Closed Doors

by Nancy Radke

  Ellen had failed to teach him. He did not blame her. Yet, until he could read, he considered their relationship stalled.

  The boats settled at sea level and the ringing bell announced the opening of the downstream gate. With the gates open, they threw off the lines and got ready to proceed.

  Where would he and Ellen go, from here? Was there any future out there for them?

  *20*

  Jared continued to mull over his problem as they resumed their journey through Salmon Bay towards Puget Sound. Sea gulls swooped overhead, their mewing cry calling attention to themselves. A sea lion surfaced, watched them a second with curious eyes, then slipped out of sight.

  The city lights, on both sides, shone like stars come down to rest, adding their glow to the night sky. A three-quarter moon hovered over the water's silky black surface, its golden reflection broken into odd-shaped triangles by the ripples.

  Ellen shivered and looked back at the cabin.

  Jared put his arm around her shoulders. "Cold? Want to go inside?" he asked. He would rather not, as he did not want to chance bumping into anyone in there.

  "No. I don't want to miss this. It's my first trip through the locks on any kind of boat."

  "I'll get your coat; just tell me where it is."

  "At your place. I forgot it in all the excitement."

  He opened his tux jacket and pulled her in with him, holding it around in front. It wouldn't close, but she immediately said, "Umm, much better," pressing her back against him; making him feel wanted, appreciated.

  The yacht’s horn sounded out its signal to the last barrier, a cantilevered railroad bridge. In response, the large cantilever slowly lowered, lifting one span, like a mighty arm, to the sky.

  As he watched, Jared lowered his chin to the top of Ellen's head, breathing in her perfume—a light fragrance of jasmine that tantalized his senses.

  Just like when they were dancing, she fit perfectly. He had fallen in love with this gentle and kind woman.

  How did she feel about him? Except for their outing on the sailboat, their relationship had existed of the slightly formal contact at the office and then the topsy turvy hours when he was trying to learn to read while at the same time resisting her when she tried to function as a teacher. He was always interrupting their session for one reason or another. With Donna out of the picture and the pressure to put in a new office manager gone, he felt more relaxed.

  It wasn't so bad having her teach him as long as he had the time in the office to counterbalance it. He was not a control freak; it just made him feel useless when she had all the answers.

  When he held her like this, relaxed against the warmth of his body, he felt needed. But did she need him? She was so strong—although she had a large family which continually drained her. Didn’t a giver need to receive?

  After watching the Van Chattans the past two weeks, he recognized the gulf in his life for what it was: a well of emptiness that cried out to be filled. A new force—an aching loneliness—now drove him into the Sea Sprite each night, to sail aimlessly, waiting until he became sleepy enough to face his empty bedroom.

  He needed companionship. He needed Ellen.

  They emerged from Salmon Bay into Puget Sound, the wave action increasing after they cleared the Shilshole Bay entrance. They would be returning to Shilshole after a short sightseeing detour to see the lights of the Seattle waterfront... a special request of Mrs. Van Chattan’s.

  Now that he had Ellen in his arms, Jared felt at a loss for words. He had always been glib, but this moment was of life and death importance. How do you tell a woman you love her? What happened if... if all this time, all she felt was sympathy?

  The word slapped around his brain like some repulsive odor. He did not want sympathy from Ellen. He wanted love.

  He feared her rejection, yet knew he had to try. It meant laying his soul bare; taking the chance that she might feel a little something for him. Those kisses, earlier. She had returned them... before she pulled away.

  She had once said that fear was a greater barrier than reality. He could feel the fear eating inside him, yet knew he had to start sometime. What better place than here?

  "The moon is beautiful tonight, isn't it?" he said, deciding to talk around the subject. Maybe she'd take a hint.

  "Yes. Absolutely gorgeous. This entire night is like a fairy tale. Do you need to help with the ship at all?"

  "No. Larry's with their captain. He's done this so often, he doesn't need me. He's very competent."

  The breeze caused by the yacht's motion ruffled her hair, but she remained with him, pressed against his chest, as if she belonged to him.

