Wish You Were Here

by Phillipa Ashley

  ‘If that’s what you want, then so be it. Now, let me help you with the stuff. I’ll phone Olivier. If we get a move on we can meet him before noon and try and get an earlier flight home.’

  Chapter 26

  It was almost midnight as Beth found herself outside the front door of her home in the Lakes. The downstairs lights were still on, but no light spilled from the second floor bedroom where Louisa slept. She wouldn’t have been home this soon, but Jack had got her transferred to a direct flight to Manchester and sent a car for her to the airport. As the chauffeur had claimed her at the arrivals hall, she’d been choked by emotion at his consideration for her.

  ‘I’ll phone you,’ he’d said gruffly just before she’d gone through to the departure lounge at Figari airport. She’d nodded, but inside she was telling herself she wouldn’t hold her breath.

  Her father was still up when she got home and insisted on making her a drink even though she’d much rather have headed up to Louisa’s room to try and find out exactly what had been going on. Instead, she found herself sitting with him at the kitchen table. Scrubbed clean, it was spread with a checked cloth and had a vase of mauve and yellow freesias in the middle.

  ‘Are those from Honor?’ she asked as her dad handed her a mug of hot chocolate.

  ‘They might be,’ he said as she sat down. ‘You look worn out. We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow morning.’

  ‘The boss gave me a few days off after our business trip.’

  ‘You didn’t have to rush home. You must have plenty of things you want to do down there in London. Friends to meet, parties, clubs. You don’t want to be running back here all the time.’

  ‘But I wanted to get home and see you. Lou phoned me; she seemed a bit upset.’ She ran her fingers up and down the mug. ‘Dad, Lou says you’re getting married to Honor…’

  ‘I am,’ he said firmly.

  ‘And thinking of selling up to Marcus…’

  ‘I know all of this seems sudden to you and I was going to phone you when you got back from your trip, but Louisa obviously got there first. I only proposed to Honor last weekend and we were waiting to get you both together, but I felt I owed it to Lou to talk to her.’

  ‘I’m glad you told her first, rather than waiting for me. I’m happy for you and Honor, but, Dad… selling up to Marcus. I just don’t understand.’

  He sat up straighter in his seat and she could see by the determined look on his face that his mind was made up. ‘That’s been on the cards for a while. I’m sorry, I wanted to have it all planned out properly before I told you girls.’

  He stirred sugar into his chocolate, as she tried to digest the news.

  ‘It just seemed the right thing to do,’ he went on. ‘The business, getting married. Honor’s been good to us since your mum died and when I had the accident, I couldn’t have coped without her. I think the world of Honor, she seems to feel the same, and that’s why we want to be together. If you must know, I’ve always had a soft spot for her, yes, even when you mum was alive, though I’d never have let either of them see it.’

  Her sharp intake of breath gave her feelings away. She was beyond surprised at his words. In fact, shock was more like it—not so much at her dad fancying another woman, but at him admitting it. At one time, he couldn’t even bear to hear their mother’s name mentioned, the wound was too raw. Now he could admit to things not having been totally perfect between them.

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be such a pain. I do want you to be happy, Dad, you deserve it so much. It’s just Lou and me, I know we shouldn’t be upset and not after all this time. I know we should be begging a wonderful woman like Honor to come and live with us, it’s just… God, this sounds selfish, you see, I remember mum so well still, and…’

  Suddenly, she found his hand on hers, squeezing her fingers. ‘It’s all right. I know it’s hard for you both, especially you, love, because you remember Mum better and you had to take her place for a time, but try and be pleased for us. Try and talk Lou round.’

  She grasped his hand back. ‘I will. Ignore me, Dad. I am happy for you. Honor’s a lovely person and I can’t think of anyone else I could bear to see you with.’

  ‘Now you sound like a disapproving father,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘You’re lucky; I almost took a shine to that bolshy community nurse at one time.’

  ‘Not Scary Norma who was always threatening you with bed baths?’

  He smiled and she glimpsed the still-young, hopeful man buried inside. ‘Yes. I was that desperate. So think yourselves fortunate she’s not going to be your stepmum.’

