Connecting Happiness and Success_A Guide to Creating Success Through Happiness

by Ray White

  Practice Autonomy

  Every activity we tackle does not drain our willpower. Some activities build our willpower. For example, we all have friends and family that are energy suckers and ones that are energy givers. When we force ourselves to go see a family member because of guilt or some other obligation, we don’t have autonomy. It takes a lot of willpower. But if we choose to see a friend or family member because we love being around them, then no willpower is expended. My wife loves to go out in the yard and pull weeds, plant flowers, and make the yard look nice. It gives her energy, and she enjoys the results of her hard work. It doesn’t sap her willpower to go outside and get the yard work done; it actually energizes her. I, on the other hand, find it tedious and boring to pull weeds, cut grass, and spread the mulch. It takes willpower for me to schedule time, put on my work clothes and get started on the yard. Activities that we believe in and really want to do don’t use up our willpower. So the key is to find activities that align with our Higher Purpose. The more activities we do because we love them and believe in how they will benefit ourselves and others, the more willpower we have left to apply to the more challenging activities that we feel obligated to take on.

  Another experiment by Deci and Ryan helped clarify desirable activities from obligations. They created conditions where the participants connected the completion of a task to how people would perceive them. When the participants were trying to look good for others, they didn’t feel the same autonomy as when they were just trying to do the best they could.

  Trying to impress others uses our willpower and produces the same results as not getting to choose how we implement a task. Don’t choose activities because of what other people will think about you; choose them because you really believe they are the best thing for you or they will genuinely help someone else.

  In many cases, autonomy may be a matter of perspective. If we focus on what we want to do instead of what we don’t want to do, we can recognize and appreciate the autonomy in our lives. When we spend our time thinking and talking about not wanting to clean up, take out the trash, do our homework, go to work, etc., our mind fills up with negative thoughts about what we feel forced to do and our efforts rally around making sure we don’t do those things. We have to use a lot of willpower to get them done. But if we connect those activities to our “Why,” then we will want to do them. For example, we want to live in a clean place that smells good, so taking out the trash is part of what we want. We want to graduate from college and get a good job, so doing our homework is part of that milestone. We want to save enough money to buy a new house or go on vacation, so spending less is part of our choice. The first step in accomplishing any of our goals often includes activities we are not thrilled about doing. We want to live in a clean house, so we need to clean the house and take out the trash. If we are focused on the clean house rather than not wanting to clean, then we can quickly get it done and move on to other things we do want.

  If every morning we get up and think about that vacation we are saving for, it will be easier and almost fun to go to work. Focus on what we do want to do. If we focus on what we want to accomplish, then the less appealing tasks that are a requirement will become more fun because they have a positive purpose. We are doing them for a good reason, we believe in them, and they will require less willpower.

  This all comes back to being clear on your goals and making sure they are self-chosen. Knowing and revisiting your Higher Purpose or your “Why” will help you feel like you are choosing your path and your actions and will provide more willpower throughout the day to take the actions that support your purpose.

  Create Positive Habits

  Activities that become habits or rituals take little to no willpower. Also, the practice it takes to create a habit builds your willpower muscle. So as you establish more and more positive habits and rituals, you are also creating a larger and larger reservoir of willpower to draw from. It is a virtuous circle that starts slowly and almost imperceptibly, but then builds momentum over time.

  “If-Then” Plans

  One of the most effective methods for managing your willpower is “If-Then” plans. “If-Then” plans, also called implementation intentions, help conserve willpower. It works like this: your plan is to exercise first thing in the morning. “If” you wake up late, “then” you will work out during your lunch break at the gym near your office, or immediately after work at the gym nearest your route home. The more details you can add to your “If-Then” plans, the easier they will be to implement. If you have a plan B of what you will do when faced with temptation or unexpected circumstances, you can move to plan B without using a lot of your limited willpower resource. You are creating a cue-response mechanism that primes your brain to automatically know how to react when you encounter an obstacle. Research has shown that having “If-Then” plans to support your goals is twice as effective as having goals alone. “If-Then” plans prepare your mind to quickly solve challenges you didn’t foresee, because it is now primed to recognize opportunities that move you toward your goals rather than away from them.