  What should he say? He examined, then rejected, one sentence after another. None sounded very bright.

  The Seattle waterfront came into view; first the Space Needle, then the long piers, then the ferry terminal. The unhindered air grew colder in Elliot Bay, the water rougher, and mutually they moved to take shelter against a wall.

  "This is better," Ellen murmured, her arms slipping around his waist. She was facing him, her head turned sideways to watch the passing scene.

  He had to say something. They were already near the football stadium and within sight of the baseball park, with its rows of lights on the retractable roof. They would soon swing into the return loop. Larry would be driving back with them; they would have no more time together.

  "Ellen."

  "Yes." Her voice was low and melodic. She looked up at him, expectantly.

  "I know... I'm not much...." He stopped. That was not how he wanted her to view him.

  "Well, it would be better if you had a larger jacket," she said, laughingly. "But this one will do."

  Had she misinterpreted him, thinking he was talking about the coat he had to offer her? He'd try again.

  What to say? Maybe it would be better to just... show her. He pulled her more into the lee of the ship, weaving one hand through her windblown hair. As he cupped her chin, she turned her face up to his and without so much as a second's hesitation, met his lips, keeping them together as she slipped her arms up around his neck, under his jacket.

  It exploded the words out of him. "I love you." It came out quick and without fanfare. "I love you, Ellen," he said again. Once out, it was easy to repeat. He wanted to shout it so everyone could hear.

  She gave him back kiss for kiss. "And I, you," she replied, sending his heart into a joyful spiral upward.

  She had spoken the magic words. "I love you, too."

  Why had he waited so long? He had nothing to be afraid of. She loved him. She said so. He felt ready to take on the fiercest storm, to do anything for her. If she loved him, it was all that mattered. He had set sail now. He was not about to turn back. Nothing could stop him.

  He kissed her eyes, the tip of her nose. Nibbled at her ear. Worked his way around her neck. He wanted to devour her, but restrained himself, afraid to display the intensity of his emotions, lest he frighten her. "Ellen. I love you, I love you." Now that he had finally spoken the words, he did not think he could say it often enough. "Do you realize how much I love you?" he finally asked.

  "No, I don't," she replied, "but I know it's been growing within me, more and more every day... since that first day I met you. You've invaded my dreams, both day and night."

  "You too. You chased away the nightmares I used to have. Of standing in front of a crowd of people, a piece of paper in my hand with words written on it. Of not being able to read it. And when the people found out, they jeered and yelled at me, as if I was some inferior being. Demanding I leave this planet where I wouldn't be in their way." He paused, drawing in a deep breath of happiness. "I haven't had that dream for several weeks now."

  "Let's hope it never returns." She kissed him again, hard, then pulled back. "Here comes John. I think he's looking for you."

  "Can you come sailing with me tomorrow?" he asked hastily.

  "Yes. No... what is tomorrow? The third?"

  "Yes."

&n
bsp; "I can't go. I—"

  "There you are." John stopped next to them. "She handles beautifully, Jared."

  "Thank you. Just a second, sir. Ellen was telling me something."

  "I promised I'd take my brother to the stock car races in Shelton. He's been reminding me for the past two months. It'll take all day. I'm sorry."

  "You promised him two months ago?"

  "Three, actually."

  "Monday, then."

  “Yes.”

  Monday morning, Jared stole a kiss before he opened the door leading into the office, and asked her out to dinner with him. Ellen smiled, delighted in their new secret, and busied herself with keeping abreast of the work. She found herself grinning idiotically at the slightest things, and also watching the clock, something she had never done. It moved slower than normal.

  At eleven, Larry came in with a new contractor to add to her files, plus two bills.

  Ellen puzzled over the first bill he placed in front of her. "I just wrote this company a huge check last week."

  "This is for a different boat.” He winked at her. “The Sutherland's yacht."

  She looked away from him. Had he actually winked, or not? For some reason lately, he acted like they were sharing a big secret. Maybe he, like Elenora, had correctly interpreted the relationship between her and Jared and this was his way of letting her know.

