Connecting Happiness and Success_A Guide to Creating Success Through Happiness

by Ray White

  Once the studying has actually begun, it doesn’t take as much effort to just keep studying. If you are going to work out, it takes extra energy to wake up early; put on your workout clothes, socks, and shoes; grab any other accessories or equipment you might need; and then get to the gym or workout location. Once you have started your workout, much less effort is needed to keep it moving.

  Shawn recommends creating a 20 second rule. Plan ahead of time so that you can get started using the least amount of activation energy in under 20 seconds. If you are going to work out in the morning, go to sleep with your workout clothes on and your shoes next to your bed. If you are going to study, lay out your books, laptop, pens, highlighters, etc. ahead of time. You might even open your book or laptop to the exact section you plan on studying. Create a situation where you can sit down at your desk and start studying in under 20 seconds. Creating a 20-second rule helps you eliminate distractions. If you have to hunt for your shoes and socks, you may end up trying to get a load of laundry started or focusing on cleaning up a little bit before you go exercise. If you don’t go straight to your study information, you could get sidetracked by your email or the morning news. The 20 Second Rule helps you go straight to the activities that help you reach your milestones without being distracted by the multitude of other things in your life.

  With your Life Instructions, you can use the 20 Second Rule to reduce the amount of activation energy required by keeping multiple copies in multiple places and by preparing the materials you will need ahead of time. Also, focusing on the 20 Second Rule will help you move straight into your 15 minutes after you wake up rather than stopping to make coffee, check text messages, or read email. Wake up, and in less than 20 seconds, get started on your 15 minutes of planning your life or moving your goals forward. After your 15 minutes is completed, go back to your daily routine.

  After 30 days, or however long it takes to create the habit, you can increase your time investment to an hour and spend more time working on activities directly related to reaching your milestones. So for the first month, you will spend 15 minutes with your Life Instructions. In the second month, you will spend the first 15 minutes with your Life Instructions, and then another 45 minutes working on your chosen activity related directly to moving one of your milestones forward.

  Activation energy and The 20 Second Rule can be applied to every positive habit we want to create. Getting started is difficult; and as humans, we always tend to follow the path of least resistance, even if that is not what is best for us or what will most help us in reaching our milestones. So we need to create an environment with the fewest possible distractions and the fewest possible decisions between us and the action we want to take. We can prepare by creating simple rules to follow.

  Obstacle: Committing to a Time and Place

  Solution: Decide When, Where, and for How Long

  One set of rules we can follow is scheduling specific dates and timeframes for each action we want to take. Make an appointment with yourself and put it in your calendar every day for the next year. We often get caught up in the busyness of our days and don’t get to working on our goals, when we could have found 15 extra minutes if it had been top of mind for us. This appointment is about creating your happiness and success so it should be a top priority.

  Setting a specific time and location to review your Life Instructions will eliminate several decisions you have to make each morning. When you are tired and groggy, lying in a warm bed, trying to decide what you are going to do, how you are going to get started, and where you are going to do it, seems overwhelming. You will automatically lean toward the path of least resistance, where you don’t have to make all these decisions, and you will stay in bed. But if you already know that you are going to wake up, go to your desk and spend 15 minutes reviewing and advancing your Life Instructions, then you have removed enough obstacles to create the momentum and get started.

  Initially limiting yourself to a 15-minute timeframe also helps you mentally prepare and not be overwhelmed by what is in front of you. Knowing there is an end point makes it easier to get started. It makes the activity feel doable.

  Obstacle: Missing Days

  Solution: Create a Habit

  “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

  We start with the best intentions, but we miss days and forget to work on moving toward our milestones. One reason is the activities are on our to-do lists, but we have not created habits that make getting them done part of our daily routine.

  Research by Quinn and Wood showed that 45% of the actions people take each day fall into the category of habits because they are consistently performed in the same place almost every day. Think about the habits you currently engage in before you go to work. Do you take time to read the news or have a thoughtful breakfast? Do you have a consistent routine for getting ready and going through some form of exercise? What about when you get to work? Do you grab a cup of coffee and chat with a few coworkers? Do you start your day by checking your calendar or reading your email? What about when you get home from work? Do you set your keys down in a certain place? Do you check the mail? Do you sit down in front of the television or computer? We want taking actions that will make you happier and more successful to become one these habits you automatically do every day.

  When we first start a task, we have to focus our energy on thinking through each step. For example, if you are cooking something for the first time using a recipe, you probably read and re-read the instructions several times and carefully move from step to step, checking the directions again each time. After you have cooked something for the hundredth time, you no longer need the directions and you can probably carry on a full conversation without even thinking about the ingredients and steps you are going through.

  Doing something over and over again builds synaptic pathways in our brains. Our brain works by passing electrical impulses along a pathway to create our thoughts and actions. If we fire those same impulses over and over again, our brain gets used to them, and the impulses travel faster and faster as the pathway becomes burned into our brain. This process helps us think less so we can do more.