  They sat in silence for a while, sipping their drinks. The old clock on the dresser ticked loudly, as the hands crawled towards one a.m. Even though it was so late, her father looked healthier than she’d seen him in months. He had on a freshly ironed shirt and new jeans that were verging on fashionable. He’d had his hair cut in a half decent style too.

  Her mug was drained to the chocolately dregs before she dared broached the subject of Marcus. ‘Dad, don’t be offended, but I have to ask you about Marcus and the business. Lou doesn’t want to move, you know.’

  ‘I’m aware of that, believe me,’ he said carefully. ‘What about you?’

  ‘It’s not up to me. It’s your life and Honor’s. But Marcus? Does it have to be him?’

  ‘Why is that so bad, love? I thought you might be pleased that it’s him.’

  ‘I… like Marcus. I respect him, but I’ve decided he’s not the right man for me after all.’

  Her dad sighed and his lips twisted. ‘I suppose I’ll have to be honest. I never thought he was, love. Not really. I’m sorry it’s not worked out for you both and that it’s so awkward that he’s involved with the business, but it can’t be helped. This place is no good for a modern hire business—never has been really. If I sell, we can move in with Honor and open a new unit on the riverside estate with room for a café and cycle hire.’

  So, he had it all worked out. ‘A café too? That’s a bit of a departure from the bikes, isn’t it?’

  ‘It’s diversity. A good move, in my opinion—and the bank’s, more importantly. Honor’s going to open a coffee shop and we’re going to do presentation nights with a guest speaker accompanied by food and dinner nights for walkers and cyclists. It’s a much better location, with free parking, a reasonable rent, lots of space, and we won’t be relying on one business alone.’

  ‘It makes sense,’ she said, a little taken aback, but also proud at the determination in his voice.

  ‘You and Lou think we’re a pair of barmy old farts, don’t you?’ said Steve, his eyes smiling. ‘But we’re happy. You girls are both going to leaving me soon which is as it should be. I’m proud of you but I don’t need a pair of help maids. I want two daughters who can go their own way in the world, wherever that is.’

  ‘What about the money for Lou’s college course?’ she asked.

  ‘Selling the house and business and moving in with Honor will leave us with a fair amount, even after launching the new venture. As for the rest, we’ll manage somehow.’

  ‘Dad, I think it’s a great idea and I’m proud of you, but I’m still puzzled. What does Marcus want this place for?’

  Steve shook his head. ‘He thinks he can turn it into one of these trendy climbing shops with a couple of flats above. I don’t know—I reckon the village is overrun with outdoor outlets as it is, but he said he had a business plan and everything all worked out. Says his cousin’s done it in Keswick. And of course, the flats will sell, whatever happens to his retail empire.’

  She sighed. ‘I’m sure he has everything sorted.’

  ‘I know he has the cash and he’s offered me a fair price and a quick sale.’

  ‘I know he’ll be fair with you. Marcus is a nice guy.’ Her heart sank a little. She’d hated hurting Marcus, but in the long run, she knew their parting would be the best thing for both of them. As for Jack… he seemed so far away right now, in every sense o
f the word.

  Her father went on, excitedly telling her of his plans. ‘I don’t want the hassle of putting it on the market, which could take months, years even, so a quick sale of the place is great. Honor and me, we want to get the new place off the ground as soon as possible. And you, madam,’ he said firmly, ‘are going back to your high-powered job…’

  She wanted to laugh at the irony but felt too choked. ‘Well, I wouldn’t really call it high-powered and it’s only temporary, after all.’

  ‘I should think they’ll want you for longer, wouldn’t you? If not Big Outdoors, another good company is sure to. Do me a favor, love, and stay on in London. Live your own life, love, and leave me and Louisa to get on with ours.’ His eyes slid to the clock on the dresser. ‘It’s past one. I need to be up early. I’m going to look over the new unit with Honor if you girls will hold the fort here for a couple of hours.’

  Getting up, she noticed, without the aid of a crutch, he kissed the top of her head. ‘I’ve made my mind up and that’s it. Now, shall I turn off the light or will you?’

