Talen

by Shay Savage

  “Yeah, I saw goats up in the mountains. I think we took a similar path from the capital to here.”

  “Did you kill anyone along the way?” My tone sounds harsher than I intend.

  “No.” Aerin tilts her head in my direction but doesn’t look at me. “I’m not sure I could.”

  “But I can. I can and I have. More times than you know.”

  Chapter 17

  As I sit on the hard ground, my whole body is tense, and I can barely breathe. I’ve admitted far more than I intended, and now Aerin knows the truth about me. I clench my hands into fists and wait for her reaction.

  “Is that what you thought would scare me away?” Aerin asks. “Because you killed someone?”

  “He wasn’t the only one.”

  “Talen, I just watched you kill two guards. You were defending yourself. You were defending me.”

  “Each kill is easier than the last. That’s what that serial killer said. Each one is easier, and eventually you start to like it.”

  “Did you enjoy killing those guards?”

  “No.” My stomach tightens up, and I have to swallow back bile.

  “Then why are you even thinking that way?”

  “Because he was right about the first part,” I say. “It is easier. I didn’t even think about it with those guards. The first time, all I could think about was that the guard might have had a family, maybe even kids. I might have just orphaned some kid who would then end up on the outside of the wall because the orphanages have a waitlist.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “No, I don’t. That’s kind of the point. I don’t know what kind of impact I had by killing them. Maybe it was even worse than what I can imagine. I’ve seen a lot of horrible shit. At least Mack didn’t have a family.”

  “Who’s Mack?”

  “The guy I killed right before you found me in the woods. He beat up a friend of mine, so I killed him by the river. It wasn’t self-defense.”

  Aerin goes silent for a minute, and I stand up and move away from her, waiting for her to tell me to leave her alone. I can hear the words in my head: “Get out of here! I never want to see you again!”

  “Talen, come back here.”

  I look back and see her reaching out her hand. I take it and sit back down.

  “You haven’t convinced me that you’re some kind of homicidal maniac.” She leans in close and touches my cheek. “Yes, you’ve killed, but you did it for a reason. You did it in defense of yourself or someone you care about. I don’t think that’s the same as someone who kills women for fun. Did you find any of it fun?”

  “No, but I was glad they were dead. I was glad Mack was dead because he couldn’t hurt Ava again. I failed to protect her once, and I wasn’t going to let that happen again. I’m glad that asshole who held a gun to your head is dead, because if anything happened to you…”

  “Not exactly the same as knifing someone and calling it beautiful, is it?”

  “Does that make them less dead?”

  “No, but the fact that you’re berating yourself about it does make a difference, yes.”

  “I’m not though. I don’t regret killing those guards. I’m glad they’re dead because they would have hurt you. I don’t regret killing Mack because now he can’t hurt Ava again. I barely managed to protect you, but I failed Ava completely.”

  “Who is Ava?” Aerin asks.

  “She’s…she’s a friend. She lives in Plastictown. She told me she was afraid of him, and I didn’t protect her—not in time.”

  “He hurt her?”

  “Yeah.” I don’t elaborate, but I get the idea that Aerin understands anyway.

  “I think she’s grateful for that, don’t you?”

  “She doesn’t know what I did,” I say. “At least, I don’t think she does. That was right before the quake when we ended up in the mountain. I haven’t seen her since then.”

  “Talen, nothing you have said makes me think less of you. Just the opposite, actually.”

  “How can you even say that?” I ask. “I just confessed to murdering someone in cold blood. Multiple people. I’ve killed more than that serial killer at Havens.”

  “You killed this Mack guy to protect your friend. You killed those guards to protect me. You killed in order to escape an institution that would have definitely resulted in your own death, so you did that to protect yourself. I bet everyone you’ve killed was to protect yourself or someone you cared about. That isn’t anything like someone who does it because he thinks it’s fun!”

  I glance away. On some level, I recognize her logic, but I’m so used to hating myself for killing those people, it’s difficult to just accept her words. I remember arguments with my father in my early teens, regarding the sanctity of life and how one life wasn’t more valuable than another. How could I debate that point with him and then absolve myself of the blood on my own hands?

  “They’re still dead,” I finally say.

  “And you’re going to continue to beat yourself up about it.”