  Smiling, she nodded as she looked back at him. "And this other bill? Mark Alan again?"

  "They’re doing all our plumbing and electrical work."

  "I see."

  "They need to be paid. The owner asked me to send it out ASAP."

  "And the work is satisfactory?"

  He smiled. "Oh, yes. Very."

  Something didn't seem quite right. She had another bill for plumbing supplies on her desk that had come in this morning's mail. What boat was it for? "This is a lot of money."

  He waved one hand in dismissal. "It's a megayacht."

  "I know. But I... I think I'd better ask Jared about this." Handling this amount of money made her uncomfortable. Especially when it was all going to the same company.

  "Don't bother. You've got the signed contract in your files."

  "I do?"

  "Of course. By the way, you did a super job with the party. Better than Donna."

  He smiled encouragingly at her, and she smiled back. He had been so helpful.

  “It’s time you came to see my boat. I’ve finished with it now.”

  “The one you keep telling me about?”

  “Yeah. It’s all fixed up, ready to go. Not far from here. I go there during lunch breaks.”

  “That’s handy.”

  “You’ll need to see where it is.”

  “Sure.”

  “Today?”

  “Why not?” He had asked her several times; might as well go and see it. “Jared’s got a luncheon appointment—I’ll come then.”

  “Great. I’ll be ready. Get those checks out right away.”

  “I will. I always take care of the bills as they come in.” She picked them up and started to walk towards Jared’s office.

  "He doesn't need to be bothered, you know." Larry’s voice sharpened, almost in protest.

  Ellen hesitated, but she had been looking for an excuse to enter Jared's office once again, and this was too good to pass up. "He likes to review things. Besides, Richard is coming in soon. We need to be ready for him."

  "Richard’s coming?” He straightened up, instantly alert.

  “Yes. To see how things are going.”

  “Then you’re right; we need to get ready, now. Thanks. I’ll get rolling.” He turned away. “See you at noon.”

  “Okay.”

  He left and Ellen continued in to where Jared sat, calculator in hand, a worried look on his face.

  "Can you look at these with me?" she asked.

  "Any time." He smiled up at her, his eyes shouting out a message of love clear as sunlight through diamonds. "Then you can help me with this. I show a cost overrun of almost a half million dollars on the Van Chattan yacht. I know I'm making a mistake somewhere, but I can't find it."

  "No wonder. You've been working on that all morning."

  "What do you have there?"

  "Some bills Larry handed me. I can’t make heads or tails out of them. He says they are for the Sutherland's yacht, but I don't see their name anywhere. Do you have a code you use for each boat? I need to know so I can file them in the right places."

  "No. What are they for?"

  "This one is from Mark Allan, Plumbing and Electrical. For the work they did. And—"

  "Mark Alan?"

  "Plumbing and Electrical."

  "Do you mean plumbing supply?"

  "Larry said they did the work. So I assume its both. These bills have labor and supplies on them.”

  "I don't remember Larry telling me about that. We have our own electrician and plumber. Maybe he's someone that Richard contracted. My brother's coming in today, by the way. He called me last night." Jared looked at the bills in her hand. "Read them to me, please."

  "This one is titled 'Mark Alan, Plumbing and Electrical.' It bills us for four weeks' work at ninety dollars an hour for a total labor cost of fifteen thousand, eight hundred dollars."

  "What?” Jared looked shocked.

  "He has ten pages of supplies listed, for a total of six thousand."

  "Six? That can't be right."

  "Do you want me to read the items to you?"

  "Yes. What’s on the first page?"

  "Well, there are four gold faucets for the master bath, each of which cost—-"

  "Gold? What yacht did he say this was for?"

  "The Sutherland's."

  "That can’t be right. They did that room in ivory and blue. I distinctly remember Isabel Sutherland saying she hates gold fixtures. Call Larry in here. I need to find out what's going on."

  At that moment the door opened and Richard stuck his head in. "Hello, you two. How're you doing?"

