The Do Over

by A. L. Zaun

  Fuck. I had to stop and look away when she started crying. I had to hold back my own tears. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I had officially become a chick.

  "Daniela, no llores. Please stop crying. I haven't earned your tears. I'm so sorry for everything. I can't do this to you anymore. Go to Lucas. He loves you, and he knows that you love him," I implored. "Please…don't underestimate his love for you."

  Before she could say anything, I heard a voice I had not expected.

  "Marin."

  Fuck my fucking life.

  I stood frozen, maybe thirty feet away from them. Chris and Macy were somewhere behind me, not saying a word. Dani sat by a fountain, wearing what looked like Rick's jacket. I watched as he crouched down and held her hands. All I could see was that she was crying. I wanted to rip off his head, but all the air left me. Seeing him with her felt like someone had punched me in the balls.

  "Marin," I said, getting his attention.

  Dani looked over at me. Her eyes were sad, and her face was stained with tears. I'd told her to leave last night. The thought of losing her for good caused an ache in my heart. I choked back the lump in my throat.

  Rick leaned in and said something to her. She stood up, took off his jacket, and handed it back to him. She looked over at me and then back at him. She hugged him.

  I was going ape shit, clenching my fists. I was ready to tackle him for touching her. I wanted to fucking kill him. Chris and Macy started saying something, but I couldn't hear them.

  Dani pulled away from him, grabbed her purse from the ground, and started walking toward us. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. No matter how hurt I was, I loved her with all my heart. I hated that this was happening to us. Like the chick Chris said I was, my heart was broken. But like the man I was, I was fucking pissed off as shit at Rick, and he needed to pay for what he did.

  I started walking toward Dani. She could have been coming to tell me to get lost. I didn't know, but I didn't care. I just needed to be close to her. This was the longest ten feet I'd ever walked. We finally stood in front of each other. She hung her head down, crying, as she buried her face in her hands. When I tilted up her face, she kept her eyes closed.

  "Look at me, baby," I said softly.

  Her eyes fluttered open to meet mine, and then she closed them again. Wrapping her in my arms, I held her like I'd done so many times before. She laid her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me.

  Nestling my head in her neck, I whispered in her ear, "I love you, baby, no matter what."

  As I kissed the top of her head, I looked over to see Rick exchanging words with Candace who I could only assume got the call from Macy. Candace could have her dealings with him later. I had unfinished business to tend to. Dani and I wouldn't be able to rebuild anything, if that was what she even wanted, until I dealt with a little problem named Rick Marin.

  I pulled back, cupping her face in my hands. "You need to go over there with Macy. I need to have a word with my friend."

  I wanted to kick his ass. I was so pissed off at what he had done to her, to me, to us.

  "Liam, please. This is between you and me. Rick and I were just saying our good-byes. If you need to be angry at someone, be angry at me," she said.

  I knew she was begging me not to confront that asshole.

  "Dani, you have no idea what you're talking about. Go to Macy now," I ordered.

  I didn't know if she got it or not. As a man, I couldn't let this go. I wouldn't let this asshole get away with everything he'd done.

  "Bro, let's just leave it alone. Walk away, Lucas," Chris said, putting his arm on my shoulder.

  I couldn't. I needed to deal with this motherfucker. He was not getting away with this. The more I thought about the lies, the manipulation, and God only knows the games he'd played with Dani, the more I was ready to tear him apart.

  "Marin, you're fucking mine!" I growled at Rick.

  "Please, Liam, let it go. Come on, please." Dani pulled on my arm.

  She obviously didn't get it. She probably thought I was having some sort of ego power play. If only it were that simple, I might've walked away, but this was so much more personal.

  I turned to her. "Dani, please just go over there."

  I needed to focus on the asshole in front of me.

  "Lucas, come on. I know you're fucking pissed off. She's yours. You won. I'm fucking trying to the do the right thing," Rick said.

  He was trying to weasel his way out. He was dead wrong if he thought he was going to negotiate his way out of this one.

