“So, Lizzy, how do you know our friend Brenden here?” Jon asks once he’s settled. My eyes dart to Brenden, clueless how to answer that. I don’t know him—not really. Brenden merely shrugs, leaving it up to me to answer.
“Wait!” Julianna exclaims, slapping the table. “You’re the guy from the restaurant, aren’t you?”
Brenden smirks as my head snaps over to Julianna. I hadn’t mentioned what happened on my birthday to her—I hadn’t mentioned him at all. “Lori,” she answers my unspoken question with a sympathetic expression.
“Oh, man,” Jon says, shoving Brenden, “you did play me. This is the woman who shot you down at dinner a couple weeks ago.” Brenden scowls at his friend as I cover my mouth, trying to quiet the laughter that escaped me.
“She didn’t shoot me down,” Brenden protests. “Besides, I won her over during coffee the next morning, right, Lizzy?” My entire body heats uncomfortably as Brenden sits back in his chair and crosses his arms, a smug smile on his lips. Julianna gasps, choking on her beer.
“I suppose you could say I was both impressed and creeped out by your stalker skills,” I quip, cutting my eyes to him, though I’m unable to keep the smile off my face.
“Dude,” Jon chuckles, tapping his bottle on the table, “I really like her.”
Mimicking Brenden’s movements a moment ago, I sit back in my chair, wrapping one arm around me and reaching for my beer with the other. He laughs and shakes his head as I take a sip and look over at Julianna, who’s sitting back, watching us with curiosity.
“So, you just happened to be at the same place at the same time again the next day?” she asks, her expression closed and gaze on Brenden. “Even for a small town, that is quite the coincidence, don’t you think?” Brenden blanches, his features dulling as he sits straighter in his seat.
“Good fortune, I guess,” he answers, his jaw clenching. His eyes fall to his beer as he reaches for it, and I frown, my gaze shooting to Julianna. She’s being weird.
“Well, gentlemen, we are in need of new libations and a trip to the powder room. Do you mind excusing us for a moment?” she asks as she stands and pulls on my arm to bring me to my feet as well, ignoring my narrowed eyes.
“We’ll be here,” Brenden replies. My eyes dart to him and he gives a half shrug.
With another tug of my arm, Julianna leads me across the bar to the ladies’ room, walking with urgency and practically shoving me through the door.
“Okay, dude, spill it,” Jon says, his eyes on Lizzy and her friend as they walk away. “What’s the deal with her?”
My fists curl tighter around my beer with each second his eyes remain on her. I wait until his eyes are back on me before I answer. “There’s no deal.”
“Yeah right. Something is off here,” he says, motioning to me, then to where Lizzy had been sitting. “You called her your friend, which I know is bullshit since you barely know her. Not to mention, the woman, while beautiful, doesn’t exactly seem like your type.”
“No?” I ask before taking another swig of my beer. “What exactly is my type then?” Glaring at him, I place my beer down and sit back in my chair.
“I don’t know, man,” he huffs, shoving his hair out of his face before rubbing his shoulder. “Angela—girls who are easy and up for anything, no attachments.” Pausing, his eyes roam the dance floor. “Women like that.” He tilts his chin toward a woman on the dance floor in a short skirt, high heels, and too much makeup.
“What makes you so sure Lizzy isn’t like that?” I ask, my lip snarling as I take another look at the woman, who’s now looking at me.
“Because I just met her,” Jon scoffs, shaking his head.
“Maybe I’m ready for something different.” Although the statement felt true before I said it out loud, it still makes my heart race.
While I try to catch my breath, Jon’s laughter fills the air. In near full-blown hysterics, he bends over slightly in his chair, holding his stomach with one hand and hitting the table with the other.
“Fuck off,” I hiss. “It isn’t that funny.”
“Come on, dude. I’ve known you pretty much my whole life and not once have I seen you in an actual committed relationship.” My jaw sets as I take in his lopsided grin, hating that he’s right.