  ***

  The following morning, she found a text on her phone. She opened it excitedly then felt her spirits sink when she realized it wasn’t from Jack. He’d said he’d phone her, but he hadn’t. The text was from Martha, telling her to take a few days off ‘to sort herself out.’ She knew immediately who had sanctioned the time off. It was kind of Jack—professional—but not the message she’d hoped for. She wondered, for a moment, if she should call him. Then she thrust aside the temptation. She’d played that game once before, long ago, and it had only brought pain and humiliation. If she meant anything to him, he had to come and find her, one way or another.

  While her father was out, she popped the closed sign on the shop door and slipped out to the pharmacy. When she returned with the pregnancy testing kit, she almost fell through the side door. Louisa was already on the other side, pulling it open.

  Her face was red, her eyes wet from tears, and Beth’s stomach lurched.

  ‘What’s up, Lou? Don’t say you’ve already done a test?’

  ‘No. Oh, promise you won’t be angry with me…’

  She pulled the door too hastily, seeing a customer nosing through the gate. ‘What happened now? Is Greg here? Because if he is, I’m going to knock his block off.’

  Louisa’s hand flew to her mouth to stifle a giggle.

  ‘It’s not funny! Do you know how worried I’ve been about you? You have to get this sorted and do… something. Have this baby or otherwise.’

  ‘Beth—chill! I’m not having a baby. I came on while you were out…’

  ‘Oh God.’

  ‘It was a false alarm. Must have been the worry over my exams and all the business with Dad. Oh fuck, I’m sorry.’

  Beth felt like sinking against the doorframe. ‘Don’t swear,’ she said without any real enthusiasm. ‘Oh, Lou, I’m so relieved.’

  She followed her sister into the kitchen and tossed the pharmacy bag onto the table. ‘I was very late,’ said Louisa. ‘And I did have sex with Greg. We used a condom, but I thought it might have split or be out of date. I don’t trust him…’

  Beth collapsed into a chair. ‘I’d still like to kill him, if I could get my bloody hands on him.’

  ‘Don’t swear.’

  Louisa looked serious when Beth glanced up again. ‘I know I’ve been stupid,’ she said. ‘And I won’t make the same mistake again.’

  Beth knew she might, maybe not with Greg but with some other bloke, but didn’t argue.

  ‘Come here, you total prat,’ she said hugging her so hard Louisa gasped. ‘What a relief. Oh, Lou, please be careful.’

  ‘I will, I promise, and I’ve decided, I’m not going to college this October. I’m going to ask them to defer my place so I can take a year off to help Dad. I want to get a job to earn my own money. I’m not sponging off you any longer.’

  Beth was startled. ‘We’ll have to talk about it. You might lose your chance.’

  Louisa folded her arms and shook her head. ‘Not when they hear the circumstances—Dad’s accident and all that, they’ll give me a gap year, I’m sure. Besides, there’s no discussion. That’s what I’m going to do and if they won’t have me I’ll apply somewhere else.’

  Beth was speechless. Louisa had the same look on her face that their dad did, when he used to say ‘his word was final.’ Like Louisa used to have when she went for an audition or when she’d told them she wanted to go to drama school in the first place. And I’m proud of her, thought Beth, and yet… she rapidly found herself swallowing down another feeling that wasn’t so noble. In fact it was selfish and immature and she was ashamed to even feel it. In one fell swoop, she realized her family didn’t need her anymore. She was free to do what she wanted and that made her feel angry and alone. But she wouldn’t have dreamed of breathing a word to anyone on the planet. So she just smiled, nodded meekly, and let Lou make her toast before they opened the bike shop for the day, better late than never.

  Chapter 27

  Late Sunday morning, their family confab over, Beth took off to the village minimarket to get a bottle of wine to go with the Sunday roast Louisa had insisted on cooking. As she walked back up the street, bottle in hand, she saw a car parked outside the house and stopped in her tracks.

