“I love you,” I whispered in her ear. She gasped and made a little whining noise, her arms closing around me. “Shhhh,” I hushed her. “You can’t be loud, remember.” I swirled my finger around her and dipped down to enter her, slow. “Do you like that?”
“You know I do,” she said, arching her back to try and tell me without words.
I pushed into her over and over, not even checking to see if anyone came in. My attention was all for her. She would stop me if we absolutely had to. I used my thumb to rub her clit and watched her face as she tried to take it all in. I was afraid she would hyperventilate, her breaths were coming so shallow and quick. “Breathe,” I insisted. “Don’t pass out on me. I want to see you cum.” I changed the angle of my hand, trying to find all her spots, wanting her to be lost with me. Her eyes rolled back and the water splashed around us, hardly registering with me.
“Baby, don’t stop,” she barely made out.
She was glory in human form, falling from how well I played her body. It was instinct, every touch, every word. I had no way of knowing how they would affect her but I was made to be hers and therefore to know all of her notes.
She came, shattering into the water around me, her body shuddering with a seizure like feeling. I almost worried that I’d hurt her but she unwound, coming to a rest in my arms. I kissed her forehead and just watched as she came back to me.
“Did I kill you?” I chuckled and waited for her breathing to slow so she could answer.
“I just want you to never stop and completely break me,” she whispered tortured.
“Only if you’re not really broken. I need you alive.” I bit back the rest of the words. I’d want to die without her. It was morose and stupid but it was how I felt. I shifted, seeing a flash of something in the distance.
With a heavy sigh I tried to be okay with the fact that we were not alone anymore. I stayed where I was, unwilling to give up our closeness. “We have company.” I squeezed her sides and sat back a little, waiting until my friends got closer to say anything.
“Guys,” I greeted. “Did you have fun?”
Skylar stuttered a little before growing quiet. Clint arrived right behind her and just stared, eyes wide and hungry. Sarah stopped beside him and smacked his arm. “I knew it!”
I looked at each of them in turn and then back at Olivia. “Well, I think they know about us,” I stage whispered.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Olivia
“It’ll be fine,” I whispered back, eying them suspiciously. I was holding onto her still and making sure to be just as affectionate as I would have been if we were still all alone.
The odd three slowly walked over to us like they’d all been caught. They walked like it would be rude of them not to come over and say hi. They were a funny group, usually surrounded by many others back at school. Clint was pretty tall, he and Sarah fit nicely but I rarely ever saw that girl smile when it wasn’t at someone else’s expensive. And then there was Skylar, pretty as ever, a tad taller than Avery, but calculatedly quiet. Her eyes seemed to follow Avery wherever she was in a room. As they all three walked over to us, I noticed that most. I also noticed, Sky tried her best to hide where she was looking when my eyes found hers.
“Did I ever tell you your friends are really weird?” I whispered for real.
“No, but I agree.” She whispered back, raising an eyebrow. Avery shifted us a little. I think she was making sure I was decent.
“How was the mountain?” Avery asked.
“Um... Good,” Skyler pushed out. “Wait… Since when?” Skylar was talking about us.
“You guys should come in,” I said, trying to clear the foul air. I was getting pretty sick of these kids being so judgmental and strange with one another. It was hard to wonder if Avery ever had any good times with them at all.
“I dunno,” Sarah said, sizing us up.
She was most definitely the worst. But I could tell it had more to do with jealousy than anything else. Sarah disliked how Avery excelled.
I let go of Avery and walked over in the water, taking Skylar’s hand and tugging.
If I was going to get one of them on our side it would have to be her.
“Okay,” Skylar laughed, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking over at Avery.
“You guys have told me nothing about Avery. Where the hell am I supposed to get my blackmail?”
I saw Sarah’s mouth crack into a smile as she scoffed out a genuine laugh.
When I turned back around I could see Avery standing awkwardly in the water. She was doing that thing where she was scared of how to be.
I walked past her and sat down, reaching for her waist and pulling her to sit between my legs playfully. I didn’t want that creeping doubt in her to grow roots and crawl all around her.
“Come on,” I whispered lovingly, tucking my arms around her waist like I had done last night in our bath.
Skylar slipped into the water and, oddly enough, so did Sarah.
Clint sat on the side and lowered his feet down into the warmth.
“I saw you getting wine last night,” Sarah said.
“Yup, I like wine,” I countered, holding Avery tenderly with all of my limbs and breathing her in.
Despite it all I had to really wonder if Avery was okay with this. The other day she seemed upset that we weren’t like this in public so I needed to show her I was fine with it. Honestly though, I actually was. I just had no clue what she wanted until there was no way for me to deliver it for her. She’d been so secretive and cryptic. Touching me in hidden places but doing that in the public realm nonetheless. I couldn’t tell if she liked the thrill of the secret. I couldn’t tell anything until we were in private again and her mouth started to move.
“Seriously though, Aves?” Skylar said, looking over at Avery. “When…”
I felt Avery go tense in my arms. At least I wasn’t the only one constantly in the dark.
