Lilies

by Addyson Thompson

  Once settled into her room Brooklyn, Jeff and Amy come to visit.“Hmm, a private room…I guess there are perks to getting knocked up by one of the ER doc’s , huh?”Brooklyn teases as she walked into the room. She smiles walking over to me, leans up and whispers into my ear,“Congratulations, daddy.”My heart nearly busted out of my chest hearing one simple word…daddy. She pats my cheek before heading over to hug Hayden. Hayden and Brooklyn speak in whispers so only they can hear what the other says. There are a few tears but bigger smiles.

  Amy and Jeff come hug me then Sarah and Cody. Jeff handed me a clean pair of scrubs he pulled from my locker and my toiletry kit. Amy ordered me to go cleanup since they are with Hayden. I kiss my little sister on the cheek and do as she ordered after making sure her and the little one she’s carrying are doing well.

  Everyone stayed and visited for about a half an hour until the nurse came in. She needs to test Hayden’s blood sugar before and after she eats. Everyone says their goodbyes before leaving and promises to visit tomorrow. Cody and Sarah decide they are going to go stay at our loft and come back in the morning. Cody said he had some corrections he needs to make to the building.

  Nurse Bailey, a sweet, short, round nurse in her 60’s and someone I’ve known since I first started at the hospital, returned with two trays of food. She winks at me,“I didn’t figure you were leaving. Dr. Hartford said you were down in the ER today, so I figured you hadn’t had dinner yet. Daddy’s have to keep up their strength, too.”She set both trays down on the bedside table and made sure Hayden didn’t need anything else. I walked over and hugged Nurse Bailey. She swatted my arm playfully,“Now, don’t go getting fresh with me Mister.”I raised my hands, smirking and shook my head. She turns to Hayden, grinning,“Don’t let him go getting fresh with you, either. You need your rest.”

  Hayden blushed furiously,“Yes, ma’am.”Smiling, Nurse Bailey walked out closing the door.

  I walked back over to the side of Hayden’s bed.“Hungry, baby?”She nodded as I removed the covers from her food. Sitting down on her bed across from her, we eat dinner together for the first time in two weeks. After a few minutes of eating, neither of us saying a word, I broke the silence.“Detective Beston assigned an officer to guard your room while you’re here. He's also working on setting up regular patrol around our building. Your dad has added additional security to our buildings and all access codes are being changed.”Reaching over I squeeze her hand.“Hayden, they will find her and I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise you.”She doesn’t say anything just nods. I can tell what she’s thinking but she also needs time to process so I don’t push her.

  Once we are done, we gather our trash onto the trays and I take them out to the cart in the hall. Nurse Bailey follows me back in and checks Hayden’s blood sugar. When she leaves Hayden drops her head down staring at her hands in her lap. Her head lifts when I reach the side of her bed. Tears fill her eyes. She falls into me overwhelmed by the events of the last two weeks.

  “I’m so sorry Gavin. I freaked and ran. I…I...I didn’t know what to do. For the first time in my life, I will truly stop running. I didn’t realize I blamed you, but I did. I’ve blamed you all these years. None of this was your fault, it was mine. I’ve let me get in my own way. I’ve let my own irrational fears make my decisions for me. That honestly stops now. I was coming back to you; to our life. I’m sorry I hurt you. I screwed up, big time. I want to be with you.”The look in her eyes held the convictions of her words. She stops to sniff and take a few deep breaths. I want to tell her everything is fine but she needs to say it and I need to hear it. She continues,“I love you and what to marry you. I want to be a family. I will stand by your side and fight with you and for you. My running days are done. I…I just want you.”She looks up at me for a moment before dropping her head back down.

  Pulling back the covers of her bed I climb in next to her. Right now I need to be next to her. I need to hold my girl. I bury my face in her hair. She smells so good.“Shh, it’s okay baby. We’ll be safe.”I whisper over and over. Laying back I take her with me. My arms are wrapped around her holding her tightly. Her face is buried in my chest as she cries. If she needs to cry she can cry. I’ll hold her just as long as she doesn’t try to leave me again.“Please don’t leave me again.”I beg.

