Wish You Were Here

by Phillipa Ashley

  This was the point, she told herself, at which she should quietly gather up her clothes, put on her boots, and walk away. This was the point at which she should take her chance and escape, as fast as her legs would carry her, up the hill and back to safety. Even as she said it, she found herself up to her calves in cold water. Even as she waded deeper and gasped at the cold, as water slid beyond her thighs and higher, she knew she should have run away. But it was too late.

  Suddenly, his head bobbed up a few yards away from her.

  ‘It’s bloody fantastic!’ he shouted.

  ‘It’s cold,’ she spluttered, as the rocky bed fell away sharply beneath her feet. She winced as the pool wrapped her in a chilly embrace and then she was off, moving rhythmically, feeling, tasting, smelling, hearing water.

  His body was a pale blur just below the surface. Occasionally he trod water, or surface dived, emerging with his eyes shut and water running over his head and face. She floated on her back, sculling gently, eyes fixed hard on the sky above her.

  ‘There are fish down there,’ he called. ‘You can see them between the boulders on the river bed.’

  When she finally dared to look at him, he looked like a boy with a new toy, his eyes shining and laughing.

  ‘We could have fish for tea,’ he joked.

  She trod water. Droplets ran down her face and she tried to shake them away. ‘I’ll work for you for nothing if you can catch one,’ she dared.

  ‘You’re on,’ he murmured, setting off with a firm stroke to the far edge of the pool. He stopped under the overhang where the water was black then disappeared, leaving nothing but a ripple on the surface.

  Kicking her feet and paddling with her hands, she waited for him to pop up again. It didn’t seem eight years ago since they had spent an afternoon like this. It seemed as if no time had passed. Like they’d just fast-forwarded from then to this instant and all the pain and anger between had never happened. The seconds ticked by and she shivered a little, knowing she needed to keep swimming to stay warm. She called out softly, half laughing: ‘Jack… where’s my dinner?’

  Neither Jack nor fish emerged from the depths.

  She sculled round cautiously, expecting to find him behind her or to feel his hands suddenly round her ankles, about to duck her. The prospect of being ducked by him was both scary and sexy. Very sexy.

  ‘Stop playing around,’ she called, trying to shake away the idea. The waterfall crashed on, but there was no other sound. She realized her heart was beating quite hard.

  ‘Jack!’

  Her mind started to race too. There wasn’t a sign that he had ever been there. She tried to estimate how long he’d been under. Twenty seconds? Thirty? A minute? What if he’d hit his head on a ledge doing the surface dive? What if he’d caught his foot between the boulders?

  ‘Jack, for God’s sake, stop playing around!’

  Her legs were kicking frantically now as she twisted in the water. She didn’t wait any longer. She swam over to the spot where he’d dived, then she slipped underneath the surface. Her eyes hurt when she opened them and all she could see were vague blurs what—ten, fifteen feet below? The blurs could have been rocks, they could have been someone, it was almost impossible to tell. Debris swirled around her face in clouds as she clawed at a shape and hit solid rock. Her knuckles were sore and her lungs ached as she kicked for the surface, gasping and gulping in air.

  ‘Jaaa-ck…’she burbled, feeling as if the world was going to cave in.

  Suddenly, two arms shot out, grabbed her waist, and she let out a shriek.

  ‘Hey, hey! I’m here. It’s OK.’

  Struggling and twisting, she turned to face him. ‘You bastard!’ she spluttered as water shot up her nose. She started to cough but didn’t let it stop her shouting at him. ‘You absolute bastard!’

  He wasn’t laughing as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her through the water towards the shore. She tried to twist away.

  ‘Where the hell were you?’

  He kept hold of her. ‘Over by the dam, behind one of the boulders. Beth, I’m sorry I upset you.’

  ‘I’m not upset, I’m bloody furious. I thought you’d hit your head or something. Now I wish you had drowned!’

  ‘No, you don’t,’ he said, as she kicked away from him into deeper water. He grabbed her again, tugging her towards him. ‘You don’t wish that at all.’

