Amorevolous: (Savage Princess book 2)

by liberty freer

  My ears feel like they’re full of cotton and my mouth is completely dry. I don’t hear my feet against the tile in the waiting room. I don’t even feel my feet. The cool breeze from the cloudy day blows across my damp skin when I push the office door open. I didn’t know I was sweating, but I’m burning up. I step all the way out, hoping for a bigger gust to skate across my skin.

  “Hey, wait up. You okay?” Aiden says, catching up to me.

  “I forgot you were here,” I mumble, and Aiden catches my arm right before I step off the sidewalk into an oncoming car.

  “Shit! You didn’t see that car?” He searches my face, looking freaked out. “Hayley? Hey, you’re worrying me.” He looks down at my hand. “Did you get a prescription?”

  I pull my hand back before he can take it from me and see all the crazy shit Santa wrote on it. A couple with two kids shuffles by and Aiden says, “Let’s go to the car, yeah? You good?”

  I don’t say anything, but I step down, and he follows me to the car.

  Once we’re buckled in, I say. “I need to go to the hospital.”

  “Why?” He starts the car. “What’d the doctor say?”

  “He thinks I’m… pregnant, but I can’t be. I can’t have a kid. I can’t be pregnant. Holy fuck. No, no, no. I’m only nineteen.”

  “Eighteen,” Aiden says.

  I snap my head to him and glare. “That’s even worse.”

  “Sorry. Fuck. I… fuck.” He shuts the engine off.

  He’s probably too freaked out to drive. I couldn’t drive right now. I can barely even look at him. I bet he thinks I’m so stupid. I’ve seen the girls my age that have kids already. They’re single, living with their parents, and working a shit job. Having a kid will make everything harder, but it’ll be worse for me because I have no idea how to take care of a baby. I’ll break it.

  “I can’t do this. I’m not good with kids,” I say on the verge of tears. I rest my hand on my stomach. How can a baby be in there? I don’t feel pregnant.

  “Nick is,” Aiden says. “Nick’s great with kids.”

  I bury my face in my hands and bring my knees to my chest. “I’m going to be a shit mom. He’ll be a good dad and the kid will hate me. We’re too young. We won’t last.” I lift my head. “My friend Grace had a pregnancy scare. We came across all the statistics of fatherless children and guess what? When children grow up without fathers, they’re more likely to commit suicide, do drugs, have behavioral disorders, and be incarcerated.”

  “Nick would never abandon his kid, Hayley. Or you.”

  “What should I do?”

  “I can’t decide that for you. I think you and Nick should figure it out together. You need to tell him.”

  I nod once and then turn away. “Take me home.”

  Chapter 41

  I’m grinning from ear to ear, watching Liv tear open wrapping paper for her half birthday. She’s five and a half years old today. She has the biggest stack of presents in front of her. The old me would have judged it, but the new me sees a little girl who deserves this and more. My eyes tear up instantly. I’m so fucking emotional and now I know why.

  I’m pregnant.

  I found out yesterday, but only Aiden and I know. I had planned on telling Nick right away, but I keep chickening out. I didn’t understand how it could have happened since I take birth control regularly, so I went searching for answers. Before my birth control kicked in and before condoms, Nick and I had multiple back-to-back sex sessions. According to the internet, he should have peed in between orgasms to clear out the sperm.

  “Look, Camden. Look at the pony!” Liv waves a newly unwrapped plastic pony at him.

  Camden lights up and takes it from her. “Oh, this one is fantastic. It will go great with your collection.”

  “That’s still weird,” Nick says, his gaze sliding to Aiden who’s across from Camden, also helping Liv open her presents. “I don’t know why Camden’s here for this. It’s supposed to be just family.”

  I shrug, my eyes watery from watching Liv with her two big brothers. “I think the more people Liv has around her, the better, don’t you?”

  Nick shrugs. “I guess.”

  “Look, Daddy!” Liv shouts to the phone in Aiden’s hand. John and Colt are FaceTiming so they can be a part of today.

  “So, I need to talk to you,” I whisper to Nick while keeping my eyes on my baby sister as she opens her last gift.

