Quinn agreed. She did not take her eyes off of Carly. “I don’t know why he’s here now, though. Especially if he knew I’d be gone for the baby shower.”

  “Yes,” Carly said. “It’s a mystery.”

  “What is going on with you?” Quinn demanded. She was growing more suspicious of her sister by the second.

  “Nothing!” Carly said. Her eyes were too wide and innocent. Just as they’d been as they’d approached the McGrath’s house.

  Quinn groaned as Carly turned her car off.

  “Is there something I should know about? Please tell me there are no more surprises,” Quinn begged. Though she couldn’t imagine what kind of surprise would involve Luke.

  Carly ignored her comment. “Come on. Let’s go see what Luke is up to.”

  Quinn followed her sister down the short sidewalk. When Carly opened the front door she called, “Hey Luke! We’re baaaaaaaack!”

  Before Quinn could quest
ion her odd behavior, Luke appeared. He hadn’t been in the living room which would’ve made sense. He’d come down the hallway where the bedrooms were located.

  “Hey! How was your party Quinn?” he asked. He was grinning. Quinn hadn’t seen him grin like that since…Well, since before Jake…

  “It was nice,” she said. “What are you up to?” she demanded. She had her hand on her hip and a frown on her face.

  He rolled his eyes at her. “Nice to see you, too.” But he didn’t deny it. He was clearly up to something. “Come on,” he said as he took her hand.

  She let him lead her to the nursery. He opened the door and she was instantly hit with the smell of fresh paint. She wasn’t sure how she hadn’t noticed it before. The window was open in the baby’s room but now that she was standing there, the scent was obvious.

  And the room…? It was freshly painted mint green.

  Her eyes filled with tears and she threw her arms around Luke.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “Yeah, I was happy to do it,” he said as he squeezed her back.

  Carly was checking out the room, beyond pleased with the result.

  Quinn took a step back to look as well. Luke had painted it and then put all of the furniture back in place. The crib, dresser, toy box and glider. It looked like the perfect nursery. Exactly what she had envisioned for her baby.

  “Just don’t touch anything yet. I don’t think the walls are completely dry,” he told her. “I was kind of in a time crunch.”

  Quinn’s gaze swung from her sister to her best friend and back again. “You planned this! The two of you! You had it all planned out!”

  “Damn right!” Carly said with a grin.

  “And your parents? Dinner with them? It was all part of it?”

  Luke nodded. “Dad was here for the start. He helped me move everything around and tape everything up. But he’s not so good with the painting so I sent him home after that. I knew it would need two coats. They wanted to do the shower anyway so I thought it would be the perfect day to get it done. But I knew I’d need a little more time. So yeah, they were happy to keep you for dinner.” He took a breath as he took in the look on Quinn’s face. “Do you like it?”

  She turned around, slowly taking it all in. It was the color she’d chosen. The crib was even made up with the bedding she’d picked out but hadn’t purchased yet. Since finding out the baby was a boy, she simply hadn’t felt like shopping.

  “It’s perfect,” she honestly told them both.

  “I showed Luke which paint sample you’d picked,” Carly told her. “So he picked up the paint. Then I bought the bedding the other day. I had it all washed up, ready to go. Luke put it on the crib because I never had the chance to do it myself.”

  Quinn laughed because the bedding was slightly rumpled and crooked. A side-effect of being put on by a man, she was sure. But she loved it all the same. He’d even hung the curtains that Carly had purchased. The curtains matched the bedding. A lamp that matched the set was on the dresser, turned on and emitting a soft, gentle glow.

  “I love it!” Quinn said, fighting off another wave of tears. This time, they were tears filled with love and gratitude. “I can’t even tell you…I love it so much. It’s all so perfect. Thank you,” she said as she pulled Carly and Luke into a hug.

  21

  Getting up to pee countless times a night was nothing out of the ordinary. The sudden squirty feeling between her legs…that had never happened before. She’d just hoisted herself out of bed and taken a step. The squirty feeling surprised her so she froze. Nothing seemed amiss. It was shortly after midnight. This was the first of what she figured would be a few trips to the bathroom. So in the darkness of her familiar bedroom she took another step.

  She shrieked in surprise as a gush of liquid cascaded down her thighs.

  “Oh, gross,” she muttered as she edged toward the light switch. She flipped it on just as Luke came charging through the door.

  “What? What happened?” he demanded. He had heard her shriek and it had scared him witless. His hair was rumpled as were his sweatpants and t-shirt. He looked groggy, yet wide-awake as his eyes scanned over her.

  Her eyes took a similar journey. Her gray pajama pants were obviously darkened where fluid continued to trickle down. Her eyes crept back up to Luke’s again. He looked nothing short of horrified at the sight of her soaking wet bottoms.