  It was the latest Jaguar XKR with a personalized plate, a shiny phallic symbol if ever there was one, and, she sighed, probably Marcus’s. Well, she told herself, she couldn’t bear to face him this morning, not after everything that had happened with Jack. Grabbing a pen and an old envelope from her bag, she scrawled a note and crept up to the front door. Then weighting down the paper with the wine bottle, she headed off in the direction of the fells.

  It was cool up on the fell top, even in her fleece. Clouds, white and grey, blew briskly across the sky as she gazed out over the lake from the lee of a small rock face. Her jeans were damp from the grass and, sooner or later, she knew she’d have go back or someone would worry.

  She hadn’t brought her mobile with her. Now she wished she had got it so she could phone home and check that Marcus had gone. Part of her had hoped too, that Jack might call, although she didn’t know what to say if he did. Feeling tears threatening again, she wiped her face on her sleeve, rested her chin on her knees, and took in the lake with one last look. Below and behind her, she could hear the sound of walkers climbing the path, their boots slipping on the loose stones. She wasn’t surprised. It was a bright Sunday morning and she’d been lucky to have the place to herself this long even if it was a little off the beaten track. Hearing footsteps closing in behind her, she decided to nod a polite hello and then go back home.

  ‘Is this seat taken?’

  As soon as she heard the voice, she knew who it was. The transatlantic tinge was slight but unmistakable. The whole world seemed to turn around her while she held her breath.

  ‘Well, is it?’

  Her lungs started working again. ‘It’s free.’

  Jack sat down next to her on the damp grass and stretched out his legs. He had a small tear in the knee of one and, through the threads, Beth could see his skin, tanned a pale gold from the Corsican sun.

  ‘You know, people are worried about you,’ he said.

  She kept her eyes on the rip in his jeans, not daring to look him in the eye. ‘How did you find me?’

  ‘I asked your dad. Once he knew who I was, he told me where he thought you’d be. He obviously knows you very well.’

  She forced her eyes to meet his. They were full of tenderness and concern. Full of more danger than she’d ever seen in them before, even eight years ago. ‘So that was your flash car outside the house?’ she said, her words almost being snatched away on the breeze.

  He smiled, a little ruefully, she thought. ‘I’m afraid so. I drove up in it this morning. I’d have been here sooner, but I guessed you needed time to figure things out.’

  He hadn’t even had a shave that morning. Ripped jeans, stubble: she
guessed he really had been in a hurry.

  ‘You said you would phone.’

  ‘What I’ve come to say needs to be done face-to-face, not on the end of a mobile.’

  Her mouth felt like sandpaper. ‘If you want me to resign, I don’t blame you. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To tell me it’s not working out between us and I’m fired?’

  He gave her a look that was definitely confusion, possibly hurt too, but her own heart was so full, she hardly had room for any pain he might be feeling. ‘Do you really think that I’d come all this way to do that? You don’t know me then.’

  ‘You’re right, I don’t,’ she said with a sigh. She felt his hand slide onto hers and it was warm. A gust of wind tugged her hair from its hair tie and blew it across her face. He tucked it behind her ear, his fingers brushing over her tingling cheeks.

  ‘Now we’re here and there’s no getting away from each other,’ he said. ‘Are you prepared to listen to me and get some things straight? I think I know why you rushed home on Friday.’

  She doubted very much he knew the whole story. ‘You’ve been talking to my dad haven’t you?’

  The corners of his mouth lifted in a smile. ‘I have. I’m sorry if It seems like I’ve interfered again, Beth; I had to get to the bottom of this Marcus thing, no matter what it cost me.’

  ‘What did Dad tell you?’

  ‘That he is getting married to a friend, which you are happy about. That Marcus is buying your father’s business, which you aren’t. And that, as far as he knows, you are not and never have been engaged to the bloke. And that part, I don’t know how you feel about.’

  She caught her breath. ‘Jack, I did like Marcus. I do like him still, but that’s as far as it goes. The last time I came up here, we had what you might call “words” and they weren’t the words he wanted to hear. I never wanted to hurt anyone and I really tried to make a go of it between us, but we’re just too far apart, and I don’t mean three hundred miles apart. Marcus and I, we’re just too different.’