  “Maybe.” I sigh as I look back to her. “If I let myself become too callous about it, I think I will turn into someone like that serial killer. I also know I have to do what needs to be done to keep the Naughts in Plastictown safe. They count on me to provide them with what they need and to protect them. I had to act to keep you safe. I failed Ava, and I never want that to happen again. I still hate what I have to do sometimes.”

  “You care about them.” Aerin tilts her head and looks at me intently. “You care about all the people down there.”

  “They need me.”

  She nods. I can see that Aerin has justified my actions in her own mind. How I feel about what I’ve done…does that really matter? Though I can’t quite agree, at least she isn’t running from me.

  “So, you don’t hate me now?” I look at her hopefully.

  “No, Talen. I don’t hate you at all. I have no idea what those guards would have done with us, but I seriously doubt it would have been anything good. They’re obviously planning something for the people in the valley. They recognized you and would have likely taken you prisoner, at least until your father arrived. They might have just assumed I was from Plastictown and killed me outright.”

  “I don’t know. They might have recognized you as one of their own.”

  “Not everyone is as observant as you are,” Aerin says. “I’ve been posing as a Naught for months. No one else picked up on it.”

  “Either way, you’re right about them planning something. We need to get back to Plastictown and warn them.”

  “Warn them about what?” Aerin asks. “We have no idea what they’re going to do.”

  “We can’t just sit here and do nothing. My father will be in the area in a matter of days. I know for a fact that he isn’t going to spare two seconds thinking about the people in Plastictown.”

  “Whatever those two are planning, they obviously haven’t started, right? We should have some time.”

  “Time to do what?”

  “Investigate some more. We’ll only be able to help if we know what they’re going to do. If they’re sending in a virus, we need to know how they plan to deliver it.”

  “I don’t think it’s a virus.”

  “Why not?”

  “That woman was surprised to find out that Dr. Harvey was coming here.”

  “Who is that?” Aerin furrows her brow and tilts her head.

  “He’s the man responsible for the first plague.” I sit back and pull my knees to my chest. “Dr. Emanuel Harvey is an infectious disease expert. He has access to the remains from the disease center before the Great Eruption. He used one of the viruses from those remains to infect the Naught populations south of the capital years ago. I’m surprised to hear he’s still in business. I swear, the man was in his seventies before I left.”

  “You know him?”

  “I’ve met him a couple of times, but I don’t really know him.”

  “But you would r
ecognize him?”

  “Sure.”

  “Maybe we can strike first.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “If he’s supposed to arrive soon, and he’s coming from the capital, we should be able to figure out what road he’s on. If we ambushed him on the road, we could stop him from releasing another virus.”

  “Ambush him? Do you have an army in the area I don’t know about?”

  “Well, no, but you and I could—”

  “We could what? Attack him on the road and kill him? He’ll be traveling with guards. If he’s coming with my father, it will be a lot of guards. We’d never get that close to him. Even if we did, we wouldn’t make it out alive.”

  “We could follow them for a while. At some point, they’ll stop and rest. If we just knew their movements, you could sneak inside their camp.”

  “You want me to just kill him in his sleep?” I narrow my eyes at her as my skin warms. “Is that who you think I am?”

  “No, I…” Aerin closes her eyes and inhales deeply. “I’m sorry. I realize how that sounds. I was only thinking out loud, but you’re right. Aside from being implausible, I can’t ask you to do that. But how else do we stop him?”

  “I don’t know. You’re definitely right about one thing—we need more investigation. That part might be easier done while they’re in transit versus once they get to the mountain complex.”

  “I think this day has worn me out,” Aerin says. “I’m obviously not thinking clearly. Maybe in the morning we’ll be able to figure something out.”

  “So, sleep on it.”

  “Yeah.”

  I take a good look at our surroundings. The shaft where we exited the mountain is nearby and offers a bit of shelter but no more comfort than sleeping on the ground. I wish I had gone back to Ava’s tent and retrieved the sleeping roll Layshell made for me though it isn’t big enough for two, and I’m sure I’d just offer it to Aerin anyway.

  As I stretch out on the ground, Aerin reaches out and runs her fingers over my arm.

  “So, we’re still okay?” Aerin asks quietly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You and me.” She runs her fingers over my knuckles. “Are we okay?”

