Raw

by Scott Monk

  ‘Good. About time.’

  She stopped at the window, one leg outside already. ‘You can’t get away with using me, Brett. I’ll tell my man about what happened the other night.’

  ‘Which man?’ he shot back.

  Rebecca’s eyes burned with the same disgust Brett had for her.

  ‘Go!’ he said.

  She wouldn’t.

  ‘Get out of here, Rebecca!’ he shouted, nearly pushing her out the window. ‘I don’t want to see you ever again, you hear me?’

  ‘You’ll regret this.’

  ‘Yer, yer, that’s what they all say. Now get out of here.’

  Rebecca walked a good twenty metres before she turned round for one last attack. ‘I was right about you! They’ve changed you! You’re not tough anymore, Brett Dalton. You’re gutless!’

  ‘And Caitlyn was right about you! You’re nothing but a whore!’

  He slammed the window down!

  He watched her freeze before marching back into town. He himself was shaking as he stood at the window, knowing that to go back to bed was out of the question because Sam would be kicking down the door at any moment. Already the homestead’s lights had blinked on. He heard the shuffling of sheets to his left and a held-in breath finally let out. Brett turned from the window to the noise, slightly startled. ‘Frog,’ he said, realising the kid had probably been awake through everything, ‘whatever you do: don’t ever fall in love. It’s not worth it.’

  The empty mess hall was silent except for the slow swishing of a wet mop. Squares of light retreated across the floor and over the chairs and tables emptied only half an hour earlier. The coldness of the shadows was gradually being warmed by the morning heat. The smell of fried tomatoes, sausages, poached eggs and French toast was still strong in the air.

  Brett moved the bucket another couple of metres and plopped the mop’s head on the ground. Water went everywhere and he reached out to soak it back up again. While he did, he looked out the window at the paddock closest to the stables. All the guys were assembled there, dressed in checked shirts, jeans, boots, and hats or baseball caps. They were throwing blankets then saddles over horses they’d been allotted, and making sure that everything was strapped and buckled. Satisfied, they mounted and smiled goofy, triumphant grins.

  They were readying themselves for the big Ride. It was the same ride Sam had been promising for months now. The one where everyone drove cattle across the countryside and back, just like he had in the old days. The guys had grown more and more excited over the past weeks. It was the last big event for some and the first for the handful of newcomers. They’d even got up at four o’clock as Sam had told them to. The saddlebags were packed. The canteens full. And the horses warmed up. The only thing that was stalling them was the word to move out.

  Wiping his brow, Brett went back to his mopping.

  A few minutes later, he heard boots clomping down the empty hallway and looked up.

  ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you,’ Sam said. ‘What are you still doing here?’

  ‘Mopping, like you told me to.’

  ‘No, why aren’t you outside with the other guys?’

  ‘I didn’t know I was going,’ Brett shrugged. ‘You said I was grounded till I go back to Sydney.’

  ‘You are, but the ride is part of your stay here. C’mon. I want you saddled up in two minutes.’

  ‘But I haven’t had a shower yet.’

  ‘I’m sure the horse won’t mind the smell.’

  ‘I haven’t packed either.’

  ‘All you need is a canteen, a hat, sunscreen and a few clothes. You don’t need anything else. I’ve got the rest of the supplies. It’ll only take you a minute to pack.’

  ‘How about sheets and pillows?’

  ‘You won’t need them. I’ll give you a sleeping bag. Now hurry up. Everyone’s waiting for you.’ He turned and started walking back down the hallway.

  ‘I don’t think I should go,’ Brett called after him. ‘I don’t feel too well.’

  Sam pulled up short, hung his head and sighed impatiently. ‘Look, I don’t care what your excuse is. Get your gear and meet me outside in ninety seconds. Got it?’

  ‘But I said I don’t feel well.’

  The old man spun round. ‘Meet me outside, understand?’

  ‘Yer,’ Brett spat, looking away.

  Sam left and Brett threw the mop against the floor with a clatter. He kicked over the bucket filled with dirty water then did what he was told.