  She tried to break his hold, but realized he was standing on a rock while her feet were dangling. Hot anger filled her veins. Anger at the way he’d scared her and at herself for letting him know how much she cared.

  ‘I could have killed myself trying to save your miserable hide!’ she shouted, grasping his biceps and digging in her fingers.

  ‘I was here all the time,’ he said as she kicked. ‘And if you hate me that much, why are you holding on to me so tightly?’

  Chapter 25

  She had no idea why she was holding him so tightly and even if she had been able to give a reason, she wouldn’t have got the words out. As he slid his tongue into her mouth, she felt heat blooming in her body and muscles tauten in exquisite tension. Her breasts were crushed against his bare chest and her hips were pressed firmly against his pelvis. She felt her body floating off somewhere way beyond the pool as her mouth tasted him again and again.

  Slowly, he drew back his head and smoothed a wet strand of hair from her face and she was lost. Every inch of skin and bone was telling her she needed to have him inside her. She didn’t want to talk, she just wanted to live now, in this moment and forget the past, the future.

  ‘What about…’ he murmured.

  ‘Please, Jack. Don’t say anything.’

  His eyes were tender as he pulled her towards shallower water and the soles of her feet bumped against smooth, round pebbles. ‘That’s a first,’ he said, as he led her out of the pool and onto the shore. ‘A woman wanting me to make love to her and not talk.’

  She bit her lip. ‘We both know this is probably the worst idea either of us has ever had. We don’t have to remind each other of that.’

  He slid his arms around her waist. ‘And?’

  ‘And I don’t care, Jack. I want to do bad things…’

  ‘Even reckless things that you’ll regret in the morning?’ he asked, pressing his mouth to her neck. ‘Like this?’

  She felt his teeth graze the tender flesh of her collarbone then nip her sharply. Her reaction body’s reaction was instant as the memories came flooding back.

  ‘I won’t regret any of the things I’m about to do to you,’ he said as they kneeled together on the beach then, peeling off her soaking T-shirt, he bared her breasts to the warm air. He kissed a path between them and flicked a tongue across her nipples. She knew what they were doing was a Very Bad Idea. Be reckless, Jack, she wanted to cry. Make me do something completely irresponsible.

  ‘Beth,’ he whispered as she pressed herself against him. ‘We can’t do this, not here.’

  ‘Don’t say that. Please don’t say that,’ she whispered, feeling him pressing hard against her.

  He drew back his head and kissed her forehead. ‘I don’t have any protection on me.’

  ‘I don’t care,’ she whispered.

  His eyes were dark and tender. ‘Yes, you do, sweetheart. Come on, I’ve got some in my rucksack.’

  As she let him lead her back up the rocks, she didn’t ask why he had the condoms or who he’d brought them for.

  ‘Do you really want to do this, Jack?’

  His eyes burned into her. ‘I’ve wanted to make love to you ever since the moment you walked into my office.’

  He knew it would shock her and thrill her, talking like that and it did. She quickened her step and he hauled her faster, making her stumble slightly. Then he was ripping open the flap of the tent and they were practically falling inside. He was yanking her knickers down over her thighs and tugging them impatiently over her feet. She helped him by kicking them off and then he was kneeling between her legs, his
eyes smoky with desire. As he touched her, she let out a gasp. Her whole being became centered around that one buzzing spot and Jack’s eager fingers. He pressed kisses and soft little nips on her shoulders, breasts, and thighs. Then he used his tongue on her, teasing her until she felt so screwed up she was begging for him to be inside her.

  This time, there was no need to cram her fist in her mouth to stop her moan of pleasure as he brought her towards her climax. No need for him not to tell her how fucking beautiful she was and how much he wanted to take her over and over again all night. There was no one to hear them.

  So as he thrust his way inside her, not gently like her first time, but with one firm, swift stroke, she called his name out loud to the whole world.

  ***

  Somewhere in the back of her mind during that long night, Beth knew that expecting to wake up in Jack’s arms was never going to happen. Not once while they’d shared each other’s bodies during the scented night had either spoken a word about the past or what the future might hold. She knew they were issues neither of them wanted to face.

