Losing Me

by Scarlett Haven

  I look behind us and see Sebastian’s dad on his phone, looking very annoyed.

  “I think we lost him,” I say.

  “Not for long,” he says. “But I think we have enough of a head start that we can get out of the country.”

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  “I think we’re going to go see Sander,” Bass says. “I don’t know what else to do and I trust him, so we will go see him and figure it out from there.”

  “Where is Sander at? Still in Massachusetts?”

  “Yeah.”

  Okay. We’re going back to America. I can handle that.

  I haven’t been in the United States since the epic road trip that Sebastian and I took in the summer. Since then, I have been in more countries than I ever thought possible, but I’m ready to head home. I am a little homesick.

  “I’ll actually be able to tell if it’s hot or cold by looking at the temperature,” I say.

  Because no matter how long I’ve been in other countries, I still can’t seem to understand how to read Celsius. I mean, how is thirty degrees hot? If it’s thirty, it should be snowing.

  “You know there is a setting on your weather app,” he says. “You can just change it.”

  “And you’re just now telling me this?” I ask.

  “I thought you knew.”

  “I’ve never had a cellphone before,” I say. “I’m new to the whole technology thing.”

  “Okay, fine,” he says. “After we are safely in America, I will buy you a new cellphone and teach you how to use it.”

  “Really? Can I have the car stealing app, too?” I ask.

  “What happened to you being morally opposed to stealing a car?”

  I shrug. “We’re leaving a note. And cash. We’re not stealing it. We’re… renting… without their permission.”

  “Serenity Sinclair, I do believe that I have corrupted you,” Sebastian says.

  “Does that mean I can blame all my poor life decisions on you?” I ask.

  “What poor life decisions?”

  “I haven’t made any, yet,” I say. “But, like, if I run off and get married in Vegas, I can just tell my dad it was your idea.”

  “I am not marrying you in Vegas,” he says.

  “Who said anything about marrying you?” I ask. “I’m going to find some billionaire. A Russian billionaire. I’d marry him just so I can hear his sexy accent all day.”

  “I am not letting you marry a Russian.”

  “Why? Are you racist?” I can no longer keep a straight face when I say it.

  “Your dad would murder me,” Sebastian says. “Literally, he would end my life. So, please, don’t get married to anybody in Vegas. Russian, American, or otherwise.”

  “You know my mom and dad got married in Vegas,” I say. “Ironically, it was on my mom’s eighteenth birthday.”

  My eighteenth birthday is on February 27, only two months away.

  “We will be on the other side of the world on that day, I will make sure of it,” he says.

  “Ah, don’t worry,” I say. “I think you have to have a boyfriend before you can get married, and as you know, I am severely lacking in the romance department.”

  I mean, how am I supposed to get a boyfriend when I’ve literally spent the last six months running for my life? It’s like the universe wants me to be eternally in love with a guy who won’t ever love me back. Because Sebastian has held firm on the whole “we can’t be together” thing.

  “It’s for the best,” Sebastian says. “You should focus on training.”

  Focus on training.

  Run for my life.

  Spend every day with the boy I’m crushing on—who doesn’t feel the same.

  Try not to die.

  Literally my life story.

  Saturday, December 30

  Us against the world.

  We landed somewhere in North Carolina late last night. We slept in a cheap hotel and caught an early flight to Boston this morning. I’m excited to see Sander again, but nervous that Sebastian’s dad will somehow magically know where we are.

  “I need a shower,” I say, as we walk through the airport, towards the exit. Apparently, we have a car waiting for us here and don’t have to steal one.

  “Sander is bringing us some clothes,” Bass says. “And new identities.”

  “Uh,” I say, hating that we keep changing our identities. “As long as I don’t have to pretend that you’re my brother again.”

  “I don’t think Sander will be that cruel.”

  “I think he would,” I say.

  Sander knows about my not-so-secret crush on Bass and that is exactly something he would do.

  “You’re right,” he says. “He better not have, though.”

  “So, what is our plan after we meet up with Sander?” I ask.

  “I don’t know,” he answers. “Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve. I kind of want to be somewhere fun for that. And, you know, we are only a short train ride away from New York City.”

  “You want to spend New Year’s Eve in New York City?”

  “Yeah,” he answers. “I’ve always wanted to.”

  “Let’s do it,” I say. “And after that we can just chill in New York City?”

  “Too many cameras,” Bass says. “We need to head somewhere a bit less crowded. But we can figure that out on January first.”

  We left the airport in Boston about an hour ago and are current driving through the middle of nowhere. Trees canopy the road and I’m wondering just where Sander is.

  “Are we almost there?” I ask.

  “Should be there any minute.”

  Just as he says it, I see two huge signs. The one on the right points to East Raven Academy and the one on the left points to West Raven Academy.

  “Is the campus so big that they have to point which side is east and west?”

  “I think it’s actually two different schools,” he says.

  Two private schools this close to each other? It seems a bit strange, but then again, I attend Spy School, and it doesn’t get weirder than that.

  Okay, maybe attend isn’t the right word. I am enrolled there, but I don’t take classes there. I am currently learning everything from Sebastian, who is not a bad teacher, but all the things I’ve been learning have been while on the run. He calls it on-the-job training, but my on-the-job training is really, really scary.