“That doesn’t mean it isn’t possible,” I reply through gritted teeth.
“No, but I’d say the fact that you paled just from suggesting it would be a pretty good indication.” Beer in hand, he points to me. “I’m pretty sure you even started sweating.”
“You’re an asshole, you know that?”
“Perhaps, but I’m also right,” he retorts.
I can’t argue with that. Committed relationships aren’t for me, and Lizzy isn’t someone I should be pursuing. Yet, here I am, eager to go further down this rabbit hole.
Hero or Villain
“What’s your deal?” I hiss, turning around to face Julianna once inside the small bathroom, the smell reflecting the hordes of drunk and sick women it’s seen churning my stomach.
“Why didn’t you tell me about dream boat out there?” she asks, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.
I roll my eyes and let out a sigh. When I hear someone exiting one of the stalls, I turn and gesture toward it, offering it to her first, but she shakes her head. “Well, apparently you were already told about him,” I answer as I enter the stall. “There isn’t much else to tell.”
“So, you aren’t…seeing him?” she asks, stepping closer to the stall door.
“No!” I screech. “I don’t even know the guy.”
“Well, the two of you seem very comfortable with each other. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cut up or talk to someone you don’t know with so much ease before.”
“His laid-back personality makes me feel at ease, I guess. I don’t know, but we are not seeing each other. This is the first time I’ve seen him since we ran into each other at the coffee shop,” I explain, flushing the toilet and exiting the stall.
Julianna steps back just enough to allow me to exit before following me over to the sink, continuing to pester me as I wash my hands.
“You do realize he wants to…date you, though, right?”
My eyes lift and I look at her through the mirror in front of me, the heat in my veins causing my cheeks to flush.
“I highly doubt Brenden has any interest in dating a windowed mother of two,” I gibe, reaching for a paper towel to dry my hands. My heart stutters as I consider what she said. The idea of dating someone hasn’t been on my radar in so long, I don’t think I’d recognize any signs of interest anyone did show in me, nor would I even begin to know how to attract anyone. Once you’re married with children and worried about things like laundry and dishes, you become drained of any seductive traits you may have once possessed—not that I had many to begin with.
“After what I just witnessed, I’d say you are very wrong about that,” she replies, smirking in the mirror as she applies more lip gloss. “What about you, any interest in dating him?”
“No,” I answer curtly, a tightness building in my chest from my lie. Brenden had piqued my interest whether I like it or not. Dating may be off the realm of possibilities for me, but it hadn’t stopped me from thinking about him for the past two weeks. Even with all my armor, he’d gotten under my skin.
“Why not? Would it really be such a bad thing?”
“Yes,” I huff, crossing my arms as I step away from the counter to make room for another woman. “I couldn’t do that to Xander.”
Julianna follows close behind me as I make my way back into the bar, her voice straining as she tries to continue the unwanted conversation over the noise. “Don’t you think Xander would want you—?”
“To go around dating a bunch of men?” I hiss, cutting her off. Coming to a stop, I turn to face her, people brushing up against me as they dodge us. “No, I don’t think he would want that, or for me to bring those random men into my children’s lives.” The end of
my sentence echoes around us as the music momentarily dies down, further flustering me.
My chest heaves as my emotions continue to build, my hands shaking and my stomach knotted. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to have this conversation with someone, and it more than likely wouldn’t be the last, but it never seems to get any easier. I finally took my rings off last week and put them up for safe keeping so the kids could have them one day, but that didn’t mean I was ready to start a new relationship.
“Hey,” Julianna says, reaching out to rub her hand down my arm in a soothing motion. “I’m not suggesting you go around dating a bunch of men. I know that isn’t you, but I don’t want you to completely shut down the possibility of dating again. You like Brenden, I can see it, and I know Xander wouldn’t want you to be alone.”
Tears form in my eyes as the lump in my throat grows. A part of me knows she’s right, but I’m not ready for that—not even close—and I’m not sure I ever will be. “Julia, I love you and know you mean well, but we came here to have fun tonight. Can we please just drop this subject for now?”