  “I won’t.”She whispers in between sniffles.

  “You have to stop trying to run when you’re scared. You have to let me help you through the tough parts of life.”I tell her as I tighten my hold on her.

  “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I hope you know that. I was stupid and selfish.”She still hasn’t looked up at me.

  “I know.”We sit in silence, my arms around her holding her as tightly as I can. Her head is resting on my chest with one hand holding onto my arm tightly. After a while I finally ask,“So the baby is the‘us’ you referred to when you left, huh?”

  She sighs.“Kind of. I was referring to all three of us but yes, I have to protect my baby.”

  “Our baby.”I correct while peeking down at her.

  “Our baby.”A trace of a smile touches her lips.

  Turning to my side, I prop myself up on one elbow.“Why didn’t you just tell me? You have to know I will do anything to protect you and our little one here.”I move my hand to her belly. This is the best feeling in the world; holding my girl and her carrying our child. I can’t fight the smile that spreads across my face and I don’t want to.

  She looks up into my eyes.“I was going to tell you when I arrived at your loft. I found out that day when I went to the doctor about the exhaustion. I had Dr. Hartford call down to the ER to get you to come up but they told her how swamped you were dealing with a trauma. I decided to wait and tell you that evening. I wanted to surprise you. Then I got there and…”her voice trails off. She stares off into space as if she doesn’t say it, it won’t be true.

  “Were you going to tell me at all after you saw the note and pictures?”I’m trying to keep the hurt out of my voice and be understanding. I’m trying not to be mad but the thought of her not telling me ever hurts.

  “I know it seems bad I would keep this from you, but you have to understand. This is the only way I knew to protect us…allof us. I know now it was the wrong choice. But, Gavin, in my head, all I could think when I saw those pictures were who knows what Kat will do if she finds out I am carrying your baby. She already wants to kill me for being with you. She has pictures of us, pictures with Trix. I don’t know how much worse it can get. I don’t wantto know. Mostly-”She stops and shakes her head before resting it back against my chest as the tears begin again.“Mostly, I reacted without thinking. Like I said, I was being selfish. I know that now, but I didn’t at the time. No, I wouldn’t have kept our child a secret forever but I don’t know how long I would have waited. I probably would have waited to see what happened with Kat. It was mean and selfish but I wasn’t thinking about you and your feelings in all of this. I know that is hurtful, but I was too afraid of what she would do if she found out about the pregnancy. I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am.”

  I’m angry at the thought of her keeping my child from me but deep in my heart I know that’s not Hayden. She reacts first and thinks second. After hearing her confession, I feel like a weight has lifted off my chest knowing she has finally accepted how much she runs. The best thing to come out of this mess is Hayden understanding why she has always run. It gives me hope for our future. She’s here now and that is all I care about.

  Part of me wonders if she should stay with her parents until we find Kat. I just can’t do that. I need to be with her and our child growing in her belly. Now, I need her and I need peace. I’ve thought enough for tonight. Instead, I’m going let the feeling of Hayden in my arms soothe us both.“Shh, don’t cry baby, please. You’re breaking my heart. I don’t like what you did nor do I agree with it but I know you. I’ve known you our whole lives. This has to stop now, though. I believe you when you say it wi
ll. Please trust in me. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll get us security. They will find her. I won’t let her get to you.”I lay there rubbing her back until she calms down.

  “Hey, I have something for you, if you still want it?”I whisper to her as I reach into my pocket and pull out her ring.

  Her emerald green eyes are so big as she looks up at me and nods. Slipping the ring back on her finger, I lean over and kiss her on her forehead. She takes in a deep breath and releases it.“But you cannot take it off ever again.”I say as my lips are still pressed against her forehead.