  The more things the brain can do on automatic pilot, the more capacity it has to take in new information and make additional decisions to move us forward. We are able to dress quickly and think about our day because it has become a habit. We know automatically how to put on our pants and that our shoes go on after our socks. If we had to stop and think about each action every morning, it would take a lot longer to get dressed and we could not get nearly as much done.

  “We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.” John Dryden

  Activity: Don’t break the chain of days

  Get a monthly calendar and cross through every day that you complete your chosen activity for that month. Try not to break your string. If you miss a day, start over and see if you can go 30 days without missing a day.

  Activity: Use your password as a reminder to reinforce your habits

  One of my favorite IT people gave me this tip. At my office, we have to change our password every 60 days. So every time I change it, I use passwords that support the habits I am trying to create. For example; Write1Everyday, Help2bHappy, Say3Thanks, 3GreatThings, Call1Love. Every time I have to login, which seems like a lot, I am reminded and can practice my chosen habit.

  Obstacle: Missing Consecutive Days that Turn into Weeks or Months

  Solution: Start Over

  Plan to fail and embrace being imperfect. Many times our goals are derailed due to lack of discipline and diligence, and we miss a day, a week, or a month of doing what we committed to do. We face an imperfect record or an outright failure, and it confirms all of our negative thoughts and feelings about our capabilities. For example, we commit to run two miles on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 6 am. Then we wake up at 7 am on Monday and find we have missed our run time and feel like the week is ruined before it gets st
arted. Or we have a week of travel and forget our running gear. Or we have an injury and miss a month of running.

  This is where most of us, especially the perfectionists among us, give up on the goal. We rationalize that it is just too difficult or that there is no use in continuing if we have already failed at it or will have an imperfect record. This is the time to rally our determination and keep trying. This is when we need to get back up even though we have fallen multiple times. There is no reason we can’t just start again. As a matter of fact, we will probably be starting again many times before we finally accomplish our goal. The key is to understand that starting again is proof that we can be successful and not an example of our failure. We are learning to be successful not perfect. If you miss a week, a day, or a month, just start over. Don’t look back and judge your misses as failures; look forward and realize you always have the opportunity for new beginnings.

  Rituals: Habits without the Intensity

  We want to create positive habits that help us connect happiness and success, but that requires consistent daily discipline and a focus on one habit at a time. What about all those other great ideas we want to use to improve our lives that don’t necessarily have to be done daily? For these we can create rituals. Rituals are more conscious than habits and should be something we look forward to. We also may not necessarily do them daily. They may be weekly or monthly. For example, hanging out with our friends on Friday night or calling our mom every Sunday morning are activities that bring happiness into our lives but they don’t have to become daily habits. We can create rituals which may or may not become long-term habits.

  Rituals follow the same process as habits. They will have a cue, a routine (the ritual), and a reward. One of my family’s rituals is that we call our extended family on their birthdays. When aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, and grandparents have birthdays, it is a race to see who will call first. My wife and kids gather around the phone and give happy birthday greetings or leave birthday messages on voicemail. The cue is a calendar reminder that announces a family birthday, the routine or ritual is the family call, and the reward is the excitement and fun of interacting with the family.

  Another example is that most evenings, my wife and I walk the dog around the park together. It gives us time to spend together and talk. It has almost become a habit in that we want to go in all types of weather and all temperatures. The cue is the dog starts to get restless and excited, anticipating the walk; the ritual is walking around the park and talking; the reward is the enjoyment of spending time together.

  Decide what kinds of rituals you already have or would like to start. They are like a gift you give yourself. Creating the ritual is giving yourself permission to focus on what you think is important and rewarding. Follow the ritual long enough and it can become a habit, so you won’t have to think about it; you will just do it automatically.

  A great time to create rituals is when something changes (for example, when you get a new job, move to a new apartment, or get a new boyfriend or girlfriend). Think about what fun things you want to make a part of your life and create a new ritual to make it happen. Getting Starbucks with a friend on Friday mornings, weekly meetings with your boss or team, or visiting your parents on a weekly or monthly basis can be rituals you look forward to. There is no pressure for achievement; they just seem like things you want to do.

  Put an appointment on your calendar for your ritual. Talk with your friends and family about the rituals you would like to establish, so they can support you and provide reminders.

  Obstacle: Not Having the Discipline and Willpower to Follow-Through

  Solution: Build Your Willpower Muscle

  In a 2013 study titled “Stress in America,” 31% of Americans said lack of willpower was the number one barrier to change when asked about making changes related to improving their lives. Willpower is the ability to override your natural impulses and habits in order to choose actions that support your Higher Purpose and goals. It is the ability to delay short-term gratification in favor of long-term goals. Willpower also includes the ability to override unwanted thoughts and feelings so your decisions are more thoughtful than emotionally driven. Willpower is not a lack of feelings; it is an ability to regulate your behavior given those feelings, rather than letting them control your actions. Other terms used to indicate willpower are self-control and self-discipline.