“It’s okay,” I whispered, resting my chin on her shoulder and loving her in every way.
“Not long,” she said. She was starting to relax in my arms. I could feel a little of her mood come back to where she had been before.
“So you’re fucking?” Sarah asked tactlessly.
I laughed audibly. “Okay, I hate to be a bitch and have to say this,” I pushed. “But you’ve been acting like a jealous ex ever since we first met. Do either of you have something to tell me?” Shifting my eyes between Sarah and Avery, I tried to get to the bottom of the obvious nightmare that was their friendship.
Skyler burst out laughing, smacking the water with her hand and leaning back to the side of the hot tub. “Oh god, that was good.”
Sarah, glared at her but Skyler just shrugged. “What? Girl’s got a point. You’ve been acting like a total bitch ever since you found out Aves decided to room with her.”
“Actually, you’ve been acting like a total bitch ever since a certain incident last summer,” Avery corrected.
Clint blanched and Avery leaned back into me. “I told you about that didn’t I?”
“Nope,” I said. A little background might help though. “What happened?” I asked.
Skylar excluded, they were all so tense and strange with one another. It made me sad. I couldn’t imagine hanging out with people all the time and thinking they didn’t even like me. Why would anyone do that? All that could possibly do was breed insecurity and shame.
“Well, Clint here decided it was okay to kiss me with his girlfriend in the next room.”
“I was drunk,” he protested. “You and Sarah kind of look alike when there’s two of everything.”
“Sure,” Skyler commented. “Because Sarah’s not a foot taller than Avery or anything.”
“Wow. Interesting… So Sarah’s pissed at Clint really and taking it out on you,” I said out loud. “What I don’t get though, is, why are you letting her?” I asked, wanting Avery to answer me.
What I really wanted was to be alone and have thi
s conversation in private. Given this particular group of friends, I figured it couldn’t hurt to just air out the dirty laundry.
“Probably because I didn’t really care what she thought. I just figured if she wanted to be a bitch it hurt her more than it did me,” Avery said.
“Fuck you,” Sarah spat, standing up and splashing water at us. She was out of the hot tub and walking for the exit. Clint watched her go for a second and then looked back at us and back to her. In the end he decided to stay and let her cool off.
“Aren’t you going to follow her,” Avery prodded.
“Olivia’s right,” Clint shrugged, looking over at me. “Sarah’s been treating you like shit for a long time now and it’s never been something you deserved. I’m sorry Avery. I should’ve been better.”
Interesting...
“Just forget her guys. She’ll come around,” Skylar sighed.
I wondered where Skylar really fit into the mix. Did Clint and Skylar date before? Was Skylar a lone agent without a better place to reside? The questions intrigued me. I had no time to think though since this was happening right away.
“So,” Skylar said, looking over at me. I was still holding Avery and resting my chin on her shoulder trying to remain calm. “How’d this happen?”
“I kind of told you the truth the other day,” I reminded. I wanted to be kind though. I didn’t know where Skylar stood. People could be all types of unpredictable. “We had to get together for a Yearbook interview... I’d never talked to Avery before, never even seen her swim. I thought for sure she’d be this cocky goddess who’d do nothing but piss me off by being perfect. And then I met her and realized she was shockingly human and I loved that right away.”
“We met and it was love at first question,” Avery joked. “No, really. We legit just started hanging out and it developed from there.”
“I’d never felt so instantly attracted to another person,” I openly explained. I could feel Avery freeze in my arms and from the blush on Skylar’s cheek I could guess that Avery too was having some sort of visible reaction even though I couldn’t see her.
“You’re making me jealous,” Clint said, his smile creeping up higher and higher as he obviously tried not to be rude and just stare.
“You should be jealous,” I laughed. “I would be too, if this were you holding her in front of me, kissing her… Getting to say wonderful things…”
“So you both… Had you been with girls before?” Skylar asked nervously.
I wasn’t sure if the question was for me or for Avery.
“I sort of left someone. What I felt for them was nothing compared to what I felt for Avery after knowing her an extremely short period of time. Avery and I hadn’t even done anything. We’d just talked a few times and gone out to dinner. We weren’t dating. It was just us and it just so happened to feel right, the kind of right you can’t ignore. But I already knew I cared for her greatly. We didn’t even have to touch for me to know.”
“What about you Aves?” Skylar asked. She seemed too serious and it freaked me out.
“Not really. I knew I was attracted to girls but Olivia is the first girl I’ve really been with like this. Not the first girl I’ve had a crush on though,” Avery answered.
“What’s it like?” Clint asked. “Is it really different?”
It was a very male question to ask.
“It’s just right,” I said. “I just know it feels right.”
“Different? I think it's different with every person no matter what their gender is. With Olivia it’s… I don’t even have a word in the English language to compare it to,” Avery rattled.
“I was with someone before. A girl,” I said, locking eyes with Skylar. “It was sexual but it was different. I think it was destructive more than anything. A little violent. But it wasn’t bad.” I paused. “Things with Avery are vastly different. I’d been seeing that other person for months and I never wanted to hold her hand in public, I was too scared. The word love never even factored into the equation. I’ve never felt like this before. Avery’s right. It’s different with every person.”