  “Never,”She whispers and buries her head back in my neck. This is the position she goes for when she’s scared or needs to be comforted. I love this position. I love being the one to comfort her. I need to be the one to comfort her. Hayden’s breathing becomes rhythmic on my neck. I know she’s almost asleep.

  Before she falls asleep, I whisper into her hair,“How far along are you?”

  “Almost 12 weeks.”She whispers back.

  I hug her tighter.“No matter what else is happening in our lives, I couldn’t be happier. I love you.”I whisper back to her as her breaths slow and she falls asleep. I lay there and hold her while she sleeps. I draw small circles on her stomach and notice the change in her body. She’s softer. There is a slight bump where her belly is starting to grow. I’ve noticed these changes in her before. Before, though, I attributed the changes to the sudden change in her lifestyle, since she was tired so much and rarely ran anymore. Soon the day, along with the last two weeks, catch up to me, dragging me into sleep. Sleep hasn’t come easily to me since she’s been gone. Tonight though, holding her in my arms again, I will sleep much easier.

  ~~~

  Hayden was released from the hospital the next day. Her blood sugar was back to normal. As long as she continued to eat, drink water and get proper rest she should be fine. I plan on making sure all of this happens. Hayden worked from home for the next two weeks. I, also, took a two week vacation to stay home with her. We were both concerned about her being home alone. I was so relieved to have her back home I would’ve taken off a month if that would have made her more comfortable.

  After the two weeks she was more than ready to return to work. I now drive her to work each morning and a campus police officer meets us in front of her building to escort her to her office. We have the same routine for the evening. It has been a little over a month since we received the note and pictures from Kat. No one has seen or heard from her since. It’s a bit unnerving not knowing where she is, but I’m just glad there hasn’t been any noise from her since.

  Tonight is the night of the Physician’s Ball, a fundraiser for the hospital. It took some serious work to convince Hayden it was ok for us to go to the ball. She was worried about being in a crowded place and really I was too, but security is always tight at events like this. Even with the tight security, the fact we have no idea where Kat is has us both on edge. I have a bad feeling we haven’t heard the last of her and frankly it scares the shit out of me. I know Hayden is feeling it too but thankfully Brooklyn was able to convince Hayden to go dress shopping last week when we went to visit our parents. In reality, she didn’t have much of a choice. She had to find a dress since most of her clothes are starting to get too tight. At 18 weeks, she is finally starting to develop a baby belly. Her weight loss from the couple of weeks we were apart set her back a little but thankfully didn’t hurt the baby. Hayden gave in to going to the ball and dress shopping when Brooklyn revealed she had agreed to accompany Carver James to the ball. I think the allure of pumping Brooklyn for information on what was going on between the two of them was really what made Hayden agree to go.

  This morning I ran to the florist and bought Hayden a large bouquet of black and white calla lilies in a crystal vase while Hayden and Brooklyn went to do whatever girls do at the salon. When I bought the girls a spa package for their birthday, I bought what the girl at the salon told me to buy. All I know is it makes her happy and that makes me happy. Now, I’m standing here in our living room waiting on Hayden to finish getting ready.

  The ball is a Black and White Ball. The rules of the ball require women to wear white while the men wear black formal attire. I thought the flowers would be fitting. With my tux on and ready to go, I pulled the flowers out of their hiding spot in the pantry and am waiting to surprise her with them when she comes out dressed and ready to leave. Realizing I forgot to put on the skeleton watch Hayden gave me for Christmas, I quickly head over to the end table where I left it last night. While making my way back over to the flowers, fastening the wristband the sight of my beautiful fiancée stops me in my tracks. I instantly freeze in place. My mouth goes dry. There is unexplained warmth that runs through my chest. The angel in white in front of me is stunning.

