Breathe (Sway Part 2)

by Davis, Jennifer

  I gasped. “Ew, yuck, Justin. It was hard enough for me to think of you being with her without hearing details.”

  He turned his head to look at me, his blue eyes boring into mine. “Why do you keep saying that?”

  “What?” I played dumb, staring out at the water.

  “That you don’t like thinking about me being with her. Why does that bother you so much?”

  “Doesn’t.”

  “You just said it did.”

  “Well, you said the same thing about me being with Ryan.”

  “Because you said it first.”

  “I was mad.”

  “Liar,” Justin accused.

  “No.”

  “Well, me too. I was just mad.”

  “Who’s the liar now?” I asked.

  “Sounds to me like you were a little jealous,” Justin chirped.

  “Of Denise!” I gasped. “Definitely not.”

  “Okay, what then?”

  I grinned at the anticipation on Justin’s face. “Fine, but you’re asking for a long, confusing explanation.”

  “Well, good. It’ll help fill some time. I have to be here all night, remember? Pam’s orders.” She never let us leave after we’d been drinking. Not even after one beer.

  “I didn’t want to think of you with a girl like Denise— how I presumed she was which you already confirmed, by the way.” I shot him a disapproving glance.

  “Uh-huh, the porn-star comment.” Justin grinned.

  I wanted to punch him. “Yeah, that one,” I garbled.

  “Why did that bother you?”

  Maybe I didn’t want to explain my feelings after all. “It didn’t.” I lied.

  “You just said it did!” Justin scolded.

  “I don’t care who you choose to be with, okay.”

  “You’re lying.” Justin drew out the words; smiling wickedly. I guess it was too late to change my mind.

  “Okay, fine. I’ve always known that I would lose you one day to another girl and for a while I thought that girl was Eve, which would have been okay, even though she hated me, because she made you happy.”

  “You were never going to lose me to Eve,” Justin, griped, his tone reminding me that we’d been over this already. “You’re not going to lose me to another girl, Reynolds.”

  “Yes, I will. One day you’ll meet a girl you want to marry and have babies with, and you and I will be reduced to seeing each other at Pam’s on holidays.”

  “That won’t happen with us,” he soothed.

  “It’s nice to think that it won’t, but if holidays are all I wind up with, I’ll be grateful still.”

  “So, that’s why you didn’t want to think of me with Denise, because you thought I might marry her?” Justin asked softly, shaking his head. “That’s out there, Reynolds. You knew I was just mad when I said that.”

  My eyes met his for a moment, then I looked down choosing not to answer.

  “That’s not why, is it?” he asked carefully.

  “No,” I mumbled.

  “I’m confused.”

  I took a deep breath before speaking. “Losing you to Eve… I could have dealt with that, but I wouldn’t have been able to stomach losing you to a girl I couldn’t compete with.”

  “What do you mean, compete?” Justin shifted in his seat.

  I looked at his face again. “I know that I’m a lot of things to you, but—” I didn’t know how to say this to him, or if I even should. “I shouldn’t have tried to explain this. It’s ridiculous. It makes me seem like a whiny, jealous girl.”

  “Reynolds, the last thing you are is a whiny, jealous girl,” Justin encouraged. “Please tell me what you mean.”

  Justin smiled and the way his face moved caused the moonlight to catch the glimmer in his eyes. I smiled a little.

  “Okay.” I exhaled hard. “I never felt threatened by Eve. I didn’t think she would have replaced me in your eyes, so to speak, because there wasn’t a clear cut difference between me and her.”

  Justin’s eyes narrowed.

  “There were differences, but not anything that made me feel like she was better than me at anything.”

  “Huh?”

  “I’m not saying it again,” I stated firmly.

  “Okay, but what does Eve have to do with Denise?”

  “Never mind,” I groaned.

  “No way. I’m not letting you off the hook.”

  I mashed my mouth closed and shook my head no.