  "You motherfucker," I said, clenching my fists. "The right thing? I want to fucking kill you for everything you did."

  "Liam, no!" Dani shouted. She moved to stand between us, pressing herself against me. "Please look at me. Baby, look at me."

  I looked down at her as she pleaded with tears in her eyes.

  "Please be mad at me. I was the one that hurt you. This is all my fault. I'm the one that let it get out of control. Be mad at me. Yes, he should have stayed away when I told him I had a boyfriend. I know that's really bad, but the one you need to be mad at is me, not him. I should have been more direct with him."

  I couldn't believe she was taking the blame for what that asshole had done. I thought I was going to blow a blood vessel as rage coursed through my body. I didn't know it was possible to actually hate Rick's guts more.

  I huffed between breaths. "Baby, go. This definitely has to do with me." I moved her out of the way and then started clenching my fists again.

  Everything happened quickly. Rick straightened his shoulders as his eyes narrowed. Fortunately for him, Chris grabbed my arm and was holding me back. The tension between us was frightening.

  "I can't fucking believe you would let her take the wrap for your bullshit. You're a worthless piece of shit," I said while Chris struggled to hold me back. I turned to Dani. "Just listen to me. Go with Macy and Candace. You have no idea what he's done."

  She stood there, like a deer caught in headlights, with tears streaming down her face. Fuck him. This was all his fault. I was torn, struggling between the overflowing rage I had and my desire to take care of her.

  "Daniela, por favor, just fucking listen to him," Rick said strongly.

  I lost it. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. "Don't you fucking talk to her!" I shouted, charging toward him.

  "Back off. Don't do this. Look, you got the girl. That's all that matters. She loves you, not me. She never fucking loved me. I'm fucking out of here!" he shouted back with a scowl.

  Chris stood between us. Dani tried to pull me back, but I couldn't let him walk away. I couldn't let her think that she held the weight of this.

  "You're not only an asshole. You're a coward, too," I growled at him. "You're going to walk out of here, letting her think that you took the fucking high road when everyone else knows what you did. You tell her the truth or I will, and then I'll fucking rip out your heart with my bare hands."

  Every vein in my body was bulging. I was running on pure adrenaline, and I was pretty sure that I could do exactly what I threatened. Dani dropped the grip she had on my arm.

  Rick turned around and started running his hands through his hair. He kept looking over at her and then at me.

  I looked back at Dani, and our eyes met. She stood still, shattered .

  Maybe this wasn't the right way and the right time. Shit. I might have just majorly fucked up.

  I let go of Liam's arm as he yelled at Rick to tell me the truth. What on earth is he talking about? I looked around, and Lincoln Road was still relatively empty with only a few pedestrians strolling, drinking their lattes, or walking their dogs. We were the Saturday morning freak show.

  I looked over at Macy and Candace. They were huddled together, appearing shocked, as they were probably trying to stay warm. Chris was still standing between Liam and Rick.

  "Rick, what's he talking about?" I asked.

  I needed to know what the hell was going on. Macy and Candace ca
me over to me and stood behind me. They literally had my back. I wouldn't have doubted this under normal Rick circumstances, but I was confused as to why they were so quick to do so now.

  Rick leaned his head back, looking up at the sky. Maybe he thought the answers would come to him by divine inspiration. I had no idea. I just felt like he was stalling, and when it came to Rick, stalling was never good.

  When I'd first heard Liam call his name, I was stunned at the familiarity. Rick had ran his hands through his hair, something I'd noticed he was doing a lot, and then he'd acknowledged Liam. It was as if they knew each other, but that was impossible.

  Then, Rick had turned to me. "Good-bye, Cariño. Go to him."

  I snapped out of the recollection. "Rick, tell me what Liam is talking about." I started walking closer to him. I looked over at Liam. He now had his arms on his head and a look in his eyes that I couldn't read.

  "Someone tell me what the hell is going on here," I said, looking around at everyone.

