The Do Over

by A. L. Zaun

  "Yes, I'm a bit cautious, but hello? I've opened up to him. I'm practically living with him, gave him a key to my house, and as you so eloquently put it, gave him my re-V card." I wondered if that was enough. Why haven't I officially moved in? Maybe I was holding back. Do I have some subconscious doubts? Am I secretly pining away for Rick? That was absurd.

  "Geez, you pick the most bizarre time to have a Dr. Phil therapy session, which I'm so excited about since you only trust Candace with these moments. I knew my time would come eventually, and here it is." She grabbed my hands. "Yes, not only am I off probation, but I've been promoted."

  "Macy, you're about to get fired. Candace is back, so I might just have this conversation with her. I'll save my sex talk for you." I stepped back, leaning against the sink.

  "I'm going to ignore that." She meticulously put away her makeup. "Let me ask you a probing question." She brought her finger to her chin, raising her eyebrow.

  I almost laughed. She looked ridiculous.

  "If Liam asked you to marry him, what would your answer be?"

  "Yes," I blurted out, smiling. I would marry Liam and have his babies. Then again, it didn't feel that long ago when I thought I was going to marry Rick. Why am I suddenly confused?

  "So, tell me, is this what's been eating away at you? Or is there something else? I won't tell Chris." She narrowed her eyes, looking at me suspiciously.

  "You don't think this is enough?" I asked, shaking my head.

  I wanted to scream, Yes, there's more! But there was no way I was going to tell her. For now, this was more than enough.

  "If there's more, then the answer is no." She stared at me, imploring me to open up.

  I stared back, shrugging my shoulders.

  "Well then, now that I'm officially off probation, tell me…is he any good in bed?"

  "Macy, you're impossible, but fine." I looked up, remembering every time Liam and I had made love. "He's great in bed, in the car, on the floor, under the Christmas tree, on the couch, on the counter, in the chair, in the shower, against the wall, and on the boat." I smiled, thinking of him touching me, kissing me, and holding me. I couldn't deny what I felt for him.

  "Wow," she said, fanning herself. "That's more than I can handle. I was on a famine, and now, you're throwing all of this at me. I'm on information and visual overload."

  Leave it to Macy and her theatrics to make me laugh when I was on the verge of a breakdown.

  I patted her on the back, laughing and walked into her closet, which was almost like walking into a department store. The woman knew how to shop. I rummaged through her dresses, looking for the perfect dress for the evening. "Macy, what do you think I should wear? Liam nixed the dress I wore last time." I pulled out a few dresses and laid them on the bed.

  "I say no to the dress you wore last time but for different reasons. Liam needs to relax. You looked hot," Macy called out from the bathroom.

  "I think I'm just going to go with this simple one-sleeved black dress. Liam's just protective. Leave him alone. I like his caveman ways," I said, holding the dress in front of me. "You can't go wrong with a little black dress."

  "Remember the last time we got ready to go out?" Macy asked, coming into the bedroom. She grabbed a slinky little dress and slipped into it. "You were hyperventilating, thinking about a hot firefighter that wanted to perform CPR on you."

  I felt the heat rise to my face as my smile widened across my face. "Oh, yes, I wanted to feel that slow, steady, and deep movement." I brought my hand over my necklace and played with the heart. "It was the day Liam touched my heart and brought me back to life."

  Macy placed her arms on my shoulders. Putting her head next to mine, she whispered, "No one deserves this more than you." She squeezed my shoulders. "He's the real deal. I think the two of you clicked the way you did because the timing was perfect. You guys are meant to be."

  "Mace, that was beautiful. Thank you." I was choked up with emotion. "I honestly love him."

  "Well, I have my moments. Now, get your ass in gear. I need to get my Chris fix." She smacked my ass and grabbed her phone. "I'll text Candace and let her know we're ready to go."

  I pulled my phone out of my purse.

  Dani: Hey, good-looking.

  Liam: I was just thinking about you.