  Sebastian turns right onto the East Raven Academy side. I can’t help but notice how nice the school looks, even in the winter. There are a lot of dead trees, but they’re covered in snow. I wonder if they had a white Christmas here, and if they did, I am super jealous. It rained in Seoul on Christmas day.

  “Have you ever seen snow before?” Sebastian asks, as if he is just now considering the fact that I haven’t.

  “Never,” I answer.

  “I didn’t even consider this would be a first for you,” he says. “If I had known, I would’ve pulled over sooner and let you play in it.”

  I motion towards my clothes—I’m just wearing a hoodie. It wasn’t that cold when we left Seoul, so I left my jacket in the hotel room. Also, I’m wearing my Converse, so my feet would be freezing.

  “Maybe after we get clothes,” I say. “I’d rather not freeze to death.”

  “Ah well, later then,” he says. “I’m kind of tired, so I think I’m just going to get a hotel in Boston for tonight. We can head to New York City tomorrow morning.”

  “Sounds good,” I say. “I’d love to explore Boston anyway.”

  “You have gotten to cross a lot of places off your bucket list,” Bass says.

  “I know. I keep thinking about that, too. Six months ago, I was living in Florida and had never even been out of the Miami area,” I say. “Now, I’ve been on a road trip across the United States, I live in Switzerland, I spent a few months in New Zealand and have been to London, Paris, Rome, Berlin, Moscow, and Seoul.”

  “You forgot Sydney,” he says.

  “Ah
, but we were there about twenty-four hours and I didn’t really get to see anything,” I say.

  “We’ll have to go back,” he says. “Maybe we will get to go on another road trip across America.”

  “That’d be nice,” I say.

  Sebastian turns down some small side road that I didn’t even see. It leads to a small house that is surprisingly well hidden. He pulls the car beside a black SUV that is sitting in the driveway and I see Sander walk out of the front door of the house. When I see him, I literally can’t open my door fast enough.

  I haven’t seen anybody, aside from Sebastian, in months. I miss my friends. They’re more than friends. They’re like family.

  “Sander!” I take off running towards him.

  He catches me in his arms easily, like I weigh nothing. But trust me, I have don’t weigh nothing. Not anymore. Over the past few months, I’ve managed to gain about ten pounds and am slowly gaining more. I’m definitely healthier.

  “I have missed you so much,” I tell him, as we pull back. That is when I see a girl standing behind him.

  The girl is possibly the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in my life. She has this amazing dark brown hair and big blue eyes. Unlike me, she is tall.

  “You’ve gained weight,” Sander says.

  “Rude,” the girl behind him says, coming to stand beside him. “Sander, you can’t tell a girl she’s gained weight.”

  “It’s fine,” I tell her. “I’m kind of underweight and I’m trying to gain weight.”

  “Oh,” she says, then smiles. “I’m Phoenix.”

  “I’m Serenity,” I say, as Sebastian walks up beside me.

  “Hey, cuz,” Sander says to him.

  “Sander,” Bass says back. “You got our stuff?”

  “Wow. Not even a hello,” Sander says. “You don’t want to hang out for a bit?”

  I don’t have to look at Sebastian to know that he is giving an annoyed look to Sander.

  “We should get going,” I say, before Sebastian can say anything. “It’s not exactly safe to be around us for long.”

  “Okay, okay,” Sander says, grabbing an oversized duffle bag from the porch and handing it to Sebastian.

  “It was good to see you,” I say. “It’s just been Bass and me for a while now, and we’ve been in a lot of non-English speaking countries, so I’ve literally had nobody else to talk to.”

  “If he’s anything like Sander, then I’m sorry,” Phoenix says.

  I laugh.

  “I’ll take this to the car,” Sebastian says. “Serenity, say your goodbyes. We’ve got to get out of here.”

  I sigh as he walks off to the car. “I guess we’ve got to go.”

  “Is he being nice to you?” Sander asks.

  “Actually, yeah,” I answer. “He has saved my life more times than I can count. I don’t know how, but…” I clear my throat. “Lex Luthor keeps finding us.”

  “Lex Luthor?” Phoenix says.

  “It’s a code name,” Sander tells her.

  “How are you?” I ask him.

  “I’m good. Really good,” he says. “I think coming here is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  “Good. You deserve to be happy,” I say.

  “You do, too,” he says.

  “I am happy,” I say. “When it’s just Sebastian and me, he’s different. He might not like me like I like him, but he would do anything for me. He loves me in his own way.”

  “My cousin is an idiot,” Sander says. “When all this is over, and you go back to Spy School, you are going to have so many boys wanting to date you.”

  “You go to Spy School?” Phoenix asks.

  “Her dad runs the school,” he says.

  “Sander,” I say. “Isn’t it supposed to be a secret?”

  “She doesn’t know much,” he says. “Don’t worry.”

  I hear the car start, and I know that Sebastian’s way of telling me that we need to go.

  “I’d better go,” I say, then look at the girl beside Sander. “It was nice to meet you, Phoenix.”

  “You, too,” she says.