  “Come on, Annie,” he asked persuasively. My heart pounded in my throat at the sound of him saying my name. The last time he’d called me Annie, we’d crawled all over each other. He was making me crazy, looking at me the way he was. I couldn’t resist him.

  “All right, but you asked for it. It didn’t bother me knowing you were sleeping with Eve because I figured she and I were on the same level as far as experience went.” I peeked at Justin, the surprised look on his face. “I can’t believe I’m saying this to you.”

  “You can’t stop now,” he encouraged, but looked like he couldn’t believe I was saying it either.

  “Like I said, I didn’t feel that Eve would have been better at anything than me. But I did sort of feel threatened by Denise because she could give you something I didn’t feel I would be capable of; something I couldn’t compete with.”

  Justin released a low gasp of breath; the corner of his mouth twitching up. “Just so we’re clear,” he stated, a smile covering his entire face. “You are talking about sex, right?”

  I wanted to cover my head with a paper sack so he couldn’t see me anymore. “As far as Denise was concerned, yeah.”

  Justin was smiling bigger now, probably wondering why I would concern myself with such a thing.

  “I know it sounds absurd, but I do compare myself to the girls you date and even though you and I don’t have that kind of relationship I hated thinking that she was better at something than me. I knew why you were with Denise the second I saw her. She just looked like the kind of girl who knew how to do things I could never imagine,” I mumbled uncomfortably, hoping Justin would say something because silence would be mortifying.

  “You’re serious?”

  “Yes,” I answered bashfully.

  “You were jealous of Denise because you thought she was possibly better at sex than you?”

  “Partly, but the hardest thing was trying to keep from thinking about what you might have been doing with her. It made me nauseous, actually.”

  Justin rocked forward, seeming blown away. He had a hard time finding his voice, gasping a little.

  “I told you it was ridiculous,” I mumbled, unable to look at him.

  “It’s not. In a weird way, I understand it, actually. I couldn’t figure out why you instantly hated her, but that explains it.” Justin’s eyes brightened, elated by my confession, it seemed. “You were jealous,” he accused.

  I rolled my eyes. “I just told you that I was. Now, that was just with Denise,” I announced. “If you were dating Jennie Finch I would be jealous because she’s a better pitcher than I am.”

  Justin smiled again. “She’s an Olympic gold medalist. You would compare yourself to an Olympic champion?”

  “If you were dating her, yes.”

  “Well, I know for sure that we can scratch her off the list. She’s already married.”

  “Good. She makes three down and who knows how many more to go,” I mumbled.

  “You’re nuts, Reynolds.” Justin looked at me, warmly smiling. “I wish you would stop gearing yourself up to lose me to someone else, whether she’s better than you at something or not.”

  “I don’t guess it matters if she’s better than me at something, I just don’t want to lose you,” I admitted, my voice cracking.

  “No girl could ever replace you in my life, ever,” Justin promised. My eyes captured in his; I felt unbelievably attracted to him. “Not even Finch,” he added lightly. I smiled faintly trying to make my brain behave. I had to stop think
ing of Justin as anything other than my friend. It was wrong, and it was dangerous.

  40

  Justin

  I was still reeling from Annie’s confession last night. I’d hardly slept, thinking about it, but had to put it away when Alden showed up. She and Annie went outside and talked for a long time. I’d thought about interrupting them, but couldn’t make myself do it. Instead, I stood and watched them through a window in the living room.

  “What’s that like for you?” my dad asked.

  “What?”

  “Annie and Alden being so chummy.”

  “Weird. I’ve imagined meeting a girl who would get along with Annie, but now that it’s happened, I don’t like it much.”

  “Yeah, you probably want to keep Annie all to yourself,” Dad laughed. I groaned and went to the kitchen for an aspirin. I felt I might need one to make it through the rest of the day.

  After lunch, Alden and I went to watch TV while Annie helped clean the kitchen. I was sure she felt it was her turn since Alden had done it last night.

  “I’d like to catch some of the Harmon game,” Alden said, grabbing the remote. “They’re in a single elimination tournament this weekend. I heard it was going to be televised. The guy pitching today is supposed to be phenomenal,” she announced eagerly. Shit, I groaned in my brain. “I haven’t seen him play yet, but it’s all everyone on campus is talking about.”