  Hayden is standing there looking nervous but I can’t react. I can’t break the hold seeing the beauty in front of me has over me. She is absolutely beautiful. Her curly red hair is down with the sides pinned back highlighting her beautiful green eyes. Her dress looks strapless but has a strap coming from the middle of her breast up around her neck with some kind of see through fabric over top of the dress. The fabric crisscrosses in the front over her breasts; her breasts that are definitely starting to swell with her pregnancy, beautifully full and peeking out the top of her dress. Not so much that I will kick anyone’s ass for looking at her, but enough I have to force my eyes passed them. The waist of the dress starts just below her beautiful breasts showing a hint of her belly that is starting to show itself. Hayden’s dress flows loosely around her body. I must have started to frown as my eyes reached her feet because without a word spoken between us she lifts her dress and shows me the white with silver glitter shoes she’s wearing. We both bust up laughing at the sight of my girl in her formal gown and sneakers. I reach over, grabbing her arm and pull her into me.“Ahh, Deni, you never change do you?”

  “You like?”She peeks up at me from under her lashes biting her lip. Nervousness is rolling off her in waves. I can’t stop staring at how gorgeous my girl looks. She’s glowing. I didn’t know it was possible to fall more in love with her each day. Sappy and completely pussified, right? Of course, but I don’t care. I have the girl of my dreams. She agreed to marry me and we are having a baby. Life couldn’t be more perfect. I reach in my pocket pulling out my phone and snap a picture before she can protest. She blushes and looks down the moment she realized what I did.

  “Baby, I love you. You are breathtaking.”I hold her close and kiss her temple.

  Chapter 29

  Hayden

  The look on Gavin’s face when I step into our great room brings tears to my eyes. Every woman wants a man to look at her this way. It’s the look he only gives to you, no one else. The lust and desire is pouring from his eyes but the one emotion that shines through more than any?

  Love.

  I can see how much he loves me just by looking into his eyes. This man has put up with my bullshit and fears. He’s put up with my irrational behavior. He’s put up with my deception and the heartbreak I’ve caused him and yet he still loves me. He’s standing stock still just letting his eyes appreciate every aspect of my body. But what gets me…what really breaks my heart and puts it back together all at once? The way he doesn’t just look at me on the surface but deep down into my soul. He sees through the lies, the fear and walls I’ve built, to see…me. I will forever love him simply on that ability alone. I am truly not worthy of this man’s loves for all the struggles I’ve put him through but I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn it.

  After he pulled me into his arms and told me how beautiful he thinks I am, he leaned down and kissed my small baby bump that has finally started to show. Gavin whispered something to our little bean sprout that I couldn’t quite hear, though he thinks were having a girl so imagine it was something about being as gorgeous as her mother. This is one of his usual statements to my belly. As always, he makes me blush with his sweet and lovin
g words. When he straightened back up, he reached behind him to the island and grabbed the stereo remote. Seconds later‘Stare at You’from my favorite New Kids on the Block album played through the speakers.

  Holding his hand out to me he asked,“May I have this dance?”

  “Gav, we are going to be dancing all night.”I said giggling.

  “Yes, but I want a private dance to myself before I have to share my gorgeous fiancée with the rest of the ball-goers.”I blush and place my hand in his. Who am I to turn down this gorgeous charming man?

  Gavin, pulled me into his strong arms. Intertwining his fingers with mine, he brings our hands up to rest over his heart. His other hand slid around my waist and up to the center of my back holding my body close to his. Kissing my temple the way he always does makes my heart melt a little more each time.

  Slowly, he sways us back and forth to the beat of the music. There aren’t words to describe how much I love this man. My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest.‘…I could just stare at you forever…’ he whispers the words of the song in my ear. For the second time tonight he’s brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could explain how I’m feeling right now but I can’t. There aren’t words to describe this bliss. Gavin Paxton Hudson is my everything.

  He is my home.

  My heart.

  My happiness.

  My good times.

  My bad times.

  My love.

  My life.

  My everything.

  Being with Gavin, right now in his arms, is my light at the end of a long dark tunnel, my perfection.

  The song ends and he pulls back and kisses me so tenderly before resting his forehead against mine. Words aren’t needed to convey what we think or feel in this moment. Our hearts say enough.