  “I hope so.” I give her a goofy grin. “I told you I’m not good at this.”

  “You’re doing just fine.” Aerin gives me a half smile. “I’m the one who keeps putting my foot in my mouth. Now you have me wondering why you haven’t run away from me and my thoughtless suggestions.”

  “They weren’t thoughtless,” I say. “I understand what you meant. I’m just not sure that’s something I can do.”

  “I know, and I didn’t mean to suggest that you would. I’m just feeling helpless, and I need some kind of plan.”

  “Hopefully, we’ll come up with one tomorrow.”

  Aerin lies down beside me, using her pack as a pillow. I take her hand in mine and stare up at the darkening sky, wondering what it was like when stars were visible.

  “You’re supposed to reciprocate, you know,” Aerin says abruptly.

  “Reciprocate?”

  “I told you what I liked about you,” she says. “You’re supposed to say what you like about me.”

  “I am?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Oh.” I think for a minute, trying to find the right words. “Every time I get near you, my heart pounds, and I can’t think straight. I told you about the worst shit I’ve done, and you’re still here.”

  “So, you admire my staying power?”

  “No.” I laugh. “It’s not that. I just feel…right with you. I can’t explain it.”

  “That’s okay,” she says with a shrug. “I’ll give you a day or two to come up with the perfect words.”

  “Can I start with actions?”

  “I think that would be acceptable.”

  Placing my hand on the back of her neck, I pull her close to me and kiss her gently. I lick her lower lip, and open my mouth when I feel her tongue against my lips. I kiss her harder, deeper, and run my hand from her side to her hip, pressing my body against hers.

  Aerin groans into my mouth as she reaches underneath my arms and grips my back. She clambers into my lap without breaking the kiss, and I grab on to her hips, pulling her down against my stiff cock.

  A moment later, Aerin grabs the edge of my shirt and pulls it over my head. She kisses me again—hard—as she yanks at my belt and loosens my pants. I feel her warm fingers wrap around my dick, and I gasp into her mouth.

  “Get your pants off,” she says darkly. “I need you, Talen. Now.”

  “Okay.” I shake my head. I still feel like an idiot every time I open my mouth. I quickly push my jeans down and kick them off.

  The cool air hits my body, and I reach over and grab my pack to lie the towels down on the ground. While Aerin pulls her shirt over her head and removes her jeans, I spread my jacket on top of the towels to give us a little more comfort. Aerin lies down and grabs my hands, pulling me on top of her. Her eyes twinkle with excitement as I position myself.

  I ease into her slowly, and it’s as if I’m sliding into a warm bath. The physical sensation is without comparison, but it’s the total relaxation inside my head that makes me want to stay like this forever.

  Aerin lifts her head, pressing her mouth hard against mine as she wraps her legs around my waist. She tightens her muscles around me, forcing me deeper inside.

  “Harder,” she says.

  I comply happily.

  With my head tucked against her shoulder and neck, I lose myself in a fast, hard rhythm and the sweet smell of her hair and skin. Sweat forms and trickles down my back, and my knees are getting sore from the hard ground, but I don’t care. Nothing matters except the clashing of our bodies and the sensation building in the pit of my stomach.

  Aerin twists a little and places her hand on my shoulder.

  “I want on top.”

  “Getting all dominant on me?” I pause, gasping for breath as I slowly pull out of her and roll to my side.

  “Maybe.”

  I lie back onto my jacket, and Aerin smiles slyly as she runs her hands up my thighs and then crawls on top of me, straddling my hips. She stares down at me as she sits up straight and slowly lowers herself over me.

  “Oh, yes! This is so much better than that rock in my back.” Aerin grins down at me as she bursts out a laugh.

  I want to laugh with her, but as her body shakes with her giggling, it sends fantastic vibrations through my cock. I squeeze my eyes shut and moan, pushing up against her and completely oblivious to the uncomfortable ground beneath me.

  Aerin leans forward, placing her hands on my chest as she moves up and down. I slide my hands over her sides and then up to cup her breasts, and she closes her eyes for a moment, then leans over to press her mouth to mine.

  She breaks the kiss, leaning back again as I reach down to hold onto her hips, letting her set whatever rhythm she wants.