Closed Doors

by Nancy Radke

  If he stayed quiet and acted as if he were not involved, Ellen would bear the full burden of Richard's investigation. He looked at her white face, strained and worried as she struggled to keep his secret, while protesting her innocence. It wasn't right that she should suffer for him. She must love him very much.

  What kind of man was he, to put her through this? He couldn't let her take the blame. The thought connected in his mind as, for the first time, he saw things clearly.

  If he did not want Ellen to jump to his defense all the time, if he really wanted to be treated like a man, then he had to stand up like a man... and that meant telling his brother the truth.

  It was time to face his problem and go past it. Wherever that led. He made no move to pick up the phone. Breathing deeply, he pushed his fears aside. Ellen. He would do it for her and her alone.

  "Ellen wasn't involved," he said, his voice quiet compared to his brother's. "I know she wasn't." Surprisingly, once he had made the decision, it was not so hard after all. Having stepped past fear, he felt a calmness, as if facing the inevitable. "I hired her, I trained her, and she did just what I asked her to do. She had nothing to do with Larry."

  "What makes you so sure?" Richard demanded, still suspicious. "No one should send checks out without your signature being on them."

  Jared studied his brother thoughtfully, hoping that as the truth crashed down around him, his heart would be able to take it.

  "They had my signature on them," he said, trying to ease into his announcement.

  Ellen stared at him, alarm tightening her features, and he signaled for her to stay quiet.

  "You signed these?" Richard asked, incredulous.

  "Yes. All of them."

  "How could you mess up like that? Didn't you read them first?"

  "I can't read." Jared delivered the admission in a flat monotone.

  "You what?" Richard stared at him, slack-jawed, face frozen in disbelief. His expression would have been funny, if it weren't for the tragedy gripping the room.

  "I said, 'I... can't... read.'" This time Jared emphasized each word. "Never could." He smiled at the irony of it all, even as he tasted the strong bitterness of loss, felt the churning sick despair leave him empty, defeated. He had known things would disintegrate this way, someday. All those years, he had only been forestalling the inevitable.

  "But... but... but how...?" Richard stopped, blank, stunned.

  Jared had never seen his brother so bewildered; so upset. He watched him anxiously, afraid he might have another heart attack; but as of right now, he, Jared, was through hiding behind Ellen.

  "You mean you signed them, not knowing what they said?"

  "Yes. Although I thought I knew. Larry tricked me."

  "Jared's come this far because of how smart he is. It's not his fault," Ellen interjected, trying to fly to his aid.

  Jared motioned her away. This was his battle, to win or lose.

  Richard shrunk further into the chair. "This... this is impossible," he said. "I can't understand... all these years.... All this time. How have you managed?"

  "Memorization, bluff. I have it down to an art form."

  "But if you can't read, you can't know what you're doing."

  "Ellen reads to me. Donna used to, although I had to trick her. I didn't realize Larry had figured out my secret. From now on, I'll have Ellen read aloud everything I sign."

  Richard just sat there, shaking his head. "No. If we recover, we can't chance this happening again."

  "Larry just took advantage of Ellen's being new—"

  "Wait. She knew you couldn't read?” He glared suspiciously at her. “Before you hired her?"

  "Yes. In a way."

  He scowled. "Have you stopped to think that that's how Larry found out?"

  "No," Ellen protested. "I never—"

  "I'd trust her with my life," Jared said. "Ellen didn't tell him."

  "How can you be sure?" Richard looked as if he wanted to throw her in jail that minute, to protect both himself and Jared.

  "I hired Ellen as a tutor, to teach me to read. We studied together for several days before I twisted her arm to get her to come fill in for Donna. She never met Larry until she came here. That I know."

  "Then how did Larry—?"

  "I must have slipped up one time, in dealing with him. Once he knew I couldn't read, he took advantage of it."

  "And if other people figure it out, they could swindle us out of the entire company. If we have one left. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

  "For this reason," Jared said. "As long as no one knew, I did fine."

  "No, you didn't," Richard snapped, running his broad fingers through his hair, creating spikes of disorder. "Look what just happened. All it took was for one person to guess; one creep you thought you could trust, and he cheats you out of boats and buildings. I'm sorry, Jared, but I can't let you stay on like this. I'll have to put in a manager or come back myself."

  "But how will you know you can trust the manager?" asked Ellen, evidently unable to keep quiet any longer. "At least you can trust Jared. And he is trying to learn to read."

  Richard nodded. "True. Jared and I are the company. With neither of us in charge, we'll lose most of our customers. So I'll have to come back."

  "And I'll go back to sales," Jared said, bitterly.

  "You can't read the contracts."

  "They're standard contracts. I just write in the amounts. It's what I've always done."

  "No.” Richard clamped his mouth into a stubborn line, the edges drawn downward in thought. “Take some time off. Learn to read. Then come back."

  "And in the meantime... what about our company?"

  "I'll keep it going." He didn’t sound as sure of that as he used to.

  Jared frowned. "Is it worth it, to chance another heart attack?"

  "I have no choice."

  "Then keep Ellen to help you." If only Richard didn't feel like he, personally, had to stay. If he had another attack, then it would be Jared’s fault for not being able to step in and take over the company.

