Talen

by Shay Savage

  “So, what did happen?”

  “He caught me taking food out of our house and delivering it to Naughts outside the walls. That’s what really started it. Shortly after that, there was the incident with the Naughts killed by the government police when they came to the wall, looking for food and supplies.”

  “I remember that.”

  “Well, they came there because my father stopped me from making deliveries to them. He’d never even noticed the food being gone, but he had his guards stop me that night. When the Naughts couldn’t find me, they moved closer to the gates, and the guards fired on them.”

  “Plastic bullets though, right?”

  “Yes, but two people were still killed by them. They might be less lethal, but they can still kill if they hit the right place. Four more people died of infections later. When I confronted my father about it, he laughed it off and said it meant less work for him. That’s when I started the protests. They were small at first—just a handful of people laughing at me as I spit out conspiracy theories, just like Keller.”

  “Keller?”

  “He lives in Plastictown,” I say. “Stands on a box and yells at everyone.”

  “Oh, yeah. I’ve seen him.”

  “The last protest attracted a lot of followers, enough that my father took notice, and he didn’t like what he was hearing, I guess, so he had me arrested and sent to Havens.”

  “Havens?” Aerin gasps. “You mean the prison for the criminally insane?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But all those people are scheduled for execution.”

  “Yes, they are.”

  “Shit, Talen. How did you ever get out of there?”

  “Violently.” I lean back and grab a water bottle. While I drink, I think about how I can tell this without admitting that I became a total sociopath in the process.

  “Talen, it’s all right.” Aerin places her hand on my arm. “You can tell me.”

  I glance over at her.

  “Can we have sex first?”

  “What?” She narrows her eyes and shifts away a little.

  “If I tell you,” I say after swallowing past the lump in my throat, “you might not want to touch me again, and I’d like to have one last good time with you.”

  “‘One last good time’?” Aerin shakes her head, and her tone rises. “Is that all this is to you, a good time?”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “How did you mean it?”

  “I, uh…”

  She folds her arms across her chest as she stares me down.

  “Well, what is it to you?” I jump up and take a few steps away, hoping the distance will allow me to focus my thoughts. I’m fucking this up; I know I am. “I have no idea what I’m doing here. I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school, and I found out about that when my soccer teammates informed me that I did. Apparently, she told everyone we were boyfriend and girlfriend after our first date, so I just went with it. I don’t know what I am to you or what you are to me! I just know the idea of never touching you again makes me…makes me feel like…fuck! I don’t know! Like I want to curl up and die. I don’t know what that means, Aerin, and I don’t know how to do this! Shit, I was a fucking virgin when we met.”

  My eyes are burning, and I turn away from her so she won’t notice. After a couple of silent minutes, I hear her call out.

  “Talen, please come sit back down.”

  I swallow hard and then return to her side. She pats the ground beside her, and I sigh as I sit down.

  “I’m sorry,” I say. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “I realize this is all kinda new for you,” she says. “I forget that sometimes.”

  “How can you forget that?” I let out a snort.

  “Well, you’re very smooth,” she says, giggling softly.

  “I am?” I shake my head, trying to figure out how in the world she could think that when I’ve been acting like a drunken jester.

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Every time I get close to you, my heart beats faster; I do stupid shit like dropping flashlights, and I feel like an idiot.”

  “Well, it doesn’t show.” Aerin chuckles again.

  “Maybe your observation skills need some work.” I put my face in my hands, wondering why I even said something like that. “I didn’t mean that, either.”

  After a long period of silence, I feel her hand on my arm.

  “Talen, I think you are fabulous. I was impressed with your skills early on, but I thought you were probably an arrogant asshole. It became clear to me that you aren’t, and I started paying more attention to you. You’re smart. You’re hot, freaking awesome in bed, and amazingly sweet and kind. You’re generous and truly concerned about the people around you. I really like you, Talen, and I don’t care what you’ve done in the past. That opinion isn’t going to change.”

  I look up at her and sit there, dumbfounded, processing her words and realizing I should respond in kind but I don’t know what to say. Finally, I blurt out, “I like you, too.”

  Aerin presses her lips together, trying to hold back a laugh.

  “You see? I am an idiot.” I start to put my face back in my hands, but she grabs my wrists and pulls them away.