  “Bye, Sander,” I say. “Hopefully it won’t be another four months before I see you again.”

  “It won’t be. Later, Serenity,” he says.

  I turn and walk back to the car. I feel a little sad about leaving Sander, but I am also happy. It’s Sebastian and me against the world, and I have no doubt that we’re going to defeat Lex Luthor. We’re going to get our life back—or I’m going to get a life, period. And after I graduate from Spy School, I’m going to work with the guys, and I will look back at this part of my life as when I grew the most. It’s when I became strong. And that is what keeps me going.

  When I get in the car, I put on my seatbelt, expecting Sebastian to take off, but he doesn’t.

  “Are you okay?” he asks.

  “I’m okay,” I say.

  “You sure?”

  “Yes,” I answer. “We should get going. We need to train today. We didn’t get to, yesterday.”

  He laughs. “Well, I’m pretty sure we were running most of the day through Seoul. But I love that you don’t dread training anymore.”

  Sebastian puts the car in drive and takes off.

  I look back at Sander, who is standing by Phoenix on the front porch of the house. I watch them until we pull out of view.

  “They’re cute together,” I say.

  “Sander and that girl?” Sebastian asks, as we pull out onto the main road.

  “Yeah.”

  “They’re not together.”

  “They obviously are together,” I say. “Did you not see the way he looked at her? And the way she looked at him?”

  “Sander doesn’t do relationships.”

  “Maybe he just needed to meet the right girl.”

  After that, Sebastian doesn’t say anything for a while and I’m wondering what he’s thinking, but I don’t say anything. I know he has a lot on his mind with his dad and everything.

  “Hey, Sebastian?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you for saving me again,” I say.

  “I already told you, I’ll always save you,” he says. “No matter if it’s from my dad or anybody else in the world that tries to hurt you.”

  And that is why it was so easy for me to fall in love with him.

  Get some therapy.

  After getting a long shower, Sebastian and I go to the hotel gym to get a little bit of training in. We can’t do our full workout here, but anything is better than nothing. I know I’m going to need another shower after training, but I don’t care. It feels so good to not smell like an airplane anymore.

  “You did really well yesterday,” Sebastian tells me, as we run on the treadmills. Nobody else is in the gym. There was one lady in here earlier, but she only stayed for about ten minutes and then left.

  “Thanks,” I say.

  Was it really yesterday when we were in South Korea, running for our lives? It feels like forever ago. But then again, my whole life lately has been a big blur.

  “Yesterday, you proved to me that if I weren’t here, you could handle getting away on your own,” he says.

  “What do you mean? I didn’t get away without you.”

  “But you did,” Sebastian says. “We got separated and you had to go on your own. You got away from my dad.”

  “Yeah, but you got us out of Korea,” I say. “And everything I did, I did so you could find me.”

  “I still think you could get away without my help at all,” he says.

  “I hope I never have to get away from anybody without you,” I say. “I mean, it’s always going to be us, right? You’re not trying to tell me you’re leaving, right?”

  “No,” Bass says. “I just… yesterday was close. Really close. It seems like every single time he finds us he gets a little bit closer to getting you. It just makes me feel better to know that if something happens, you can still find a way out of any situation.”

&n
bsp; “Speaking of, I think we need to get back on gun training soon,” I say. “I can’t remember the last time we went target practicing.”

  “There aren’t a lot of shooting ranges in South Korea,” he says.

  “Oh, I know. But we’re in America now, so I know we can set something up.”

  “I will, after the New Year. Once we figure out where we’re going,” he says. “Which I don’t even want to think about right now.”

  “Yeah, me neither,” I say.

  Because I’m sick of running and hiding. Honestly, a huge part of me just wants to fight, already. But for whatever reason, Sebastian and my orders are to run, and I have to follow that, even if I don’t like it.

  “How do you feel after seeing Sander today?” Bass says.

  I look at the screen on my treadmill in order to not look at Bass. It says I’ve been running for fifty minutes and have run almost eight miles, which is just insane. I remember when I would get out of breath just running half a mile.

  “I miss everybody,” I say. “Especially my dad. But at the same time, I’m glad I’m here with you. I can’t imagine doing this with anybody else.”

  “I’m glad I’m here with you, too.”

  “You know, growing up I never knew what it felt like to be loved or even liked,” I say. “I remember my mom… or whoever she was… she didn’t like to get up before noon. And a lot of times there wouldn’t be food in the house, and this one time I was so hungry; so I ate mayonnaise from the jar. I was probably four or five at the time. She found me eating it, on the floor in the kitchen. That was the first time she ever hit me. She told me I was fat and she locked me in the closet for two days. I only know it was two days because I could see the light coming in from the crack under the door.”

  “I hope she’s dead. Cause if she’s not, I’m going to kill her,” Sebastian says.

  “I didn’t tell you that so you’d hate her,” I say. “I told you that so maybe you could see where I’m coming from. Being here with you is everything to me. I’ve never felt so… loved as I have since I met the guys and my dad and you.”

  “Serenity, you’re amazing.”

  I look down at my feet for a second, then at the wall, not knowing what to say back to him. I don’t like being complimented.