  So she wasn’t surprised that when she woke up, he was gone—just like the fantasy they’d shared together.

  And this time, she reminded herself, he’d made her no promises.

  Dragging on some clothes, she crawled outside the tent, blinking in the light. There was no sign of Jack or even of him having prepared coffee or breakfast. She was searching the plateau, straining her eyes and ears to see if she could see or hear him when her phone rang. It was Lou—and at barely eight too. While she’d been abandoning every rule in her book to have sex with Jack, she’d forgotten that the outside world even existed.

  She stabbed at the talk button. ‘Lou? Is everything OK?’

  ‘Beth!’ wailed Louisa.

  She felt her stomach turn over. ‘What’s the matter, hon? Is it Dad? Is he OK?’

  ‘Dad’s all right.’

  ‘Then why do you sound so upset, hon? What’s happened?’

  ‘He’s getting married,’ said Louisa, a catch in her voice.

  ‘Is that all?’ she wanted to shout as relief flooded through her. She could see why Lou was a bit shocked. She was taken aback herself, but it was nothing to weep and wail about.

  ‘Do I need to ask who to?’ she asked.

  ‘To Honor,’ said Louisa dramatically. ‘Who else d’you think.’

  She caught a breath. It all added up. The flowers on the table, Honor round the house at all hours, answering the house phone, her father starting to actually care about himself again. She wondered now how she could have been so blind. He was like any other man and he’d been on his own a long time. He deserved someone special to share his life with.

  ‘Louisa, I know it’s a bit sudden, but by the fuss you were making, I thought something awful had happened. Why did you have to worry me like that?’

  Louisa went into banshee mode again. ‘It’s not a surprise, it’s totally crap! He’s selling the house to Marcus and they’re starting some random café thing together. We’ve got to move into Honor’s place as soon as it’s all sorted.’

  The mention of Marcus shocked her. ‘Selling to Marcus?’ she said, slowly, trying to take in the news. ‘What does he want to go and do that for?’

  ‘I don’t fucking know.’

  She fought to stay calm. It wasn’t really her or her sister’s business what their father did. But still, she felt like cracks were beginning to appear in the walls she’d built around her. Cracks that were opening wider and wider before her eyes.

  ‘You can’t blame Dad for wanting to be happy, and as for moving, I’m sure he can’t be selling the business to Marcus. You must have got it wrong, hon.’

  ‘No I haven’t! I know I’m right. I overheard them talking about it last night and I asked him and he said he would tell us all about it when you got home. Why does he have to always wait until you’re here? Why can’t he trust me?’

  ‘He does trust you,’ replied Beth patiently. ‘But he must want to discuss a big move like this together. I don’t believe he would make a final decision without consulting us.’

  ‘Well, you’re wrong, cos he has. He doesn’t give a fuck about me.’

  ‘Louisa, that’s a terrible thing to say about Dad!’

  There was a pause and then Louisa murmured. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Look, I can’t do anything about it from here and I want to speak to him face to face. I’ll be home early tomorrow and we’ll sort it out.’

  But Beth wasn’t sure she could or should change things.

  ‘At least try and be happy for dad and Honor,’ she said. ‘I’ll get Dad to talk to us, I promise.’

  There was a silence on the end of the line.

  ‘Louisa?’

  She heard a long, drawn-out sob and her heart pounded. ‘Louisa, what’s the matter hon? Don’t cry, it’s not that bad…’

  ‘It… is… that… bad.’

  ‘Please, Lou, just tell me what the matter is!’

  Her sister took in a shuddering breath. ‘Oh, Beth. Don’t be angry. I know you warned me about Greg, but I got drunk one night at the boat club bar. I didn’t mean it to happen and he said it would be all right, but it was an accident and…’

  Her stomach flipped. Greg. She might have known he was trouble, but she really tried to hold it all in. Really tried to speak calmly. ‘Louisa—what are you trying to say? What has Greg done to you?’

  ‘I think I’m pregnant.’

