Shattered Beliefs

by Maggie Jane Schuler

  I was less than impressed with the puppy dog eyes look or the smirk settled across his far too handsome for his own good face. His cocky attitude riled me. One step forward, ten steps back. We were as different as chalk and cheese, but opposites attract, right? “Don’t change the subject.”

  “I’m not changing anything.”

  “This is important to me.”

  “Okay, okay, what exactly do you want?”

  “For you to tell Seth about us for a start—I hated deceiving him last night and will not do it again.”

  “I don’t know what us is yet, Edward.” His words waved like a red rag to a bull. I grabbed a T-shirt from the wardrobe and slipped it on, then pulled my jeans on.

  He eyed me curiously. “Why are you getting dressed? I kinda dig that look on you.”

  “I can’t see you out undressed.”

  “I didn’t realise I was going anywhere.”

  “Well, now you do.” I kept away from Milo, aware his touch played with my logic and no doubt in my mind that he’d force a surrender I wasn't willing to give. “I think you need to go home and think about things.”

  “I don’t need to.”

  “Then we are at a crossroads.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “That neither of us have any idea which way forward is, and until we do, I don’t want to risk getting hurt.”

  “I won’t hurt you, Edward.” Milo stood and waited for me to give in to him.

  “But you already are, Milo, by shoving me back in the closet and making me complicit in lies.”

  “It’s not that big a deal.” He stepped toward me, forcing me back. “This is new to me, and I’m just trying to figure it out in my head.”

  Was I being unfair? Probably. But shaky ground wasn’t an ideal place for me to stand. I come from a world where things were black or white. No grey areas existed. Either do it or don’t, but dithering spelled weakness—this idea of indecision more than unacceptable.

  I heard my father’s voice in my head. Edward, always uphold your values and morals and never be swayed from what you know to be right. Right now, I sat uncomfortably in a world I knew little about. A new city, trying to make new friends, and knee deep in the shit where men were concerned. How had I gotten myself into this mess? “It is a big deal to me, Milo.”

  “So, what are you saying?” His hands found their way to his low riding towel, barely tucked and attached.

  “The ball is in your court.” As much as my sister irritated me, I needed to chat with her. As blunt as she could be, her words often hit hard but helped centre me. I needed somebody not directly involved in this situation to advise me. Logan, as wise as he was, too involved, and Seth, unaware he was caught in this web of lies, would find himself stuck in the middle of right versus wrong while trying to juggle his friendship with Milo.

  “You’re giving me an ultimatum?”

  “No, never. I’m simply asking you to do the right thing.”

  “The right thing for you maybe, but my world is a lot more complicated than you know.”

  “Then explain it to me. Help me understand because I want to give myself to you.” My defensive walls flew up and reinforced but when push came to shove, Milo never gave anything unless he chose to give it. We had come further than expected in a short space of time, but he sat on the fence far too comfortably for my liking. Until he proved more to me, I couldn’t allow the walls to fall.

  Resentment flourished within me because he expected me to bend over backwards to accommodate his needs, his wants, his rules, but what about mine? Were they not considered as important? Milo’s confusion of what he might be ready to accept or admit dictated our timeline. When will he be ready to accept us, or more importantly, tell me the truth? Hell, we hadn’t even had a conversation about us yet. How could we when he was only just beginning to figure it out himself. I was being way too hard on him, and I wish things unfolded differently, but until this relationship, friendship, whatever it was sat on a more even keel, I wouldn’t back down. I, too, had to weigh things in my mind, and him in my personal space distracted me.

  “I can’t…” He shifted, and I sensed his unease at being put on the spot.

  “Because you don’t want to or because you can’t?”

  “My life isn’t simple, Edward.” I noted the clench of his fists. Not that I was in danger, but his frustrations bubbled under the surface. Whatever was going on in his life, now wasn’t the time for him to share.

  Still, I tried to chip away at the brick wall he’d built to protect himself. “So, what is it? Homophobic parents or your fear of stepping out of that box you so carefully encased yourself in and allowing people to see the real you?”

  “My dad is—”

  “What?” Was I finally about to get an insight into his world? “Tell me, please. I won’t judge.”

  “I’ve got a lot going on right now.”

  What was he hiding from me?

  “Stop skirting around the issue and tell me what you want.”

  He moved fast, and I had no chance of stepping out of the way. My eyes focused once more on his fists. I braced myself, but he took hold of the top of my arms and looked into my eyes, imploring me to listen. “I want you, Edward, but need a little time to sort things out.” Milo bent to pick up his jeans and stepped into them with barely a wobble.

  My walls crumbled a touch. “You want me?” Where was my self-esteem right now? I was a catch, and Milo would be lucky to call me his boyfriend. But the other side screamed I’d be lucky to call him my boyfriend, too. The stars aligned right then and for the first time I realised fate played a hand, and we were meant to be. Now it was Mum's voice I could hear. The path of true love never runs smoothly, Edward. Be patient and good things will come.

  He tapped the side of his head “You’re locked in here, alright.”

  I had to give him a little breathing space. “All I ask is you tell Seth.”

  “Why’s it so important to you?”