  "She's too inexperienced—"

  "No, she isn't. Without Donna, you'll be a prime candidate for another attack. You need Ellen."

  "Maybe," Richard finally consented, drumming his fingers on the chair arm.

  "I'll call the police now."

  "Call the bank for a stop order," Ellen suggested. "I mailed three of those checks on Friday. He might not have them yet."

  "Good idea." Crushed, demoralized by the realization that his brother no longer felt he could depend upon him, Jared picked up the phone. It felt like it weighed sixty pounds.

  It was the end of everything he had worked for. Now Ellen would no longer be able to ignore his problem. She would view him as some lame dog who needed her care. He could not stand that, he thought, as he dialed 911. He needed her love, not her sympathy. He wanted her to look at him with pride in her eyes. That was all that mattered.

  "Show me the contracts," Richard demanded, turning to Ellen.

  She walked into the other room and opened the filing cabinet. When Richard joined her, she rounded on him. Jared might treat him delicately, but she was too upset to consider anyone else.

  "How could you do this to him?" She fairly hissed the words, shaking with anger.

  "He almost destroyed the company." Saying that, Richard clamped his jaw shut, as if that was the end of the matter.

  "Is the company so important, that you'd ruin both your lives for it?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "You're risking your health... and you're destroying him."

  "No, I'm not. I'm trying to save the financial future of all our workers, plus Jared and myself. Remember, competition is tough in this business. We can't stand a huge loss. We operate on a very narrow margin."

  "But that doesn't mean you must take Jared's work away. It’ll destroy him. You're punishing him for something he has no control over. It's not fair."

  "Life isn't."

  "Bu
t you're his brother. You have to consider him first. He's trying his hardest to learn to read right now. If you do this to him...." She had to stop, fighting the tears that moistened her eyes. "He was a super salesman, still is. At least let him continue in that. Check his contracts if you need to."

  "I'll think about it, okay?" He drew back, his gaze broadening as if to encompass her more completely. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

  She rubbed her eyes, hard, with both hands. "Yes."

  "Does he love you?"

  She sniffed, then gave him a level stare. "Yes."

  "I never thought anyone would catch him. Congratulations."

  "Thank you."

  "I don't know how I can keep Jared on, but maybe I can find some job for him—since you asked."

  Jared entered as Richard spoke, stopped as he heard those words. "Don't bother," he snapped, his face pale and strained. "I'm out of here." He strode across the room and out the door, slamming it behind him.

  *22*

  "Wait!" Ellen yelled, running after Jared. Hadn’t he heard what his brother said? She caught up in the parking lot, ignoring the heat rising from the hot paving, and followed him to his car, talking all the way. "Richard will keep you on."

  "Forget it!" he snarled.

  "But he said...."

  "I don't want it."

  She grabbed his arm. "Why not?"

  Jared yanked his arm away from Ellen, roughly, continuing to stalk past the parked cars. "I don't want a job that means nothing. And I certainly don't want a job you begged my brother for."

  "I didn't beg, I asked."

  "Same thing. Stop mothering me."

  "I'm not."

  "Yes you are," he growled, fishing his keys out of his pocket and unlocking his car door.

  "I can’t help it. It's called sympathy."

  "I don't need it."

  He got into his car, but she grabbed the door so he couldn’t close it. "You're right, you don't. You need an optometrist."

  "He won't help."

  "Don’t miss your appointment with him. If you do, I'm through with you and your brother," she shouted, slamming the door.

  Jared turned on the ignition, then rolled down his window and glared at her. To Ellen, he appeared almost too angry to speak.

  "Stop treating me like a child," he snarled.

  "Then stop acting like one," she shouted back, all her emotions boiling over into her thoughtless words.

  "Goodbye." He threw his car into gear and drove away. She stood in the parking lot for several minutes, her temper fading. In its place came grief, as if a loved one had just died and with him part of her heart. She turned and slowly walked back to the office. As upset as she was, she still could not leave Richard with this mess. Someone had to help him with the police reports, and work was the greatest healer she knew.

  Richard looked at her, his eyes questioning, but she shook her head and looked around the office. Her predictions of doom and destruction had come to pass; except that Jared’s crew hadn’t run her off; she and his brother had done it to him.

  It took three hours before the police officer was finished. A squad car was immediately dispatched to Larry's address, but his landlord said he had moved out last month. An APB was issued, airport security notified along with the Canadian border patrol, but before he left, the police officer mentioned that Larry had probably flown out under an assumed name. At Ellen’s suggestion, they began a search of the local marinas.

  Richard's white face worried Ellen. She pointed it out to him and he said hers was just as white, then decided they should both call it a day. "Time enough tomorrow to unravel this. I'll have to get a new foreman, although I might promote Hastings to that spot. Get me the employee files; I'll look over them at home."

  "Certainly." The files were already open as they had pulled Larry's for the police report. "Isn't foreman a job Jared could do?" She couldn't help but ask.

  "Not unless he can read a blueprint."