  Alden clapped her hands once, then sat back, after finding the game. Ryan was standing on the mound with the rest of the infield circling him. “Maybe we should watch something else,” I suggested.

  “Why?” Alden asked two seconds before Annie entered the room. As soon as she saw the close up of Ryan on television, Annie stiffened in place and didn’t move. For a second, I wondered if she’d stopped breathing.

  “Are you okay?” I asked her. She barely nodded yes.

  “It’s the top of the sixth here at Bradford Park, where Blackman is going up against the pitching sensation, Ryan Mullins, on his home turf here at Harmon University. Ryan threw only thirteen pitches in the last inning. I imagine Coach Jimmy Wells is hoping for a repeat in this inning.”

  Another voice chimed in. “Ryan was also the most wanted player by, I think, every college in the south. This young man definitely had his pick. He could have gone anywhere. Blackman lobbied hard for Mullins, whom we hear had his mind made up to attend Harmon throughout the entire courting process.”

  “That’s right Frank, and he decided not to enter the Major League draft. He had several major league teams awaiting that decision, and I imagine they were extremely disappointed when he didn’t throw his hat into the ring.”

  Annie’s eyes were glued to the screen as she moved closer, and then sat beside me. I felt stupid, what she’d said last night involved nothing romantic, even thought I’d tried really hard to make it into more than it was. I had to get over it—her—and move forward with Alden, and stop trying to make something happen with Annie.

  41

  Annie

  The huddle broke, and the players moved to their positions as the new inning began. I couldn’t believe I was seeing Ryan live—how good it felt and how much it hurt at the same time. My heart was full. My head was swirling. Quiet tears rolled down my face as I watched him.

  Pam entered the room, offering to get us drinks. “Look Pam,” I announced, pointing to the TV. Ryan’s back was to the screen displaying his last name on the back of his jersey. “He looks good, doesn’t he?” I asked.

  “Fine as ever,” she beamed.

  “Pam,” Justin scolded, shaking his head. She shrugged. “The boy can’t help that he has an irresistible tush.” She winked at me.

  Justin looked like he was going to vomit. I laughed.

  “You know him?” Alden asked. Justin answered her for me. “He’s Annie’s boyfriend.”

  “Wait-he gave you the rock?”

  “Yeah,” I answered, gazing at my ‘rock.’

  “Wow. How do you deal with all the groupies?”

  “Huh?” I hadn’t thought about that. If he was chased in high school, I imagined he was being full on stalked in college. She didn’t give me time to answer, not that I had an answer.

  “Wait,” Alden said. “I’ve seen him before. He was at Chelsea’s the other night.”

  “He was at Chelsea’s?” I questioned.

  “Yeah, but he was with another girl.”

  “You’re sure it was him?” Justin asked.

  “They were kind of hard to miss. They had the cutest little boy with them.” Alden lit up as she remembered Jacob.

  “Mullins made quick work of the first two batters who were unable to make contact with the ball,” I heard while processing what Alden had just said. Ryan had taken me to Chelsea’s the night he’d given me my ring.

  The camera panned over the crowd catching a glimpse of Katie and Jacob sitting just above the Harmon dugout.

  “That’s who he was with,” Alden announced, pointing to the screen.

  “I need some air,” I said and bolted for the back door. I made it outside just before I started to cry.

  Justin came out right behind me. He wrapped his arms around me, held me close, and whispered sweet things. He stroked my hair, kissed my forehead and then my cheek. I moved my eyes to meet his.

  “You okay?” he asked softly.

  “Yeah.”

  Justin put his hands to my cheeks, and it reminded me of how he’d touched me when we’d kissed at Christmas. “Good,” he mumbled. Our eyes locked in a concentrated stare. Maybe it had reminded him of it, as well.

  “I’m going to walk down to the dock.” I looked away, and he released me.