  They looked like they were afraid to tell me.

  "Liam? You know what? Forget it. Macy, you tell me what's going on."

  "Dani, I can't. Not here. Not like this," Macy said, shaking her head. "Come on, let's get out of here. We'll go home and talk about it. Please, Dani. We just found out."

  If Macy wasn't blabbing, this was bad. I was on emotional overload. I couldn't process much more, and I was scared that everyone around me knew that whatever I was about to learn would be catastrophic.

  Rick stopped looking at the sky and turned to me. "Daniela, everything I told you before was true. You have to believe that. I should have left you alone."

  I had a very bad feeling about this. Rick had a look in his eyes that I'd never seen before. It might've been regret.

  "Lucas, don't be pissed at her. You and Chris know that I was having a hard time winning her back. She's yours. She always was."

  Liam dropped his hands off his head and covered his face with them. I had to be in the middle of a mental breakdown because I didn't understand anything that was happening. I was freaking out. I looked at Liam and then back at Rick.

  "I must be going crazy because I swear I've heard you refer to Liam as Lucas, and only his friends call him that. And how would he know you were having a hard time winning me back? What's going on? Do you know him?" I said, trying to keep it together.

  I didn't know where my energy was coming from. Maybe they would Baker Act me because I had to be losing my mind.

  "Baby, let's just forget I pushed this. Please let's go, like you said. Macy and Candace will tell you everything at home," Liam said.

  He wanted me to go home with my friends and not with him. I didn't know what I was expecting from Liam. God, I broke his heart, yet I assumed that he'd want to work things out. Instead, I felt the sting of rejection.

  "No, I want to know now. Rick, just tell me the truth," I said. I straightened my shoulders, getting myself ready to receive the news.

  "Daniela, everything I told you before was true," he said. He shifted his eyes, letting me know there was more to the story. "What I didn't tell you, and I hoped you would never know, was that I saw you at Breathe that night. That was the same night I first met Lucas. I wanted you back, Daniela. I wanted the life we had, and I felt like shit for how I treated you. I needed to make things right between us."

  "I didn't see you there," I said, shocked at this admission.

  "No, you didn't, but I saw you. Lucas and I were watching you the whole night. I was going to go up to you, but then I saw you leave with him. I had to find you. You were right. I couldn't leave you alone. The only thing I regret more than what I've done to you now is what I did to you then."

  "Wait, are you telling me that you're friends with Liam? How could that be? I've met his friends, and he's never mentioned you. What's going on here?"

  Liam spoke up. "He's Chris's friend. He started playing basketball with us. I never liked him, and now, I know why." He glared at Rick.

  If looks could kill…

  "Why didn't you tell me he was your friend? You know how upset I got when I first saw him. I told you the story of our breakup and how hurt I was. Was this a game the two of you played to see who I would pick?" I asked, accusing Liam of being part of a conspiracy against me. "After all, the two of you were staring at me at the club. Was this some type of competition? He keeps saying that you won. Was I the prize? Oh my god. I can't believe you. I thought you loved me."

  "Baby, I swear to you that I didn't know who he was. You never mentioned his name. I didn't know until this morning when Macy started rambling. When I found out, I wanted to kill him. He did this to us. He lied to you and to me." He came closer to me and held my face in his hands, like he'd done so many times before. "Baby, I love you. You have to believe me. I would never lie to you."

  His hands moved down to rest on my arms. He turned and looked at Rick. "You're such an asshole. Why would you do this to us?" he asked, his voice cracking.

  "Daniela, please. You're coming to the wrong conclusion. Lucas didn't know anything. I found out where you were going to be because Chris made an innocent comment, and I used that information to my benefit. I knew you would be here, so I made up the story about running into you," Rick said.

  My legs buckled at this admission. Liam steadied me and kept me from falling. I looked over at Rick. I thought I was going to pass out. Maybe I was going into shock.

  I asked Rick, "Is there anything more?"

  "Daniela, isn't this enough?" he asked.