  She gripped the phone, unable to make her tongue work for a moment. Lou’s voice, small and faraway, crackled on the end of the phone. ‘Beth, are you there? Please say you’re there…’

  ‘I’m here, hon. Just a bit stunned, that’s all.’ Which was a ridiculous way to describe the sick feeling in her stomach, the way she’d felt her legs wobble. ‘Does he—Greg—know? Have you done a test?’

  ‘I’m three weeks late. I keep meaning to buy a kit, but I’m shit scared of doing it. Oh, what will Dad say?’

  Beth had a sudden vision of Greg’s body being hauled out of the lake while the police took her father away in a riot van.

  ‘Don’t tell him, for God’s sake. Promise you won’t tell anyone!’ begged Louisa.

  She hesitated.

  Louisa started crying. ‘Beth don’t tell anyone. I’ll just die if anyone finds out!’

  ‘You won’t. You’ll be OK, Lou-lou. I promise I won’t tell a soul. We can handle this together. I’m coming home now.’

  ***

  Jack had crawled out of the tent at dawn and had been sitting by the pool as the sun climbed a little higher in the sky. He was staring into the water and getting no answers from the green depths. A sudden gust ripped across the surface, whipping up tiny wavelets.

  Last night had given him almost everything he’d dreamed of. Beth wanting his body, Beth needing him. If he’d had his doubts about her loving Marcus before, he was damn certain she didn’t now. No woman who clung to another man that hungrily, who’d needed him that much, could be in love with someone else. The way Beth had made love with him had convinced him she still wanted him. Now all he needed to do was find out how deep her feelings went. He stepped onto the shore and he picked up a stone, turning it over in his hand. Then flung it over the water, waited for the splash, and turned away.

  Minutes later, he’d reached the campsite, expecting to find her still in bed or sitting outside cooking breakfast. Instead, she was up and about, briskly pushing clothes into her rucksack and making funny snuffling sounds.

  ‘Beth?’

  She had her back to him and he wanted to touch her, but something about the set of her shoulders, the tension in her body, stopped him.

  ‘Hey there,’ he murmured gently.

  When she turned and he saw her face, he could see her cheeks were blotchy and wet. He felt faintly sick. He wondered if he had anything to do with her tears?

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said, summoning up a half-smile, pushing maps into the top of the pack.

/>   ‘Are you sure?’ he said, reaching out a hand to touch her arm. ‘You seem a bit upset,’ he said, aching to take her in his arms.

  ‘Just… a bit of trouble at home.’

  ‘Not with your dad, I hope. He’s OK isn’t he?’

  ‘He’s fine. Never been better, in fact.’

  His stomach flipped at how beautiful she looked, even with a blotchy face and red eyes. ‘Well, that’s great to hear.’

  She bent to pick up the blue dress to pack it away. ‘Yes.’

  He gave her a moment, expecting her to fill in the gaps. He didn’t want to push her, but she stayed silent as his heart ticktocked away in his chest.

  ‘Honey, I’m sorry if I’m missing something here, but why are you so upset if he’s feeling better?’

  She twisted the dress in her hands without speaking.

  ‘Is your sister sick?’

  Her whole body stiffened visibly. There was no mistaking that signal: he’d touched a nerve. ‘No. She’s not ill. She’s fine too. It’s just a bit of family business. Nothing we can’t sort out among ourselves.’

  ‘I know you’re hurting about something.’

  She lifted her face to him and for a moment, he thought she was going to engage with him. He thought she was going to burst into tears and throw her arms around him. He thought she was going to give him a chance to gamble everything on one last throw of the dice. Instead, she shook her head and her mouth lifted in a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

  ‘Jack, it’s fine. I just need to get home and sort a few things out. Do you mind if we don’t talk about it?’

  He saw, heard, and felt the shutters going down before his eyes.

  ‘Are you sure it won’t help if you share it?’

  She shook her head then touched his arm briefly. ‘You could help me pack up. The sooner I’m on my way home, the better.’

  For a split second, he was going to throw his arms around her and demand to know what the matter was, but he stopped on the brink. The time for unburdening himself was past. She was clearly worried about her family, for whatever reason. His needs and wants were nothing to her, if they ever had been. For now, all he could do was offer practical help as her employer and, he hoped, as a friend.