  Dani: That line's getting old.

  Liam: Can't go wrong with the truth.

  Dani: Won't argue with that. Getting ready to leave.

  Liam: Send me a picture.

  Dani: Don't trust me?

  Liam: Trust you. I just want to see you.

  I stretched out my arm and smiled into my phone. When I pressed the button, the flash went off. I sent him the picture.

  Dani: What do you think?

  Liam: Breathtaking.

  Dani: You're making me blush.

  Liam: I'm going to make you do more than that when I get home.

  Dani: Getting a visual.

  Liam: I'll make it better than you can imagine.

  Dani: Are we getting a little cocky?

  Liam: There's nothing little about my cock.

  Dani: That's for damn sure.

  Liam: Ten hours.

  Dani: I love you.

  Liam: XOXO.

  Macy stood over me, reading my messages. "You guys are so cute. It's really disgusting in an overindulgent, sweet way."

  I brought my phone to my chest and shook my head. "Boundaries, Macy. Sheesh."

  The lock jiggled, and the door opened. Beautiful and perfect Candace walked in. Her blonde hair flowed perfectly. With her makeup impeccably applied, she was wearing a stunning halter dress.

  "I'm back," Candace announced, bringing her arms around us.

  Three grown women squealed in giddy delight.

  "Let's go, girls. I have it on good authority that there are Cosmos with our names on them."

  Breathe was exactly as I remembered. Beautiful people were lined up along the roped entrance. When we gave the built-like-a-brick-wall bouncer our names, we were quickly ushered in, bypassing the crowd. The music was pulsing, and there was excitement in the air, but the energy was different, almost hedonistic.

  I flashed back to that fateful night when everything had changed for me. Macy had dragged me through hoards of people as she'd zeroed in on Chris, and then my life had changed when I'd looked into those blue eyes. My heart fluttered at the memory. The only thing missing from tonight was the possibility of that life-altering chance encounter.

  I pulled out my phone.

  Dani: Breathe just isn't the same without you.

  Liam: I made a lasting impression, huh?

  Dani: The type that lasts forever.

  "Give me that," Macy said, yanking the phone from my hand. "You're at a club, texting your boyfriend on a girls' night out." She tucked my phone into her clutch.

  "Hey, why'd you do that? He might get worried if I don't respond." I reached for her purse.

  "I'll take care of this." Macy took out my phone and started tapping on the screen.

  This time, I was looking over her shoulder.

  Liam: Don't have too much fun. XOXO.

  Dani: Chicks before dicks. Love, Macy.

  "Now relax and enjoy yourself," she said with a crisp nod.

  Walking through the crowd, we were ushered up to the VIP section, and our drinks came out quickly. We lifted our Cosmos and drank to the sisterhood.

  "So, tell me, what have I missed?" Candace asked. She sipped her Cosmo elegantly.

  "Let's see," Macy started, "you've missed Dani's mood swings, hot flashes, loss of appetite, increased libido, living arrangements, and the best of all, her new pal, Madison the Piranha."

  I rolled my eyes. Macy is so dramatic. I exhaled loudly. "Ignore her. I'm so glad you're back. We missed you so much."

  Candace smiled, placing her hand on my arm. "Got it. Mood swings, hot flashes, loss of appetite, and increased libido. But what are your living arrangements? And who's Madison?"

  "Side effects of m
y birth-control pill," I huffed. "I've been spending a lot of time at Liam's place."

  "She's living there in an unofficial capacity," Macy clarified. "She stops by her place to pick up the mail and then heads back to his. She's even decorating."

  "I hate you, Macy."

  I felt exposed. I didn't want to have to defend my relationship with Liam, not to Macy, Candace, or Madison. I just wanted them to leave me alone. I finished my drink and ordered another one.

  "Oh, come on," Candace said, scooting gracefully over to me, "you don't hate Macy, and I love that things with you and Liam are moving along so nicely." She wrapped her free arm around me as her head lay on my shoulder. "You deserve it all, Dani. It's your turn. Now, tell me about your new friend, Madison. Do you think I'll hate her as much as Macy does?"

