She squats down in front of me as I open my eyes and reaches out to place a reassuring hand over mine. “You can talk to me, Lizzy.”
Looking up to meet her gaze, I smile. It’s unbelievable that she’s trying to comfort me while she’s having to put her life in boxes. “Thank you, but I’m fine. I’m the one who should be worrying about you right now, not the other way around.”
“Oh, blah,” she mutters, standing back up as she waves me off. “I’m great. Don’t waste your energy fretting over me.”
Julianna is notoriously brave and strong, and I want to believe she’s fine, but my heart is breaking for her and my gut is telling me she is in a lot more pain than she’s letting on. Before I can press her any further, Brenden walks through the front door. My head spins as my eyes land on him, any thoughts I had evaporating. He looks so freaking good in his damn leather jacket, and it definitely adds to his intimidating factor, which worked in our favor today. Christopher showed up about an hour ago with roses, trying to get Julianna to talk to him, and I can only imagine the look on his face when Brenden met him at the door, refusing to let him near her.
“Well,” Julianna says, clearing her throat, making me realize Brenden and I are staring at each other, “I think I have a few more things upstairs I need to get.”
My stomach drops as I watch her jet up the stairs, leaving me alone with Brenden for the first time today. Trying to ignore my racing heart, I turn my attention back to the box in front of me, using my shaky hands to organize the contents.
“How long are you going to pretend like I’m not even here?” Brenden asks, a slight bite in his tone as he steps over to me.
“I’m not,” I reply with a light shake of my head as I wipe my clammy hands down my jeans.
“No?” he questions, holding out his hand to me.
My heart slams against my ribcage as I place my hand in his and allow him to pull me back to my feet in front of him. When I still don’t meet his eyes, he cups his hands around my face, tilting it until my eyes meet his. His beautiful grey eyes look tired and strained, causing my stomach to knot with guilt.
“Jesus, please don’t do this, Lizzy,” he pleads, “If you want to erase everything that happened last night, I will, just don’t do this—don’t push me away. Please, I can’t stand it.”
“I…” My words fail me and I try to look away from him, but he keeps his hold on me. “I’m sorry,” I hiccup, my eyes filling with tears.
“Sorry? Sorry for what?” he demands through heavy breaths.
“I shouldn’t have come to your room last night. That was a mistake.”
His nostrils flare as he takes a deep inhale and closes his eyes, his head shaking in frustration and jaw ticking. When he opens his eyes again, they appear darker, narrowing as he drops his hands from my face. A chill runs through me when he turns away, my words trapped behind the giant lump in my throat.
“I’m going to put this stuff in the car,” he says, picking up some more boxes before walking back out the front door.
I want to go after him—to take my words back, but I remain frozen in place. That wasn’t what I’d meant to say. I didn’t think last night was a mistake. Last night was amazing…until I freaked out and ran away.
My body heats remembering the way his body pressed into mine while his hands and mouth made my insides hum with satisfaction. It wasn’t until I looked into his eyes that I panicked, terrified of everything I was feeling in that moment—of what it would do to me if I were to lose him one day too.
I hated seeing the hurt and confusion on his face when I pleaded with him to stop, but I couldn’t go through with it. Like the coward I am, I threw my shirt back on and rushed out of his room without any kind of explanation.
For what must be the tenth time, I remove my hand from my hotel door and begin pacing the floor again, my fists clenched and heart racing. Lizzy is alone next door. I heard Julianna leave about five minutes ago, but I still can’t bring myself to go to her.
For a short time, she’d given herself to me—admitted she wanted me—and I believed she’d finally accepted that there is an us. The look in her eyes last night when she begged me to stop knocked the wind right out of me. I just sat there speechless, watching her flee from my room without an explanation, dumfounded and confused.
Sure, I hoped something would happen between us this weekend—even coming prepared with proper provisions—but I would have never pushed her into anything. She’s the one who showed up at my door in the middle of the night. She wanted to be with me, and I don’t understand what changed.