  I shook my head because this was the Rick I knew. I thought I was going to be sick.

  Liam looked over at me. "Are you alright? Do you need to sit down?"

  I started replaying everything from the first time I ran into Rick all the way through our good-bye. I shook my head, disgusted.

  I turned to Rick. "No, it's not enough if it's not everything."

  I needed to know everything. Fueled with rage, my mind cleared, allowing another variable I had discounted to surface—Yoga classes, wheatgrass, and mind fucks—Rick was the cock-blocking inconvenience.

  "Madison was part of this, too," I huffed. "What else haven't you told me?"

  "Leave her out of this," he said, shaking his head.

  "Why? You're the one that brought her into this with all her bullshit. Did you tell her to say all those horrible things to me? Tell me everything."

  "Fuck my fucking life. Daniela, what more do you want to know?" Rick asked, seeming exhausted. "How much more of this goddamn shit do you need?"

  I smiled and started to walk toward him. "There you are. I was wondering when I was going to see you. All this time, I thought you were the man I hoped you'd become. Now, I see that you are the same old Rick I knew so well. You're still the same one that broke my heart and didn't bat an eyelash. Yes, I know you really well. You're the Rick who gets everything handed to him on a silver platter, who experiences no consequences, and who uses people to his delight. How have you been? It's been a while."

  "Daniela, I know you're pissed off, and you have every right to be. But it's not black and white. It's like that book I'm sure you read—some shades of grey or something," Rick said, staring me straight in the eye.

  I knew he was trying to dig himself out of the hole.

  "Oh no, you didn't just compare yourself to Christian Grey. Oh my dear, you are no Christian Grey. I suppose though that I could say that you're fifty shades of fucked-up, but here, between us, this is very black and white. I asked you to leave me alone. I told you I had a boyfriend. You effing knew him. Just a few minutes ago, I was going on about the type of man he is when you knew full well. You knew all of this, but you didn't give a shit about me or think about what this would do to me," I said.

  With my entire five-foot-four frame, I shoved his chest. If this was his attempt to bring in a book reference to work in his favor, it was an epic fail.

  "Daniela, you don't have to be so harsh. It's not so simple. Why can't you see that? Yes, I'm an
asshole. I'm sure Wikipedia has a picture of me next to the definition. I'm a motherfucking asshole. You're so right about that. I'm a selfish bastard. But I loved you in my own way, and I thought that I was making things right for us. When I told you that I wanted to be the man you thought I was, I wasn't lying to you. Fuck, I want to be that man, but I'm not him. I wish I were.

  "Fuck, I came here today to put an end to all of this. I was finally doing the fucking right thing. So, please excuse me for not having your moral standards. I regretted losing you, and I wanted you back. I did things I knew you wouldn't like. I hurt people in the process. I hurt you. You have no idea how horrible I feel right now.

  "You were the good thing in my life that I let go. I wanted a second chance with you. I'm sure you understand right now the value of a second chance. I fucked up. I went about it wrong. I should've left you alone when you told me to go that first day. If I could do it all over again, I would've done the right thing," he said.

  He looked at me intently for what I could only assume was his attempt at making me see the sincerity in his lying eyes.

  Then, it happened. I wasn't prone to violence, but without a thought, my hand flew across his face, hard and fast.

  Without even registering what I'd done and before the sting could set in, I yelled, "How dare you justify lying, manipulating, and destroying my life because you wanted me! What about what I wanted?"

  I started shoving him. The jerking motion was so strong that my hair slipped out of my clip. Rage permeated every cell of my body.

  "You have destroyed everything that mattered to me. I hate you. If I never see you again, it'll be too soon. I'm so stupid. I can't believe I thought you changed. You're the same asshole that you always were. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you," I said, shoving him harder.

  He looked at me with sad eyes. "I fucked up, Daniela. I'm sorry," Rick said with desperation in his voice. Closing his eyes, he looked away. "I'm really trying to do the right thing now."