  “Because he’s your best friend, and you’re lying to him, but once he knows, you can talk to him and figure out what you want.”

  “I know what I want.” He picked up his T-shirt from the floor and drug it over his head then pulled it taut over his athletic torso. Even such a simplistic task meant I couldn’t rip my eyes away from him.

  “Then use Seth as your sounding board, somebody away from us.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. His arms found their way around my waist. “He won’t bullshit you either.”

  “I suppose so.” He leaned in. I thought he was about to kiss me. “I hope he doesn’t hate me.” For the first time since I’d known Milo, he showed vulnerability. He loved Seth, not in the romantic sense, but in a best friend kind of way. His approval mattered.

  “Why would he?”

  “For not confiding in him sooner.”

  “There is one other reason he needs to know.” I shuddered at the thought. It could have made our situation so much worse.

  “What?”

  “No more awkward moments where he leans in to kiss me.”

  He raised his brow. “I guess so…”

  “It’s not fair on him, or me, so do that one thing for me, please.”

  “Okay, I’ll tell him tomorrow.”

  “Do you want me to be there when you do?”

  “Naw, I’m good.”

  “I owe him an apology too, but I’ll catch up with him at Nick’s at some point.”

  “Are you gonna tell Logan about us?”

  Why was Logan suddenly an issue? I knew they had dealings with one another and probably shared acquaintances in common, but I trusted Logan with my life. He was no threat to what we had. “We’re friends, Milo and nothing more.”

  “I know but…”

  I couldn’t expect Milo to be upfront and honest if I wasn’t intending to be. “Yes, if it makes you feel better, I will tell him.”

  “Good, now I should go, but before I go, are you gonna kiss me?”


  “If you ask nicely.” I stole a quick peck.

  “Hey, that’s cheating.” His grin sent my legs to jelly.

  “All’s fair in love and war.”

  “If you say so.” Milo would take what he wanted anyway. His face close to mine, he reached up and took a handful of my hair making the most of the element of surprise. I felt every syllable. “You know I want you, don’t you?”

  My cock stiffened in agreement. “I think so.” Pushing me against the wall, he had me exactly where he wanted me. Rather than kiss me as I expected, I felt his hot breath on my neck then the tender brush of his lips. He knew how to work my body as no other before him. Kissing my neck shattered any resistance. A few delicate touches from his warm lips, my hands wandered, and we both knew it was only a matter of time before it happened again. My head swam with desire, and any other thoughts stopped in their tracks. “Fuck me, Milo.”

  “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” He winked and left me with the hard on of the century.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Milo

  The crisp air bit at my ears as I walked out of Edward’s in the middle of the night. One look around and all the manicured lawns, immaculate flower beds, and subtle lighting showed off the trees with leaves turned, and the houses all smiled out at the streets, while a calm I’d never experienced before lightly beat through my veins. This time of night in my neighborhood, the streets were black, and we were lucky if anyone had a working front light. Edward’s neighborhood, in stark contrast, showed life even at this hour. I started Sadey, her throaty V8 rumbled and echoed down the street.

  As I let her warmup, I set my cell phone on the dash. The screen remained black.

  “Shit.” I turned it off after we left Seth’s. The calm quickly left, and panic set in as it came to life and vibrated with more than two dozen messages. As I thumbed the messenger app, my happiness came to a crashing halt as my eyes glossed over the messages.

  Mom: I’m at the ER like you asked.

  Mom: They called in the sheriff. Someone to document the

  bruises.

  Mom: I know you’re angry. I need you.

  Mom: Milo Roberto, text me.

  My chest burned as I switched out of her messages, knowing I left her in a lurch and opened up Seth’s.

  Seth: Hey, your mom called. Get off Scarlett and call

  her.

  Seth: I called Scarlett. Where are you?

  Seth: God damn it, Milo. Fucking text me back.

  My eyes teared as I put Sadey in reverse and squealed the tires out of Edward’s driveway. Once again, my life smacked me in the face, and I couldn’t do anything but speed home and pray my mom was okay. I knew I’d be groveling the moment I arrived back where I left her upset and clearly in need. With everything going on, how could I truly be that selfish and think that Edward would understand how fucked up my family was?

  For this reason alone, I should walk away and leave Edward to find a normal happy person. One who won’t have baggage the size of King Kong’s balls.

  The gate to Edward’s complex slowly opened and, with one look in the rear-view mirror, I saw that Diedra lady taking down some notes from her perfectly decorated and lit front porch

  I grumbled out, “For fucks sake. In two seconds, I ruined Edward’s housing tract one more time.” I lifted my foot off the clutch and skated through the gate once it opened wide enough for Sadey to slip through and left a trail of smoke behind me. If this woman was going to nag Edward, I might as well make it noteworthy.

  “Where have you been?” My mother’s arms shook as she pushed her way out of the door leading into the garage. Her long brown hair disheveled and unbrushed, along with puffiness under her eyes, caught me off guard.

  “I spent the night with friends,” I lied. I spent it with someone who made me feel real.