Taking a deep breath, she gives me a soft smile and a quick nod.
“I knew you couldn’t have gone to school around here. There’s no way I wouldn’t remember you,” the redhead coos, leaning forward to reveal more of her cleavage. Fighting the urge to laugh at her desperation, I give her a dull smile before scanning for Lizzy again. This woman needs to get to the point and leave. I don’t want her here when Lizzy returns.
After Jon left to get us another round, the woman he pointed out on the dance floor approached our table. Even though I’d shown zero interest, she still took it upon herself to take a seat. I’m not sure whether she doesn’t realize I haven’t paid attention to anything she’s said or just doesn’t care, but she’s been gabbing like I give a damn.
“I’m sorry,” I sigh, my politeness wearing thin. “I’m sitting with some friends and they’ll be back any second now.”
“Oh, right, of course,” she says, her back straightening as she lifts her chin. “Will you be going home with these friends?”
I gape at her and lift a brow as she bites her bottom lip. Her question is so brazen, it takes me a moment to respond. Shaking my head, I scoff, “Yeah, I am actually.”
“That’s too bad,” she replies, sticking out her bottom lip.
When I look past her, Lizzy comes into view and my heart stutters. Everything and everyone else around me fades into the background as her radiance captivates me once again. It’s the kind of beauty you can’t even put into words because everything about her contributes to it.
Lizzy’s eyes remain on the floor as she weaves her way through the people, appearing more withdrawn than she had before she left. Without even fully realizing what I’m doing, I stand to greet her as she arrives at the table.
“Hey, are you okay?” I take her hand in mine and she gasps, her eyes snapping to our joined hands before moving up to meet my gaze.
“What?” she breathes, her lips parting as her eyes bore into mine. “Oh, yeah.” She nods, closing her eyes briefly. “Everything is fine.”
“Are you sure? Where’s your friend?” I ask, our continued contact heating my body. Holding someone’s hand didn’t even bring me this much excitement when I was a virginal adolescent.
“Bar.” Her throat rolls as she licks her lips and tilts her head back in that direction.
“Oh my gosh, Elizabeth Shea, is that you?” We both turn and find the redhead standing next to us now. Lizzy’s posture goes rigid as she pulls her hand from mine, and I officially hate this woman.
“Yep, it’s me,” Lizzy sighs, a tight smile on her face.
The woman turns her attention to me, stepping closer as she places her hand on my arm. “Lizzy and I went to high school together. She was a couple years ahead of me, though.”
Lizzy shakes her head and scoffs. “How are you doing, Devan?”
“I’m doing great. I just signed a new modeling contract,” she boasts, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “I’ll be traveling and doing major fashion shows.”
“That’s great. I’m happy for you,” Lizzy deadpans, looking at her nails as she picks at the polish. It doesn’t take a psychic to tell these two women have never been friends. Lizzy’s closed off demeanor makes that clear. Something tells me this woman wouldn’t even have bothered to speak to her if it weren’t for me, and the thought pisses me off. I’m not sure what makes this trollop think she’s better than Lizzy, but she’s sadly mistaken. Removing Devan’s hand from my arm, I position myself closer to Lizzy.
“Tell me, Devan, has Lizzy always been this beautiful?” I ask, admiring Lizzy as if no one’s watching.
Lizzy looks over at me through hooded eyes, her cheeks reddening as a smile tugs her lips.
“Oh, Lizzy!” Devan exclaims, bringing the attention back on her again. “You must think I’m awful standing here talking about how wonderful things are going for me. I heard about your husband. That must have been so horrible for you. Bless your heart.”
The color drains from Lizzy’s face and her shoulders droop as her eyes fall to the ground.
“I just can’t imagine trying to raise two kids on my own like that,” the dreadful woman continues.