  "Dani, why don't you tell Candace why Madison isn't here?" Macy smirked.

  "I'll state this again. I hate you." I took a long sip of my Cosmo. I could feel the effects of the alcohol on my body. "You would hate her guts, Candace. She's a whore. She has sex for sport, doesn't do relationship, and doesn't do friendships." I drank some more. "And she told me that I was using Liam as a placeholder until I had the guts to…" I took another sip. "To be with the man I really want. But to her credit, she's smart as a whip and can contort her body in ways that Liam would love me to do."

  "You're right. I wouldn't like her," Candace said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

  As she finished off her first Cosmo, I was ready for my third.

  "And, you know, she's wrong about you and Liam. I've seen the two of you, and that bling around your neck tells me that a certain firefighter has the hots for you." She laughed at her own pun.

  Why did Macy have to bring up Madison? Now, I had thoughts of my rendezvous with Rick playing in my head. Images of his dimpled smile, the way he'd placed his hand on my back as we'd walked, and the way he had looked at me flashed through my mind. He was romancing me. Madison's condescending voice was screaming at me to choose. When I closed my eyes, I saw Liam's loving gaze, and I could feel him close to me. I love him. Madison was wrong. But if I had to choose, I would choose Liam. It was as simple as that. I'd known earlier what I had to do, and there was no time like the present

  "Hey, I was thinking that we should move our brunch closer to home," I said nonchalantly. I sipped my drink while my heart hammered in my chest.

  Macy's head snapped and her eyes furrowed. "What the hell?"

  "Dani…" Candace's eyes fluttered. "What brought this about? You love going to Lincoln Road, so you can see your freak shows. What about Françoise? You love him."

  "I didn't think it was a big deal." I finished off my third drink. "I love Liam more. Macy, if we were closer to home, you'd have more time with Chris's dick." I turned to Candace. "You've never cared where we met as long as we did. It's the smart thing to do. We can meet in the Gables or South Miami. Why drive all the way out to the beach?"

  This was the only way. I had to remove myself from the source of the temptation. I couldn't see Rick anymore. He'd talked about fate. Well, let fate have him cross my path again. I hated myself for wanting to see him one last time, but Liam didn't deserve that. I couldn't keep doing that to him. I had to stop, and then it would be over.

  "We're cutting you off." Macy grabbed my glass out of my hand. "You're talking nonsense."

  I had liquid courage. They had no idea that I was the most sane I'd ever been. My head started to spin. They were talking too fast. I wanted to have half a dozen babies with Liam.

  "I have to agree with Macy here," Candace chimed in.

  Great. They were ganging up on me.

  "What does loving Liam more have to do with any of this?" Candace added.

  Crap, she picked up on that.

  "And Macy has enough exposure to Chris's penis." She paused. "As far as I'm concerned, I like going to Van Dyke's. I like tradition. So, explain what this has to do with Liam."

  "This has nothing to do with Liam," I lied, saying my words very slowly. I signaled the server for another Cosmo. "I just want to do something different." I paused. "We've been going to Lincoln Road for almost two years." I lifted two fingers. "One. Two," I counted for them. "Life's changed since we started going there. I want to do things differently. We need a clean start."

  "Clean start?" Candace raised an eyebrow in confusion.

  Yes, I wanted clean because I was feeling dirty.

  "Candace…" I said slowly. Shit, those Cosmos hit me hard. "It's New Year's resolution time." I giggled. "Out with the old, and in with the new."

  "This is the crazy bullshit I've been talking about," Macy said, pointing at me. "See, Candace. I told you something's going on with her."

  I let out a deep breath. "There's nothing going on. I just thought we could do things differently since you," I said, staring at Macy, "didn't even want to keep having brunch while Candace was gone. I'm just suggesting a closer venue. Whatever. I give up. Van Dyke's it is." I stood up on wobbly legs as my head spun. "If you'll please excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom."