  He was unyielding, and Ellen drove home, getting more and more upset as she thought about the situation at the office. It would not hurt Richard to make allowances for Jared. Jared could still sell boats; he could even run the company now that Larry was gone. It had been her fault for trusting Larry, not his.

  The phone was ringing as she entered her apartment, and Ellen raced to answer it, hoping it was Jared.

  "Hi, Sis. I'm was worried you wouldn't be home." It was Kathy, her voice sounding strained, and Ellen tensed, immediately alarmed.

  "Is anything wrong?"

  "Yes. I need you to watch the boys while I take the dog to the vet."

  "What happened? Is he injured?" Ellen reached for her car keys and purse, which she had dropped as she answered the phone.

  "No. Just routine shots. A quick trip."

  Routine. Ellen felt relief, followed by a quick surge of temper. Jared had pointed out how her family "used" her. This was a perfect example. She was not going to jump every time Kathy snapped her fingers. "Then you don't need me," she said, forcing her tone to sound light and pleasant.

  "What? Of course I—"

  "I'm not your baby-sitter, Kathy. You've got to stop asking me on such short notice, except in an emergency."

  "But it's too late now to ask anyone else."

  Kathy sounded desperate, but Ellen steeled herself against her desire to give in. Her family had learned they could talk her into things, especially if they waited until the last minute to ask her. It might be awhile before she got them out of the habit. "So take the boys with you."

  "But that's such a hassle," Kathy said with a moan. "I was counting on you."

  "Well, don't." If things had gone right at the office, Ellen would not have been home this early, anyway.

  "You said you had nothing else to do," Kathy continued, her voice starting to whine, not giving in easily.

  "Not planned. But I have plenty to do. I have a life of my own."

  "I know that."

  Kathy sounded hurt, but Ellen was feeling too hurt herself to give in. Enough was enough. "I don't mean to bark at you, but you seem to expect me to come running anytime you call. I can't do that. I won't do that. You need to stop depending on me."

  "You mean, you actually aren't coming?"

  Kathy sounded so amazed that Ellen almost laughed aloud. "That's right."

  "Not even if I say, 'Please?'"

  "I told you, Kathy. No."

  There was a long silence on the other end of the line. "Well, fine. Just don't call on me if you ever need help." Her sister's anger burned the wire.

  "Don't be unreasonable, Kath. It's a ten mile drive to your house." Ellen did not want to break with her sister over something as petty as this. Why did people always reject her when they no longer needed her... or when she refused to be used by them?

  "You're the one being unreasonable. I need you."

  "Not really. Your boys should help with their dog. View it as a field trip, a learning experience."

  "Oh, sure, that’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one having to struggle with them all.”

  “You’ll cope. I know you can. You can’t count on me being able to drop everything for you.”

  “Well, I guess I won't be asking you for anything anymore." Her whining voice grated on Ellen, upsetting her even more.

  "Now, Kath, I don't mind, if it's truly an emergency, but for non-emergencies get yourself a regular sitter. There's got to be some high school girls near you, who sit."

  "There's two down the street. They talked to me last month."

  Kathy had probably told them she had a free sitter available at any hour. "Ask them, then. And Kathy...."

  "Now what?"

  "When you tell them you'll be home at a certain time, be there."

  "Of course I will."

  Ellen shook her head. Kathy had sounded indignant, as if she would never think of doing such a thing. Probably not, to anyone but Ellen. "I'm sure you'll do fine."

  "A lot you care. Than
ks for nothing." Kathy slammed the receiver down, breaking the connection.

  Ellen held the phone in her hand, her fingers poised over the numbers. Should she call Kathy back and tell her she'd come take care of the boys? She wanted to, very much so.

  She punched out the numbers, then hung up before it rang. She had made her stand. What she had done was reasonable. Kathy was in the wrong on this, not herself, even if Kathy did try to lay the blame on her.

  Her sister's rejection hurt, but Ellen knew she had to stand firm and hope that Kathy would eventually cool down. It might be hard, but she had to wean her family away from her, like Jared had told her to do.

  Jared. So near and yet so far. Her heart felt shattered, openly bleeding for him. He loved her; he had said so. But Richard's decision had smashed Jared's life, and her futile attempts to keep Richard from turning his brother out had completed the destruction, perhaps to the point of driving Jared away from her forever.

  Now that she could no longer help him, would he reject her, completely?

  She wanted to go to him, but knew she could not. Jared would not want her around while he was down, out of a job. He had to stand on his own two feet. Any help she tried to give would be misconstrued, even if offered out of love. It was a “no-win” situation. No matter what she said or did, he would feel like she was "mothering" him again.

  Like she had done to Kathy. She had mothered Kathy all these years; made Kathy depend on her. She had not done Kathy or herself any good. Even now, when she'd talked to Kathy, she had attempted to tell her how to get a baby-sitter... gave her instructions for her children.

  "You need kids of your own," she told herself. "A family of your own. That would keep you out of other people's business." And when she got that family, she'd have to work doubly hard to make sure she gave them their independence.

  Her interference would not help Jared either. He had to solve his own problems. The most loving thing she could do for him was to let him work this out himself. That was going to be extremely hard. No wonder he wanted to get away from her; she had taken over his life.