I had every intention of finding out today, but her refusal to look at me and efforts to speak to me as little as possible fed into my insecurities, keeping me quiet. My offer to forget it had ever happen was a lie. I wanted her to ease my fears—to tell me she didn’t want that and explain why she ran in the first place. Instead, she called last night a mistake. A fucking mistake. Those words sent a pain straight through me, worse than anything I’ve ever felt.
“Fuck!” I hiss, kicking the wall as her words rip through me again. Picking up my suitcase from the floor, I sling it on the bed and unzip it. I can’t handle staying here—spending tomorrow with her knowing she only sees me as a mistake.
Gathering my things from the bathroom, I place them in my suitcase when there’s a knock. I freeze, blinking at the door, wondering if I imagined it, but then another sounds out.
“Brenden?” Lizzy calls from the other side.
With deep breaths and long strides, I make my way to the door and open it. Heart in my throat, I can’t speak as I take her in. Her eyes are red and puffy and shoulders slouched as she hugs herself.
“Can I please come in?”
With a curt nod, I pull back the door and step aside, allowing her to walk inside. She stops just a few feet from the door and turns to face me as I close it. Anchoring myself, I cross my arms, focusing on keeping my breathing calm and my hands off her. Hurt feelings be damned. Now that she’s right in front of me, all I want is to pull her into my arms.
“About last night,” she begins, her eyes falling to the floor.
“It was incredible,” I interject, taking a step toward her, praying she won’t finish that sentence the same way she had earlier.
Nodding, she takes a deep inhale, her eyes traveling up my body until they meet mine. “It was,” she replies, surprising me as she closes the gap between us and reaches out to place her hand on my arm, “but I can’t. I mean…I don’t think—”
“Bullshit,” I hiss, stepping around her to make my way back over to my suitcase. “That’s all you ever do is fucking think.” Grabbing the rest of my things from the dresser, I look over at her. She’s staring at me, her lashes fluttering and mouth agape. Turning my back to her again, I throw my clothes into the suitcase. “You spend so much time living in your head—thinking about the past and worrying about your future—you can’t even enjoy your life. Why can’t you just live in the moment? When are you going to learn that you have to go after the things you want in life before it’s too late?” I zip up my suitcase with quick aggression, jerk it off the bed, and turn to face her again, my breathing heavy and face hot.
“Wait, are you leaving?” she asks, eyes wide as she rushes over to me.
“I don’t think you really want me here,” I grit out as I fight my need for her.
“You know that’s not true. I just can’t—”
“Yeah, I heard you earlier,” I hiss, cutting her off. I step around her again. “You made a mistake, got it.”
“Stop!” she pleads, ripping my suitcase out of my hand.
“Why?” I ask, whipping around, my eyes narrowing as I step up to her.
“I’m afraid, okay?” Hope bubbles in my chest at her admission. She just confirmed her reluctance isn’t about not wanting me; it’s just Lizzy being Lizzy—overthinking and worrying.
Her breathing is loud and heavy, her face flush as I reach for my suitcase and tug on it unt
il she stumbles and our bodies collide. Stubborn as always, she keeps her hold on my suitcase as she straightens her back. Our bodies are as close as they can be without physically touching, her eyes focused on those agonizing inches as if she’s terrified of what will happen if they disappear.
“What are you so scared of, Lizzy?”
“Of you,” she sighs, lifting her eyes to meet mine. “Of us. I’m terrified of where things are going and where they might end.”
Finally allowing me to pull the suitcase away from her, I drop it to the floor before cupping my hands around her face. Her eyes are wet with the tears she’s holding back, her bottom lip trembling as she takes a deep breath.
“What if the only thing that matters is this moment? Let go of your concerns for yesterday and fear of tomorrow, and tell me, what do you want in this moment, beautiful?”
“You,” she breathes. “I want you.”