  “You aren’t,” she says. “You’re adorable.”

  She places her lips on mine, and I open my mouth to find her tongue. I kiss her deeply, placing my hand on the back of her head. I lean forward, cradling her as I press her back to the ground, kissing her again, but she places her hand on my chest, halting my progress and denying me my wish.

  “I want to hear the rest of the story first.”

  I relent, release her, and she sits up next to me with her hand on my leg.

  “Tell me about Havens.”

  “Have you heard much about it?”

  “Only horror stories.”

  “They were probably true.” I let out a deep breath. “When I was first taken there, I was put in solitary confinement. You might not think that’s torture, but it is. Eight months without seeing or speaking to a single person. The guards won’t speak to you. They just toss you your single meal a day and move on. They never let me out of a cell that wasn’t a lot bigger than this shaft, just a little taller. I could stand without my head touching the ceiling, but taller guys couldn’t have. A cot and a toilet were the only things in the room. No sink, no bedding. At the bottom of the door, there was a slot so they could shove food inside and another slot they could open and look in at you, but that one was almost always closed. A light on the wall just went on and off randomly. I never knew if it was day or night or how much time had passed. The only person who ever said a word to me was one of the guards. His name was Johnson, and he only spoke to me twice in all that time.”

  “What did he say to you?”

  “The first time, he told me to eat,” I say. “I’d gone without food for a couple of days, and he told me if I ever wanted out of there that I had to eat. The second time was right before I was moved out of solitary. He told me to hang on just a little longer. No one else ever spoke to me at all, not even when they brought me food or water. Aside from my own voice, I never heard anything at all.

  “Maybe that doesn’t sound so bad, but it was maddening. I think I did go a little crazy while I was in there. I know I wasn’t the same person when they let me out. At first, I thought I was hallucinating when they came to take me from my cell. I finally realized they were letting me into the general population area, which is the last thing they do before you’re executed. I was placed in a cell with another man, a murderer. He was executed a week later. After that, another murderer was placed with me. Serial killer, actually. He’d confessed to murdering eight women.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “Yeah, he was a piece of work but ultimately useful, I guess.”

  “Useful how?”

  “He taught me how to knife fight.”

  “That’s where you learned it? From a serial killer?�
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  “Yeah. He taught me using a pair of slippers he’d torn apart. Obviously, they weren’t sharp or anything, but that’s how I initially learned. We’d spar, and he’d tell me in beautiful detail about how he slaughtered all those girls.”

  “Beautiful?”

  “His word. Everything he did was beautiful. He did it because they were beautiful, and seeing them cut up made him feel powerful.”

  “That’s…sick.”

  “Very much so.” I look away, knowing that I was nearly as sick as he was, or at least could be. “Are you sure you want to hear all of this?”

  “I’m sure.” She gives my leg a squeeze.

  “After he was executed, another prisoner was placed in the cell with me. I don’t really remember much about him. He cried a lot. I do remember that. When he was gone, there were a few more, but I don’t remember much about them. That’s also when they started dosing me with drugs.”

  “What kind of drugs?”

  “No idea. Initially they said the pills were supposed to keep us relaxed and nonviolent, but they kept changing what I was given. After a while, they just started sedating me. I’d lose time; my head was always fuzzy, and I hated it. I started holding the pills in my cheek until I could get rid of them, but they started strapping me down and injecting me instead. I think they were trying to get me to overdose.”

  “Why?”

  “Because all executions come with paperwork and a blackout,” I say with a shrug. “Paperwork means admitting someone was executed, and if you don’t have the paperwork, you can’t explain the blackout.”

  “I remember those blackouts,” Aerin says. “They were always very distinct. If they tried to do one that wasn’t scheduled, everyone would know. They needed a cover story.”

  “Guess so.”

  “But it didn’t work.”

  “No, and eventually they went back to the pills. I managed not to swallow them most of the time. I stumbled a lot so they thought I was taking them.”

  “That’s pretty smart.”

  “I did what I had to do,” I say. I look over at her, staring into her eyes. “Everything I did was because I had to do it to survive.”

  “I understand.” Aerin leans against me and places her head on my shoulder. “Go on. Tell me the rest.”