  Alone on the drive home, I found myself drawn to Edward in ways my heart and soul never experienced before. Sadey’s interior held the musky scent of him, and I never wanted that to go away. He asked me for something simple, and deep inside, nothing felt more right than to give him what he asked for. Did I deserve his respect? Probably not, but the goal to secure it, and his trust, kept my mind busy until sunrise.

  “Did you once check your phone after you stormed off yesterday afternoon?”

  Ashamed, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and showed her the screen. “I turned it off, and when I noticed it buzzed so many times, I knew I’d messed things up.”

  “Ugh. Milo, you didn’t mess things up. I’m an adult, but I wanted you. The way you left and dealing with the sheriff and photos—selfishly, I wanted you there with me for support.”

  “Mom. Stop. I made a bad choice.”

  She stepped deeper into the garage. “No, honey. I should have listened to your grandfather many years ago.”

  “Well, if you had, I might not be here.”

  “I wouldn’t change having you for anything. But I do want to know where you were?”

  The heat rose up in my cheeks, but I was at a loss for words as I wasn’t ready to share this thing with Edward yet.

  “You know I worry about you.”

  The look in her eye told me she already knew more than I wanted her to, and she toed the line, respecting my choice not to come clean. “So, what did the ER say?” A change of subject eased my restless heart.

  “The bruises will heal. I have one cracked rib. I also filed for a restraining order.”

  “Good.”

  “Milo, they arrested your father about an hour ago. The sheriff documented everything and told me that the assault would land him in jail. He’ll be there until someone bails him out.”

  “Did you think they wouldn’t?”

  “I don’t think you understand—”

  “Don’t, Mom. He’s been abusing you for years, and whatever happens now—”

  She raised her hand as she walked toward me, “This situation opened up and went from very private to very public. You need to know this community will make you and I out to be the pariah and him the innocent one until the court date. Clayton Wilcox can do no wrong.”

  I sighed and leaned against Sadey’s hood, pulling Mom into a tight hug. “We’re doing something that should have been done a long time ago. Even before grandpa died.”

  The tremors of fear and relief took the form of tears soaking my shirt. We stood together in the garage as the sky lightened with each minute that ticked away.

  “Why does your shirt smell funny?”

  My eyes widened as I held her close, knowing if she took one glance at my expression, she’d sniff out the truth. “I don’t know. Maybe Seth had something new. I mean, we played video games on his couch like usual.”

  “Milo Roberto Garcia, I know you left Seth’s.” Her head stayed plastered to my chest. “I also know you and Seth have a new friend. The English boy, right?”

  A pregnant pause sat between us, waiting for her to add more. I never lied to my mother. I may have omitted details in the past, but unlike other times in my life, I wanted to shelter myself a little longer.

  Something fragile existed between Edward and me. I needed this time to sort through what this all meant, and I wanted thoughts to remain mine for a little while longer. Our family falling apart in the middle of all this didn’t appear to be the right time to discuss what Edward and I were doing. We would face my father’s wrath. He would lie and manipulate those who would listen until his day in court, forcing me to swallow hard for protection of both my mother and Edward and tell her, “Yes, he’s friends with both Seth and me. He doesn’t have a car, so I drove him, but I went out after and met up with someone.” I cringed inside lying to my mother and making it worse, suggesting I slept around. Perhaps she knew already, but nobody wants their mother aware of their sex life.

  “Let’s go inside and get you fed. There’s plenty of time to discuss more of what’s going on, but I think we’ve both had enough for now.” She refused to look up at me. A da
gger stabbed my chest as the first time I told a blatant lie came out and disrespected both my mother and Edward at the same time. God, what a bastard I was.

  She never asked me more about my whereabouts but gave selflessly by making a five o’clock breakfast, coffee, and sitting me down to a fine, hearty meal. My mother loved me unconditionally, something that ate at me as I peeked up from my plate at the heat of her glare, following each motion of my fork. For some irrational reason, I expected more from her, like to intuitively know when to leave me alone, and I hated that she saw right through me.

  I carried my dishes to the sink and easily slipped her another lie. One I rationalized as for her protection, but, in truth, it was for mine. “I’m going to get my paycheck from Nick’s, and I left my jacket at Seth’s last night. I’ll be back this afternoon for dinner. Need anything from the store?”

  She sighed in frustration. “You go get your errands run.” She eyed the clock, and my head began to throb with regret. “I’ll handle the kitchen. And no need for dinner tonight. I have a meeting with my lawyer and one at the ranch.”

  I snapped my head in her direction. “On a Sunday?”

  “We all have our secrets, I suppose. When you choose to open Pandora’s box and settle up with me, we’ll stop this charade.”

  My jaw dropped but acting as the coward I was, I slinked away and jumped back in Sadey, ready to go unravel one lie.

  The repetitive thuds in my chest only beat harder as I approached Seth’s apartment. We both scheduled to take Sunday off this week so that I could study, and he had worked three weeks straight since the other manager, Cara, had been out with strep throat. Nick was great, but, with only he and Seth, they were both exhausted. It made me appreciate my part-time spot a little more. Of course, it left Seth only time to be a part-time student at the local junior college. Someday, I’d repay him and give him the chance to finish his degree.