  Manage your willpower wisely by understanding what drains it and what you can do to use it efficiently and build it back up.

  Drains Willpower Solution

  Stress Focus on your Higher Purpose, get enough sleep, implement healthy eating habits, and have a daily meditation or quiet time

  Lack of sleep Sleep at least seven hours per night

  Low glucose levels Eat nutritious meals and healthy snacks when glucose levels are low

  Low priority activities and decisions Start strong, early create while positive willpower habits is

  Doing things we don’t want to do Practice Autonomy

  Daily obstacles Use “If-Then” plans

  To connect happiness and success, create positive habits, choose to be more self-disciplined, improve your willpower, and implement your chosen actions on a daily basis.

  Many people believe life comes down to a few choices we make, what college we go to, our major, what job we choose, and who we marry. The truth is, those decisions are a result of decisions we make every day.

  Every day we can choose actions that lead us toward our Higher Purpose and our definition of success, or we can choose decisions that lead us away from that path. When the big decisions come, we have already made a lot of daily decisions that have resulted in our opportunities and choices. If we worked hard and studied daily, then we probably got good grades; and as a result, we have many opportunities to attend a good college. If we’ve hung around the people that shared our values and beliefs, then we most likely have met someone we can marry who shares those values and beliefs. If we bring energy and enthusiasm to work every day, then we probably have several opportunities for promotions, special projects, and raises. If, on the other hand, we have spent every day complaining and putting off the things we know we needed to do, then our big decisions will be less clear and we will have fewer options. Spend every day making good decisions, and the big lifetime decisions will be clear and will be filled with options.

  Daily Happiness Tool

  We have created an application that will provide you with daily happiness nudges. Go to MyHappiness.io on any device to login.

  Success and happiness are born out of an ability to do small things on a daily basis that move you toward your long term goals. They result from doing the right things day in and day out because you are confident in your direction, even when your progress is slow and unclear. Your Higher Purpose and definition of success will provide the lighthouse for your direction. Your goals or milestones will help you measure progress along the way. Consistency and stamina are keys. Keep moving forward and keep redirecting when you get off track. Don’t quit, and don’t constantly change direction. Take daily, purposeful action. Follow through on your goals and commitments, and you will be able to connect happiness and success.

  Start Today

  You can be happy and successful. Don’t wait. Start
today.

  Someday Isle (I’ll)

  There is an island fantasy

  A “Someday I’ll” we’ll never see,

  When recession stops, inflation ceases,

  Our mortgage is paid, our pay increases.

  That Someday Isle where problems end,

  Where every piece of mail is from a friend,

  Where the children are sweet, already grown,

  Where all the nations can go it alone,

  Where we all retire at forty-one,

  Playing Football in the island sun.

  Most unhappy people look to tomorrow,

  To erase this day’s hardship and sorrow.

  They put happiness on lay-away,

  And struggle through a blue today.

  But happiness cannot be sought,

  It can’t be earned, it can’t be bought.

  Life’s most important revelation,

  It’s the journey that means as much as the destination.

  Happiness is where you are right now,

  Pushing a pencil or pushing a plow.

  It’s knocking on doors and making your calls,

  It’s getting back up after your falls.

  It’s going to school or standing in line,

  Tasting defeat, tasting the wine.

  If you live in the past you become senile,

  If you live in the future you’re on “Someday I’ll.”

  The fear of results is procrastination,

  The joy of today is a celebration.

  You can save, you can slave, trudging mile after mile,

  But you’ll never set foot on your “Someday I’ll.”

  When you’ve paid all your dues and put in your time,

  Out of nowhere comes another Mt. Everest to climb.

  I have decided Today to make it my Vow,

  To take “Someday I’ll” and make it NOW.