Anger boils in my gut as my jaw clenches and nostrils flare. I want very badly to put this woman in her place, but something tells me that would only upset Lizzy. So, I decide to try to save her in another way.
“Dance with me?” I ask, leaning in to whisper in her ear.
Her eyes are wide as I move back and offer her my hand. She looks down at my hand, then back up at me and nods as she places her hand inside mine. Both of us ignore Devan entirely as I lead her onto the dance floor, weaving us through the couples until we’ve reached the center. Without hesitation, I pull her into my arms to bring her body close to mine.
Wrapping one arm around my back, she places the other flat on my chest and lays her head in the nook of my neck, and I can’t help but wonder if she can feel my heart beating against my ribcage. I’ve never been more thankful for a slow song than I am right now as our bodies sway together to the music. I inhale the floral scent of her hair and a peaceful calm falls over me.
When the song changes over, Lizzy shifts in my arms and lifts her head from my shoulder to meet my gaze with hooded eyes.
“I’m not sure whether I should be thanking you for saving me back there or angry with you for taking advantage of the situation.” Pausing, her eyes roam over my face, landing on my lips before traveling back to lock with mine, and I notice the slight glaze over them indicating the alcohol is taking effect. “Tell me, Brenden, are you the hero or the villain?”
I tilt my head back in laughter, hoping it doesn’t sound as nervous as I feel, and fight the urge to tell her I’ll be whatever she wants me to be.
“Maybe I’m both,” I tease. “What if I’m the light and the darkness? A sinner and a saint? Maybe I’m meant to be both your savior and your demise.”
Though, I intended for my response to be humorous, my controlled breaths cause my words to come out with vigor. Instead of laughing, Lizzy continues to study me. Her eyes blink more rapidly as she tries to keep them focused and chews on her bottom lip.
“Yes,” she sighs, “I believe that is very possible, and it may be the very thing that draws me to you.”
Working Out a Friendship
It’s been a week since I’ve seen Brenden—a whole week since I made a fool of myself by admitting I’m drawn to him, and I have yet to shake my embarrassment or get him off my mind. I’ve tried to distract myself by staying hyper focused at work all week, but now that it’s the weekend and the kids are away, I had to find a new way to keep my mind preoccupied. Which is how I ended up spending my Saturday morning at the gym. I figured it was my best option given all the Halloween candy I’ve been sneaking from the kids.
For over an hour, I allowed myself to get lost in my thoughts, letting the sweat cleanse the s
tress away as music flowed through my ears. I’ve never been one of those women who enjoys going to the gym. Though, I can’t deny I’m starting to see the appeal. I feel much more relaxed than I did before I came.
Now, I’m ready for a hot bath and some time with my kids. Xander’s parents kept them last night, and I hate being away from them. When Xander and I would try to go on vacation without Maddison, we would always end up coming home early because we missed her so much, but it’s even worse for me since I lost him.
Things have been going so well for the three of us lately, and I finally feel like I can breathe again—like the pressure that’s been in my chest since Xander’s accident is starting to subside. Sean’s behavior improved drastically once I started dedicating some time to him every single day, and I got another call from Maddison’s teacher—this one to tell me how well she’s been doing lately. That conversation was such a contrast to the one we had two months ago, and it was confirmation that I’m heading in the right direction.
I step into the locker room and sigh as my eyes collide with my reflection in the mirror. I look like a drowned rat and in desperate need of a shower, but that isn’t happening here. I’ll never understand how some women can still look flawless after working out.
Using a wet paper towel, I wipe the sweat off my face before smoothing back my matted hair and straightening my lopsided ponytail. I shake my head at the unchanged reflection in the mirror as I walk away and scoff. I’m hopeless—not that it matters.
After I grab my bag from the locker, I dig out my phone to call Xander’s parents. It had been too early to call when I left this morning and I need to talk to my kids. The line begins to ring as I throw my bag over my shoulder and make my way out of the locker room.
“Hi, Mommy!” Maddison answers through her chewing.
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