  Research has shown that the use of willpower can improve your grades, your spending and savings habits, your relationship skills, and your physical health, all of which lead to higher self-esteem. More willpower is also associated with less substance abuse, fewer criminal convictions, and less binge eating. Research has shown that if developed in children, willpower can remain a strong influence throughout their lives.

  Martin Seligman and Angela Duckworth conducted research that showed willpower was a better predictor of success in school than IQ. Students with more willpower were more likely to get higher grades and get into top schools. They had fewer absences, spent less time watching TV, and spent more time on homework.

  Willpower is like a muscle that can become fatigued from overuse. The more willpower we use, the less is available for a new task later in the day.

  Willpower is also like a muscle because we can exercise it and make it stronger. You can increase your willpower through practice. Two researchers from Australia, Megan Oaten and Ken Cheng, conducted an experiment where participants made no significant changes for two months, then implemented an exercise routine for the next two months. Oaten and Cheng tested the participant’s willpower at the beginning of the experiment and for the next four months, the last two of which included the exercise. Participants showed no changes in the first two months; but after the two months of implementing the exercise routine, not only did they increase their willpower based on laboratory tests, but they showed improvements in other aspects of their lives as well. They showed lower stress and less frequent smoking, as well as decreased alcohol and caffeine consumption. They also showed improvements in healthy eating, controlling their emotions, study habits, financial budgeting, and meeting other commitments. Find one area you want to improve and focus your willpower on changing that one area. It will make your willpower muscle stronger so it can be used to positively impact other areas of your life.

  Reduce Stress

  Willpower is compromised by stress. You use willpower to manage stress created by internal conflict. You know what you should do, and that conflicts with what you want to do. Your prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain that connects goals and actions in an attempt to override impulses that may have negative consequences. Using willpower draws down your energy reservoir to send extra energy to your prefrontal cortex to deal with the stress.

  Stress is part of your fight or flight response and pushes your body to act instinctively for preservation. That conflicts with your willpower because your body places survival above goal achievement. The challenge is that in modern society, we are rarely in situations that are life-threatening, but our instincts kick in anyway. For example, when we are nervous about making a presentation, our instincts think we are in danger and should run away. We use our willpower to push down those instincts and focus on making the presentation. The more we can reduce those internal conflicts and the resulting stress, the more willpower we will have to achieve our goals. When you feel stressed, take a moment to revisit your Higher Purpose.

  What is the big picture and how does the current situation affect the big picture. Pausing to gain perspective will help you become calmer and make choices that are in line with your goals. Getting enough sleep, sticking to a healthy diet, and meditating or having 15 minutes of quiet time, can also help reduce your levels of stress, which will help increase your willpower.

  Sleep, Nutrition, Authenticity and Meditation

  Sleep

  Willpower is depleted by a lack of sleep. A lack of sleep impairs the ability of your prefrontal cortex to recall your goals, control your stress
, and use willpower to make decisions that support your goals. Getting seven or more hours of sleep per night will strengthen your willpower and your ability to reach your goals. Create a ritual of going to bed at the same time every night. Reduce late night snacks and late night TV. Write journals or make lists to empty your brain of all your swirling thoughts.

  Nutrition

  Willpower is reduced by poor nutrition. As you run low on energy, less is directed to your prefrontal cortex where it can be used for willpower. Research has shown that glucose levels are a good proxy for the amount of willpower you have left. The lower your glucose levels, the lower your willpower. By eating and increasing your glucose levels, your levels of willpower get restored. Therefore, you can increase or enhance your willpower by regularly eating a healthy diet, and by recognizing when your glucose levels are low and eating a healthy snack to help replenish them.

  Authenticity

  Suppressing your feelings or thoughts also drains your willpower. Social interactions where you don’t feel you can act naturally drain your willpower. Laughing and having fun can help you maintain your willpower. The answer? Hang out with people where you feel like you can be yourself. Being authentic is more enjoyable and will help you reach your milestones faster.

  Meditation or Quiet Time

  Willpower can be strengthened through meditation, quiet time, and physical exercise. They positively impact the prefrontal cortex, and as a result increase your willpower. Meditation and prayer also help reduce stress and improve impulse control.

  Start Early

  Since willpower is a limited resource that is used throughout the day, it is best to start early. Accomplish your most important activities first, while your willpower is strongest. Plan the small steps you need to take to accomplish your milestones and attack them first. If your milestone is a promotion, start the day with one hour of uninterrupted time on a career-related project. Don’t try to accomplish a lot of small, disconnected tasks that don’t have a clear connection to your Higher Purpose, such as answering random emails and texts or reading the latest gossip on Facebook. Pick one major goal and tackle the first small step, then the second small step, and then another, until you create momentum and are making good progress toward your most important goals. You will feel happier and more relaxed the rest of the day, knowing you have already made progress toward your most important milestones.