  “Okay.” Nick brushes hair from my face, trying to look me in the eyes, but I’m afraid if I do, I’ll back out of telling him.

  I stand and Aiden gives me a subtle nod. He knows what I’m about to do. Nick laces our fingers together as we make our way upstairs. My hand is sweating so bad, but he doesn’t comment on it. I feel lightheaded because my heart is pounding so fast. Maybe I’ll pass out before I can tell him. I hope that happens. Anything to prolong this.

  I instruct Nick to sit on the bed because he needs to be sitting down for this. I pace the space in front of him. I still can’t look at him. I have no idea how he’ll take this. I haven’t taken the news well. I should have done an at-home pregnancy test first.

  I stop walking. I shouldn’t tell him until I’m a hundred percent sure.

  “Hayley,” Nick says, grabbing my hand to pull me between his legs. He tugs me onto his lap, and I bury my face in his chest.

  “I have to tell you something.” I look into his beautiful brown eyes. “I’m…” Deep breath. “I’m… holy shit. I can’t say it.”

  His eyes narrow. “Baby, you’re scaring. Just tell me.”

  “I’m… I’m…” I shake my head. “I really can’t say it. Never mind. I’ll tell you later. Now isn’t a good time.” I try to get to my feet, but Nick holds me down.

  I bury my head into his chest again. “I’m pregnant.” Yeah, it’s easier to say when I can’t see his face. I’m a coward. Pregnancy has changed me. I used to be tough. Now, I’m emotional and weak.

  “What? I couldn’t hear you.”

  I roll my eyes and shout, “I’m pregnant,” into his chest again.

  Silence.

  My heart pounds.

  I don’t think he’s breathing.

  Silence is loud.

  Nick lifts my chin with his hand so our eyes lock. “You’re pregnant?”

  I swallow and then nod, but it’s hard to nod because his hand is holding my chin. “Yeah,” I croak, sounding a thousand years old.

  “When did you find out?”

  I search his face. It’s smooth and expressionless, nothing like mine was when I found out. He’s better at hiding emotions than I am, but I used to be better. Damn baby hormones.

  “Yesterday. I’m sorry.”

  He shakes his head and smiles. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. You okay?”

  “No,” I say honestly.

  He drops my chin and holds me tight. “Everything will work out. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I can’t do this, Nick. I can’t do this. I’m not good with kids.”

  “Shh.” He rocks me like a fucking baby. “You’re going to be an amorevolous mother.”

  “What?”

  He chuckles. “You put the ones you love before yourself. You fight for what’s right. You’re brave, and strong, and smart. Amorevolous means loving, and you love hard, baby.”

  “I don’t know,” I mumble. “I’m scared.”

  “I’ll be here with you. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Hayley Anna Westling, and it’s not because you’re pregnant.” He rests his hand on my stomach. “I love you both.”

  Epilogue

  Seven months later

  “I can’t do this.” I roll my head to the side to see Nick staring down at me with nothing but love. I love him. I love that he’s here. I couldn’t do this without him. But I hate that he’s seeing me like this. Weak, exhausted, and terrified. I just have this feeling like I’m going to die. Childbirth is fucking terrifying.

  “You can, baby. You gott
a be strong. Come on.” He pulls my leg higher, so my knee is almost touching my face.

  I’m holding my other leg, but fuck, it’s uncomfortable. Another contraction starts and the doctor sitting between my legs must see it on the monitor because she tells me to push. I’ve been pushing for two hours. I don’t want to push anymore. My vagina is on fire and it’s because a baby is fucking stretching the fuck out of it. I use everything I have and push. I push and push until I can’t anymore.

  “Baby has dark hair,” the doctor says. “Come on, Hayley, a few more pushes. You can do this.”

  I feel like this baby should be out already. That fucking push should have done it.

  “I need some water,” I say. “No more ice chips. I need water.” I feel my eyes pooling with tears. They’ve been depriving me of water for hours, and my mouth is drier than the time Grace and I smoked two blunts by ourselves.

  The doctor nods to the nurse and a few seconds later I’m handed a small cup of water.