  "I'll go with you," Candace said, inching her way out of her seat.

  "Please." I waved her off. "I'll be right back."

  I made my way down the stairs, holding on to the rail. The crowd was thick. Bodies pressed up against me as I headed to the hallway near the bar. I was relieved to see the entry leading to the bathroom was empty. I needed space.

  The hallway was dimly lit. I ran my hand against the black wall for balance, teetering from side to side. A light flashed as the bathroom door opened and two girls walked out. I blinked my eyes, adjusting to the change. I stopped for a moment, breathing slowly, as I willed myself to sober up.

  "God, you look amazing," he breathed in my ear from behind me.

  My pulse quickened.

  "Rick, what are you doing here?" I asked, turning around. I was taken by surprise because I hadn't expected him and because I liked that he was here.

  "Cariño, why wouldn't I be here? A better question is, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be curled up with a book next to your boyfriend?" He moved closer to me. "Fate must be telling us something." His lips curled into a dimpled smile.

  I didn't know what was more intoxicating, his scent or the Cosmos I'd had. I thought of Liam. I loved him, honestly and truly. But, at that moment, I just saw those smoldering eyes and that dimpled smile, taking me back to another time. Beyond better judgment, I found myself wanting this moment. It wouldn't mean anything. It would be over before it started.

  Is it fate, serendipity, or coincidence? What is he doing here? This wasn't part of my plan. I couldn't escape him even though I was trying to. Providence was making this impossible. Whatever resolve I had left was quickly fading. The buzz from the liquor mixed with my curiosity and the mystery behind these encounters created an unbridled yearning. I wasn't thinking of the past, the present, or the future. I was in the moment, and I wanted whatever this was. It would only be a minute, a brief flash in time. Nothing was going to happen.

  I blinked my eyes, trying to gain my composure. "I'm here with the girls. My boyfriend, who I happen to love very much, is working."

  The gap between us was gone, and his eyes were focused on my mouth. I instinctively licked my lower lip and bit it. He chuckled seductively, causing a tremor to vibrate in my chest. When he brushed the side of my face with the back of his hand, a shiver coursed through my body. My eyes closed at the sensation. When I opened them, his piercing gaze was focused on me.

  In a low husky voice, he said, "I'm still no threat…unless you want me to be."

  The energy between us was electric. As my eyes lowered to his lips, my mouth parted slightly. I needed to pull away. This was getting too intense.

  His other arm wrapped around my waist as he pulled me closer into him. "Daniela, tell me to stop. Tell me to go away, and I will. Just say the word. I'll do whatever you want."

  Passion and desire burned inside of me as I gently squeezed my legs, my body
longing to feel his touch.

  "Tell me what you want. I want you to stop denying what we both know you feel. Stop ignoring what you want…what we both want."

  This was the moment I thought I could handle. The erotic passion that flowed between us was overwhelming. I wanted him to take me right there. I knew he could. He could slide up my dress and fuck me against the wall. I remembered what it had felt like to have his head buried in my neck as his dick entered me. As I thought about him touching me, my eyes fluttered, and I gasped. This was so wrong.

  I closed my eyes and pushed him back. Looking away, I straightened my dress. Trembling, I said, "Rick, we've both had too much to drink. Please. We can't do this. I love Liam. I would never do anything to hurt him. You need to stop."

  He leaned in and kissed my cheek, grazing the corner of my lip. "You're right. I'm so sorry. I got carried away. Please forgive me." He sounded sincere. He ran his hands through his hair as he glanced away. Looking back at me, he said, "I value our friendship. It was a slip-up. I'm sorry. When I saw you here, I remembered another time. Please don't be mad at me." He lowered his head and pouted. He slipped his hands into mine.

  "I'm not mad at you." My heart beat loudly. "But this can't happen."

  "When I see you, it's like how we used to be." He laced his fingers in mine. "Don't you feel it, too?"