  Half the guys had left before he walked outside. They were whistling and whooping, trying to keep the herd of cattle everyone was driving in line. Sam, Josh and a couple of the other guys stayed behind, loading essentials like a first aid kit, food, toilet paper and lanterns onto their horses. Brett walked over to them as slowly as he could. There was no need to rush. He hoped he could annoy Sam enough to make him change his mind about making everybody go.

  ‘Josh, is Piper saddled up?’ Sam called out. ‘Can you bring her over here then?’

  Josh walked the chestnut-coloured horse over to Sam and Brett. It was the same one Brett had spooked in the stables the night he and Caitlyn had …

  Whatever. It was the same horse.

  She recognised him too because she shied away at the sight of him, forcing Josh to rein her in. A few seconds later, she was steadied but kept looking round as if she didn’t want to be there. She wasn’t the only one.

  ‘That’s your horse,’ Sam said matter-of-factly. ‘Mount up.’

  ‘You sure you don’t want anyone to stay back and watch The Farm?’ Brett asked.

  ‘Mary’s here. It’ll be fine. Now hurry up. The others are waiting for us.’

  So that was it. He had to go. He walked over to Piper and tried to put his things in the saddle bag and a rolled-up blanket on her back. No luck. The horse pivoted away from him again.

  ‘I don’t think she likes you,’ Josh said, holding onto the reins and trying to bring the animal under control.

  ‘That’s good because I don’t like her either.’

  He stuck his foot in one stirrup and tried to climb onto the horse’s back. Bad idea. He lost his balance then flailed about, trying to grab onto something. The next thing he remembered was being flat on the ground, sucking in dirt and his nostrils burning with dust. That, and everyone round him having a good laugh.

  Gritting his teeth, he got as far as lifting his face to shout everyone down before being hauled off his belly by Sam. ‘Now try it again, except like this.’ The old man used the stirrup and saddle to swing himself onto and off the horse again. It looked easy but Brett wasn’t going to go anywhere near that thing now that he’d fallen off.

  ‘Son, you’re going to get on that horse if I have to glue you to the saddle myself!’ Sam said to that idea.

  With a disgusted look, Brett again moved towards the horse. He put his foot in the stirrup, wobbled a bit, managed to hang on then swung over the way Sam showed him. He landed in the saddle with a bounce, which Piper didn’t like. She pranced around even more nervous now that he was on her back.

  ‘You set?’ Sam asked. ‘Good. Now hold onto the reins like this and keep the balls of your feet pushed forward. That’s it but sit up straight, don’t lean. Now gently tap the horse’s sides with your boots. That’ll tell her to start walking.’

  ‘Like this?’

  Brett banged Piper’s sides hard and she shot out of the stockyard! They raced across the paddock, her big hooves thundering against the ground, and her big muscles rocking back and forth beneath him. He leaned forward to pick up more speed. The wind blasted over him and he gave a war cry. This felt fantastic!

  He glanced over his shoulder. Sam and the others were scrambling to get on their own horses. The old man was forming a lynch mob.

  Brett stopped when he met up with the lead group. A couple of guys had to chase after him to bring Piper to a stop. And she wasn’t happy. She was huffing and whinnying and circling all the time. The other guys
looked at her big wide eyes and asked, ‘What happened? Did she see a snake or something?’

  It didn’t take long for Sam and the others to catch up. ‘What do you think you’re doing, charging your horse like that?’, ‘You could’ve killed yourself!’ and ‘I should send you back to The Farm except that’s what you want!’ were sentences Brett could make out from all the shouting. Whatever, one more dumb stunt like that and Sam would drive him back to Sydney himself. That night.

  When the old man was finished, he ordered the guys to break up into three groups to start the ride. The main pack consisted of the riders circling the herd with their horses. Three guys rode ahead as scouts. And two others followed the rest to make sure any straggling cattle kept up with the main herd. Brett and Josh were given this last task. ‘And Josh,’ the old man said, looking at Brett, ‘whistle if you get into any trouble.’ Great. The last thing Brett needed was a babysitter.