  Finally.

  I drain it just in time for another contraction. I bring my chin to my chest like the lady in the birthing classes told me to do. Those fucking classes that I didn’t want to take that Nick and Aiden talked me into, have actually helped today. I squeeze my eyes shut as I push. “My vagina is on fire! It’s fucking burning!”

  I drop my head back on the bed as the contraction ends. Nick wipes the sweat from my face. He’s been the best. I can’t believe I initially didn’t want him in here.

  Fuck.

  Another contraction.

  This is endless.

  “Hey!” I snap at Nick to bring his attention back to my face. “No looking.”

  He chuckles. “I wasn’t, baby, but I don’t see—”

  “Because it’s disgusting, and you’ll never look at me the same if you see a baby coming out of my vagina. Fuck!” I scream as the burning intensifies. I bear down and push. So much pressure and then, not so much. It’s still burning, but I don’t feel like I’m going to be ripped in two.

  “Open your eyes, baby,” Nick’s strained voice says as the pressure between my legs disappears completely.

  I do and see wide brown eyes between my legs. I swear those eyes lock on mine and we just stare at each other for a moment. I look at my baby’s face. It’s kind of swollen and red, but this is the moment I’ve been looking forward to. Seeing my daughter’s face. She’s perfect.

  “Look at all that hair,” the doctor says as she’s pulling my baby into her arms. “Want to cut the cord, Daddy?”

  My baby girl doesn’t look bloody or slimy like in the disgusting birthing video I watched. Her eyes close and then open back up. She seems to be taking in the room. Her hair is dark, almost black, and so thick. It must be at least three inches long.

  “We wanted to delay cord-cutting, remember?” Nick says to the doctor. “For a minute or two.”

  “That’s right.” She wipes my daughter’s body with a blanket. I can’t take my eyes off her.

  “Good job, baby. You did such a good job. She’s perfect,” Nick says, eyes on our baby girl while absently running his hand over the top of my head.

  We let the cord pump her blood back into her body and then Nick snips it. My daughter is placed on my bare chest, doing the skin to skin that Nick insisted was essential after birth. I lay like that for a while, with my daughter on my chest, my vagina burning, and so much love pouring out of me that I know I’ll never be the same again. I press my lips to the top of her head. Her hair is feather-soft.

  Nick’s standing next to me, holding one of my hands in his, and his other hand is on top of our daughter. I look up and see his eyes watering like mine as he stares at our baby.

  “Were you going to breast or bottle-feed?” one of the nurses asks me.

  I look down at her name tag, Andy. “Breastfeed,” I say, feeling nervous about it now that the time has come. I’ve read all the books, so I think I know how. “Can I get an ice pack first? I’m really sore. And some pain medicine.”

  Andy smiles. “Of course. Be right back.”

  Once I have the ice pack in place, and my daughter has been weighed and measured. I place her to my breast. She latches right away but keeps falling asleep. I don’t think she got anything, but at least she seems content.

  Nick snaps a picture of her. “My parents will be here tomorrow. My mom can’t wait to see her.”

  “Can you send a picture to my grandmother? I told her we would. Oh, and Grace too.”

  Nick smiles. “Already done. Is your grandmother still coming next month?”

  “Yep, her and my grandfather.” I rub my hand over my daughter’s head. “When she’s a little older, we can all make the trip to visit them.”

  He pockets his phone. “You ready to let everyone in?”

  I smile. “Sure. Just let them know not to be too loud.”

  “You’re going to love Auntie Tilly,” I whisper against the top of her head while Nick walks out the room.

  “Oh, Hayley. Oh my…” Tilly’s soft voice says as she walks into the room with everyone following behind her.

  John instantly tears up when he sees the baby in my arms. “She’s beautiful, honey.”

  “Baby!” Liv says, and Aiden and Casey both hush her. “Sorry,” she says, blushing.

  Casey scoops her up so she can get a better look at her niece.

  “She’s perfect,” Aiden says, stepping around to the other side of the bed.

  “Can I hold her?” Tilly asks, reaching out and I tense.