  Shared/Recited by Ken Purcell, Written By Dennis Waitley

  In their book Habits Die Hard, Mac Anderson and John Murphy tell a great quick story about starting now. Five frogs are on a log. One decides to jump off. How many are left? Five. Because deciding is not doing. We have to take action daily—not just think about the action we want to take.

  Don’t stop at having a list of goals or even a list of actions. Every day you have to take action and make progress. The difference between connecting happiness and success and in living the same unfulfilled life as millions of other people will be in the actions you take every day to move your life forward. You can start small with just 15 minutes each day. But do something every day.

  Find a way each day to move closer to your goals and closer to being the person you want to be. It will be difficult at first; but over time you will build momentum, and 15 minutes will turn into an hour, which will eventually turn into a day. Those days will become a life where you will be happy and successful.

  Happiness and success are intertwined in our lives, and they both need to be practiced and experienced every day. Don’t believe that success is some distant accomplishment or that happiness can be sacrificed today because it will come later. Make them a part of your day, every day. Happiness and success are connected, and they are both within your reach. Start today. Write your Life Instructions and spend 15 minutes every day planning your happiness and success.

  To connect Happiness and Success

  1.Know the difference between pleasure and happiness.

  2.Take control of your life.

  3.Build positive relationships.

  4.Find your Higher Purpose.

  5.Define success.

  6.Clarify and prioritize your actions.

  7.Implement with discipline on a daily basis.

  Start now. Finishing this book is a great accomplishment and a significant step toward being happier and more successful. Take a moment to savor that accomplishment. Do a little happy dance and celebrate your achievement. Think about two things you get to do tomorrow to be happier and more successful. End the day knowing that today you are happy and successful and tomorrow you will be as well.

  NOTES

  Notes from Overview and 1st Concept – Pleasure vs. Happiness:

  Achor, Shawn. The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work. New York: Broadway Books, 2010.

  Baumeister, Roy F., and Mark R. Leary. "The Need to Belong: Desire for Interpersonal Attachments as a Fundamental Human Motivation." Psychological Bulletin 117, no. 3 (1995): 497-529.

  "Be Better Everyday." Be Better Everyday (web log), October 16, 2013. Accessed December 17, 2013. http://bebettereveryday.com/happiness-vs-pleasure/.

  Cox, Jeff. "BofA Intern Dies after Reportedly Working 3 Straight Days." CNBC.com,August,August 20, 2013. Accessed December 17, 2013. http://www.cnbc.com/id/100974434.

  Haneef, KPM. "HAPPINESS vs PLEASURE." K.P.M. Haneef: HAPPINESS vs PLEASURE (web log), November 27, 2011. Accessed December 17, 2013. http://kpmhaneefblog.blogspot.com/2011/11/happiness-vs-pleasure.html.

  Haneef, KPM. "WHAT IS HAPPINESS?" K.P.M. Haneef: WHAT IS HAPPINESS? July 23, 2010. Accessed December 17, 2013. http://kpmhaneefblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/what-is-happiness_23.html.

  Lyubomirsky, Sonja. The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. New York: Penguin Press, 2008.

  Melendez, Eleazar David. "Bank of America Intern Death Sheds Light On Cutthroat World Of Aspiring Bankers." The Huffington Post, August 23, 2013. Accessed December 17, 2013. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/23/bank-of-america-intern-death_n_3806918.html.

  Seligman, Martin E. P. Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing. New York: Free Press, 2011.

  Notes from 2nd Concept – Taking Control of Your Life

  "7 Doors to Happiness: Door 2 Obstacles." Project Happiness: 7 Doors to Happiness. Accessed December 18, 2013. http://7doorstohappiness.com/site/door2.php.

  Algoe, Sara, and Jonathan Haidt. "Witnessing Excellence in Action: The 'other-praising' Emotions of Elevation, Gratitude, and Admiration." The Journal of Positive Psychology 4, no. 2 (2009): 105-27. doi:10.1080/17439760802650519.