  The green grey bush, yellow grass and clouded sky surrounded the riders as they continued eastwards. Brett and Josh didn’t say much to each other, preferring instead to listen to the cattle moaning, the occasional ‘Yar!’ from one of the guys, the crack of a whip and the beet-beet-beet of an insect chased by a bird. Brett mainly looked down at the ground, watching Piper’s hooves march forward. One long knobby leg strode forward after the other. Brett let her steer mainly because he didn’t know how to himself. His ears were still burning and he wasn’t in the mood for riding a horse, looking at the scenery or enjoying this dumb cattle drive. He just wanted it to end so he could go home to Sydney and forget about this dump forever.

  Suddenly, Piper stopped.

  ‘Hey! Whoa!’ Josh said, just behind Brett’s ear. The stablehand held Piper’s reins while trying to steady his own horse at the same time. ‘You better watch where you’re going.’

  Brett didn’t understand until he looked up. Dead ahead and only half a metre away was a grey tree branch. It was poking out at head-high level. If Piper had gone any further the branch would have knocked him unconscious. And then he would have had another reason to hate the world.

  ‘Thanks,’ he mumbled, snatching back the reins. ‘I must’ve dropped them.’

  ‘You okay?’ Josh asked, waving away flies.

  Brett looked up at him blankly. ‘Yer, I’m fine.’

  ‘You sure?’

  Josh stared a while longer, waiting for him to open up or something, before shrugging and focusing back on the trail. Brett guessed he was trying to be friendly but this wasn’t the time. Despite all the bad blood between them, they’d come to respect each other — not as friends, but as two people who had to work and live together. Josh covering for Brett the day that cop came asking questions about the fight with Smiling Joe had proven the stablehand wasn’t such a loser after all. And letting him drive the ute was pretty cool — even though Josh got into a lot of trouble until Brett copped all the blame by lying he forced Josh out of it. He owed Josh more than a brush-off. It was probably going to be a long ride for both of them.

  ‘Where are we headed anyway?’ he asked after a deep breath.

  ‘Boomi. It’s a small country town east of here.’ There was a hint of happiness in Josh’s voice. ‘There’s good grazing country there. Quite beautiful too.’

  ‘You’ve been there?’

  ‘Lots of times. We go there every so often. It’s tradition.’

  ‘I don’t know why I had to come along.’

  ‘At least it gets you outside.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Brett asked, all defensive.

  ‘Nothing. It gets us off The Farm and away from chores for a while. What did you think I meant?’

  Brett shook his head.

  ‘How long’s this gonna take?’

  ‘A couple of days,’ Josh answered. ‘Sam sometimes likes staying out here a day longer though. I think he gets all sentimental.’

  ‘Yer, well, when he starts crying about some tree or the good old days don’t expect me to give him a tissue.’

  An hour later, the herd and the riders stopped at a river they came across. Some of the guys steered their mounts into the water to drink while others stayed on the bank. Sam jumped down with a splash and used his hat to scoop up enough water to satisfy his horse. Finished, he put his hat back on and walked over to Brett and Josh.

  ‘Any problems?’ he asked his stablehand.

  ‘No, none at all. Brett’s been doing most of the work.’

  Sam glanced at Brett, looking silly with water dripping down his sun-cracked cheeks. ‘Well, good then. We’re moving out again. I’ll keep you at the back until we get to Boomi. On the way home, you two’ll be the scouts, okay?’

  Josh nodded and Sam gave the call to leave. The stablehand left also to get back on his horse. Brett followed him.

  ‘You didn’t have to cover for me.’

  ‘I thought you might like to get into his good books again,’ Josh said, his back to Brett.

  ‘Why would I want to do that?’

  ‘Because he’s your friend.’

  ‘He’s not my friend,’ Brett said peevishly.

  Josh glanced back then mounted his horse. ‘That so?’

  ‘Yer, why?’

  With a double click of his tongue, Josh tapped his horse and rode clear of the river. Not wanting him to get away, Brett struggled to get back in the saddle and chase after him. ‘Hey, I asked you a question!’

  ‘Admit it. You respect him.’

  ‘Who? Sam? No I don’t.’

  ‘You should then.’

  ‘Why? He’s always hassling me.’