  "Okay," Jared said. "Come on in. Maybe you can help clear up a question for us. Did you hire a plumbing and electrical company called Mark Alan for the Sutherland boat?"

  "No. Tom does all our plumbing."

  "Then where did this Mark Alan come from?"

  "Larry knows," Ellen said. "He's the one who keeps bringing me the bills."

  "I'll get him," Richard said. "I want to say my good-byes to the men, anyway. I'll do it now."

  He left and Jared pointed to the spread sheet in front of him. "Is that company listed here?"

  Ellen leaned over, speed reading down the names. "Yes. Right there. I added them. I sent out those checks last week."

  "Tom did all the plumbing on the Van Chattan's boat. And we used our regular plumbing supply for all the fixtures. Richard set it up."

  "But, Larry said the contract was signed. You signed it." She looked at him in alarm. "Oh, no! Tell me, 'No!'"

  *21*

  Jared’s face grew white, before he looked down. He put both fists to his forehead, dropping his elbows on the desk in front of him. Ellen reached out, clasping his shoulder in sympathy as he spoke.

  "Larry’s tumbled to my secret. How long he’s known is anyone’s guess. He’d tell me I was signing something and I’d put my signature to it. I didn’t catch any names. And of course you wouldn't recognize any."

  "Donna would’ve known."

  "Yes. I'm sure Larry waited until she left. What other checks have you sent out, since you've been here?"

  "I'll get the checkbook." Stumbling over her own feet, Ellen retrieved the large book and returned with a feeling of dread. The cost overrun that Jared mentioned was close to the amount of the checks she had written.

  "Read me the names and the amounts," Jared instructed.

  "Mark Alan, forty thousand. Bill Peters, four thousand. Thermador and Associates, fifteen thousand. Mark Alan again—"

  "Can't find him anywhere," Richard said as he came in the door. "The men say he was here this
morning.”

  "He might have split," Jared said. “It looks as if he's been stealing from us."

  "Stealing? Larry? Impossible. He has a high paying job—"

  "I guess it wasn’t high enough. Take a look at the names on these checks. I don't recognize any of them."

  Sick at heart, Ellen handed the book to Richard. He flipped through the sheets, shaking his head, then glared at her. "You sent these out, without having Jared check over them first? Why?"

  "But, Ja—" Ellen had seen Jared sign both contracts and checks and started to say so, then stopped, knowing that Jared had been unable to read what he signed.

  "But what?" Richard demanded, the full force of his anger directed at her. "You never pay this kind of money out without authorization."

  Ellen glanced helplessly at Jared, her thoughts whirling wildly. "I... I realize that now. It's just that... that... I thought I had it," she finally said, desperately trying to keep from involving Jared. "Larry showed me how to set up the accounts," she added weakly. “I thought he was just being helpful.”

  "You never pay for anything without Jared's okay,” he yelled. “You should know that; especially when you’re first starting out and don't know the names of the companies we deal with." He sat down abruptly in a chair, his face ashen.

  "Are you all right?" Jared asked, springing around to hover over him.

  "Yes. Just need to rest a moment. What else do we know?"

  Ellen glanced at Jared, then back at Richard, wondering what to say. "I took Larry at his word. I didn't know he was stealing."

  "Maybe. Or maybe you were helping him," Richard said, his voice rising in accusation. "It doesn’t look good. We hired you—and then the thefts began.”

  "But I didn't—" she protested.

  “You just didn’t get away when he did. He left you holding the bag.”

  "That's not so!"

  “Until you’re clear, I want you out of this office. Now! No, wait. Call the police, Jared. We might catch Larry before he leaves the country. They can question her, too.”

  Jared's emotions exploded in all directions; the foundation of his life crumpling under him. His nightmare—his worst nightmare—had become reality. He had brought disaster upon Richard and their company—the scope of which, if too big, could throw them into bankruptcy—and at the same time put Ellen under heavy suspicion. What could he do, that would help, yet still keep his secret?