  Nick must notice because his eyes narrow but then he quickly smooths the confusion from his face. “We’re going to wait a little while for others to hold her,” Nick answers.

  The tension leaves my body. The thought of anyone holding her other than me and Nick has me panicking. She’s so tiny, only seven pounds. Too fragile, and she’s mine. Ours.

  “Have you thought of a name?” Tilly asks, dropping down in the chair at the foot of the bed.

  I think about the question. Nick and I had a list of girl names, but Lily, Ember, Josie, and Malia, don’t seem so fitting now that I’ve seen her. I shake my head. “Nothing set yet.”

  “How are you feeling?” John asks from behind Casey. “I bet you’re tired.”

  I nod. “I’m okay. Kinda in shock. I’m sure I’ll be feeling the effects soon.” I adjust the pillow behind my back while trying not to jostle my baby. “Can you see about us going home now?” I ask Nick.

  “Yay!” Liv says and then covers her mouth. “Sorry,” she mumbles from behind her hand. “Can I come over when you go home?” she whispers.

  Tilly laughs. “I think Hayley has to wait a couple days before she can leave.”

  I narrow my eyes at her and then turn back to Nick. “I want to go home today. This bed sucks. I hate it here. We’ve already been here for twelve hours.”

  “Okay, baby,” Nick says, sounding amused. “Let me go find out.”

  Once he’s out the door, John takes his spot to get a better look. Her face is a little less swollen now. Her lips are slightly parted, and her chest is rising and falling peacefully under the blanket. I haven’t dressed her yet.

  Liv starts chattering about all the games she and the baby are going to play. I don’t think she realizes how long it’s going to be before her niece is old enough to play a game.

  “She looks just like Nick,” Casey says, and then grins. “And look at you, princess. You’re officially a MILF.”

  “I can’t leave the room for five minutes without you hitting on my girl,” Nick says playfully.

  Nurse Andy walks in a second later. “So, I hear you’re ready to go home?”

  One week later

  Seeing Nick hold our daughter in his arms fills me with so much happiness and love that I feel like I might burst into pure fucking light. Our first night home was exhausting—mostly for me. Nick really couldn’t do much since I’m breastfeeding. Each night seems to get a little better, or maybe I’m getting used to it.

/>   This morning, he got up with her when she wouldn’t go back to sleep, but she was hungry an hour later, so I had to get up.

  I sip my coffee while Nick sets the baby in her swing next to our bed so he can drink his.

  “We need to pick a name,” I say. “I keep looking at her thinking it will come to me, but it doesn’t.”

  “We have time. We don’t have to rush.”

  “Yeah, the nurse said a year, right?” I laugh. “We’ll know it by then.”

  Eleven months and three weeks later

  My daughter grins, her two little teeth on the bottom showing as Casey scoops her up. She squeals in excitement as he tosses her up, and I jump to my feet and quickly take her from him. My heart is fucking racing as I sit back down onto the couch with her safely in my arms.

  “Oh, come on, Hayley. It wasn’t that high,” Casey says, smiling playfully. “Was it, pretty girl?” he coos to my daughter.

  I glare. “It was way too high.”

  “Come here, baby girl,” Camden says, slipping next to me and holding out his hands.

  Of course my daughter goes right to him. She loves everyone, and everyone loves her. She’s the sweetest baby ever, and I’m not just saying that because I’m her mom. Even John says it, and he would know with having four kids.

  We moved into the townhouse a month or so before I gave birth, so Nick could be closer to campus. I plan on starting online classes next year, and I don’t feel bad about starting late. I love this time I have with my daughter.

  Camden moved in too. He and I ended up telling Nick and Aiden Liv’s secret. We decided it was better if they knew. The more people protecting her, the better.

  Nora’s been home for two months. She’s doing a lot better. When she finally accepted that I was Anna, she had another breakdown. Her guilt consumed her. She spiraled, blaming herself for not being able to carry her unconscious three-year-old and Colt up the stairs to safety. But once she finally healed from that, she was able to come home permanently. She still sees a therapist regularly, and I don’t trust her alone with my daughter, but in time, I think she and I will heal and be able to have a bond.