  Later, as I sat staring out at the fish jumping in the water, I heard heavy footsteps pounding against the wood planks of the dock. I could tell by the sound that it was Justin, and he was alone. He sat down next to me and handed over a cold bottle of beer.

  “Where’s Alden?”

  “She went home. I explained about you and Mullins. She thought I should be with you tonight.” I didn’t have a reaction, although it did occur to me that that was oddly sympathetic of her.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Justin asked, swaying into me and laying his head on my shoulder.

  “Yeah. I knew Ryan was going to be spending time with Katie and Jacob. I just imagined more torturous circumstances than dinner at Chelsea’s and watching him play ball. I guess I was just so happy to see him that it threw me. For a minute, I had forgotten that we were still in this nightmare.”

  “It’ll all be over soon,” Justin soothed. He was right. I had made it this far. I couldn’t afford to fall apart now, even thought I was dying to find out why Ryan was being so friendly with Katie. I took a drink, and smiled at Justin, who was staring at me, then changed my tone to something more upbeat. “I swear I won’t be a drag tonight.”

  He grinned. “Good, because I don’t want to hang with a weepy chick all night.”

  I laughed. “You know, Alden’s really great—almost too perfect when it comes to her understanding of us.”

  “I know. It’s different.” Justin appeared skeptical. “I’ve never gotten quite that reaction before. She asked to meet you, and hasn’t had the first complaint about you.”

  “It’s a conspiracy. She even laughed when you were on top of me on the floor last night,” I joked.

  “Yeah, I don’t think I would have laughed if I were her.”

  I nodded, taking another sip of my beer. “She must be an alien.”

  Justin laughed. “There has to be something wrong with her if she doesn’t have any complaints about you.”

  “I don’t think you want me to start burning on you again, do you, Popeye?” I threatened lightly.

  Justin rolled his eyes. “Popeye,” he muttered. The Popeye reference was dramatic. His muscles were lean, sculpted—not bulky.

  We went back inside after a while. I was desperate to keep my mind off the possibility that something was going on b
etween Ryan and Katie. Seeing her in the stands at his game was the first time that I’d even considered Ryan not coming back to me, which was probably stupid since Katie was beautiful, and the mother of his child.

  I was sure that Valerie was pulling out all the stops in her efforts to put the two of them together.

  “I have to have something to do, I have to get out of here,” I stood up from the couch and blurted. Justin looked at me as if I was nuts, but Pam got excited.

  “I know a place we could go for a couple days,” she declared. “Days?” Justin asked. “I think Annie just meant tonight.”

  “Y’all have the rest of the week off and there’s an Inn close by that I’ve wanted to go to for years. You’ll love it!” Pam proclaimed and began digging through a drawer in one of the living room end tables. “I have a brochure about it somewhere around here,” she mumbled.

  “They have a main house where the dining room is and a fireplace and game tables. I’ll get the two of you your own cabin so you can come and go as you please.”

  “I think that’s a great idea, Pam. It sounds like fun.” Justin elbowed me in the side. Going didn’t make Justin happy, but the real kicker was that Pam made us ride with her and Larry.

  “Thanks again, Reynolds,” Justin griped as we loaded his mother’s Lexus SUV for our trip.

  “It’s two hours. I think you’ll make it, and don’t blame me. Blame your girlfriend. If she’d come, you could have driven.” I smiled righteously. Pam’s car only seated four adults.

  “She’s not my girlfriend, and she’s not the one who gushed over the idea to go in the first place.”

  I grinned at Justin as if I would do it again in a heartbeat, just to annoy him. “Girls,” he grumbled.

  The Inn’s property was beautiful. Everything was in full spring bloom. The grass was so green and perfectly manicured that it looked like a post card.

  Pam and Larry stayed at the Inn and Justin and I were what seemed like a mile away from them. Our cabin, which was surprisingly modern, came equipped with a golf cart so we could easily travel to and from the main building. The two bedroom cabin was bigger than I expected. It overlooked a creek and had rocking chairs on the back porch.