Her answer causes a smile to spread across my face, my heart feeling as if it’s swelling inside my chest as my dick twitches in my pants. Removing my hands from her face, I place them on her hips and press my body into hers. She takes a ragged inhale as I rest my forehead on hers.
“I’m right here. All you have to do is take what you want.”
When I raise my head, her stare is so intense, I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. The seconds feel as though they are dragging while I stay still and watch her lift her hands to my head, threading her fingers through my hair. My pulse races when her eyes move to my lips and her tongue darts out to wet her own before she leans up to press them against mine.
Her kiss is light at first, more loving than needful. She softly runs her tongue over my lips before I part them, tangling mine with hers. Even as our kiss deepens, I’m reluctant to move my hands or take the lead in any way, fearful she’ll run again.
Breaking our kiss, she leans back to meet my eyes. “I’m sorry I said last night was a mistake and for running out of here like that. Can we pretend that didn’t happen and pick up where we left off?”
My body relaxes as I nod, my lips curling up as I move my hands to her ass. “Can you remind me again where exactly it was we left off?”
Rolling her eyes, she perches her lips and slides her hands from my head down my beard to my chest until they finally come to rest against my sides. “Well, for starters, you were wearing less clothing,” she answers, her face reddening as she lifts the hem of my shirt up my body and over my head. Her eyes roam over me, landing on the black ink on my chest. I inhale a harsh breath as she traces it with her finger before placing a delicate kiss there. When her fiery gaze makes its way back to my eyes, it melts away any restraint I still had. On a growl, I rid her of her clothes, guide our bodies toward the bed, and we become lost in a sea of soft moans, roaming hands, and attentive tongues.
Benefits Package
“Good God, you are so fucking beautiful,” he says, looking down at my naked body laying before him, his hand trailing down my abdomen, leaving goosebumps in its wake.
My back arches and I pant, every inch of me quaking with need for him as his hand settles between my legs and he wraps his mouth around my nipple. “Brenden,” I breathe, my hand diving into the thick, dark hair on his head, “I want you…all of you, please.” My voice is almost begging as my overly sensitive skin heats with need.
Lifting his head, his twinkling eyes meet mine, a smile so large, it spans across his entire face. “I don’t think I could ever tire of hearing you say you want me.” Positioning himself between my legs, he leans down to nibble at my neck. “All of me, you say?” he whispers into my ear before meeting my eyes again.
“Yes,” I answer, nodding as I shift my lower body, rubbing myself against his hardness.
His eyes close as he lets out a groan filled with both agony and pleasure. When he opens them again, his gaze is so heated, my heart skips a beat. “Ask and you shall receive, beautiful,” he replies before reaching over to grab the small packet from the nightstand and rolling the only thing allowed between us over his length.
His eyes remain on mine as he readies our bodies to connect, my legs lightly wrapped around him. “There’s no turning back after this, Lizzy.”
“I don’t want to,” I reply, placing my hands around his face and pulling his lips down to meet mine. Guiding him inside me, I gasp from the fullness.
The sound of a phone ringing causes my eyes to shoot open and dart around the room as I try to make sense of my surroundings. It takes me a moment to remember I’m in Brenden’s hotel room. My body, which is still nude, sore, and completely satiated, tells me it hadn’t just been a dream this time. I slept with Brenden last night, and I’m certain there isn’t a single inch of my body he hasn’t touched or kissed in some capacity. Not that I’m complaining. Every second of it was remarkable.
I look over to the other side of the bed as the ringing sound begins again. When Brenden isn’t there, my body tenses and heart races until I hear the shower running.
Stretching, I sit up slightly and pick up the ringing phone on the nightstand. “Hello?”
“Oh my God,” Julianna squeals into the receiver, “I can’t believe you two finally did it!”
“Oh crap, is it time to go?” I croak, avoiding her comment altogether, glad she can’t see my flaming face.