  “My last cell mate was Byron. He was caught stealing a bunch of documents from the capital building, killed two guards, and ended up charged with murder and treason. He was the only sane person who was ever in my cell. He knew who I was, and we shared a few thoughts about the Naughts outside the walls. He’d been trying to gather evidence about a government cover-up. He was sure his brother had been murdered but didn’t have any proof. When he found out I’d learned knife fighting, he was impressed. His family did a lot of hunting before the deer populations were depleted, and he knew how to kill. Byron thought we could combine our skills and escape, but we needed real knives.

  “He never told me exactly how he got them, but the day after two people were killed in an inmate riot, Byron came back with them. They were simple, short pocketknives but deadly enough if used right. I practiced with them every moment I could. Byron taught me where to insert a knife for a quick death as well as ways to stab someone without killing them, and I taught him how to move quickly against an armed opponent. We practiced all the time. We had the knife skills, but finding the opportunity—that’s much more difficult.

  “Everyone thinks there’s only one way in and out of Havens—through the main gates—but that’s not true. There is one other way, which is the drainage system underneath the prison. There was a small pipe in the floor of the showers, barely big enough for a person, but that’s how we managed to escape. We hung back after everyone else was done in the shower, and Byron killed the guard. We crawled through the pipe and dropped out next to the river. For about a minute, I thought no one was going to know about it. We made our way to an alley between the brick buildings that housed the administration offices, and all we had to do was make it to the trees on the other side of the road. I remember we smiled at each other and even shook hands. Then Byron was hit with a bullet from behind us.

  “I don’t know how they found us. I assume they figured out we were gone and followed our trail, but I’m not sure. I wasn’t as good at covering my tracks then. I just know they did find us. What happened next is a little blurry. I heard a few more gunshots and guards shouting behind us, and then another guard jumped out right in front of me.

  “It was Johnson. It was the same guard who had spoken to me when I was in solitary. I didn’t have time to think—I just stabbed him. Blood went everywhere even before he dropped down to his knees. I’d practiced the technique of stabbing someone, but the reality was very different. I think I froze for a minute, just looking at his face and his eyes staring at nothing. The smell hit me then, and I knew he’d shit himself when he died and that I had done that to him.”

  Aerin pulls away from me, and I stop speaking as I glance at her. She’s twisting her fingers around in her lap while she stares at the ground, eyes wide.

  “It wasn’t like we were friends,” I say softly, “but he was the only one who had shown me any kind of humanity while I was there, even briefly. I don’t know why. Maybe he sympathized, or maybe he was just a nice guy. I don’t know. I’ll never know. I killed him, and I can’t take that back.”

  “You did what you had to do.” Aerin’s voice is so soft, I can hardly hear her words.

  “I can still see the look in his eyes. I can hear the sound he made right before he dropped to the ground. I can smell the stench. I don’t know if I had to do it or not. I just know that I did it.”

  “They would have killed you in there,” Aerin says, finally looking at me. “Eventually, they would have figured out a way. If you hadn’t done that, you would have died.”

  “And he would have lived.”

  “But you’ve helped so many people since then,” Aerin says. “Doesn’t that count for something?”

  “I don’t know. For all I know, he was helping people somewhere, too. I can’t justify what I’ve done.”

  “Tell me the rest,” she says, placing her hand on my thigh.

  “I think there were two others behind us, but I’m not sure. Maybe there were more. Byron was behind me, screaming at me to run, but when I did, he got hit again. He dropped to the ground but kept yelling at me to run, so I took off. I ran all the way to the wall by the river, scaled it, and dropped into the water. I let the current take me until I saw a cove and swam over to the side. Once I was out of the water, I kept running. I ran until I couldn’t run anymore. When I finally stopped, I threw up. I kept heaving for an hour after my stomach was empty.

  “I passed out for a while. When I woke up, I was still in a daze. I kept waiting for them to find me, but they never did. I walked through the woods all the way to the base of the mountains, and then I went up. I stole what I needed from whatever Thaves town I came across and kept going. It took days until I finally reached a settlement filled with Naughts.”

  “Plastictown?”

  “No, it’s called Hunt Hill. It’s on the other side of the gap, way across the river from Plastictown. I spent a few months there.”

  “I know the place,” Aerin says. “They actually do a lot of hunting there.”

  “Goat herding, too.”