  ‘That’s because you’re always hassling him.’

  ‘Exactly. So we’re even.’

  Josh shook his head.

  ‘Oh and you know something I don’t, right?’

  ‘I know the old man thinks of you as a friend, Brett. He didn’t at first, but he does now.’

  ‘And why would he think that?’

  ‘Because of what you’ve done.’

  ‘That’s good. He likes me because I’ve done nothing.’

  ‘Says who?’

  Brett looked at him sceptically. ‘Everyone. Them. You. Sam —’

  ‘No we don’t.’

  ‘Yes you do. I’m not good enough and that’s why none of you talks to me any more.’

  ‘No one talks to you any more because you keep on telling everyone to leave you alone — so they do.’

  ‘Yer, well, I’ve needed some time to myself, okay?’

  Josh shrugged.

  ‘You don’t believe me, do you?’ Brett said.

  ‘No, not if you’re anything like me.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘When I tell everybody to leave me alone, it usually means the opposite: that I need someone to talk to.’

  ‘Well I don’t. I’m happy by myself.’

  They rode in silence for five or so minutes, Brett rewinding and playing everything they’d just said. He found the silence comforting but not his thoughts. He hit on a point to argue again, and challenged Josh.

  ‘Well go on then. You seem to know everything. Tell me what I’ve done that’s so great.’

  ‘I don’t know. You’ve done lots of things. You’ve turned your life round for a start. You came here some tough guy who thought he knew everything —’

  ‘And what? I don’t know anything now?’

  ‘No, you’ve learned plenty. You just realised you didn’t know everything.’

  ‘Like what?’ Brett said, twisting his mouth into a sneer.

  ‘Like how to build a stable. How to make furniture. How to make friends.’

  ‘I had friends before.’

  ‘Real ones?’

  Brett didn’t answer. ‘Go on. What else?’

  Josh waved his hand round. ‘How to cook, feed calves, ride a horse — lots of things. More than you’d like to admit.’

  ‘That’s all useless. How’s feeding a cow going to help me get a job?’

  ‘You mig
ht want to work on a farm. It’s not glamorous, but it’s honest money.’

  ‘You saying I take money that’s not?’

  ‘See, there you go again. You think everything I say or do, or Sam for that matter, has another meaning. I’m trying to give you a compliment and you turn it into a fight. It’s like you want the whole world to hate you. You know, some of the guys actually respect you, Brett. They want to be your friend. But every time they try to approach you, you turn on them. It’s like you can’t stand letting people get too close to you. First it’s me, then Caitlyn, Frog and now Sam. No one hates you, Brett. You hate them. You were okay for a while there, but now,’ he shrugged, ‘no one wants to know you.’

  Josh kicked his horse and left. Brett sat there in the puff of dust, his cheeks red and his fists opening and closing over the reins. He shook his head then looked away. He felt like he’d just been belted across the face.

  Brett kept his distance from Josh and the rest of the riders until he gave in and rode up beside him. ‘So what are you saying? It’s my fault my life’s a mess?’

  Josh screwed the lid of his canteen back on and placed it in his saddle bag. ‘I’m not saying your life’s a mess,’ he said. ‘I’m just saying you’re not helping yourself by being miserable all the time. You’re also hurting your friends.’

  ‘I haven’t got any friends.’

  ‘Don’t give me that,’ Josh said, with a huff. ‘You’ve got plenty.’

  ‘Like who?’

  ‘Frog. Sam. Adrian. Michael Lydell. A couple of the other guys. That’s more than you started with.’

  ‘Yer, maybe.’

  ‘It’s a fact. You’ve made plenty of friends here, Brett.’

  ‘It doesn’t mean anything in the end.’

  ‘That’s what you think. Who knows. Once day you might need their help.’

  ‘I’m not talking about that.’

  ‘Well what are you talking about then?’

  ‘I’m talking about her.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Caitlyn! Don’t you get it! All this has got to do with Caitlyn!’

  Brett tapped Piper’s sides to get away from Josh. But the stablehand caught up with him and pulled on Piper’s reins. They stopped.

  ‘What did you do that for?’