“We need to go in about an hour, but don’t go changing the subject on me. I need to know how it was. I bet it was amazing,” she sighs.
I scoff. “I am so not answering that question.”
“Fine, does this at least mean the two of you are going to stop pretending you are just friends?”
My breath stills as I consider her question. Does last night mean we’re something more than friends? Is that what I want? I’m not even sure that’s something he wants.
“I have to go,” I rush out, hearing Brenden turn off the shower. “I’ll be over there in a few minutes to shower and get ready.” Without waiting for her response, I hang up the phone.
“Good morning, darling,” Brenden greets me, stepping out of the bathroom wearing only a towel.
My mouth dries and I struggle not to swallow my tongue as my eyes greedily take him all in. Heart racing, I try to ignore the returning ache of need between my legs, remembering how good it felt when he was inside me. Our bodies were so in tune with each other, it was like doing a well-rehearsed dance.
“After last night, I assume the rule about not being able to give you pet names no longer applies.” He winks, allowing his towel to drop.
“That is awfully presumptuous of you...” I tease, narrowing my eyes at him. “I didn’t say last night changed anything.”
It did, though. Last night changed everything. We can never go back to what we were before. We either move forward or move on from here. There’s no question that I don’t want to lose him, but I need to know where he stands and what he wants.
“Oh no?” he questions, walking toward me like a lion stalking his prey. “What was that last night, then?”
“The benefits package?” I mock with a shrug and smirk.
“Is that so?” Laughing, he pulls the covers from my grasp, leaving me just as exposed as he is.
His eyes wander leisurely up my body, setting my skin on fire. My pulse races, feeling very much like his prey as he gets closer. The adrenaline coursing through me leaves me teetering between wanting to jump his bones and wanting to run away as fast as I can.
“Tell me more about these benefits,” he purrs, joining me on the bed. “Who is reaping them? You or me?”
“Both,” I pant, nearly breathless as he positions himself between my thighs.
“Hmmm...” he hums, nibbling at my neck. “I’m not fully convinced. I think I need another full review of the package.”
“So, how does this whole friends with benefits thing work?” I sneer, watching her as she puts her clothes back on. “I mean...do I get to take advantage of this whenever I want, or are the benefits only available to me in certain places, during the r
ight situations?” Though I try to keep the hostility out of my voice, her reddening face and narrowing eyes tell me I was unsuccessful.
Not that I should care. How can she expect me not to be angry? I mean, friends with benefits? Is she fucking serious? After everything, she still wants to pretend we’re just friends?
I would move heaven and Earth to be with her, but she keeps holding back. Am I just lying to myself thinking she is even capable of giving me more than this?
“I don’t know, Brenden.”
“Well, don’t you think it’s something we should work out?” I huff, getting up from the bed and closing in on her. “I’m just trying to be sure I understand the terms of this arrangement.”
“I should go take a shower. Our flight leaves at ten, so we should head to the airport no later than eight,” she sighs, her tone flat and features smooth as she turns toward the door.
“Wait!” I grab onto her arm, keeping her from moving, panic rippling through me. It feels like she’s already slipping out of my grasp.
“Don’t you get it?” I bellow, bringing myself eyelevel with her. “I have no interest in this friends with benefits bullshit. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I only want you.”
Her eyes gloss over, filling with tears. “Really?” She hiccups as a tear streams down her face.
“Really,” I reply, wiping her face dry with my thumb. “I want to be able to tell you how beautiful you are every single day, to take you to dinner and fucking pay for it. At the end of the night, I want to be able to kiss you and hold you in my arms. That’s what I want, Lizzy. It’s what I’ve wanted for a while now. I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my entire life. So, the only question that remains is, do you want that?”
“Yes,” she answers, nodding her head as her lips curve into a smile. Air fills my lungs again and my heartbeat begins to regulate as I pull her into my arms and kiss her with every ounce of passion I have.
In This Moment (In This Moment #1) Page 22