“Yeah but, Aves, do your parents know? Your dad?”
Avery laughed, one choked out bitter laugh. “No, actually, you’re the only people who know. My dad doesn’t have a clue about much, especially who I’ve been dating.”
“So there’ve been others? Recently?” Skylar was very perceptive. I really liked her now. “Why don’t you talk to me?” She seemed upset.
“Sorry,” Avery sighed. “I just am so used to not talking about things to people, but now you’re up to date, I’ll keep telling you things. You’ll probably tell me to stop because of all the disgusting gushing.”
”Yeah,” Clint laughed. “I just wanted to know about the sex though,” he chuckled. He was handsome. If I loved a boy that pretty I’d probably be just as paranoid as Sarah.
“It’s fantastic,” I said, locking my eyes with his.
“God, Clint, I never ask you how it is to be fucking Sarah,” Avery said, causing laughter to rise up from my throat. Everyone except Avery laughed and I hated that.
“I don’t mind talking about it,” I said, mostly to her.
I suddenly wondered if Avery was going to hate me once this whole conversation was done. Often we missed each other in communication and completely fumbled into dark territory like we were crawling around. Every time, it was a surprise to me. Hard to find my way back to the light in the sea.
“I don’t know how my parents are going to take this,” I said, to Avery’s friends, complete strangers, I didn’t even know why. “Before now I’ve never had a reason to be open about my sexuality.”
“Wouldn’t it be smart to just be quiet about it?” Skylar asked. “I mean for your sake. I’m cool with it. I like it. I just mean…”
I knew she meant no harm. I also knew Avery would be upset hearing that.
“But we don’t want to hide,” Avery declared. “I mean, I’d do whatever Olivia wanted. I’m kind of whipped like that, but I feel like its just living honestly.”
“Yeah, but you two like just met,” Skylar scoffed. “No offense but don’t you think you’re kind of rushing things. Like Olivia- isn’t your mom like some Judge or something? You always look and sound perfect. You’re a poster child. Obviously. What would this do if she knew? Won’t you be disowned? And Avery? Avery your dad’s in the military… A few months ago I mentioned Caitlynn Jenner to him and he had to leave the room he was so uncomfortable.”
She was making valid points and I understood. If Avery had been my best friend and not my lover I’d probably be saying the exact same things. I’d be worried about things turning sour in so many different ways. Worried about Avery being blinded by love and rushing in.
Honestly, those were all still worries I had. I just knew she’d be happy if I said yes and did go public and threw myself into her with the force of a thousand burning suns. And I wanted her, so why the fuck not? Right?
“Yeah? But why should I care what he thinks?! He practically abandoned us,” Avery expressed.
I got the sinking feeling that this was the first time Avery was saying things like this in front of her good friends.
These were the people who were supposed to know her, supposed to care. There were a lot of people on this trip but these were the people Avery was deciding to hang out with by choice. Nothing about that was making sense to me now.
They obviously did care about her. They were here weren’t they?
“What do you mean?” Skylar looked at her, puzzled. “He was deployed, right. He couldn’t help that.”
Avery’s shoulders tensed and her body trembled against mine. “No, he volunteered. He just didn’t want to deal with what was going on at home. I’ve been taking care of my mom for three years without his help so why does he get to be mad at me for loving someone who happens to be female?”
Skylar and Clint both looked to each other and then back at me.
My heart dr
opped in my chest and I felt sick again. Avery could do that to me so quickly.
“Avery…” Skylar said, her eyes drifting down to the water and staring through the surface in at nothing.
I knew that look. That was the look of someone who’d been blindsided by information.
Skylar didn’t even know.
Not just about me, about Avery’s family, about her life.
When I looked in this girl’s eyes, I saw sadness in her.
“I don’t want to speak for her really, so she can correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Avery and I both realized we haven’t much enjoyed being model children for parents who aren't even around to notice or be happy about us.” It was the one thing I could say.
All my companions ended up quiet though.
“Oh,” Skylar said, looking back up. Her eyes looked clouded, like maybe she’d been about to cry but quelled the urge.
“I want you to be happy Aves,” Skylar said, trying to get Avery to look at her.
“We all do,” Clint said, locking eyes with each of us one at a time.
It was an odd conversation that really brought a realization in me.
Avery really had been keeping herself from everyone. All that talk of hers about hiding inside was really true.
I instantly wanted to have her alone again so I could really kiss her.
But her friends were here and she obviously wanted more from them otherwise we wouldn’t be here either.
“Okay, can we please stop talking about all these sad things?” I asked with a mean sort of laugh. “We’re free from everything here. None of our parents are here. These are problems for a new day. We don’t know what’s going to happen but right now we’re free. We should be laughing at each other. We should be having fun.”
“Okay,” Skylar laughed, rubbing her face with her hands as if waking up out of a nightmare to the refreshing knowledge that it was all just a bad dream and now it was done.
I could tell though, she’d been shaken by Avery’s long kept secrets.
Paper Dolls, Book One Page 31