  “Is that…?” he asked with a small flick of his hand. He was standing just outside of her door.

  She wasn’t entirely sure that Luke even knew what he was asking.

  “My water broke.” The words gushed out of her mouth, clarifying things for him. “Oh my gosh! My water broke!”

  Feeling awkward or embarrassed that she was standing in soaking wet bottoms in front of Luke never even crossed her mind. She was just grateful that he was there.

  “Is that bad?” he asked. “Doesn’t that normally happen?”

  “I’m not due for another five weeks,” she said. Her voice sounded constricted. She realized, suddenly, that maybe she’d started breathing too fast.

  “Shit. Shit!” he said as he came into her room. He raked a hand over his hair and her heart crumpled because he looked so much like Jake when he did that. “Do I call an ambulance?”

  “No. I think…” She tried to actually think. “It’s actually only about four and a half weeks early. And that’s early. But not…not…” She wasn’t sure what word she was searching for. “Can you just bring me to the hospital?” She knew that once labor started, usually you had some time. A whole lot of time in most cases. But once your water broke…didn’t that mean things were moving right along? Right? Right? She tried to think back to the childbirth class because she was sure that had been covered. Yet now, it seemed like it had been a lifetime ago and she couldn’t remember a single thing.

  “Yeah, of course. You just sit. I’ll go warm up the truck. I’ll come back in for you. Okay?” Quinn nodded. “You just sit,” he repeated.

  He started to lead her back toward the bed. Then he seemed to realize he had things to do and he started to dart away.

  “Luke!” she called and he stopped in his tracks, right outside of her door.

  “What?” he asked as he came back in again.

  “Relax, okay?” she said with a small, nervous laugh. “Take a breath and relax.”

  He blinked at her and then smiled. “Right,” he said with a small nod of his head. He took a comical deep breath for her. “Got it. I’ll be right back.”

  When he left she had no intention of sitting as he’d instructed. Not on her bed, anyway. She had to pee. She rummaged around in her drawer for a clean, comfy pair of pants and undies. She’d barely had a chance to go to the bathroom, try to dry herself off and put on dry clothes and Luke was back again.

  “Quinn?” he asked from the other side of the door.

  “I’m coming,” she said as she finished up.

  When she pulled the door open, he looked frazzled.

  “Are you…” he grimaced. “Are you in pain? Or is that a stupid question? It’s probably a stupid question. You probably are,” he rambled.

  “Not yet. So far it’s okay,” she assured him.

  He nodded and tried not to look too alarmed over what he assumed was coming.

  “Ugh,” she moaned as she looked down. Her pants were becoming wet again. “I’m still leaking! No one told me I’d still be leaking?!”

  Luke choked out a nervous laugh as he sidestepped her so he could get into the bathroom. “I’m going to grab a towel, okay?”

  “What?” she demanded, trying to look offended. “You don’t want this all over your front seat?”

  He shook his head and laughed again. “No. Not really, no.”

  She bit her lip and looked around as she realized something. “I don’t even have a bag packed yet. I should’ve done that but I just didn’t…I didn’t get around to it. I thought I’d have a few more weeks.”

&
nbsp; “Okay…well, do we have time to pack?” Luke was looking at her quizzically.

  Quinn laughed again. It was a strange sounding laugh. The sound surprised her but she was suddenly nervous and giddy. “Yeah, we should have time. Maybe lots of time. It’s hard to say.” She went to the closet and pulled out a small suitcase. Luke stepped out of her way so she could gather her things.

  He watched her nervously the entire time. This was exactly why he’d been staying. Or at least part of it. He was worried about this happening in the middle of the night. When she was alone. But he never really thought it would happen. Now that it was, he was both relieved and a little bit terrified that he was the one there with her.

  Luckily, packing didn’t take long. She was sure she grabbed the important stuff. And if she forgot anything…well, Carly or her mom or someone would most definitely pick it up for her.

  After she was satisfied that she’d packed what she needed Luke took her bag from her. She stopped in the kitchen. She’d put the hospital’s number on the refrigerator. She called in to the hospital, as they’d been directed to do in their childbirth class. It was to let them know they were on their way and give them a quick summary of progression. Contractions weren’t too bad yet. They were there but felt like nothing more than cramping. The hospital was less than ten minutes away. She wondered if she should stay home for a while because her contractions weren’t bad at all. Since her water had actually broken, they requested that she come in.

  Luke led her outside, fretting over her. He held on to her with one hand and held her bag in the other. He tossed her suitcase into the backseat of his extended cab. Then he set out the towel and helped her in.

  After he’d run around to his side and gotten in, he handed Quinn his phone.

  She took it but just looked at him.

  “Aren’t you going to call your mom?” he asked.

  Silence filled the cab as he backed up and maneuvered them onto the road.

  “Why?” she finally asked.