  Ally. "Category: Joy - The Positive Psychology Foundation." The Positive Psychology Foundation, August 08, 2011. http://www.positivepsyc.com/1/category/joy/1.html.

  Babyak, M., J. A. Blumenthal, S. Herman, M. Doraiswamy, P. Khatri, K. Moore, W. E. Craighead, T. T. Baldewicz, and K. R. Krishnan. "Exercise Treatment for Major Depression: Maintenance of Therapeutic Benefit at 10 Months." Psychosomatic Medicine 62 (2000): 633-38.

  Biswas-Diener, Robert. "From the Equator to the North Pole: A Study of Character Strengths." Journal of Happiness Studies 7, no. 3 (2006): 293-310. doi:10.1007/s10902-005-3646-8.

  Blake, Trevor. Three Simple Steps: A Map to Success in Business and Life. Dallas, TX: BenBella Books, 2012.

  Blumenthal, J. A., M. A. Babyak, K. A. Moore, W. W. Craighead, S. Herman, P. Khatri, R. Waugh, M. A. Napolitano, L. M. Forman, M. Applebaum, and P. M. Doraiswamy. "Effects of Exercise Training on Older Patients with Major Depression." Archives of Internal Medicine 159, no. 19 (October 25, 1999): 2349-356.

  Brissette, Ian, Michael F. Scheier, and Charles S. Carver. "The Role of Optimism in Social Network Development, Coping, and Psychological Adjustment during a Life Transition." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 82, no. 1 (2002): 102-11. doi:10.1037//0022-3514.82.1.102.

  Britton, Kathryn. "Positive Psychology News Daily » Positive Core and Strengths at Work." Positive Psychology News Daily, May 7, 2007. http://positivepsychologynews.com/news/kathryn-britton/20070507231.

  Broom, D. R., R. L. Batterham, J. A. King, and D. J. Stensel. "Influence of Resistance and Aerobic Exercise on Hunger, Circulating Levels of Acylated Ghrelin, and Peptide YY in Healthy Males." AJP: Regulatory, Integrative and Comparative Physiology 296, no. 1 (2008): R29-35. doi:10.1152/ajpregu.90706.2008.

  Brown, Kirk Warren, and Richard M. Ryan. "The Benefits of Being Present: Mindfulness and Its Role in Psy
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  Brown, Kirk Warren, Tim Kasser, Richard M. Ryan, P. Alex Linley, and Kevin Orzech. "When What One Has Is Enough: Mindfulness, Financial Desire Discrepancy, and Subjective Well-being." Journal of Research in Personality 43, no. 5 (2009): 727-36. doi:10.1016/j.jrp.2009.07.002.

  Carver, Charles S., Jessica M. Lehman, and Michael H. Antoni. "Dispositional Pessimism Predicts Illness-related Disruption of Social and Recreational Activities among Breast Cancer Patients." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 84, no. 4 (April 2003): 813-21. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.84.4.813.

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  Cohn, Michael A., Barbara L. Fredrickson, Stephanie L. Brown, Joseph A. Mikels, and Anne M. Conway. "Happiness Unpacked: Positive Emotions Increase Life Satisfaction by Building Resilience." Emotion 9, no. 3 (2009): 361-68. doi:10.1037/a0015952.

  Danner, Deborah D., David A. Snowdon, and Wallace V. Friesen. "Positive Emotions in Early Life and Longevity: Findings from the Nun Study." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 80, no. 5 (2001): 804-13. doi:10.1037//0022-3514.80.5.804.

  Davidson, R. J. "Alterations in Brain and Immune Function Produced by Mindfulness Meditation." Psychosomatic Medicine 65, no. 4 (2003): 564-70. doi:10.1097/01.PSY.0000077505.67574.E3.

  Deci, Edward L., and Richard M. Ryan. "The "What" and "Why" of Goal Pursuits: Human Needs and the Self-Determination of Behavior." Psychological Inquiry 11, no. 4 (2000): 227-68. doi:10.1207/S15327965PLI1104_01.